My Turn
By Jarhead(jarhead_h@yahoo.com)
Author's notes: This is what I envision was going through Dawson's head while he was on the beach at the end of "100 Light Years from Home."
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It's my turn.
I felt this pull to Joey. It's funny, because Pacey just told me that she is with the guy that earlier in the year crushed Jen completely. I have no doubt in my mind that Jen did everything she could to stop Joey.
Yes, I'm hurting. Like hell, actually. Like I've been stabbed in the chest and the knifes been twisted. But I realize something. I realize why I felt the tug. Thinking about my conversation with Jack made me realize why. See… it's my turn.
When Dad died I was lost. I was alone in the wild with no map or compass. Jen, Pacey, Joey, Jack… They found me. They lead me through the wilderness with my sanity intact, and now it's my turn.
It's my turn to be a friend. It's my turn to be someone's shoulder to lean on, my turn to be a pillar of support. Jack is not going to flunk out of school. It's simply not an option. He's been slowly degenerating since graduation. With the exception of Jen, none of us picked up on it, and even she didn't see how bad things were. We've all been too wrapped up in our own lives to notice one of our own needs us. He's not going to sink any lower, not if I have anything to say about it.
As far as Joey is concerned, it occurs to me that there's a fair amount of justice in the situation. I pushed her away when she needed to be there for me. I turned to Jen, because I couldn't deal with both my grief and rebuilding a relationship as complicated as the one Joey and I once shared.
Now here I am. I'm finally ready to give it a go like I told Joey that day in the airport terminal. I'm ready to see if we can be more than an adolescent crush, and Joey is off with someone else. It's my turn.
It's my turn to hurt.
It's my turn to feel my insides twist when I see them. It's my turn to fake being okay with them being together. It's time for the scorecard of pain to even up, 'cause lord knows I've caused her enough this last year. And I know this is going to hurt like hell.
But it's all right.
It's my turn, but the rotation ends with this turn. Because it's only a matter of time before Charlie breaks her heart. It's inevitable, that's just who he is and what he does. I'll be there to help her pick up the pieces as a friend. Then maybe we can try again.
Either Joey and I are going to be together for keeps… Or we're going to say our final goodbyes to our Romeo and Juliet status. We both win or we both lose, but whichever way this goes, this ping-pong game has got to end.
Neither one of us can handle another turn.
By Jarhead(jarhead_h@yahoo.com)
Author's notes: This is what I envision was going through Dawson's head while he was on the beach at the end of "100 Light Years from Home."
---------------------------------------------
It's my turn.
I felt this pull to Joey. It's funny, because Pacey just told me that she is with the guy that earlier in the year crushed Jen completely. I have no doubt in my mind that Jen did everything she could to stop Joey.
Yes, I'm hurting. Like hell, actually. Like I've been stabbed in the chest and the knifes been twisted. But I realize something. I realize why I felt the tug. Thinking about my conversation with Jack made me realize why. See… it's my turn.
When Dad died I was lost. I was alone in the wild with no map or compass. Jen, Pacey, Joey, Jack… They found me. They lead me through the wilderness with my sanity intact, and now it's my turn.
It's my turn to be a friend. It's my turn to be someone's shoulder to lean on, my turn to be a pillar of support. Jack is not going to flunk out of school. It's simply not an option. He's been slowly degenerating since graduation. With the exception of Jen, none of us picked up on it, and even she didn't see how bad things were. We've all been too wrapped up in our own lives to notice one of our own needs us. He's not going to sink any lower, not if I have anything to say about it.
As far as Joey is concerned, it occurs to me that there's a fair amount of justice in the situation. I pushed her away when she needed to be there for me. I turned to Jen, because I couldn't deal with both my grief and rebuilding a relationship as complicated as the one Joey and I once shared.
Now here I am. I'm finally ready to give it a go like I told Joey that day in the airport terminal. I'm ready to see if we can be more than an adolescent crush, and Joey is off with someone else. It's my turn.
It's my turn to hurt.
It's my turn to feel my insides twist when I see them. It's my turn to fake being okay with them being together. It's time for the scorecard of pain to even up, 'cause lord knows I've caused her enough this last year. And I know this is going to hurt like hell.
But it's all right.
It's my turn, but the rotation ends with this turn. Because it's only a matter of time before Charlie breaks her heart. It's inevitable, that's just who he is and what he does. I'll be there to help her pick up the pieces as a friend. Then maybe we can try again.
Either Joey and I are going to be together for keeps… Or we're going to say our final goodbyes to our Romeo and Juliet status. We both win or we both lose, but whichever way this goes, this ping-pong game has got to end.
Neither one of us can handle another turn.