LA VIE SHAMAN KING!!

Characters:

Yoh: Mark Cohen

Ren: Tom Collins

HoroHoro: Angel Dumott Schunard

Lyserg: Roger Davis

Jeanne: Mimi Marquez

Anna: Maureen Johnson

Jun: Joanne Jefferson

Hao: Benjamin Coffin III

Opacho: Mr. Grey

Silva: manager of the Life Café

Ryu: gay waiter in the Life Café

Ok don't bash me for this but I was just really bored and wanted to do something random while I was watching the movie RENT. And during this song this is what came to my mind. I know it seems very OOC with the original characters but I tried to put it together to make it funny! Please read and review and any flames are given to Hao! Oh and I also do NOT own RENT or any of the Shaman King characters! HAVE FUN AND ENJOY!

Thank you.

Selena M. Crone

Anna and Jun walked down the street silently yet very quickly to the Life Café ahead until the silence was instantly broken by Anna's complaining.

"That bastard!!" She shouted extremely pissed and annoyed. "I can't believe he calls the police, ruins my show and not to mention got a bunch of people arrested!"

"Please calm down sweetie it's alright!" Jun said in a calm yet soothing voice trying to calm her down. "It really wasn't all that bad." she added.

Anna was about to respond when they finally arrived at the Life Café where Lyserg, Jeanne, HoroHoro and Ren waited for them.

"Everyone alright?" HoroHoro asked with a deep concern in his voice.

"Yeah we're alright." Lyserg said. "But has anyone seen Yoh?" They all shook their heads in response.

Jeanne started to shiver a bit from the cold night air. Lyserg lightly hugged her. "I'm sure he's fine…come on lets wait for him inside it's to cold out here." They all nodded and went inside the Café.

Everyone started to greet each other as they stood waiting to get a table. But before the waiter could get to them Yoh burst through the door slightly covered in snow.

"The entire riot is going to be on the eleven o'clock news!" He announced happily.

"What are you talking about?" Anna asked.

"Well you see they bought the footage of the protest!" he explained.

Anna was ecstatic. "Oh baby that's wonderful!" She said nearly jumping onto Yoh and kissing him softly on the lips. "How can I ever repay you?" she whispered softly holding the boys face in her hands.

Agitated and with a angered look on her face Jun grabbed Anna and broke them apart. "Let the boy buy us dinner." she grumbled.

"No…please no not tonight…" the manger said. He was a tall man with long black hair and a tag on his shirt that said "Silva" on it. "You just can't stay."

"Why not?" Yoh asked.

"Because…we have important customers here tonight. Besides all you do is sit around here and you never order anything."

"Hey! That's a lie!" Yoh exclaimed. "I had a tea and a piece of cake the other day!"

"Yeah but you couldn't pay…" said bluntly.

Yoh backed off a little. "Oh yeah…" he rubbed the back of his head.

HoroHoro stepped forward. "Well tonight…we can." he said holding out a wad of money. "Boo cha!"

"Fine just don't move the tables around…" Silva tried to say before Ren pinched him lovingly on the cheek.

"Hey everyone lets move the tables together!" Anna was already shouting.

All the other costumers who had been at the protest happily agreed to do so except for one table whom did not.

"Hao…the enemy of Avenue A." Anna said sliding up to the table where Hao sat along with an investor Opacho were seated.

"What brings a mongul in his own mind to the Life Café?" Lyserg grumbled under his breath.

"I would to make a toast to Anna's noble try…" Hao sarcastically said raising his glass. "…It' went well.."

Anna had then cut him off by flipping him off. "Go to hell." she mumbled annoyed and sat herself down beside Jun.

Hao rose and went to stand by her seat at the long table. "Tell me…not counting the homeless…how many tickets weren't…?"

Anna made a tight fist as if to hit him but Jun quickly held her back.

"Why did Muffy….." Lyserg began using their nickname for Hao's wife.

"Uru…" Hao corrected.

"…miss the show?"

"There was a death in the family." Hao replied.

HoroHoro looked up at him curiously and softly asked. "Who died?"

Hao sighed. "Our Akita."

Yoh and Lyserg looked at each other. "Evita!" they exclaimed at the same time and started cracking up. Ren chuckled too.

HoroHoro gasped at the realization that he had killed Hao's dog. He immediately looked away from him and started twirling the hair of his black wig.

Some light music began to play in the background.

"You make fun, yet I'm the one attempting to do some good. Or do you really want a neighborhood where people piss on your stoop every night?" Hao sang. "Bohemia…Bohemia's a fallacy in your head! This is Calcutta…Bohemia is dead."

He turned and walked back to his table. Yoh got up followed him mocking the way Hao walked.

When Hao was seated Yoh turned his back to him and placed his hands on the head of their table. Funeral music began to play.

"Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes." he sang delivering a mock eulogy. He turned around as the people on either side of the table stood and held out their arms.

"Here she lies" Yoh sang falling back onto their arms. They began passing him down the table. "No one knew her worth…the late great daughter of Mother Earth…on these nights when we celebrate the birth. In that little town of Bethlehem."

The other participants began rocking him back and forth as if he were in a cradle and then helped him up.

"We raise our glass you bet your ass to…"

Anna climbed up onto the table turned her back to Hao and Opacho and pulled down the back of her pants. Their mouths fell open as she mooned them. Jun gave her a little tap on the ass as she did so. Grinning she pulled her pants back up and jumped down off the table.

"…La Vie… Boehme."

"La Vie Boehme!" the others sang shaking their shoulders and heads to the beat. "La Vie Boehme! La Vie Boehme! La Vie Boehme!"

Yoh still standing on the table sang as if he were proposing a toast.

"To days of inspiration, playing hooky, making something outta nothing,…the need to express to communicate. To going against the grain, going insane, going mad! To loving tension no pension,…to more than one dimension! To starving for attention, hating convention, hating pretension…not to mention of course hating dear old mom and dad!"

He flipped onto his hands and a few people caught his legs. He hand-walked down the table and continued to sing.

"To riding your bike midday past the three-piece suits! To fruits! To no absolutes! To absolute! To choice! To the village voice! To any passing fad!"

Yoh got up and gestured to the crowd.

"To being an 'Us' for once…"

Anna hugged Yoh's leg.

He pointed to Hao and Opacho.

"…instead of a 'Them'!"

Everyone sang "La Vie Boehme!"

Anna and Jun stood at the head of the table, arms wrapped around each other. Jun's hands were sliding down to Anna's ass.

Opacho coughed and they turned.

"Hey Mister…" Anna said. "She's my sister." She then quickly thrust her hips into Jun's and they walked away laughing.

A guy then with a very strange hairdo, whose name tag read "Ryu" skipped to the head of the table while reading orders off his pad.

"So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad, three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter, and one pasta with meatless balls?" he sang sitting on the table and crossing one leg over the other.

"Ew," Lyserg commented in response to the meatless balls.

"It tastes the same…" Ren said.

"If you close your eyes" Jeanne chuckled.

"And thirteen orders of fries…is that it here?" Ryu asked.

"Wine and beer!" everyone shouted. Ryo then ran off to fulfill the orders.

Jeanne and HoroHoro jumped up onto the table and began dancing provocatively. They sang.

"To handcrafted beers made in local breweries! To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese! To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo! To huevos rancheros, and Maya Angelou!"

Anna and Ren also leapt onto the table. Ren grabbed Anna's waist from behind and swung her around. They danced and sang.

"Emotion, devotion,…to causing a commotion, creation, vacation…"

Yoh then cut in as he with a smirk on his face, began humping the table. "Mucho masturbation!" he shouted.

Opacho and Hao turned away disgusted.

Anna and Ren continued "Compassion, to fashion,…to passion, when it's new."

"To Sontag!" Ren yelled.

"To Sondheim!" HoroHoro countered.

A group of lesbians including Anna and Jun gathered together at the head of the table. "To anything taboo!" they mocked and dispersed.

Ren, who was still up on the table and Lyserg who joined him began to tango down toward Hao and Opacho. They sang "Ginsburg Dylan Cunningham and Cage!"

They broke apart and Ren gestured to Lyserg with a little bow. "Lenny Bruce!" he said.

Lyserg returned with favor with "Langston Hughes."

Anna laid on the table and kicked her legs in the air. "To the stage!" she shouted.

Random people began chiming in.

"To Uta!"

"To Buddha!"

"Pablo Neruda too!"

Yoh and Jeanne both on opposite sides of the table, slammed their palms down and sang in each other's faces "Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow to blow off Auntie Em!"

Everyone sang "La Vie Boehme!"

Opacho finally turned around to see Anna and Jun lying on the table making out.

"Sisters?" Opacho asked.

They both looked at him. "We're close." they said in unison Anna resting her head on Jun's chest and got off the table to reveal HoroHoro lying on top of Ren. They were making out as well.

HoroHoro's head snapped up and they both exclaimed "Brothers!"

Everyone began to sing and dance.

"Bisexuals, trisexuals, homosapiens, carcinogens, hallucinogens men…"

HoroHoro lifted up his skirt in the front.

"…Pee-wee Herman! German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein, Antonioni Bertolucci Kurosawa,… Carmina Burana! To apathy, to entropy, to empathy ecstasy,….Vaclav Havel! The Sex Pistols! 8BC! To no shame…never playing the fame game…"

Ren had collapsed to the floor giddy and smoking his weed. HoroHoro hauled him up as the boy took another puff.

Blowing out smoke in the faces of Hao and Opacho Ren slurred. "To marijuana!"

Opacho appalled bolted out of his chair and ran for the exit.

"To sodomy it's between God and me…" everyone else continued to sing. "To S&M!"

Hao followed Opacho to the door, shouting "Waiter! Waiter! Waiter!"

"La Vie Boheme!" the crowd sang.

HoroHoro helped Ren onto the table.

"In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will commence immediately following dinner…" Ren announced. "Our rising star Anna just back from her spectacular one-night engagement at the 11th Street lot…will perform Native American tribal chants backwards through her vocoder while accompanying herself on the electric cello….which she ain't never studied."

He shrugged and jumped down. Lyserg immediately took his place.

"And Yoh will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on the high holy days." the guitarist announced, smirking at his roommate.

Yoh raised an eyebrow leapt onto the table and shoved his roommate aside. Lyserg wasn't fazed. He spotted a guitar on display and retreated from the commotion.

Yoh proclaimed "Let's not forget Jeanne who clad only in bubble wrap will perform her famous lawn chair handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred."

He then spotted Lyserg off to the side already strumming the guitar. "And Lyserg will attempt to write a bittersweet evocative song!" Yoh exclaimed.

Everyone went silent and stared at the guitarist. Lyserg glanced around confused before beginning to pluck out his favorite tune.

Yoh rolled his eyes. "That…doesn't remind us of Musetta's Waltz."

The music started up again and HoroHoro strutted up and down the table swinging his hips like a model.

Ren declared "HoroHoro Dumott Schunard will model the latest fall fashions from Paris while accompanying herself on the ten gallon plastic pickle tub!"

HoroHoro retorted. "And Ren will recount his exploits as anarchist including the tale of his successful reprogramming of the MIT virtual reality equipment to self-destruct as it broadcast the words:"

Everyone yelled. "ACTUAL REALITY! ACT UP….FIGHT AIDS!"

Jeanne walked over to Lyserg not looking too pleased.

"Excuse me. Did I do something wrong?" she asked him. "I get invited then ignored…all night long!"

Lyserg replied "I've been trying…I'm not lying. No one's perfect I've got baggage!"

"Life's too short babe time is flying! I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine!"

Lyserg murmured "I should tell you…"

Jeanne growled "I've got baggage too!"

"…should tell you."

They both said "Baggage wine…"

"…and beer!" everyone else shouted.

Two beepers sounded off signifying that it was time for their meds to be taken. Both Lyserg and Jeanne took the beepers from their belts. They looked at it.

"AZT break…" Jeanne sighed looking back up at Lyserg.

Lyserg gaped at her. "You?" he breathed not wanting to believe that she was HIV-positive.

"Me…" she replied smiling a little bit. "You?"

He nodded slowly. "Jeanne…" he whispered softly. He took her hand and led her outside to talk in privacy.

Yoh from where he stood watched them as the walked out.

Once back indoors Jeanne lightly dusted off the snow from Lyserg then picked up where they had left off. The kissed passionately in the corner.

HoroHoro spotted them making out first. He pointed and everyone hooted and whistled. Lively music erupted once again as everyone shouted "Yeah!"

Jeanne pulled away from Lyserg and stood on top of the bar.

"To dance!" everyone yelled.

Jeanne sang "No way to make a living, masochism, pain perfection, muscle spasms, chiropractors, short careers, eating disorders!"

"Film!" the crowd yelled.

Yoh took her place and sang "Adventure, tedium, no family, boring locations, darkrooms, perfect faces, egos, money, Hollywood and sleaze!"

"Music!"

HoroHoro took over. "Food of love, emotion, mathematics, isolation, rhythm, power, feeling, harmony, and heavy competition!"

"Anarchy!"

Ren and Anna sang "Revolution, justice screaming for solutions, forcing changes, risk and danger, making noise, and making pleas!"

Everyone shouted "To faggots, lezzys, dykes,…cross-dressers too!"

"To me!" Anna yelled.

"To me!" Yoh added.

Ren and HoroHoro chimed in "To me!"

Everyone sang "To you and you and you, you and you! To people living with living with living with…not dying from disease! Let he among us without sin be the first to condemn! La Vie Boheme! La Vie Boheme! La Vie Boheme!"

Yoh, Anna, Jun, HoroHoro, Ren, Lyserg, and Jeanne were all on top of the table dancing their asses off. While the crowd chanted "La Vie Boheme!" Yoh sang.

"Anyone out of the mainstream…is anyone in the mainstream? Anyone alive with a sex drive…tear down the wall…aren't we all? The opposite of war isn't peace!

"Then what is?" Asked Jun.

It's creation!" Yoh replied.

"Whoo!" everyone exclaimed. "La Vie Boheme!"

Reverbing guitar echoed throughout the café. As if in slow motion couples struck poses.

Ren was holding HoroHoro in the air and spinning him around.

Jeanne was staring into Lyserg's eyes and running her fingers through his hair.

Yoh lacking a partner was doing some crazed dance.

Anna and Jun were making out.

At the same instant the entire pandemonious crowd stopped what they were doing and shouted in unison "VIVA LA VIE BOHEME!"

END