Lies My Parents Told Me
By: Lexalot
Summary: Where do lies go when they die?
Pairing: Clark/Lex, Clark/Lionel tension implied
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own everything! ... Okay, so I lied ;)
Spoilers: Pilot, Red (vague), Lineage, Insurgence, Suspect (vague), Visitor, Exodus (vague)
Reference: Last line adapted from "Superman IV"
Beta: Much thanks to lolita luthor for the wonderful and speedy Beta!
Notes: Written [8/7/03] for ClexFest Wave 6; Title Challenge (drawn for Buffy).
Part of the ClexFest Wave VI at http://www.kardasi.com/Lexclusive/ClexFest/Wave-6/index.htm
***
Lie #1 - Martha Kent, "Sweetheart, we lost your birth certificate in a fire."
Clark stood in the loft staring out into the sunrise. He had not tasted a lick of sleep. The previous night had been full of memories, self-hating memories that tormented him, offering no consolation and promising extreme teenage depression. He had recalled the first time he asked to see his birth certificate. He had been seven, and while at Pete's house, Mrs. Ross pulled out an album for them to look at, an album full of things Clark would discover later the same evening that his mother did not possess for him. Pictures of Pete as a baby and a growing infant filled the pages with the drying glue, and there, as soon as the cover was opened, lay a white piece of paper with typed letters and scrawled signatures all over it. Pete had asked his mother what it was, and when she told them it was his birth certificate, Clark had made sure it was the first thing he said to his mom, and he inquired as to the whereabouts of his birth certificate.
It was the first lie he remembered, but certainly not the last. He couldn't blame them, so he blamed himself instead. They were only trying to protect him, after all, and his nature was not in their control. No, that was his own fault, his responsibility, and his cross to bear. He was not normal. Hell, he wasn't even human. He had been born somewhere in the universe distant from this planet, and he had no idea where that even was. When the ship crashed to Earth with him, he was eternally grateful that Jonathan and Martha Kent had been the ones to find him.
Clark choked back the overwhelming emotion rising in his throat, because there was just one thing he could not understand, no matter how he tried or how they explained it to him. Why hadn't they just told him the truth from the beginning? It would have been so nice, so much easier to have known from the start! It made him unspeakably angry, and his eyes squeezed shut, his fists clenching at his sides. He suppressed the ill-conceived urge to hate them for it.
He felt coddled, like they had never given him any real credit. They treated him like he was incapable of handling the reality and gravity of the situation. He loved them more than anything, but he couldn't fathom the fact that they had deluded him for most of his life. He was seventeen now, and next year he would celebrate a truly meaningless milestone when his eighteenth birthday brought the general recognition of adulthood with it. The idea that he had only discovered what they had hidden from him a few years ago made his mind reel with the hurt of the secrets they had kept from him, the intricate web of lies they had woven around him. The thought made him question them, doubt these people that he was supposed to trust more than anyone in the world because they called themselves his family, and yet they had deceived him worst of all. How wrong it seemed to deny someone their identity!
Of course, he had the luxury of judging them. His position was a very convenient one to assign guilt. It was a moot point, however, since anything that he placed upon them, he automatically displaced onto himself. Obviously, they would not have been forced into such a difficult position and had to put up such a pretense if it had not been for his own good, and the only reason such a thing ended up being necessary was because he was an alien.
An alien. His head swam with thoughts and feelings. Maybe it was some extraterrestrial chemical in his brain that made him react with such violent nausea to the concept, or maybe it was just his teenage hormones taking advantage of an opportunity bad enough to drown him in his own sorrow. He started to wonder about his biology and what odd changes the next year would bring, and the sickness turned to panic, but he still felt like he was going to throw up, repulsed by the idea of his being trapped in his own skin.
If only they had never lied to him, if only they had been open and honest about this very important information from the beginning, then he might have grown up thinking it was the most natural thing in the world! He could have hid with no qualms, lived without seeing himself as a freak. Nothing would have bothered him the way it did having the burden thrust upon him suddenly. The absolute worst part of it was that they did not come out and tell him. It had never been their choice to establish communication along those lines, as if he could have gone the rest of his existence without ever knowing or being told something this crucial to who he was. He would be mired in ignorant bliss if his powers had not developed, and he would still be none the wiser if Lex had not hit him with his car!
Lex. Irony crept up on people at times, but this was not gradual. It hit Clark like a train wreck. All his mental trauma and self-pity wasted on mendacity constructed around him while he remained blind to the same roadblock of lies he was building himself. The past couple years of lying and evading had made him better at reinforcing the wall his parents had put up around him. He was perpetuating the facade, and now shame really took hold of his conscience.
If there was anyone Clark wanted to know, wanted to talk to about all these things, it was Lex. His best friend was always denied answers to questions Clark realized he had every right to ask and have addressed. The flavor of hypocrisy in the back of Clark's throat was acidic and stung the self-righteous half of his ego. Clark should have told him from the very start, and he still wanted to, leading him to re-evaluate his parents' logic. Were they right to lead him astray for so long? Was it not towards a greater good, and was their purpose not served well? Shouldn't Clark follow their example, because it had kept him safe and... bitter?
When Clark glanced up, the sun had blossomed fully on the horizon and was born into the sky again.
Ambivalence filled his head, but a deep-seated impulse filled his heart. Descending the stairs on a determined course of action, he began running as he exited the barn, then made the swift transition to superspeed, graduating to a pace that shot ahead of his rationale. He didn't have the slightest clue what he would do when he got to his destination, but he knew he was headed for the mansion. He was tired of pretending, tired of guessing, tired of mistrusting and being mistrusted. He longed for something to be shared, and he was confident that Lex was the one with whom he wanted to share this. He fully believed that Lex deserved to be let in at long last, having earned his confidence.
The outcome of this endeavor seemed just as cryptic and hazy as the endeavor itself, but Clark could not stand to do this anymore. He realized that this was what had been tearing him apart all night, eating away at his soul. He felt that if they carried on this nonsense any more, their friendship would disintegrate, leaving them at an impasse, helpless to stop a rift from forming between them, and Clark did not want that to ever happen. Though, if Lex had an adverse reaction to this revelation or if Clark felt it out first and came to the conclusion that they were already beyond the point of reconciliation, that he was beyond any chance for redemption in Lex's eyes, he would retreat and let the inevitable take its toll.
One way or another, he was adamant that this issue would be resolved today.
* * *
Lie #2 - Lillian Luthor, "Your father is not a bad man, Alexander."
Lex was marching down the hall to his office. Having been informed that his father was in the castle on a surprise visit, Lex was incensed. The distinct scent of spying and violation trailed through the air, and this invasion was not going to be disregarded. When Lex was still a child, before his mother died and before the meteor shower, he had ventured into the boardroom at LuthorCorp, where his father was in the middle of a very intense game of cat and mouse with a so-called business associate who was really just a lackey who posed the threat of staging a coup. Lex had just wanted to see his father, and had burst unceremoniously in on this heated argument where his father was preoccupied with intimidation tactics. When Lex had run in, eager to greet his dad, he was met with a glare that was so full of both fire and ice at the same time that he froze in his tracks, and later he had been subjected to a lengthy lecture that harshly chastised him for his thoughtless actions. Meanwhile, all Lex could think was that he had only wanted to say hello to his dad because he was so happy to be at the corporate building and have the chance to see him at work.
It was the first truly unpleasant memory Lex had of Lionel, and his mother had done her best to shake the traumatizing experience from his impressionable mind, but it was too late. The damage had already started to accumulate, and it would pile on extra thick after the meteor shower. As grateful as his father claimed to be that Lex was alive and well, the next several years were spent taunting him and hardening him up inside. His father's cruel and constant remarks about the baldness he suffered incurably were relentless, and Lex's mother would always try to comfort him and assuage his misery and anxiety. No little boy should ever have to be so sad, she had repeated so often it nearly became her mantra. She always reassured him that his father was a good man at heart, and not to let the cold exterior fool or discourage him. Now Lex wondered if she had been talking about the same man he had watched destroy life after life without remorse or pity, and he was convinced his mother had never really known his father.
She had so desperately wanted him to be happy. She had wanted them to be a happy family. She had lied to him again and again and again in the interest of preserving the peace, perpetuating the illusion that everything was all right. It made her appear so much more the tragedian in his eyes, and it made him hold her with such reverence and warmth in his heart. At the same time, he wished she had been strong enough to leave Lionel when she had seen how viciously he could treat his own child, her own son.
Lex had it all worked out in his head. After his little brother Julian's death, his mother should have realized what an insensitive bastard his father could be. The infidelity and all his random indiscretions were not going to stop. Instead of following that path though, his mother stuck out the bad hand she had been dealt and went to her grave tolerating his company and enduring the indirect abuse. The worst thing was knowing that swallowing all that pressure had cut years off her already fading life. Her time was shortened that much more, her days further numbered due to this additional strain she bore during her illness, and it was that much worse a premature death when she finally succumbed.
Lex could not grasp why she had lied to both him and herself rather than plan their escape and leave this life and wretched existence behind them. He supposed it was because she wanted him to be taken care of, and as a mother, she made the greatest sacrifice for her boy. She had probably figured it would be better for him to be raised in this environment than living on the streets with her, as she would have invariably been shunned and Lionel's ruthless wrath would have been wielded against her wherever she went. With the cancer rampaging through her system, she would have left Lex alone in the world and on the streets.
Lex had pondered this scenario a million times, because he knew she must have mulled it over every minute of every day just by the way she seemed so unhappy all the time. At first, Lex had foolishly believed that had she done that, Lionel would have seen to it that Lex was not abandoned and survived, but Lex had woken up from that delusion. He realized what his mother had most likely known from the start, which was thaat Lionel would have moved on without so much as a second's consideration, and he would not need Lex for his heir, since he would inevitably sire another. Still, Lex wished she had fled with him rather than try to persuade him that Lionel was not intentionally malicious towards him. He would rather be poor and alone than have to be fed the lies that were so transparent.
All these things poured fuel on a burning pyre. It always raged in him when Lionel was involved, when he was around playing the role of father dearest with the most insincere of masks. This morbid reminiscing was not helping his agitated state of mind, but that was nothing compared to the internalized anger he felt when he turned the corner and saw that Lionel had cornered Clark just outside his office door.
"Dad!" Lex called, purposely being obnoxious and intrusive, seeking to liberate Clark from his father's insidious clutches.
"Lex." Lionel turned in his unflinching nonchalance, resuming the ridiculous farce of their father-son relationship. "I was just having a chat with your friend Clark Kent here." That devilish smile spread across Lionel's lips and one of his hands remained planted firmly on Clark's shoulder.
Lex nodded graciously, noticing Clark's eyes fixing on him for assistance and support. "Really?" Clark had the look of captured prey, wounded and bleeding, anticipating the first bite. His father's mock pretense of this being anything simple or benign was absurd. "Be careful, Dad. Your claws are showing."
Catching the insinuation, Lionel released Clark from his grip and Clark immediately stepped away. "I was just making polite conversation, Lex."
"I can imagine." Lex's tone was tempered, full of the esteem and thinly veiled skepticism with which he approached any antagonistic figure.
"I'll only be here until this afternoon. I'm in town on business regarding the caves, since they are now entrusted to my care." The arrogance that radiated off his father was stifling. Lionel had quite obviously meant for Lex to mentally choke on his mention of this lost and precious property. After all, Lionel flaunted the transfer of his son's ownership of the caves to him constantly and with great zeal. "I really must be going now, but do say hello to your mother for me, Clark." That cleverly devised mental strangulation had been intended for the young man and his son alike.
As Lionel parted company from them with his complacency swathed about him, Lex watched him until he disappeared out of sight, and then quickly shifted to the shaken boy at his side. Usually, losing his worries and troubles in Clark and their visits grounded him, their time together rooting him somewhere that his happiness had room to grow and nourishment to thrive. Now, however, Clark seemed truly rattled and apparently, Lionel had hit a very significant nerve, because Lex had never seen Clark so visibly upset. "Clark, are you okay?"
"No, Lex, I'm not." He poured his faith out into those words and offered it to Lex with his eyes. "I need to talk to you."
"Sure, Clark." Clark had come out of need talk to him, so needless to say, Lex was intrigued. "What about?"
Clark didn't hesitate a single second, the desire to reach out compelling him to do so without the typical exception he took to such disclosure. "Lex, I..."
"Wait, not here." Lex could not let any important conversations that would require confidentiality take place within earshot of his father, his skulking minions or his tiny, hidden hi-tech monitoring devices that were always potentially eavesdropping. "Come on, let's go for a drive."
Clark nodded quickly in agreement, relieved that Lex had presented this option. "Where?"
Lex started down the hall, taking the opposite route his father had gone, and Clark followed close behind. "Anywhere that's someplace else."
When they entered the garage, they rushed into the Porsche and sped from the property into the noon horizon.
* * *
Lie #3 - Jonathan Kent, "Son, you cannot trust a Luthor."
When Lex had prompted Clark to suggest a spot where they could talk privately without fear of being disrupted or hassled by third party curiosities, the obvious choice had been the bridge. That was where it all started, where Lex had crashed into Clark and gone over the side into the river. When Lex heard Clark request that venue for this discussion, his eyes flared a little, wide with surprise and fascination. That spark frightened Clark a bit. Lex was already predicting what he wanted to tell him based solely on his choice of location, and though Clark had yet to actually reveal anything, he was becoming torn about giving away his secret. It wasn't that he did not want to tell Lex, but he had been so bottled up about this topic that it seemed so hard to part with the habit of lying and avoiding and hiding. He felt like he was giving up a piece of himself. While he was shedding a burden, he was also depositing it into someone else's hands.
As they pulled up to the bridge, Clark took a weighty breath in and expelled it with erratic measure. His nerves were skating on a surface that not only did he know was going to break, but he intended to hammer the nail into it that would make it crack. Then, he would fall through and be swimming in the arctic waters, and it would be up to Lex to save him. He couldn't help but think how the analogy and the setting were complementary in such an ironic sense with the scope of the leap forward he was about to take. He only hoped embarking upon this path where destinies had once collided would now bring them in line, side by side, going with each other this time rather than against. Still divided by conflict, which he had been trying to overcome since it hit him less than twenty-four hours ago, he idly wondered how he was even going to begin because the moment was coming upon him.
Lex parked the car on the grass, just shy of the being on the bridge so that it was out of the way, and his eyes appealed to Clark for the next move. Clark grew self-conscious under Lex's stare, which looked so congenial and inviting but felt like scrutiny. Without uttering a word, he scrambled to open the door and exited the vehicle, and by the click and slam and footfalls, he knew Lex was following his lead without having to turn around and face him to check.
Suddenly and most inconveniently at a complete loss for what to do or say, Clark was embarrassed by having dragged Lex all the way out here into the middle of nowhere to have a talk he could not even initiate. The whole ordeal seemed to take on a useless and pointless nature, and Clark was crestfallen, because he genuinely felt all the courage he had mustered draining from him. He leaned over the guardrail, looking out onto the water with a forlorn expression etched into his pretty features.
"This is a familiar sight," Lex said as he mimicked Clark's position, arms folded across the metal bar, leaning in and peering into the vast space ahead. "I think this is exactly how you were standing when I first saw you." Just like Lex to not miss a thing, never neglecting a clue.
Clark knew what Lex had really said, and his tone was encumbered by that knowledge. "You mean when you hit me with your car." He had spoken the words with such a deep yet soft timbre, a subtle accusation that was meant to be more of a begrudging admission.
"Is that what I mean, Clark?" There was that annoying tinge of superiority and sharpness to Lex's reaction, but the real message was his plea for Clark to tell him what he should mean if not that.
They fell quiet and Lex started to lower his defenses, likely feeling how difficult this was for Clark already. Clark recognized the implications of his visits to Lex's becoming infrequent and even rare these days, and he was certain Lex was feeling the impact and realizing in this moment why Clark had made himself so scarce around the mansion. There was distance growing and Lex did not want to divide the gap between them further, so he relented. However, that didn't quell Clark's escalating fears, and Lex seemed to instantly regret resuming his aggressive pursuit of the matter.
"I'm sorry." Clark began apologizing for something that he felt was impossible to do now or anytime in the future. "I... don't think... I shouldn't have..."
Clark stumbled over the sentiments welling up inside, threatening to drown him in panic and in the perceived absurdity of trying to get this out into the open with Lex. He wanted to confess, because he felt like he had committed a grievous sin against a loved one whom he held very dear in his life, and he did not want to abandon this attempt at reconciliation, but healing the wounds of this friendship was beginning to seem impossible. Lex, who was only hearing negative, looked like he was being ripped apart by this indecision, like Clark's presence in his life was what he valued, and though he would have preferred this not to be of any relevance, it just made him feel alienated from the one person who meant more than he could articulate.
When Clark met his eyes for a fleeting second, he could tell Lex knew this was the moment that would make or break their relationship. It had gained such a pivotal meaning because they seemed to be stuck behind the walls of lies that they and their parents and lives had built around them, and if those barriers weren't torn down now, they'd never be breached.
Several minutes of chilling silence passed. Then, Clark started the broken rambling again. "We should... probably..."
Lex cut him off, chiming in abruptly and purposefully. "It doesn't matter. Okay?" Clark was stunned by the vulnerable look he received from Lex and the fragility of his voice. He understood therein that this was the hardest thing Lex had ever had to say, had ever decided to let go and put away, because meanwhile, he carried all the rest of his anguish and sorrow and bitterness with him. "I just don't want it to be there anymore. I'm tired of it being between us, and if you can't tell me whatever it is for some reason, then I can't afford to make it an issue." The words astounded them both. "I'll take you however I can get you, Clark."
A smile flickered on Clark's face and a comfortable air swelled to envelop them. Clark's grin dimmed, and he asked, "What if I want to tell you?"
Lex laughed in spite of himself, then his thoughts drifted away from the question and larger issues at hand, venturing into the grander scheme of things, and he was amused when he happened upon a truth he felt it necessary to impart that bore all the relevance and worth in the world. "You know, you're the only real friend I've ever had." He paused in the wake of his sentimentality. "You can trust me, Clark."
"I know." He knew on both accounts, and a full smile dawned on his lips, lingering only seconds before the strength to do this returned to him.
A sliver of time elapsed, and they both took to staring into the afternoon horizon, listening to the rustling of leaves and the flow of the current.
"Do you remember when you told me about your theory--that the meteor shower would have been the perfect cover for an alien spacecraft to land on Earth?" Clark held his breath in his chest, anticipating Lex's confirmation.
"Yeah." Part of his reply rang with peaked curiosity. Lex simply held Clark's eye contact and waited.
"Well, that's what happened." His perseverance faltered before gaining the momentum to continue. "I know, because... it was me. I was in the ship."
Oddly enough, Lex did not behave like this was something so unexpected or far-fetched. His spirits even appeared to improve in his dumbstruck state. He barely budged, blinking excessively like he might awaken from a dream and grinning like this was the ultimate height of enlightenment. In his reverie, Lex was frozen, entranced by truths he didn't ever expect to witness in this universe, and all he could do was gape at this perfect boy in wonderment. This left Clark in a confusion that was rapidly bordering on the detestable side of dread.
Clark had to fill the empty space, so he pushed onward. "My ship crashed with the meteor rocks that day, and my parents found me in the field. They set up an adoption record so they could keep me, and I've been here with them ever since. But I don't remember anything before that. I'm only just starting to find anything out about where I'm from. It's actually pretty frightening." This wasn't frightening though. It was absolutely terrifying. Words started spilling out of his mouth as if he had kept them contained for so long that the secrets were just gushing out, forced by the pressure that had built up inside. He was trying to sound as casual as possible, but there was plenty of tension to litter his voice with its telltale signs. "I didn't even know about it myself for the longest time. My parents kept it a secret from me, lying to me my whole life until the day you hit me with your car and I saved you. I knew I was fast and strong, but I had never imagined I was practically invincible. Until then, I had pretty much just assumed that I was mutated in the meteor shower like I heard others had been." He unwittingly glanced over at Lex again when he said that, then it occurred to him that was awfully impolite and inadvertently stupid of him to remind Lex of how he was different and how it came to be that way. He needed a little levity. "I guess that's what you thought I was too, huh?" He tried to crack a smile again, but it wouldn't come.
Nothing came from Lex's end either. He just appeared to be listening intently, hanging on Clark's every word, and Clark didn't know how to interpret that.
"Right after that, after they finally told me the truth about who I was, my abilities started cropping up. They've developed so much over the last few years, and I've found out a lot about them and myself." He was still trying to act like this was such a light-hearted subject, because he worried that if the reality of what he was divulging had the chance to sink in, he would want to retreat, but he was on a permanent course forward now and couldn't turn back. "Like my vision--I can see through just about anything and I can create heat for fire, but as x-ray goes, I can't see through lead for some reason." Promptly, he feared he had given too much away by revealing a chink in his armor, but then he glanced back at Lex, seeing eyes the color of pale ice and steel turn as warm and tender as he had ever seen them. "The only thing capable of hurting me is Kryptonite... the meteor rocks." Clark did not feel so discomfited by the admission as he did by the name he had accidentally used to refer to the meteor rocks out of habit. It made him squirm where he stood and he had seen Lex's eyes squint a little in confusion before he had corrected himself. Yet Lex seemed so serene as he basked in these revelations and the trust as it expanded more and more to include him. What irked Clark was that he had not even so much as gestured in acknowledgement of his full disclosure and the confidence it placed in him. "Lex, please say something. I feel like a freak enough already without you gawking at me like I'm one."
"Clark." Lex shook his head, disagreeing with Clark's downtrodden viewpoint. "Do you realize what a miracle you being here is?"
A very large grin spread across Clark's face, having heard all he needed to hear. He could hardly believe the thrill of being free with Lex now. They both leaned over the railing, shoulder to shoulder, Clark's eyes bouncing back and forth between Lex and the scenery while Lex's eyes remained squarely on Clark. The feeling was gratifying, exciting, liberating, and addictive, all at once. Clark could not get enough of this fulfilling emotion. It coursed through his veins with the greatest surge of adrenaline he had ever known. Even as Lex seemed to fall pensive and somber, Clark was overjoyed with the worst burden of them all out in the open between him and this man at his side. Lex had withstood the test of their friendship time and time again, trial after trial, and had waded through all the lies and secrets until Clark was ready to come to terms with his own reservations about letting him in where only a precious few were welcome. Soon though, Clark began to regard Lex's solemn state with a seriousness of his own. "Lex? What is it?" He was hoping the problem did not interfere in this new intimacy they shared.
"Clark, if my father were to find out about any of this..." Lex began to caution, obviously concerned for Clark's well being, but he was interrupted.
"Lex," Clark paused with deplorable emphasis, "he knows."
"Lionel knows?" Lex was aghast. The light of knowledge that had been cast on him turned black. "Is that why he confronted you back at the mansion?"
"Yes." His voice was riddled with shame and disgust. He felt horrible that the situation with Lionel had been allowed to get to such a boiling point. "At first, he was just hinting and trying to scare me, but lately, it's gotten bad. And then today, he said outright that he knew everything. He threatened me and my parents unless I did what he told me." Clark did not even want to think of the proposed details of that arrangement, much less illustrate the picture for Lex. Besides, he presumed Lex knew what that meant without him having to elaborate on the ugly specifics of trading alleged favors with Lionel Luthor.
Lex's mind was clearly reeling with all this new information. "Jesus, Clark! Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"I couldn't tell anyone, Lex. You don't know what it's like. I wanted to, I really wanted you to know, and I almost told you so many times..."
He understood somehow. "But it was complicated." Indeed, all of a sudden, Lex's struggle with everyday life seemed so trivial by comparison.
Clark nodded, feeling that much more validated now that he knew Lex was not only accepting of the truth but understanding of it as well.
"How the hell did my father find out?" It wasn't that Lex couldn't see him piecing it together, because Lex had come so close on so many occasions, and now that he knew, it seemed fairly obvious given the evidence he had gathered. He was very anxious to know how much of a real threat Lionel posed to Clark and his family and in what precise ways he posed such a menacing force. This way he could reckon with it and shield Clark from his father's malice.
"When he was blind," Clark watched Lex's fury mount before he could even finish his sentence, "he saw me using my abilities... more than once... and he saw the effect the refined meteor rocks he kept in his vault had on me." He watched as Lex flinched for the second time. Lex's eyes squeezed tightly shut, his jaw clenching at the repulsive notion of Lionel being so well equipped with knowledge in this battle already before he could even get in to take the required precautions and launch any methods of defense.
"That twisted son of a bitch!" Lex's condemnation of his own treacherous father echoed through the valley of trees and Lex clamped his hands around the railing. Clark stood by, unsure how to feel, prepared to blame himself for this too. "I knew he wouldn't have been keeping up the charade without sufficient reason!" Lex calmed and collected himself, and then his eyes met Clark's again with the most benevolent and sympathetic look in them. Clark could see straight into his soul, and he believed it was the first time Lex had ever laid it plain there for Clark to see. "I'm sorry that you're in this situation, Clark. But I'm going to help you get out of it. Working together, we can take him." Lex gave Clark his best smirk, not unlike one he had given him once before when he had declared that he could take Lionel on himself, only now he had someone to fight the good fight with him. "First things first. He doesn't have any proof, does he?"
Clark mulled it over for a minute. "I don't know about the times I used my abilities, but he was the one who arranged the papers for my adoption."
Lex headed back towards the car, and this time it was Clark who followed his lead. Lex's face was alive with the invigorating rush of determination and an underlying happiness and faith that Clark had never seen infuse Lex so. As if there was new hope in the daily struggle Lex fought with who he was and who his father wanted him to be, Lex carried himself with restored pride and refreshed optimism. "Before we do anything else, we need to take care of that. We fix it so that if he tries to use any documentation against you, he'll just wind up hammering nails in his own coffin."
"How do we do that?" Clark was enjoying this. There was no stress or angst raging inside him to make him uneasy. He didn't feel alone. He didn't feel afraid of who he was. He only felt a deep sense of peace with himself.
Lex slid into the driver's seat and Clark joined him in the car, fastening his seatbelt as Lex did the same. Lex put the key in the ignition and started the engine, casting one of his trademark mischievous grins that made him shine and he had not donned one of those in quite a long while as far as Clark could recall. He put on his sunglasses as he continued by first answering Clark's question. "I have an old roommate from boarding school in Gotham who owes me a favor."
As the Porsche raced down the windy road at sixty miles per hour, Lex plotted and Clark just sat breathing comfortably for perhaps the first time in his life.
* * *
Lie #4 - Lionel Luthor, "Love is an illusion, Lex."
Clark was lying on the couch, stretched out and relaxed, holding in front of him a novel they had to read for school. This was his big priority of the moment, and his only task that needed tending was his homework. The sun was setting outside and the rays in the sky outside cast tints of orange and reddish light all over the interior of the loft. He had never felt so carefree. His entire day had been spent in a daze, like he was still suffering the shock of sudden euphoria and freedom from so many obstacles that had stood in the way of so much he had wanted, like the feel of being normal. His parents had even questioned his extraordinarily good mood, and he had simply reassured them that everything was going to be a lot better from then on, leaving them puzzled but extremely happy to see him in such uplifted spirits.
Being brutally honest with himself, there was one thing he still felt he was missing, but that he figured would come in time. He had done so nicely with Lex yesterday and everything had gone unbelievably well, so he had no right to complain. He was just grateful for things turning out the way they had, and that it had all brought he and Lex so much closer together. It had left Clark wanting to tell Lex another secret. One that had never been tainted by the veil of lies, but remained a mystery, if for no other reason, because romantic feelings going untold and unrequited were Clark's area of expertise. He had handled similar circumstances with Lana while he meticulously kept her on the outside. Now that his fondness for her had fizzled, settling into something wholly platonic, he thought it would be that much easier to make the transition with Lex now that there were no longer any obstructions to their closeness.
Somewhere along the journey to this point, Clark had grown attached to Lex, treasuring the time he spent with him, and the epiphany as to why he was feeling so strongly towards him had finally come yesterday on the bridge. He had felt it stir familiar and wonderful in him when he had looked into Lex's eyes and seen the acceptance and caring there, open and honest, and everything that should come with that kind of passionate emotion. Though Clark was uncertain how Lex would react if he knew, Clark felt there was no hurry. Again, that was something he figured would come in its own time just as yesterday had.
For the first time, he was completely content and one part of his life made total sense, all the jaded and concealed aspects of his existence removed from that one glorious piece of his world. He saw that as a corner to which he could escape when he needed to take a break from things around him. He would not be alone there either, because Lex was that very corner of sanctuary. His Fortress of Solitude was no longer his singular outlet, his sole place to be when he needed to get away from his burdens of being, since he had Lex now. Lex was there for him, and in the future, maybe they could address Clark's desire to take that to the level where he now felt it belonged. He couldn't explain it, save to say that yesterday, it had simply felt right.
As if on cue, as his thoughts turned to Lex so powerfully as to distract him from his class reading, Clark heard footsteps climbing to the landing. When he glanced over, Lex was ascending the wooden stairs, dust rising as his black leather shoes kicked it up into the air. He immediately sat upright, and deserted the book on the cushion between his hip and the arm, leaving a seat in case Lex wanted to sit next to him. Lex approached him, slow and steady, a tranquil bliss on his face that mirrored the sheer delight on Clark's, but the added superlative essence of triumph was written all over Lex's expression. Upon reaching the couch, Lex just stood in front of Clark, smiling knowingly, brimming with self-satisfaction.
Lex handed a worn and crinkled white piece of paper to Clark. It was identical in appearance to the birth certificate that Pete's mom had shown them in the photo album that day when he was a small boy. "Burn the one my father gave you and replace it with this one. Bruce's father was a doctor so that fact will lend more credence to all this new documentation." Lex handed him a whole folder now, and Clark opened it to see several sheets stacked on top of one another, every page an incredible forgery and work of fiction. "It's much more subtle than some conspicuous charity that only existed for six months and only ever handled one adoption. Now if Lionel tries to blackmail you or expose the paperwork, he'll only end up proving that Metropolis United Charities was a fraud, and in effect, he'll reveal a piece of his own company to have been illegitimate, leaving him with a nice legal mess to clean up in the public spotlight."
Clark stared at Lex in speechless awe, and the joy and relief of the moment flooded his soul. "Lex, thank you for doing all this for me."
"What are friends for, Clark?" It was the only form of reciprocal gratitude that would have done this gesture any justice. No sooner did he say the words than start to walk away even though he had just arrived. Clark was perched on the edge of the velvet, disappointed to see Lex parting so quickly, but he stopped himself from chasing after him or protesting, because this was the typical visit Lex paid him, coming and going fluidly without much time for pleasantries. Then, unexpectedly Lex turned having gotten only a few steps down and he paused as if wrestling with a choice. He called across the loft to Clark. "What made you decide to finally tell me yesterday on the bridge?"
Wanting to narrow this loathsome distance, Clark rose and came to the edge of the stairs, peering down at Lex on the landing between floors. He made another decision, and it was that this was not the time to start lying or hiding all over, because he vowed he would never do that again. "I care about you, Lex, and I didn't want to lose you." He exhaled. It felt so great to finally be telling Lex the truth.
After mere seconds of silence, Lex climbed back up the flight of stairs, setting foot onto the floor of the loft again to come face to face with Clark. "I had to ask... because it was the only thing stopping me."
"From what?" Clark's naivete was now complete with a certificate of authenticity.
Lex's eyes drank Clark in, exuding warmth. He leaned forward, getting carried away by the natural current of the intimacy that was burgeoning between them, and his lips connected with Clark's, brushing against them with tentative motions. Clark reveled in the sensuous lips that grazed his, and the urge to seal the contact brought Clark's mouth to close over Lex's, new life being breathed into both of them with the gentle affection conveyed in their simple and innocent kiss. A few final nips to savor the sweetness of the moment, and Lex drew back, leaving Clark to glow with pleasure.
"Do you believe in love, Clark?" Lex reached out his hand to brush a few curls away from Clark's eyes. "In life and relationships without lies?" There was a subtext to that second part of the question. It was amendment stating that genuine love could not exist in any partial form. It was all or nothing, and that had been the theme of their meetings the last two days, so Lex applied it to this. They had both been through so much with others and now with one another that Lex had to be sure Clark meant to stand by his convictions and never let anything divide them so again.
Clark had heard all of that in Lex's questions. "Yeah, I do." His voice was undeniably breathless. It was each and every answer.
Lex grinned widely, turned away and descended the stairs again, pausing mid-step to regard the beautiful boy who was watching him leave. Clark stood in the middle of a shallow stream of light pouring in through the giant window behind him, and it appeared as if he was knee-deep in a river of sunshine. Seeing him there, smiling and oblivious to the love he brought to Lex's mundane and morbid existence gave Lex the most glorious hope. "I'll see you tomorrow, Clark?"
"Definitely." Without reluctance or doubt, Clark's enthusiasm rang like pure happiness.
Lie #5 - Jor-El, "Never set one of them above the rest; love all humanity instead."
By: Lexalot
Summary: Where do lies go when they die?
Pairing: Clark/Lex, Clark/Lionel tension implied
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own everything! ... Okay, so I lied ;)
Spoilers: Pilot, Red (vague), Lineage, Insurgence, Suspect (vague), Visitor, Exodus (vague)
Reference: Last line adapted from "Superman IV"
Beta: Much thanks to lolita luthor for the wonderful and speedy Beta!
Notes: Written [8/7/03] for ClexFest Wave 6; Title Challenge (drawn for Buffy).
Part of the ClexFest Wave VI at http://www.kardasi.com/Lexclusive/ClexFest/Wave-6/index.htm
***
Lie #1 - Martha Kent, "Sweetheart, we lost your birth certificate in a fire."
Clark stood in the loft staring out into the sunrise. He had not tasted a lick of sleep. The previous night had been full of memories, self-hating memories that tormented him, offering no consolation and promising extreme teenage depression. He had recalled the first time he asked to see his birth certificate. He had been seven, and while at Pete's house, Mrs. Ross pulled out an album for them to look at, an album full of things Clark would discover later the same evening that his mother did not possess for him. Pictures of Pete as a baby and a growing infant filled the pages with the drying glue, and there, as soon as the cover was opened, lay a white piece of paper with typed letters and scrawled signatures all over it. Pete had asked his mother what it was, and when she told them it was his birth certificate, Clark had made sure it was the first thing he said to his mom, and he inquired as to the whereabouts of his birth certificate.
It was the first lie he remembered, but certainly not the last. He couldn't blame them, so he blamed himself instead. They were only trying to protect him, after all, and his nature was not in their control. No, that was his own fault, his responsibility, and his cross to bear. He was not normal. Hell, he wasn't even human. He had been born somewhere in the universe distant from this planet, and he had no idea where that even was. When the ship crashed to Earth with him, he was eternally grateful that Jonathan and Martha Kent had been the ones to find him.
Clark choked back the overwhelming emotion rising in his throat, because there was just one thing he could not understand, no matter how he tried or how they explained it to him. Why hadn't they just told him the truth from the beginning? It would have been so nice, so much easier to have known from the start! It made him unspeakably angry, and his eyes squeezed shut, his fists clenching at his sides. He suppressed the ill-conceived urge to hate them for it.
He felt coddled, like they had never given him any real credit. They treated him like he was incapable of handling the reality and gravity of the situation. He loved them more than anything, but he couldn't fathom the fact that they had deluded him for most of his life. He was seventeen now, and next year he would celebrate a truly meaningless milestone when his eighteenth birthday brought the general recognition of adulthood with it. The idea that he had only discovered what they had hidden from him a few years ago made his mind reel with the hurt of the secrets they had kept from him, the intricate web of lies they had woven around him. The thought made him question them, doubt these people that he was supposed to trust more than anyone in the world because they called themselves his family, and yet they had deceived him worst of all. How wrong it seemed to deny someone their identity!
Of course, he had the luxury of judging them. His position was a very convenient one to assign guilt. It was a moot point, however, since anything that he placed upon them, he automatically displaced onto himself. Obviously, they would not have been forced into such a difficult position and had to put up such a pretense if it had not been for his own good, and the only reason such a thing ended up being necessary was because he was an alien.
An alien. His head swam with thoughts and feelings. Maybe it was some extraterrestrial chemical in his brain that made him react with such violent nausea to the concept, or maybe it was just his teenage hormones taking advantage of an opportunity bad enough to drown him in his own sorrow. He started to wonder about his biology and what odd changes the next year would bring, and the sickness turned to panic, but he still felt like he was going to throw up, repulsed by the idea of his being trapped in his own skin.
If only they had never lied to him, if only they had been open and honest about this very important information from the beginning, then he might have grown up thinking it was the most natural thing in the world! He could have hid with no qualms, lived without seeing himself as a freak. Nothing would have bothered him the way it did having the burden thrust upon him suddenly. The absolute worst part of it was that they did not come out and tell him. It had never been their choice to establish communication along those lines, as if he could have gone the rest of his existence without ever knowing or being told something this crucial to who he was. He would be mired in ignorant bliss if his powers had not developed, and he would still be none the wiser if Lex had not hit him with his car!
Lex. Irony crept up on people at times, but this was not gradual. It hit Clark like a train wreck. All his mental trauma and self-pity wasted on mendacity constructed around him while he remained blind to the same roadblock of lies he was building himself. The past couple years of lying and evading had made him better at reinforcing the wall his parents had put up around him. He was perpetuating the facade, and now shame really took hold of his conscience.
If there was anyone Clark wanted to know, wanted to talk to about all these things, it was Lex. His best friend was always denied answers to questions Clark realized he had every right to ask and have addressed. The flavor of hypocrisy in the back of Clark's throat was acidic and stung the self-righteous half of his ego. Clark should have told him from the very start, and he still wanted to, leading him to re-evaluate his parents' logic. Were they right to lead him astray for so long? Was it not towards a greater good, and was their purpose not served well? Shouldn't Clark follow their example, because it had kept him safe and... bitter?
When Clark glanced up, the sun had blossomed fully on the horizon and was born into the sky again.
Ambivalence filled his head, but a deep-seated impulse filled his heart. Descending the stairs on a determined course of action, he began running as he exited the barn, then made the swift transition to superspeed, graduating to a pace that shot ahead of his rationale. He didn't have the slightest clue what he would do when he got to his destination, but he knew he was headed for the mansion. He was tired of pretending, tired of guessing, tired of mistrusting and being mistrusted. He longed for something to be shared, and he was confident that Lex was the one with whom he wanted to share this. He fully believed that Lex deserved to be let in at long last, having earned his confidence.
The outcome of this endeavor seemed just as cryptic and hazy as the endeavor itself, but Clark could not stand to do this anymore. He realized that this was what had been tearing him apart all night, eating away at his soul. He felt that if they carried on this nonsense any more, their friendship would disintegrate, leaving them at an impasse, helpless to stop a rift from forming between them, and Clark did not want that to ever happen. Though, if Lex had an adverse reaction to this revelation or if Clark felt it out first and came to the conclusion that they were already beyond the point of reconciliation, that he was beyond any chance for redemption in Lex's eyes, he would retreat and let the inevitable take its toll.
One way or another, he was adamant that this issue would be resolved today.
* * *
Lie #2 - Lillian Luthor, "Your father is not a bad man, Alexander."
Lex was marching down the hall to his office. Having been informed that his father was in the castle on a surprise visit, Lex was incensed. The distinct scent of spying and violation trailed through the air, and this invasion was not going to be disregarded. When Lex was still a child, before his mother died and before the meteor shower, he had ventured into the boardroom at LuthorCorp, where his father was in the middle of a very intense game of cat and mouse with a so-called business associate who was really just a lackey who posed the threat of staging a coup. Lex had just wanted to see his father, and had burst unceremoniously in on this heated argument where his father was preoccupied with intimidation tactics. When Lex had run in, eager to greet his dad, he was met with a glare that was so full of both fire and ice at the same time that he froze in his tracks, and later he had been subjected to a lengthy lecture that harshly chastised him for his thoughtless actions. Meanwhile, all Lex could think was that he had only wanted to say hello to his dad because he was so happy to be at the corporate building and have the chance to see him at work.
It was the first truly unpleasant memory Lex had of Lionel, and his mother had done her best to shake the traumatizing experience from his impressionable mind, but it was too late. The damage had already started to accumulate, and it would pile on extra thick after the meteor shower. As grateful as his father claimed to be that Lex was alive and well, the next several years were spent taunting him and hardening him up inside. His father's cruel and constant remarks about the baldness he suffered incurably were relentless, and Lex's mother would always try to comfort him and assuage his misery and anxiety. No little boy should ever have to be so sad, she had repeated so often it nearly became her mantra. She always reassured him that his father was a good man at heart, and not to let the cold exterior fool or discourage him. Now Lex wondered if she had been talking about the same man he had watched destroy life after life without remorse or pity, and he was convinced his mother had never really known his father.
She had so desperately wanted him to be happy. She had wanted them to be a happy family. She had lied to him again and again and again in the interest of preserving the peace, perpetuating the illusion that everything was all right. It made her appear so much more the tragedian in his eyes, and it made him hold her with such reverence and warmth in his heart. At the same time, he wished she had been strong enough to leave Lionel when she had seen how viciously he could treat his own child, her own son.
Lex had it all worked out in his head. After his little brother Julian's death, his mother should have realized what an insensitive bastard his father could be. The infidelity and all his random indiscretions were not going to stop. Instead of following that path though, his mother stuck out the bad hand she had been dealt and went to her grave tolerating his company and enduring the indirect abuse. The worst thing was knowing that swallowing all that pressure had cut years off her already fading life. Her time was shortened that much more, her days further numbered due to this additional strain she bore during her illness, and it was that much worse a premature death when she finally succumbed.
Lex could not grasp why she had lied to both him and herself rather than plan their escape and leave this life and wretched existence behind them. He supposed it was because she wanted him to be taken care of, and as a mother, she made the greatest sacrifice for her boy. She had probably figured it would be better for him to be raised in this environment than living on the streets with her, as she would have invariably been shunned and Lionel's ruthless wrath would have been wielded against her wherever she went. With the cancer rampaging through her system, she would have left Lex alone in the world and on the streets.
Lex had pondered this scenario a million times, because he knew she must have mulled it over every minute of every day just by the way she seemed so unhappy all the time. At first, Lex had foolishly believed that had she done that, Lionel would have seen to it that Lex was not abandoned and survived, but Lex had woken up from that delusion. He realized what his mother had most likely known from the start, which was thaat Lionel would have moved on without so much as a second's consideration, and he would not need Lex for his heir, since he would inevitably sire another. Still, Lex wished she had fled with him rather than try to persuade him that Lionel was not intentionally malicious towards him. He would rather be poor and alone than have to be fed the lies that were so transparent.
All these things poured fuel on a burning pyre. It always raged in him when Lionel was involved, when he was around playing the role of father dearest with the most insincere of masks. This morbid reminiscing was not helping his agitated state of mind, but that was nothing compared to the internalized anger he felt when he turned the corner and saw that Lionel had cornered Clark just outside his office door.
"Dad!" Lex called, purposely being obnoxious and intrusive, seeking to liberate Clark from his father's insidious clutches.
"Lex." Lionel turned in his unflinching nonchalance, resuming the ridiculous farce of their father-son relationship. "I was just having a chat with your friend Clark Kent here." That devilish smile spread across Lionel's lips and one of his hands remained planted firmly on Clark's shoulder.
Lex nodded graciously, noticing Clark's eyes fixing on him for assistance and support. "Really?" Clark had the look of captured prey, wounded and bleeding, anticipating the first bite. His father's mock pretense of this being anything simple or benign was absurd. "Be careful, Dad. Your claws are showing."
Catching the insinuation, Lionel released Clark from his grip and Clark immediately stepped away. "I was just making polite conversation, Lex."
"I can imagine." Lex's tone was tempered, full of the esteem and thinly veiled skepticism with which he approached any antagonistic figure.
"I'll only be here until this afternoon. I'm in town on business regarding the caves, since they are now entrusted to my care." The arrogance that radiated off his father was stifling. Lionel had quite obviously meant for Lex to mentally choke on his mention of this lost and precious property. After all, Lionel flaunted the transfer of his son's ownership of the caves to him constantly and with great zeal. "I really must be going now, but do say hello to your mother for me, Clark." That cleverly devised mental strangulation had been intended for the young man and his son alike.
As Lionel parted company from them with his complacency swathed about him, Lex watched him until he disappeared out of sight, and then quickly shifted to the shaken boy at his side. Usually, losing his worries and troubles in Clark and their visits grounded him, their time together rooting him somewhere that his happiness had room to grow and nourishment to thrive. Now, however, Clark seemed truly rattled and apparently, Lionel had hit a very significant nerve, because Lex had never seen Clark so visibly upset. "Clark, are you okay?"
"No, Lex, I'm not." He poured his faith out into those words and offered it to Lex with his eyes. "I need to talk to you."
"Sure, Clark." Clark had come out of need talk to him, so needless to say, Lex was intrigued. "What about?"
Clark didn't hesitate a single second, the desire to reach out compelling him to do so without the typical exception he took to such disclosure. "Lex, I..."
"Wait, not here." Lex could not let any important conversations that would require confidentiality take place within earshot of his father, his skulking minions or his tiny, hidden hi-tech monitoring devices that were always potentially eavesdropping. "Come on, let's go for a drive."
Clark nodded quickly in agreement, relieved that Lex had presented this option. "Where?"
Lex started down the hall, taking the opposite route his father had gone, and Clark followed close behind. "Anywhere that's someplace else."
When they entered the garage, they rushed into the Porsche and sped from the property into the noon horizon.
* * *
Lie #3 - Jonathan Kent, "Son, you cannot trust a Luthor."
When Lex had prompted Clark to suggest a spot where they could talk privately without fear of being disrupted or hassled by third party curiosities, the obvious choice had been the bridge. That was where it all started, where Lex had crashed into Clark and gone over the side into the river. When Lex heard Clark request that venue for this discussion, his eyes flared a little, wide with surprise and fascination. That spark frightened Clark a bit. Lex was already predicting what he wanted to tell him based solely on his choice of location, and though Clark had yet to actually reveal anything, he was becoming torn about giving away his secret. It wasn't that he did not want to tell Lex, but he had been so bottled up about this topic that it seemed so hard to part with the habit of lying and avoiding and hiding. He felt like he was giving up a piece of himself. While he was shedding a burden, he was also depositing it into someone else's hands.
As they pulled up to the bridge, Clark took a weighty breath in and expelled it with erratic measure. His nerves were skating on a surface that not only did he know was going to break, but he intended to hammer the nail into it that would make it crack. Then, he would fall through and be swimming in the arctic waters, and it would be up to Lex to save him. He couldn't help but think how the analogy and the setting were complementary in such an ironic sense with the scope of the leap forward he was about to take. He only hoped embarking upon this path where destinies had once collided would now bring them in line, side by side, going with each other this time rather than against. Still divided by conflict, which he had been trying to overcome since it hit him less than twenty-four hours ago, he idly wondered how he was even going to begin because the moment was coming upon him.
Lex parked the car on the grass, just shy of the being on the bridge so that it was out of the way, and his eyes appealed to Clark for the next move. Clark grew self-conscious under Lex's stare, which looked so congenial and inviting but felt like scrutiny. Without uttering a word, he scrambled to open the door and exited the vehicle, and by the click and slam and footfalls, he knew Lex was following his lead without having to turn around and face him to check.
Suddenly and most inconveniently at a complete loss for what to do or say, Clark was embarrassed by having dragged Lex all the way out here into the middle of nowhere to have a talk he could not even initiate. The whole ordeal seemed to take on a useless and pointless nature, and Clark was crestfallen, because he genuinely felt all the courage he had mustered draining from him. He leaned over the guardrail, looking out onto the water with a forlorn expression etched into his pretty features.
"This is a familiar sight," Lex said as he mimicked Clark's position, arms folded across the metal bar, leaning in and peering into the vast space ahead. "I think this is exactly how you were standing when I first saw you." Just like Lex to not miss a thing, never neglecting a clue.
Clark knew what Lex had really said, and his tone was encumbered by that knowledge. "You mean when you hit me with your car." He had spoken the words with such a deep yet soft timbre, a subtle accusation that was meant to be more of a begrudging admission.
"Is that what I mean, Clark?" There was that annoying tinge of superiority and sharpness to Lex's reaction, but the real message was his plea for Clark to tell him what he should mean if not that.
They fell quiet and Lex started to lower his defenses, likely feeling how difficult this was for Clark already. Clark recognized the implications of his visits to Lex's becoming infrequent and even rare these days, and he was certain Lex was feeling the impact and realizing in this moment why Clark had made himself so scarce around the mansion. There was distance growing and Lex did not want to divide the gap between them further, so he relented. However, that didn't quell Clark's escalating fears, and Lex seemed to instantly regret resuming his aggressive pursuit of the matter.
"I'm sorry." Clark began apologizing for something that he felt was impossible to do now or anytime in the future. "I... don't think... I shouldn't have..."
Clark stumbled over the sentiments welling up inside, threatening to drown him in panic and in the perceived absurdity of trying to get this out into the open with Lex. He wanted to confess, because he felt like he had committed a grievous sin against a loved one whom he held very dear in his life, and he did not want to abandon this attempt at reconciliation, but healing the wounds of this friendship was beginning to seem impossible. Lex, who was only hearing negative, looked like he was being ripped apart by this indecision, like Clark's presence in his life was what he valued, and though he would have preferred this not to be of any relevance, it just made him feel alienated from the one person who meant more than he could articulate.
When Clark met his eyes for a fleeting second, he could tell Lex knew this was the moment that would make or break their relationship. It had gained such a pivotal meaning because they seemed to be stuck behind the walls of lies that they and their parents and lives had built around them, and if those barriers weren't torn down now, they'd never be breached.
Several minutes of chilling silence passed. Then, Clark started the broken rambling again. "We should... probably..."
Lex cut him off, chiming in abruptly and purposefully. "It doesn't matter. Okay?" Clark was stunned by the vulnerable look he received from Lex and the fragility of his voice. He understood therein that this was the hardest thing Lex had ever had to say, had ever decided to let go and put away, because meanwhile, he carried all the rest of his anguish and sorrow and bitterness with him. "I just don't want it to be there anymore. I'm tired of it being between us, and if you can't tell me whatever it is for some reason, then I can't afford to make it an issue." The words astounded them both. "I'll take you however I can get you, Clark."
A smile flickered on Clark's face and a comfortable air swelled to envelop them. Clark's grin dimmed, and he asked, "What if I want to tell you?"
Lex laughed in spite of himself, then his thoughts drifted away from the question and larger issues at hand, venturing into the grander scheme of things, and he was amused when he happened upon a truth he felt it necessary to impart that bore all the relevance and worth in the world. "You know, you're the only real friend I've ever had." He paused in the wake of his sentimentality. "You can trust me, Clark."
"I know." He knew on both accounts, and a full smile dawned on his lips, lingering only seconds before the strength to do this returned to him.
A sliver of time elapsed, and they both took to staring into the afternoon horizon, listening to the rustling of leaves and the flow of the current.
"Do you remember when you told me about your theory--that the meteor shower would have been the perfect cover for an alien spacecraft to land on Earth?" Clark held his breath in his chest, anticipating Lex's confirmation.
"Yeah." Part of his reply rang with peaked curiosity. Lex simply held Clark's eye contact and waited.
"Well, that's what happened." His perseverance faltered before gaining the momentum to continue. "I know, because... it was me. I was in the ship."
Oddly enough, Lex did not behave like this was something so unexpected or far-fetched. His spirits even appeared to improve in his dumbstruck state. He barely budged, blinking excessively like he might awaken from a dream and grinning like this was the ultimate height of enlightenment. In his reverie, Lex was frozen, entranced by truths he didn't ever expect to witness in this universe, and all he could do was gape at this perfect boy in wonderment. This left Clark in a confusion that was rapidly bordering on the detestable side of dread.
Clark had to fill the empty space, so he pushed onward. "My ship crashed with the meteor rocks that day, and my parents found me in the field. They set up an adoption record so they could keep me, and I've been here with them ever since. But I don't remember anything before that. I'm only just starting to find anything out about where I'm from. It's actually pretty frightening." This wasn't frightening though. It was absolutely terrifying. Words started spilling out of his mouth as if he had kept them contained for so long that the secrets were just gushing out, forced by the pressure that had built up inside. He was trying to sound as casual as possible, but there was plenty of tension to litter his voice with its telltale signs. "I didn't even know about it myself for the longest time. My parents kept it a secret from me, lying to me my whole life until the day you hit me with your car and I saved you. I knew I was fast and strong, but I had never imagined I was practically invincible. Until then, I had pretty much just assumed that I was mutated in the meteor shower like I heard others had been." He unwittingly glanced over at Lex again when he said that, then it occurred to him that was awfully impolite and inadvertently stupid of him to remind Lex of how he was different and how it came to be that way. He needed a little levity. "I guess that's what you thought I was too, huh?" He tried to crack a smile again, but it wouldn't come.
Nothing came from Lex's end either. He just appeared to be listening intently, hanging on Clark's every word, and Clark didn't know how to interpret that.
"Right after that, after they finally told me the truth about who I was, my abilities started cropping up. They've developed so much over the last few years, and I've found out a lot about them and myself." He was still trying to act like this was such a light-hearted subject, because he worried that if the reality of what he was divulging had the chance to sink in, he would want to retreat, but he was on a permanent course forward now and couldn't turn back. "Like my vision--I can see through just about anything and I can create heat for fire, but as x-ray goes, I can't see through lead for some reason." Promptly, he feared he had given too much away by revealing a chink in his armor, but then he glanced back at Lex, seeing eyes the color of pale ice and steel turn as warm and tender as he had ever seen them. "The only thing capable of hurting me is Kryptonite... the meteor rocks." Clark did not feel so discomfited by the admission as he did by the name he had accidentally used to refer to the meteor rocks out of habit. It made him squirm where he stood and he had seen Lex's eyes squint a little in confusion before he had corrected himself. Yet Lex seemed so serene as he basked in these revelations and the trust as it expanded more and more to include him. What irked Clark was that he had not even so much as gestured in acknowledgement of his full disclosure and the confidence it placed in him. "Lex, please say something. I feel like a freak enough already without you gawking at me like I'm one."
"Clark." Lex shook his head, disagreeing with Clark's downtrodden viewpoint. "Do you realize what a miracle you being here is?"
A very large grin spread across Clark's face, having heard all he needed to hear. He could hardly believe the thrill of being free with Lex now. They both leaned over the railing, shoulder to shoulder, Clark's eyes bouncing back and forth between Lex and the scenery while Lex's eyes remained squarely on Clark. The feeling was gratifying, exciting, liberating, and addictive, all at once. Clark could not get enough of this fulfilling emotion. It coursed through his veins with the greatest surge of adrenaline he had ever known. Even as Lex seemed to fall pensive and somber, Clark was overjoyed with the worst burden of them all out in the open between him and this man at his side. Lex had withstood the test of their friendship time and time again, trial after trial, and had waded through all the lies and secrets until Clark was ready to come to terms with his own reservations about letting him in where only a precious few were welcome. Soon though, Clark began to regard Lex's solemn state with a seriousness of his own. "Lex? What is it?" He was hoping the problem did not interfere in this new intimacy they shared.
"Clark, if my father were to find out about any of this..." Lex began to caution, obviously concerned for Clark's well being, but he was interrupted.
"Lex," Clark paused with deplorable emphasis, "he knows."
"Lionel knows?" Lex was aghast. The light of knowledge that had been cast on him turned black. "Is that why he confronted you back at the mansion?"
"Yes." His voice was riddled with shame and disgust. He felt horrible that the situation with Lionel had been allowed to get to such a boiling point. "At first, he was just hinting and trying to scare me, but lately, it's gotten bad. And then today, he said outright that he knew everything. He threatened me and my parents unless I did what he told me." Clark did not even want to think of the proposed details of that arrangement, much less illustrate the picture for Lex. Besides, he presumed Lex knew what that meant without him having to elaborate on the ugly specifics of trading alleged favors with Lionel Luthor.
Lex's mind was clearly reeling with all this new information. "Jesus, Clark! Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"I couldn't tell anyone, Lex. You don't know what it's like. I wanted to, I really wanted you to know, and I almost told you so many times..."
He understood somehow. "But it was complicated." Indeed, all of a sudden, Lex's struggle with everyday life seemed so trivial by comparison.
Clark nodded, feeling that much more validated now that he knew Lex was not only accepting of the truth but understanding of it as well.
"How the hell did my father find out?" It wasn't that Lex couldn't see him piecing it together, because Lex had come so close on so many occasions, and now that he knew, it seemed fairly obvious given the evidence he had gathered. He was very anxious to know how much of a real threat Lionel posed to Clark and his family and in what precise ways he posed such a menacing force. This way he could reckon with it and shield Clark from his father's malice.
"When he was blind," Clark watched Lex's fury mount before he could even finish his sentence, "he saw me using my abilities... more than once... and he saw the effect the refined meteor rocks he kept in his vault had on me." He watched as Lex flinched for the second time. Lex's eyes squeezed tightly shut, his jaw clenching at the repulsive notion of Lionel being so well equipped with knowledge in this battle already before he could even get in to take the required precautions and launch any methods of defense.
"That twisted son of a bitch!" Lex's condemnation of his own treacherous father echoed through the valley of trees and Lex clamped his hands around the railing. Clark stood by, unsure how to feel, prepared to blame himself for this too. "I knew he wouldn't have been keeping up the charade without sufficient reason!" Lex calmed and collected himself, and then his eyes met Clark's again with the most benevolent and sympathetic look in them. Clark could see straight into his soul, and he believed it was the first time Lex had ever laid it plain there for Clark to see. "I'm sorry that you're in this situation, Clark. But I'm going to help you get out of it. Working together, we can take him." Lex gave Clark his best smirk, not unlike one he had given him once before when he had declared that he could take Lionel on himself, only now he had someone to fight the good fight with him. "First things first. He doesn't have any proof, does he?"
Clark mulled it over for a minute. "I don't know about the times I used my abilities, but he was the one who arranged the papers for my adoption."
Lex headed back towards the car, and this time it was Clark who followed his lead. Lex's face was alive with the invigorating rush of determination and an underlying happiness and faith that Clark had never seen infuse Lex so. As if there was new hope in the daily struggle Lex fought with who he was and who his father wanted him to be, Lex carried himself with restored pride and refreshed optimism. "Before we do anything else, we need to take care of that. We fix it so that if he tries to use any documentation against you, he'll just wind up hammering nails in his own coffin."
"How do we do that?" Clark was enjoying this. There was no stress or angst raging inside him to make him uneasy. He didn't feel alone. He didn't feel afraid of who he was. He only felt a deep sense of peace with himself.
Lex slid into the driver's seat and Clark joined him in the car, fastening his seatbelt as Lex did the same. Lex put the key in the ignition and started the engine, casting one of his trademark mischievous grins that made him shine and he had not donned one of those in quite a long while as far as Clark could recall. He put on his sunglasses as he continued by first answering Clark's question. "I have an old roommate from boarding school in Gotham who owes me a favor."
As the Porsche raced down the windy road at sixty miles per hour, Lex plotted and Clark just sat breathing comfortably for perhaps the first time in his life.
* * *
Lie #4 - Lionel Luthor, "Love is an illusion, Lex."
Clark was lying on the couch, stretched out and relaxed, holding in front of him a novel they had to read for school. This was his big priority of the moment, and his only task that needed tending was his homework. The sun was setting outside and the rays in the sky outside cast tints of orange and reddish light all over the interior of the loft. He had never felt so carefree. His entire day had been spent in a daze, like he was still suffering the shock of sudden euphoria and freedom from so many obstacles that had stood in the way of so much he had wanted, like the feel of being normal. His parents had even questioned his extraordinarily good mood, and he had simply reassured them that everything was going to be a lot better from then on, leaving them puzzled but extremely happy to see him in such uplifted spirits.
Being brutally honest with himself, there was one thing he still felt he was missing, but that he figured would come in time. He had done so nicely with Lex yesterday and everything had gone unbelievably well, so he had no right to complain. He was just grateful for things turning out the way they had, and that it had all brought he and Lex so much closer together. It had left Clark wanting to tell Lex another secret. One that had never been tainted by the veil of lies, but remained a mystery, if for no other reason, because romantic feelings going untold and unrequited were Clark's area of expertise. He had handled similar circumstances with Lana while he meticulously kept her on the outside. Now that his fondness for her had fizzled, settling into something wholly platonic, he thought it would be that much easier to make the transition with Lex now that there were no longer any obstructions to their closeness.
Somewhere along the journey to this point, Clark had grown attached to Lex, treasuring the time he spent with him, and the epiphany as to why he was feeling so strongly towards him had finally come yesterday on the bridge. He had felt it stir familiar and wonderful in him when he had looked into Lex's eyes and seen the acceptance and caring there, open and honest, and everything that should come with that kind of passionate emotion. Though Clark was uncertain how Lex would react if he knew, Clark felt there was no hurry. Again, that was something he figured would come in its own time just as yesterday had.
For the first time, he was completely content and one part of his life made total sense, all the jaded and concealed aspects of his existence removed from that one glorious piece of his world. He saw that as a corner to which he could escape when he needed to take a break from things around him. He would not be alone there either, because Lex was that very corner of sanctuary. His Fortress of Solitude was no longer his singular outlet, his sole place to be when he needed to get away from his burdens of being, since he had Lex now. Lex was there for him, and in the future, maybe they could address Clark's desire to take that to the level where he now felt it belonged. He couldn't explain it, save to say that yesterday, it had simply felt right.
As if on cue, as his thoughts turned to Lex so powerfully as to distract him from his class reading, Clark heard footsteps climbing to the landing. When he glanced over, Lex was ascending the wooden stairs, dust rising as his black leather shoes kicked it up into the air. He immediately sat upright, and deserted the book on the cushion between his hip and the arm, leaving a seat in case Lex wanted to sit next to him. Lex approached him, slow and steady, a tranquil bliss on his face that mirrored the sheer delight on Clark's, but the added superlative essence of triumph was written all over Lex's expression. Upon reaching the couch, Lex just stood in front of Clark, smiling knowingly, brimming with self-satisfaction.
Lex handed a worn and crinkled white piece of paper to Clark. It was identical in appearance to the birth certificate that Pete's mom had shown them in the photo album that day when he was a small boy. "Burn the one my father gave you and replace it with this one. Bruce's father was a doctor so that fact will lend more credence to all this new documentation." Lex handed him a whole folder now, and Clark opened it to see several sheets stacked on top of one another, every page an incredible forgery and work of fiction. "It's much more subtle than some conspicuous charity that only existed for six months and only ever handled one adoption. Now if Lionel tries to blackmail you or expose the paperwork, he'll only end up proving that Metropolis United Charities was a fraud, and in effect, he'll reveal a piece of his own company to have been illegitimate, leaving him with a nice legal mess to clean up in the public spotlight."
Clark stared at Lex in speechless awe, and the joy and relief of the moment flooded his soul. "Lex, thank you for doing all this for me."
"What are friends for, Clark?" It was the only form of reciprocal gratitude that would have done this gesture any justice. No sooner did he say the words than start to walk away even though he had just arrived. Clark was perched on the edge of the velvet, disappointed to see Lex parting so quickly, but he stopped himself from chasing after him or protesting, because this was the typical visit Lex paid him, coming and going fluidly without much time for pleasantries. Then, unexpectedly Lex turned having gotten only a few steps down and he paused as if wrestling with a choice. He called across the loft to Clark. "What made you decide to finally tell me yesterday on the bridge?"
Wanting to narrow this loathsome distance, Clark rose and came to the edge of the stairs, peering down at Lex on the landing between floors. He made another decision, and it was that this was not the time to start lying or hiding all over, because he vowed he would never do that again. "I care about you, Lex, and I didn't want to lose you." He exhaled. It felt so great to finally be telling Lex the truth.
After mere seconds of silence, Lex climbed back up the flight of stairs, setting foot onto the floor of the loft again to come face to face with Clark. "I had to ask... because it was the only thing stopping me."
"From what?" Clark's naivete was now complete with a certificate of authenticity.
Lex's eyes drank Clark in, exuding warmth. He leaned forward, getting carried away by the natural current of the intimacy that was burgeoning between them, and his lips connected with Clark's, brushing against them with tentative motions. Clark reveled in the sensuous lips that grazed his, and the urge to seal the contact brought Clark's mouth to close over Lex's, new life being breathed into both of them with the gentle affection conveyed in their simple and innocent kiss. A few final nips to savor the sweetness of the moment, and Lex drew back, leaving Clark to glow with pleasure.
"Do you believe in love, Clark?" Lex reached out his hand to brush a few curls away from Clark's eyes. "In life and relationships without lies?" There was a subtext to that second part of the question. It was amendment stating that genuine love could not exist in any partial form. It was all or nothing, and that had been the theme of their meetings the last two days, so Lex applied it to this. They had both been through so much with others and now with one another that Lex had to be sure Clark meant to stand by his convictions and never let anything divide them so again.
Clark had heard all of that in Lex's questions. "Yeah, I do." His voice was undeniably breathless. It was each and every answer.
Lex grinned widely, turned away and descended the stairs again, pausing mid-step to regard the beautiful boy who was watching him leave. Clark stood in the middle of a shallow stream of light pouring in through the giant window behind him, and it appeared as if he was knee-deep in a river of sunshine. Seeing him there, smiling and oblivious to the love he brought to Lex's mundane and morbid existence gave Lex the most glorious hope. "I'll see you tomorrow, Clark?"
"Definitely." Without reluctance or doubt, Clark's enthusiasm rang like pure happiness.
Lie #5 - Jor-El, "Never set one of them above the rest; love all humanity instead."