There's no place like home- Dan is struggling with the new relationships in his life and its not going to get any easier . He will be facing new challenges that will push him almost to the brink testing how much trust he has in his new found friends and relations.
Chapter one- home is where the heart isn't
It was hate, he could tell by all these little signs, the way his whole body would tense when he'd walk by, the look in his eyes and even a little shuffle with his feet. The others of course would tell him he was just imagining it, but he could also feel the hate rolling off him like a wave. It was awkward that he had to come into the stables almost every day and look at him. He felt like there was no escape.
Today was yet another day, he'd have to walk in head down and hope he'd get across the stables without being noticed. Around him the other Bobwhites were busily engaged. Slowly he shuffled across, hoping his almost stealth manner would mean he was invisible. He been good at this on the streets, fading into the background, not being noticed unless he wanted to be. Here it was different, he felt like a fish out of water, inept and bumbling, a shadow of his former self. He noticed Brian Belden lift his head and stare at him for a few minutes, he wondered if the fear showed on his face, he'd been good at not showing that once as well. Luckily after a few minutes Brian looked back towards his horse and did not comment. The end of his misery was in sight , in just a few more steps he'd be past the danger zone. The object of his terror was turned away, which made him think that this time he'd get past without incident.
Shuffle, shuffle, his feet felt heavy as onward he walked. Then just as he thought he was clear, the object of his misery moved. He'd had no reason to move, he was contented being at the centre of everyones attention. So maybe it was deliberate, though of course the others would say that was not true. In one quick movement he lashed out, trying to make it look accidental. Dan felt an arm grab around his arm and quickly drag him forward. He stood in safety now, trying hard not to let the shakes show. Any minute the sarcastic comment was going to come, sure enough, "for goodness sake Dan how many times do I have to tell you not to get that close to Jupiter", his uncle chastised. In his uncle 's mind it was he who was at fault and not his beloved horse.
Jupiter looked back at him and Dan could have sworn he smirked. How he loathed that creature, so beautiful to look at, yet with a mean streak that seemed to be totally focused upon him. Yes the object of his fear was the thing his uncle loved the most, how ironical and totally unfair. Why did his uncle have to work with horses. He'd had a few scary incidents with the creatures a few years ago and now wanted nothing to do with them. How on earth was he going to explain that to his horse loving uncle. He needed to feel connected to the man that was his only living relative and the horses would have made a perfect start. But he could not bring himself to feel excited over the creatures. There were some in the stables that he might almost like, they were more sweet natured and friendly. Yet every time he'd reach out a hand, he'd stop overcome with some emotion he could not understand.
"Are you alright Dan?" Brian was looking at him in concern again. The oldest Bobwhite wanted to be a doctor and was always looking out for others welfare."Yes", Dan lied in response. This time his mask was firmly in place, his face smooth and unconcerned. It must have worked because Brian nodded. "Of course he's alright", his uncle muttered, "all he needs to do is remember one little simple fact." It came out sounding frustrated and Dan could not help the wave of anger that rose up. Why did his uncle treat him so differently from the Bob whites, it was obvious he liked them. But Dan sensed he was ambivalent about his relationship with him. He did not fit in the same mold the Bob whites did and that confused his uncle. Dan made no comment, he was wise enough to know it would only lead to an argument. He simply walked away from his uncle to engage in the chores he was expected to undertake. It was of course the wrong thing to do. Bill Regan just thought Dan was being disrespectful and wanted to storm after him and give him a good talking to. He was stopped from doing that by Brian, who told him, "just leave him Regan, he's not ignoring you on purpose, it is the way he is".
For a moment Regan wanted to tell Brian Belden to mind his own business, he could deal with Dan how he wanted. But then wisdom told him that perhaps Brian understood Dan better than he did, as he was closer in age. He needed the wisdom of others desparately to help him get through taking on a troubled teenager. Memories of what had happened during what Trixie had dubbed the black jacket mystery still bothered him. He had jumped to the wrong conclusion far to quickly then, and basically told Dan he did not trust him. Perhaps his recent words were just cementing that fact even deeper. Bill sighed inwardly. It was just that he had told Dan about Jupiter so many times and he still seemed to do the wrong thing around the horse.
He watched Dan begin to work at cleaning out a stable, his head was down eyes focused on the hay and his whole body was tense. Bill could tell he was angry, yet he had not shouted or made a scene, Dan was better at holding in his feelings than he was. Around him the other Bob whites were busy saddling their horses. Soon he would be left alone with his nephew. Sudden fear assailed him, what was he going to say. While talking to the other Bob whites was easy, talking to Dan definitely was not.
Within a short space of time the others were riding out and leaving him alone in the stable. He had things he could do in his office, shut away from the world, but that would seem like he was ignoring Dan. So he had to make an effort, "I should not have lost my temper before Dan, you are still learning about horses", he started with that. It was said in an even calm tone. Dans head was still down, sweep, sweep went his broom. Dan heard the words and felt himself marginally relax, he too had feared being left here alone with his uncle. He really wanted to tell him that, no he should not have acted like he did, that he should understand and help him, but he did not. His mouth just did not want to open and say the words because then he'd have to continue and tell him everything. The was a reason he did not like horses, in particular black ones, but it was not something he could at this time share. That was because he did not think his uncle would understand.
So he kept on sweeping, "have you got everything you need", his uncle asked, a single word answer of yes was all he got, the questions continued . Is school going alright, "yes". Is everything alright with Mr Maypenny ", "yes", every answer was the same.
This was not a conversation, "you need to talk to Dan Bill, get to know him, Helen Belden had told him. Yeah well that was not as easy at it seemed. Now Bill did not know what else to say, so he retreated. "I am going to do some work in my office, come and get me if there is anything you need", he said and then he was gone. Dan finally looked up from his sweeping, he was now mercifully alone. Within all those silly questions his uncle had asked there had not been one that had wanted to know if he was alright. But then would he have told the truth, he doubted it. The awkwardness existed on both sides it seemed.
It occurred to him that he could if he wanted just leave now. Yeah and do what Dan,go back to living on the streets, to people who will use you, that would be such a great choice. His uncle had not asked him much about that life and Dan sensed that was because he feared the answers. Dan feared telling the story because it would unleash the emotion trapped within. He could feel it building right now, pressing on him like water trapped and waiting for flood gates to open.
Of course he could take up his uncles offer and go and tell him everything. Yet his feet did not move and he pressed the thoughts back down . The broom moved with more vigour as though it was sweeping away memories as well as dirt.
Xxxx
Out in the preserve Trixie pulled her horse to one side, she had not really been enjoying this ride as she felt like leaving Dan behind with his uncle had not been the right thing to do. "Will he be alright, with Regan, " she asked Brian worriedly. Brian was always the one who soothed his sister by being reassuring. Now though he did not think he could offer that reassurance. "Dan was definitely on edge, nervous and trying hard not to show anything", he offered. 'Yes that has not lessened over the last couple of days. It is as though he dreads seeing Regan", Jim chipped in. He could not understand that himself as he desperately wanted one living relative. "Dan is still settling in", Honey added, 'things must be different here to the life he had before", she was repeating what she had heard said by others. She had lived sheltered life and did not know anything about living on the streets.
"Yes, I think we need to be there for him bit more", Mart told them. "We want Regan to be there for him, don't we", Trixie asked. It was her mother who had made the suggestion that led to them leaving Dan with Regan today. He could have come with them, though not knowing how to ride would have made it awkward. Regan said he was going to teach Dan, but so far showed no signs of starting.
"Maybe if we help teach Dan about the horses it will be easier for him than with Regan", Di suggested.
"Yeah, we could help but they do still need to spend time together", Brian told them all. "Let's hope they are having a decent conversation now", Trixie remarked. Mart snorted a little, sounding like his mount for a moment. "Do you really think so, because if you do, then I don't think you know Dan that well", he replied. Trixie knew he was right, Dan found it hard enough to talk to them, being open with his uncle was something he simply would not do. "Well I hope they are not fighting", Di said softly.
That made everyone a little nervous as they knew that was possible. "Why don't we finish our ride and get back", Brian suggested.
They did that. Dan was still cleaning the stables when they arrived. He looked tired Brian noted. Everything in the stables was spotless, tidy, just how Regan liked it. The groom came out of his office, as they were caring for their horses. He did not need to tell them how to finish off after having a ride, it was drilled into their minds from the lectures they received . Dan helped too, though his movements seemed a little stiff. "When you finish up will you take Dan back to Maypenny's", Regan requested as he stopped to watch them for a while. Trixie was tempted to ask why he did not do that himself but knew the response she get. "Of course we will", Brian supplied politely on her behalf, he'd said it quickly before she could get anything else out.
Regan looked at Dan for a moment, "you did a good job with the stables", he told him with a smile, "I have work to do or else I would take you back myself". He thought it was a good little speech but Dan just stared blankly why Regan tried to figure out what he said that was so wrong. Dan thought he was just making excuses about work, as the comment had come after he had already asked the others to escort him home. He sighed inwardly, fitting in was a lot harder than it seemed. He turned back to the stable work remembering to keep a wide berth from Jupiter. This time the horse did not try to come closer. Maybe he could sense Dan's mood.
They had nearly finished with the horses when a flushed and obviously excited Mathew Wheeler came into the stable. "You'll never guess what happened", he said in a rush. Honey and Jim looked at each other and shrugged, this must be recent news because they had not heard anything this morning.
"What", it was Trixie who asked the question first. Thoughts of a new exciting holiday destination and maybe a mystery were going through her mind.
"I had a call from Mr Greer today, you would not know who he is , but he's a friend of one of my business associates. He is also interested in the equestrian world, in fact he owns Jupiters sister", Mr Wheeler told them. "So far nothing he had said sounded exciting. "Anyway he has entered her in a competition that will be happening after winter and suggested that I enter Jupe and the rest of the horses. "It is a big competition that is run every year, it's fairly high exposure with competitors from all over the States ." He smiled at the Bob whites, "you'll all be interested in the fact the competition raises money for charity".
"The news is I have accepted his offer", he turned to Regan. "Bill you can start training the Bob Whites on the skills they need before it gets any colder. Thankfully the competition is a few months away so they'll have time to practice. There's the usual events, dressage, jumping and cross country. They and the mounts will also be considered for prizes like best novice rider, best presented horse and things like that.' Matt Wheeler beamed, "it's a great opportunity to meet other people interested in horses".
Matt Wheeler was looking at the Bob whites faces so did not see the expression that passed Bill Regan's face just for a moment. Dan was looking at him and saw shock with a fair mix of dread. He knew his uncle felt indebted to the man who had given him a steady job and would not want to disappoint Mathew Wheeler by saying he did not have the skills needed to train the others to that level. May be this competition might be pushing him a little too far.
His uncle did not say anything though, it was obvious he was used to going along with what his boss wanted. Jim did speak up though, "if this competition is high level , then maybe our skills are not up to the standard Dad", he said. "Mr Wheeler, looked calm, unbothered by the comment. "There are a whole ranges of riders from beginners upward, so you needed be worried on that account. You can all….", he broke off as he looked at Dan, "almost all compete , he stated. Dan looked down, even if he started riding lessons tomorrow he would still not be a a stage where he could enter a competition in a couple of months. Plus he did not have mount and nobody was going to give him one, so once again he was going to be excluded. "You can help your uncle with all the preparation Dan", Matt Wheeler told in him a consoling voice, "it will be a very important job".
"He smiled at the Bob whites, I know you can do this", he told them all. "Regan start preparing them tomorrow. We do not have long until the weather prevents further practice". He looked outside at the small flurries of snow falling. It was not cold enough to bother the horses yet.
"Yes Mr Wheeler", Bill Regan replied. His tone was even showing none of the emotion he felt. He had become good with horses through learning from other people. While he was adept at being a groom and could handle the more local shows he knew little about more advanced competitions. There was bound to be a lot of preparation and training involved. He would be busy, too busy to teach Dan to ride. The timing of this was not great, why did he have the awful feeling this competition was going to bring a lot of problems and not only with the training.
Bill mumbled something at the Bob whites then retreated to his office again. "I guess we will take you back to Mr Maypenny Dan", Trixie told him. 'Yeah", Dan's replied was soft and quiet. He was thinking about his uncle's response to the competition. His feet automatically got moving while his mind was churning with worry. What if his Uncle could not train the Bob Whites effectively , would Mr Wheeler fire him and employ someone else. "Dan , are you alright", he heard a voice ask through the fog in his mind.
He had stumbled at little and Brian had reached out to support him. The older teen was now looking at him worriedly. His face was probably a little pale. He was conscious of the fact that as well as worry that ached into him, other parts of him throbbed with their own pain as his muscles adapted to working in the stables. Instead of lying Dan tried going with part of the truth, "I am a little tired".
Brian looked at him suspiciously , to his eyes Dan looked more than tired. He did not try to argue with his friend , knowing that Dan would just go into stubborn mode. So he settled for walking close and watching him.
Dan was so tired he could barely walk and had to devote all his remaining energy on putting one foot in front of the other on the walk back to Maypenny's.
The old woodsman was out the front of his Cottage when they arrived. He smiled at the Bob Whites. "I thought it was nearly time for Danny to come back", he told them. He looked over at the face of his boarder and in one minute had evaluated his state. "Why don't you go in Dan and freshen up a little, I will be in shortly", he told him.
Dan went inside without even saying goodbye to the Bob Whites. Trixie waited until he was gone before speaking her mind. "I think he is upset", Trixie told Henry Maypenny, "Mr Wheeler has entered us and the horses into some big competition and now Regan will have to spent time with us instead of with Dan". Henry Maypenny sighed, "that will certainly make things more difficult for Dan". He smiled at them and shared little bit of knowledge on Dan's welfare, "He really needs friends like you at the moment as he is having a few issues adjusting". "He does seem really tired", Brian remarked worriedly, "I almost thought he was just going to collapse". "It does take awhile to get used to working the way he has to now", Henry told him, "I am going slowly with work expectations here, so he can ease into things, I don't think Bill thinks that is the best way though. He's more of a just load on all the work he can handle type." Don't worry I will watch out for Dan", Henry told them. "Thank you Mr Maypenny", Jim responded. "Perhaps I will talk to Dad also, see if he will consider delaying our involvement in this competition for another year". "Then perhaps Dan might be able to join us." Jim did not see why his adopted father would not consider this move.
"Thank you", Mr Maypenny responded warmly. He then bid them all a good evening and watched as the rode away. Going inside his cabin he found Dan slumped in a chair. "It does not sound like you day went all that well", he stated tentatively. "No", Dan replied tiredly," it is as though everything is conspiring to keep me and my uncle apart." Henry patted his shoulder. "You have some great friends in the Bob Whtes Dan, they will help you with your uncle." Henry saw Dan nod slowly. He looked like he could fall asleep in the chair, though Dan was fighting off the feeling. Dan would not tell his uncle or his new found friends why he was so tired. He was used to sleeping during the day and being awake at the evenings to undertake work for the gang. During the day a teen alone on the streets would get noticed, and a group of them dressed in black leather would definitely attract the wrong type of attention. So they restricted their activites to the night time.
"Yeah and that's when you broke the law", Dan told himself. That was why he could not tell the others why he was so tired. All he could do was try to adapt. But when he tried to get to sleep in his nice comfortable bed he just found his mind churning with worry.
He was fighting hard to try and fit in, to not go back to the Dan that was a thief and a liar. Sometimes it just seemed too difficult. It would be easy to reach out to what was left of the cowhands, to go back. He certainly had the skills they needed. The reaction of anyone here to that would not be a good one. So he vowed to keep on fighting and hope that his uncles work on the equestrian competition did not drive them further apart.