(Time for a rollicking, offensive Sonic the Hedgehog parody! I own all the characters in this satire, but none of the ones they're based on, obviously)

Buttmunch the Stinkhound
by the Flaming Alberto

Chapter 1
Fun in the Sun

One calm, peaceful night in the city of Pittsburgh, our "hero" ButtMunch the Stinkhound was doing what he normally did on peaceful nights. Namely, disturbing the peace by leaping from building to building at light speed.

[ButtMunch: (Looks like a morbidly obese, green Sonic with little rinky-dinky ears and piggy eyes.) Ssshhoooot, BOY! Dis is happenin'! ...Though I don't really know why I'm doin' dis! (Translated from Cheezy Ghetto Accent)

Suddenly, a helicopter flew overhead and ButtMunch stopped dead in his tracks.

[ButtMunch: (His little ears perk up.) Goit!?

Then the sound of sirens were heard, and every trace of silence had been destroyed. ButtMunch leapt on a skyscraper and grabbed the spire, dramatically putting his other hand over his eyes to see what was happening.

[ButtMunch: --de hell goin' on down dah?

Suddenly, snapping was heard and the point at the top of the sky scraper broke under ButtMunch's immense weight! Luckily, though, ButtMunch didn't splatter all over the concrete from his 20-story drop! Heavens no! He merely bounced back, thanks to his great mounds of fat! As ButtMunch stumbled up, he noticed three police cars careening off towards the area of the city where his "girlfriend" Crazy Hoe lived.

[ButtMunch: Hehe, Crazy prob'ly done killed anotha' civilian! Heheh dat crazy bitch... (Shakes his head and rolls his eyes with a loving smile on his fat face.) Well, I betta' get goin' so I'z can get a good seat fo' da' carnage!

And with that, ButtMunch followed the police cars with surprising superhuman speed! Once he caught up with the cops, he noticed it wasn't Crazy they were after, but a 1-foot-tall blob of urine with a piece of crap with a face on it floating inside its head.

[Cop: You are completely surrounded! Come out with your turd up!

The terrible turd-monger just leaped forward.

[Cop: So that's the way ya' want it, huh? Okay, guys! Ready... aim... FIRE!

The cops fired round after round at the evil pee-pee head, but to no avail...

[Cop: Jumpin' gramma on a stick! Our weapons are useless! Quickly, men! Run like scared babies!

As told, the cops ran away like scared babies while the Benny Hill theme majestically played from the heavens! ButtMunch was just about to leave when one of the cops grabbed him.

[Cop: ButtMunch the Stinkhound! Thank God you're here! Please help us defeat that thing!

[ButtMunch: What kinda' smack you spewin', boy!? You think I gotta' damn death wish or somethin'!?

Suddenly the Wizz Warlord spoke!

[Urine Monster: (In a whispery-echoey voice) What are ya...? Chicken?

[ButtMunch: (Stares at the monster through half-closed eyes and raises an eyebrow as if to say "You're an idiot.") ...Nnnooo... I'm a Stinkhound! Ya' see: Stinkhounds is furry and fat, while da chicken is-

[Feces Noggin: (Smacks its forehead) I know that, you idiot! It's an expression for being cowardly!

[ButtMunch: (Bats his hand dismissively.) Oh, well dat don't botha' me, cus I is a coward!

[Poopoo Monkey: Oh yeah? Well... (Anime sequence of the pee monster swinging his arm out. The scene plays three times, each time at a different camera angle. The third time, the camera circles completely around him and then the "ting" sound is heard as the light reflects off of his pointed "finger.") Yo momma!

[ButtMunch: HONEY CHILE'! Now, I'mo just pre-TEND I didn't just hear you say dat!

[Piddle Puddle: You heard me, bwah! YO MOMMA!

[ButtMunch: Okay, dat's it boy! I'm gonna' bust you up fo' talkin' smack 'bout my momma!

[Y'know, it's really hard to come up with all these nicknames: (Motions with his hands for ButtMunch to come on.) Bring it on tubby...

Thus a battle ensued! Before ButtMunch could lay the smackdown on the pee demon, it jumped on a light pole.

[ButtMunch: Boy, you best be gettin' down from dere or I'll-

[Sinister Smack-Speaking Swizzle Spill: You'll what!?

[ButtMunch: (Gets really sissy voice) I'll... I'll... I'LL HARM YOU!! (Bats his hands around.)

Suddenly, ButtMunch's fist shot upward, literally spring-loaded, up to the pee monster's turd. And with a swift pimp-slap, hit the turd, sending it and its urine host falling to the ground with a splash!

[ButtMunch: (Back to normal, cheesy ghetto accent.)-=phew=- Lawd o' moicy, dat battle took a lot outta' me!

ButtMunch started to walk off when all of a sudden the ground began to shake! Suddenly, the ground split! Then a large toilet rose from the crater. The quivering puddle of pee started to slither into the foreboding john. ButtMunch turned around just in time to notice the creature retreating.

[ButtMunch: Wait just a damn second, foo'!

ButtMunch started to chase after it, but the creature had already entered the porcelain throne. And, mysteriously as it came, the toilet sank back into the ground and the crater closed back up. ButtMunch stood where the toilet once lay staring down at the small, remaining cracks in the pavement. Suddenly a shadowy image with a HUGE butt appeared on a building overhead.

[Guess Who: You know nothing, foo'! That's Defication, the God of Swizzle! MWAHAHAHAHA -=cough, hack=-!!