Today was one of those days.
It came and went in varying degrees – waves of depression that made Federico want to do nothing more than curl up on the bed and do nothing at all. It would start when the smile normally present on his face would fade, his lips sagging with the effort to keep up the expression. Anything could set it off – though his lover, every once in a while, would say or do something that just sent him into a deeper hole. It wasn't his fault of course. But, it would happen, occasionally.
Today, Vieri had been a bit more bristled than usual, and Federico had already been feeling close to that invisible edge, ready to topple and fall into the pit of sadness. His cold attitude and cruel words, which Federico usually wore away with touches and affection, had thrown him off completely, making the smile fade, his throat growing tight. It was getting difficult to breathe, his chest shuddering with each breath now as he tried not to let his lover see his displeasure.
"I'm going to take a shower." He said lightly, his voice almost timid under Vieri's last scathing remark. He turned and left – something he rarely did – and shut himself in the bathroom, closing the door and locking it behind him.
The weight was heavier when he was alone. Near crushing, even – as though some invisible force had placed a bar of metal on his chest and let it slowly begin to crush inwards. Breathing was harder now, each gasp now audible as he moved to the shower, turning the water on hotter than was necessary before stepping in, not bothering to remove his clothes.
Sometimes the heat would force away the depression, but now was not one of those times. He knew if not for the water disguising his sadness, tears would have freely begun to flow down his cheeks. He gripped the bar along the wall for support, letting out a quiet, choked sob and pressing his forehead against the cool tiled surface of the shower wall.
His hair was plastered to his face, the water near scalding now as he tried to force back another sob – louder than he meant it to be, the noise echoing off the white, tiled walls. His legs began to feel weak, and he didn't bother trying to stop it when he slowly sank to the floor, his back against the wall now, hot water pelting his chest as he pulled his knees up, his forehead pressed against them.
He could hear Vieri knock hard on the door now, trying to find out what was wrong. Even if he'd had the strength to get up and answer, he doubted he would have. He was too far gone at the moment.