Author's Notes: This is just a little one shot I wrote. Enjoy! I'll edit it later.
Disclaimer - Toph and Zuko don't belong to me. They belong to the creators of Avatar: The Last Airbender.
When I saw her again, she was twenty years old.
It was spring all around the palace, an aura of perfumed blossoms and soft pink petals surrounding the garden walls. She was sitting with her back to me on the marble bench, tossing bread crumbs to the koi in the mossy pond. This was her daily ritual since she arrived. I think it brought her peace, let her enjoy the tranquility and acceptance which had perforated the world around her, but had not yet reached her.
She heard my footsteps long before I even entered the veranda.
"Firelord Zuko. It has a nice autocratic ring, doesn't it?" She asked. "When I first met you, you were a bumbling young boy who couldn't keep his hot hands to himself."
To anyone else, it would be considered rude the way her laughter drifted in and out of the words like the ebb and flow of an indecisive tide. She didn't know whether to be glad to see me or revert to her teasing nature. I hadn't seen her since she was a young girl, only thirteen and snarling most of the time as she groped uncertainly through the first phase of adolescence.
But all of that had changed.
She had been thinking the very same thing.
"You know, a lot has changed. You're no longer that confused Zuko that I met all those years ago…" she said quietly. She shifted quietly in her seat, her long black hair glinting in the sun as her head turned to the side, as if to see me. But she could only feel me…my heartbeat racing, my shallow breathing.
She knew I was nervous. But why, she couldn't possibly know that…I had not told a soul since I had made my decision. Not even her.
"You've changed. You're so…different. Like a completely different person. You're strong and confident and you know what you want in life and you've brought hope to this scattered nation," she paused, her hand drifting to the empty place beside her on the marble bench. "And I know, if I could see you, I'd see how handsome you've become."
I came and sat down beside her, my hands tied behind my back as I attempted to retain control of myself, of my emotions. As I eased onto the bench, I released my clasped hands and took hers instead. My breath caught as I looked at her. Never had I seen a more beautiful woman and I knew that I may never become accustomed to her pale, fragile beauty, a stark contrast against her strength and spirit.
"What's wrong with you, hothead?" She gently teased. "Surely you're not nervous because of me. Another conference with the diplomats again? A pretty maid picking flowers for your breakfast table somewhere behind me?"
"No, Toph, nothing like that," I replied. "I've just been thinking lately. About my future."
"What's there to think about? Your future is set. You will rule this hand with a semi-iron fist and take a wife as soon as you get around to choosing one. She'll bear you about ten strapping young boys that will drive you crazy and then you'll wonder what you got yourself into. You'll die an old man in a peaceful world with a woman that loves you for who you are."
I felt the muscles around my mouth tauten. "What if I never choose a wife?"
"That's nonsense," Toph snorted, tossing another piece of bread to the koi. "You've already chosen her."
My heart tripped over itself in its panic. "How could you possibly know that? I never told a soul!" My eyes narrowed. "Tell me who told you! I'll have him in the stocks!"
"Relax, Zuko. No one has told me anything. I just…know. Woman's instinct and all that girly junk."
She looked up at me and by chance or fate, whichever seemed more practical, her sightless eyes locked with mine. It felt as if she could see right through me, penetrate skin and bone and blood to find my basest form. I was still the same, nothing had really changed about me. I only conformed to what wisdom age could bring. Underneath the formidable strength and the name of a Fire Nation ruler, I was still the same scared boy with a family that despised me, a banishment that kept me from my home.
It was strange that, though I imitated the rooted lifestyle of a ruler, I was just as much a nomad as she was. But mine was a spiritual wandering…I never came to terms with my losses, the betrayal, my sorrows. All were skin-deep or buried in shallow graves, where they rose in the dead of night and came to haunt my dreamless sleep. The palace was becoming more and more like a prison than an exquisite home for royalty, its intricate pillars and halls of stone echoing with the sound of ghost chains.
I wanted to escape, but I couldn't just leave.
But Toph seemed to understand that. She had no home to return to either.
"So, what's she like? I have the right to know, I'd say. I came all the way from the farthest-reaching forests of the Earth Kingdom to sit with you on this cold bench and feed your starving koi. I demand to know at least what she looks like. Is she beautiful?"
My eyes drifted over her thin, pale face and that familiar feeling came over me. Something like hunger, but stronger, more intense. Like starvation.
"Yes," I replied gently. "She's very beautiful. The most lovely girl I've ever seen."
"I'd expect nothing less from the Firelord. What's her personality like? You'd better hope she's no bore. Those shallow first-date giggles at all your stupid jokes are going to get old after a while."
"No, no. She's not like that at all," I said. "In fact, she's the one that makes me laugh. In her own…twisted way."
"A sense of humor is good. Nice feet?"
I smiled at her, wishing she could see it. "Only the best, of course."
"And what about her background. Is she of noble birth?"
"Certainly."
"Family is rich?"
"Yes, they are."
"You're so predictable Zuko." She snorted ,throwing the last piece of bread into the water. It ricocheted off the surface; she'd thrown it a little harder than was necessary.
For a moment, she was silent, but her ears were pricked, as if they detected something close by.
"Zuko, your heart is beating so fast…" She almost murmured the words, as if afraid to speak them. Her arm outstretched, breaching the gap between us and closing it with her hand resting uncertainly over my chest. My heart pounded even faster beneath her tiny palm.
"It's nothing," I shot back gruffly, tearing myself away from her hand. "Never mind it."
"Well, I'm no doctor or anything, but that's a whole lot of thumping for nothing!" She retorted, just as caustically.
"It's none of your business what I'm nervous about! You have no idea of the responsibilities that come with ruling an entire nation. How would you know anything about pressure? Your life is one happy day after another, roaming from city to city, not a care in the world!"
"You're right, I don't know," she spat icily. "All I know is that I came here to see you. But I can see I'm not wanted…so I'll just be on my way."
The air changed as she rose from her spot beside me. It seemed colder, more empty. Her footsteps were light against the springy new earth, the grass bowing beneath her gentle feet. I felt my fists constrict, the muscles tightening with the new surge of anger that coursed through me. How could I just let her go like that? After all this time, pining for her? Here was my chance and it was slipping through my fingers, like sieve through a sand.
She had almost reached the gate when I sprung from my seat.
"Toph! Wait!"
She turned to face me and await my presence before her, but I was already there. Struggling to breathe, both from exertion and from the trepidation that comes with any sort of confession, and probably blushing from the neck up just thinking about what she'd say. What she might say. What I might say. Every possibility, either good or bad, came to mind and all of the sudden my mind was whirling, leaving my mouth to do all the talking in its stead.
It wasn't doing a very good job.
"Look, Toph….it's...well I…I just…you know…you're a, uhm…well, girl, I think…and I'm…well, I'm a boy…so…obviously these things happen. It was out of my control, okay? It wasn't something I was planning on doing. I didn't just wake up and say, 'well! I think I'll do just that. That's a great idea!'. And…you know! Well, I know you know. You know everything, right?"
She stared at me blankly, blinking in that slow, calculated sort of motion as if to say…God, Zuko….you're such an idiot.
And I wouldn't have put it past her, either.
"Zuko, has the link that connects your brain to your mouth been cut in the last five minutes or are you just trying to make a confession?"
"The latter, I'm afraid," I replied, crossing my arms defiantly over my chest. I turned away from her, both embarrassed and incredibly frustrated by her presence, as if it were her fault that I was a bumbling fool. But her hand was there again, this time perching on my shoulder like some spirit of reason, and assuaged the anger.
She laughed softly, turning me to face her. "Try not to think too much when you talk, it distracts you, I think."
That's it. Don't talk! Actions do speak louder than words.
"Now, what was it you were trying to tell me, Zuko?"
No words. Just action. I tried to sweep gracefully forward to catch her, wrap my arms around her and kiss her, but ended up falling into her instead. She chuckled and yanked me by the jowls toward her, letting her hands wander down the slope of my jaw line.
"What are you doing?" I asked, beginning to shy away from her inquisitive hands.
"Shh," she whispered, her pale eyes trying to follow the path of her fingertips. "I'm memorizing your face. I've always wanted to know what you look like…now I can have a good picture in my head."
At first, I surrendered. It felt nice after all, being touched in such a kind, almost loving way. The pads of her fingers were soft, but held that rough quality to them that could only be described as insistent. Curious. She traced every line and curve…my mouth, my chin, the angles of my cheek bones and the curve of my left brow.
"What do you see?" I whispered, watching her in fascination.
"I see…a stubborn chin. Thoughtful eyes. A brooding brow, one of your less mysterious qualities…" She chuckled and I rolled my eyes.
Her fingers drifted toward my left eye. I recoiled from her, the shame welling up again like some old, festering wound. It would never go away; it was a mark I would bear for my entire life and I didn't want Toph to know anything about it.
"What is it Zuko?" She asked, tilting her head.
"Nothing," I said, a little too quickly to be believable. "It's nothing."
"You're lying. I can tell," she replied, sounding slightly insulted. "You were just going to kiss me, weren't you? Don't you at least have the courtesy to tell me what's going through that thick head of yours?"
She was right. As usual. She deserved to know of my mark of shame. I took her palm and pressed it against the scarred flesh.
Her expression transitioned into something like compassion. "Your father did this to you, didn't he?"
"Yes. A long time ago, when I was thirteen."
"Thank you, Zuko. I know it was hard for you to tell me about this. But you don't have to be angry anymore. It's done. All of it. You're free now. Don't you know that?"
"I'll never be completely free of him."
"That's nonsense. Quit being Mr. Raincloud and look on the brightside. The world is at peace. You have your friends that trust you now, that care about you for who you are. You have me, Zuko. I care for you very much."
I felt her breath graze my lips and her earthy scent filled me all the way up from my toes, clouding my head and dulling my senses. Her hands closed over my neck.
"Won't you kiss me, Zuko?" She whispered, tilting her head. Her eyes flickered unabashedly to my mouth.
I cleared me throat, trying to develop a strategy. Should I just dip in and take it fast? Or was slow more romantic?
I opted for the latter. But once I reached for her, cradled her small, heart-shaped face in my hands, she seemed to fall into me. Melted into my chest. Like she trusted me completely. I gently nuzzled her nose with mine and closed my eyes, pressing my lips to hers.
For a moment, I pulled away, resting my forehead against hers. "Won't you marry me, Toph?"
She only smiled in reply.