Capter 1

Hey mah name is LaDasha Essence Mercaydes Jackson (I got 2 middle nams) but my frendz sumtimes call me Saydeez like mercaydes. I got blak hair but I don lyk it so ay aksed my momma if I can getta weave cuz I dont want no nappy hair. So now i qot mah weave and I like my baby phat cuz i got swag lyk dat lls. O n dis is a tru story as tru az Tru JacksonVP u kno i aint lyin

1 time i went2 dis new skool 4 cool peepl n it wuz always rainin der cuz it wuz in wisskonsin or wateva da fuk dat town is ya kno. n wen i walkd in i saw dis cootie wit brown hair n he was coco lyk my choklate lmao rite n he was fine az shyt n he waz playin dat Waka Flocka Flame n sum Drake cuz he sexi 2 n he wuz lookin lyk a thuq wit his chainz n his pants wer lo cuz u kno i lyk dat lls. n he wuz starin at me but not in a crepy way lyk a intrested way but sweet lyk a niqqa in a club u kno lmap. so i petendid 2 drop sumtin n i flashd him w mah tomtomz so he wud b mor intrestid n he wuz lookin at dem so i smiled n i went away 2 b hard 2 git

Da next day he wuz wit his uda frendz n dey wer all queit n stuf cuz dey wer omfg dey wer vampirz i screemd cuz i waz scarred but dat guy waz still sexi az shyt lls

Da next day da guy tried 2 tak 2 me so i wuz lyk qet away niqqa u a vampir but he wuz lyk shut up ho i aint no vampir iiqht? cuz it wuz a secert n al but mah frend charDonay (but we cal her naynay) n she qot blond har streekin n all dat. So he wuz lyk bich u best not b tellin dat round da skool or mah vampir frendz qon b fukin witchu u qon see ur ride beat wit sumtin. n mah frend qon rap u cuz he thinks u sexi (wel she is lls but i iz mor)

N I sad don b tellin no1 bout dat naynay n she wuz lookin ovr at da vampir tabel 4 da guy who thinkz she sexi so dey cud hook up.

N she went 2 da tabel n said ay niq u don qotta rap me cuz u can get me on da phone wenever n dey wer swappin numbas n all dat 4 a booty cal lata.

den I was lyk so wat ur name mr mistury lls and he wuz lyk mah name iz DeVon Cullen

n he sad now who r u shawty wit da donk lmao

n i sad man u can b havin dis donk wen u wannit mah nams saydees 4 short

n den his eyes turnd dark blak cuz he qot al lustfuk (i lookd in a dickshunary 4 dat word lol)

n he sad den cumon huny bak 2 mah plaice n we went away wit his car dat wuz al ghetto fab n red n blak lyk him but not 2 dark lol just a coco

but den i saw dat mah legs wer al ashy n shyt n i wuz lyk fukk motha fukkah u got any loshun in ur car n he sad nah wait i qot sum mah pimp mama lef sum

n i wuz lyk oo sexi can i meet her sumtim n we can hav a party lol

den we qot der n he was takin of his baqqy pants n he had dese boxers on n he had a 6 pak n i was almost dyin but den i sad wait if u a vampir den wat is qon happen

n den he said wel u wil b turned in2 a vampir 2 cuz dats how it happenz

n i was shoked n al dat n i sad wel i thot u qotta bite me

but he wuz lyk naw u wil b from sex

n den i sad wel den us a comdum n he sad i don do dat shyt but he finaly did

den aftr he wuz lyk iiqht bitch get outta her i qot my ho comin soon n she don lyk no compiny

so i left cuz i understood n he had dem sexi vampir eyes.

Chaper 2

Lata i wuz at dis club wit mah homeo gurl Precious. we wuz just chillun n dancin sexi wit sum ganstaas but den der was dis bytch who was gettin in our grillz

She wuz lyk u bitchez think u own al dis u dont

N we wuz lyk we qot a privlege 2 be her bytch

n she went of on us n she wuz toastd so she spild sum liqid onprecious

n precious wuz lyk BYTCH U GOT BEER ON MAH WEEVE!

n she slappd her

den precious wuz in da mood 4 trubl so she sad saydeez hold mah hoops n she handid me dem earingz n she tok of her heelz.

den dis nice boi qot in bitween dem holdin preshus bak n da bytch wuz lyk wat u qon do bytch! im rite her! WAT U GON DO

n preshus spat at her n dey qot in a bytch fite

n i wuz cheerin 4 mah gurl but she wun fast cuz dat bytch wuz tipsy as shyt

anyway i saw out da corner mah eye dat DeVon wuz der by da bar lookin at me wit his black eyes

I went 2 him al lyke y u followin me

n he was lyke i qotta u r misteryus n im hungry frum not qettin dem hos 4 a wile cuz im a vampir he sad 2 me

n den i was lyk all rite den i dancd w him n he gave me hurpees.

den i went bak home

Chaper 3

I hadda go 2 da doccer cuz of mah hurpees but i didnt wanna cuz i don want no nasty old niqqa pokin down mah babymaka

den i ringged DeVon n i sad niqqa u fukin gave me da hurpees n he sad dats how u b a vampir u get da vampir hurpees den u r a pimpire (gedit lyk vampir pimpin)

den i wen of on him lyk big momma er madea er dat shyt i wuz lyk niqqa i told u not 2 be up in da club but u wuz al up on me lyk dat n u gav me da fukin vampir hurpees u fukin wite trash sun of da bytch

he sad wel now u can b my ho n im yo pimp n dat mad me feel a lil bettr n den he sang me a T-Pain song n i sayd aw dats sweet n vampirs can sing lyk jesus u kno dey r da shyt

n i sad u wanna meet me by da drug alley n we can go sumwer 2getha on a date lyk da club n he sad naw i cant go out in da sun cuz i get al shyni n al dat

n i sad dam sun y u shine lyk dat

n he sad i am a vampir i got da shine skin so we stayd insighd enstead at his house

wen i got der his famely wuz crazy. i was feelin lyk da house of payne or sumtin lyk dat. der was 2 much goin on der wuz his 1 bro his name wuz Willy D. n he was gay as shyt

He sad 2 me i lyk yo dress momma n i was lyk niq u a fukin queer u get yo fag self outta her

n i was disterbd 4 da nite cuz he probaly had lyk dese pics of lil wayne al up on his walz

I sad 2 DeVon i was lyk ur bro is a faggot wit his red har n al of dat n he sad yea i kno he lyks dem clodes 2 much

n den i took of his pants

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No ofans 2 da gays out der. deuces 2 dem cuz dey strait expeshaly da willys out der dey aint al queers lmao u like mah word i qot it frum dese guys frum englund (dats in lundon u crazy foo)

Chapper 4

So Naynay cums up 2 me 1 day n sais ay baby gurl u wil neva beeleve dis i took a prenant test n it sais i got a baby

I wuz dumfond (big wurd i kno lol) cuz she wuz on dem burth pils n eryting. who da daddy? i sad 2 her

i tink its Jamal Cullen cuz i did wit him last nite

i didnt kno wut 2 say esept wowww cuz she aint no ho it aint lyk she is wit a guy evry nite just on da weekens.

Den she sad Yea esept he sais he aint da daddy

I wuz lyk wat u qonna do den but den i had da perfet idea

u can qo on da maury sho n find out if he da dad er not

omfg u r lyk a fukin genus er sumtin she sad 2 me

u betta kno it bich. i sad

den we went on da show cuz she had her big bely n er'ythin

Jamal wadnt hapy cuz u kno he cant gqo in da lite er any of dat shyt but he wuz strait cuz he qot his hood n al dat

U fukin kno i aint da dad sad Jamal but naynay sad he fukin wuz n u cant argu wit dat cuz da moma knos besst

Mista mory wuz qettin da pattry test 4 us n he sad dat Jamal wadnt da dad of da chil

Den naynay went al crazi n shyt but i tol her dat mabey it wuz Malik er Devante er DeAndre er Damius (but she aint a slut cuz dey cam on2 her)

she thot abt it n sad mabey it wuz n she almos beet Jamal wit her belly but i mad her qo so she wudn start no fite

Chapper 5

Dis 1 day i wuz at mah house makin sum KoolAde but not da witey way da niqqa way u qotta put in 2 skoops. n da tv wuz on but i hadda change it cuz of dis wite ass boi on it n i lyk mah tost burnt i dont do no wite choclat only dat milk choclat u kno wat im sayin lls

N outta nower i qot dis creepi feelin dat sum1 wuz starin at me but der wuz no1 esept den i saw DeVon outsid mah house n i wuz lyk boi wat da fuk u doin out mah house

n he sad i cant help mahself cuz u r sumtin 2 me n im a vampir so dis week i wuz bein al cold witchu its cuz i wadnt qettin dem hos n also u dont qot da hurpees afta al

n he turnd on da radeo n ay bay bay wuz on n he wuz so qood dat i 4got abt mah KoolAde n u kno dats wuts up

n i wuz lyk aw dats sweet n i sad r u qon b reespeking da ladeys

n he sad yea i qot rispeck 4 dem

n i let him stay da nite at mah place u kno we aint playin lls

but b4 dat i wuz hungry so i qot mah KFC cuz dats da shyt

n den he wuz lookin at me lyk i wuz sum peece of meat but den i rememburd dat i wuz eatin da meat lmao

he sad 2 me he sad ay baby niq i think i luv u

n i wuz lyk woa dats 2 much

but he wuz lyk naw i messin witchu n den he qot al lusful agen

but neways u kno da rest lls n dats wats up

dat nite he wuz al lyk u kno u fine gurl

n i wuz lyk dam wel dey dont cal me qhetto prinsess 4 nutin lmao

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iiqht dam u niqqas dont qotta say it lyk dat u dont kno me lyk dat i can spel chapper anyway i wan 2 so fuk u u fukin hos i dont car if it qot a t in der

Chater 6

I wud wit mah home gurl naynay in da walmart n she stil had dat biq niq belli (lmaooo i crak mahself)

al out da blue she wuz screemin n i didnt kno wut 2 do cuz she wuz qoin al crazi lyk da exerciset ew sum shyt

she wuz lyk saydeez i tink im havin dat baby now

n i sad wat u wan me 2 do i aint no docker n dat was al nasti cuz she qot her baby juice al on da flor n she wuz lyk dam im staynin mah apple bottums

wel i had 2 step outsid 2 do da matur thing cuz she wuz nasti n i didn wanna be in da way of da chil cuz u dont wan no affection dat makes u sick n al dat

neways i came bak in wen dat thing wuz out her belli n it wuz reele ugly no wunder der r da bortins out der 2 qet rid da babyz cuz dey nasti

but naynay wuz lukin at it lyk it wuz prity er sumtin but it wuznt n i wuz lyk u been smokin dat weed agin?

she wuz lyk naw i aint been doin dat 4 a month 4 da sak of da babi cuz u aint suposd 2! Dam Saydeez dont u kno notin abt chilun?

n i was ofend cuz dat is hurtfull 2 me as a persun. n i wuz lyk wat u qon nam dat chil

n she sad wel i am thinkin dimond cuz i want her 2 b classey n fine

n dat wuz strait i aint qon argu wit dat.

Chater 7

So DeVon sas 2 me dat i aint safe cuz thes uda vampirs in da aria n i wuz scurred cuz dey qot da hurpees n dey bad ass motha fukas

but neways DeVon tol me dat da vampirs qot dese enimeys dat liv neer us n dey r da wite trash nerdz. He sad 2 me we need der help 2 fite da uda vampirs

n i wuz lyk dats triflin i dont wanna c no witeys

so we hadda meet dem n dey wuz al geeki n 1 wuz bringin shyt on

so we hadda keep dem in der plays. DeVon wuz lyk sayin 2 us J.J. Wow (Jacub) thinks he al dat he sas he dont wanna be anywer neer me! can u beleev dis? I qotta lissen 2 dis motha fukin geek ass boi who tinks he a star. Thinks he a star! I mad dis motha fuka!

i wuz lyk wel u qotta giv me da vampir hurpees so i wil b safe but he wuz lyk i wud nv do dat 2 mah huny

n den JJ Wow gav me da winky face n i wuz lyk dam he fine as shyt but i aint qonna say dat aroung DeVon cuz u keep dat shyt 2 urself dats da rule. u fuk sum1 n u keep it privit lls.

but neways we went 2 da harlem globtroturs gam n it wuz tite DeVon n his famely wer playin n he wuz lukin fine n swetty lyk a niqqa in da rain

n dey scord so i wuz lyk DEUCESSS! n DeVon did da jurk 4 me n he sad u is fine babi niq

but al out da bloo da uda vampirs cam n dey wuz jerkin n shyt n DeVons sistur Moniqu'a wuz lik HEEEELLLLLLL NO! n she start 2 brakedans

N i wuz scurred 4 my lyf but i new dat DeVon wud b my prutecter n dey wer havin a dans of 4 me cuz da uda vampir wanded 2 rap me

DeVon wuz jerkin n doin da stanky leg but da uders dey waz doin da soulja boi n dat wuz lame.

So wen DeVon n his famely start 2 dooqie den we new we wuz winnin

Wel we wun we poned dem vampirs n we didn even need dose uder witeys 2 help us.

O n abt JJ Wow he aint reele a witey he is kinda milk choclat cuz u kno i wudnt let sum wite ass boi wink at me lls

Chater 8

So qet dis even do we beet da vampirs da 1 guy stil b wannin 2 rap me so he wuz lyk callin me on da telafone sayin i hav yo niqqa frend n i cud hear her yellin n i wuz lyk NAYNAY U HOLD IT IM CUMIN n i hadda qet her cuz of da baby n al dat

so i told DeVon n he sad dont qo its dangerus but i hadda cuz of mah home gurl

So i ran 2 da place witout tellin DeVon n der was no1 der so i qot scurred but al out da bloo poppd dis vampir n he sad im qonna rap u now n i sad weres Naynay n he sad she wuz neva here i lyed

Den he sad im qonna rap u now n i wuz lyk no u aint but den i notisd he wudnt dat ugly so i wuz lyk iiqht niqqa but u best not b spreddin dis around cuz i aint no slut

n he sad shuddup n qet on da flor n i wuz lyk i sad iiqht u aint qotta yel

but den DeVon bustid in da door n i sad wait it aint wut it luks lyk

n DeVon sad i kno u is stupid niq n he punchd da vampir (his nam is Alehandro lyk da gaga song even do she is fukin qay as shyt)

n i wuz empressd n i sad dam u r a thuq