Every time I said it, it was a lie.
The girls loved it though. Those words- those lies-allowing me to break down any sort of resistance to my request to climb between the sheets.
Mothers, daughters, wives, whores, executives, superiors, co-workers. I've had them all. Lied to them all. Just because I can.
They hate me for it. Try to hurt me when they discover the nature of my lies. They try to hurt me as much as I've hurt them. They attack me, physically. No matter what they do to me, I take it, like a man.
Just because I can.
I'm never long in replacing them. As soon as my apartment door swings shut and the profanities are still echo-ing down the hallway as she walks toward the exit, I'm already on the phone to my next conquest. Usually the one I spotted the night before. The straw that broke the camel's back- whatever that means.
She's in my apartment within twenty minutes and in my bed within twenty five. I mark her off on the mental checklist. Just because I can.
The cycle will inevitably repeat itself. She'll see through me, try to change me, scream and cry. Eventually though, she'll give up and decide to leave (if she's smart) with her head held high. I wont try and hold her back. I'll shrug and say 'You're not the one for me.' Cruel brutal honesty. I don't want her to pine over me because by nightfall, I will have forgotten her name. Just because I can.
Through all my philandering, one person sticks by me. He knows that my heart is truly not in these passing conquests. He knows the dark secrets of my soul. He knows.
He says it's a way of trying to build my self esteem and worth back up after it was so brutally shattered by 'the incident on the plate'. Outwardly I would profess that I was only doing my duty, but inside I felt like a murderer. The irony being that I am a murderer- a contract killer paid vast sums to dispose of any threats to the boss' empire. Never before had I felt like this. I did it though. Killed thousands of people in one fell swoop, just to antagonise a band of freedom fighters. Who incidentally escaped from me and managed to save the world.
The crippling guilt of my actions was extreme. Though the city was destroyed by Meteor and the death toll far exceeded that of the Sector 7 incident, the guilt I felt was incredible. The only thing to make it disappear was booze and girls. I never had any trouble in acquiring either, so I went on rampage. Just because I can.
He knows all this. He only speaks when he has to. His eyes are always hidden behind his dark glasses. Despite this, I know what he's thinking and he can read me like a book. He has been with me since my first day in the department and not a day goes by that I don't thank God for him. He's saved my ass countless times and carried me home when I've had too much booze. He looks out for me and I look out for him. Just because I can.
He's the only person on the whole planet who I cannot lie to.
He accepts me for who I am. Not once has he tried to tell me what to do. Every time I tell him about another girl disaster, he sighs. I notice that he looks away whenever I mention them.
One day he looses his temper completely, grabs me by my collar, slams me up against a wall and roughly kisses me. His stubble rasping against my jaw as his tongue prises my lips apart. I respond enthusiastically. He is different to any of them. Abruptly he pulls away. He doesn't look at me. He turns to walk away. I shout for him to stop. I've never wanted anything so badly in my life. He's made me feel like me again. He has reminded me that there is good in this world, hidden in the most unlikely places. I realise now that my self destructive behaviour was in fact a way of trying to deny my true feelings towards him. I plead for him not to leave me, to come back and finish what he started.
He asks me if my casual treatment of women will stop.
I respond immediately in the affirmative.
He looks slightly taken aback. 'Why?'
When I say those three words to him, his mouth corners turn upwards into a satisfied smirk.
'Yo, why the smirk big guy?'
He pulls my face towards his. I can feel his breath on my face.
'Because I can Reno.
' Just because I can.'