Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters mentioned, they are property of Seven. I'm just playing with them for a bit.
Saving Grace is a series of one shots that follow on from one another, depicting the lives of Matilda Hunter and Lucas Holden.
Full Summary: Matilda Hunter is forced to live a life she hates. And loves. Stuck between life and death, she hovers, waiting for someone to come and save her. Waiting for that one moment that will change her life. Lucas Holden has been forgotten for most of his life... for alcohol, for the endless stream of men his mother would bring home. He's told he's special, but he refuses to believe them. What will happen when serendipity takes hold of their lives, and a series of random events lead to one ultimate mistake?
Rated M for drug & alcohol abuse, sexual situations and suicidal thoughts. You have been warned. Do not read further if you are uncomfortable with these things.
Saving Grace
Chapter One: Rumours
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But I can tell that you're watching me
And you're probably gonna write what you didn't see
Well I just need a little space to breathe
Can you please respect my privacy
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They stare at me as I walk down the hallways, fingering the silver cross that hangs low into my cleavage, mixed with the beaded necklaces that are wrapped around my neck, noose style, and eventually join the cross in between my breasts, drawing all eyes to my chest. My face doesn't even stand a chance. I pull my jumper closer around me, craving to put the hood over my head, to cover myself from their harsh, judgmental eyes. The eyes that bore into my soul, and tell me what I already know. I am not one of them. I am not good enough for them.
Fools, I scoff in my mind. They know nothing of me.
I had my first kiss one cold night, when the rain would not stop. I lost my virginity that night too. At the tender age of twelve. I remember staring out the window, watching the droplets of water slide down the dark windowpane. I remember thinking, if only they were real silver, because then they could slice my throat.
That night, all traces of innocence were wiped from my face. And what remained, was an empty eyed girl, left to struggle with the living, left wanting to be dead.
That loss of innocence can never be replaced. Not when a timid twelve-year-old is introduced into a world of fear and oppression. And escape. I'm wild, and untamed. Have been ever since the first time they said, "Here, have a drag of this" and I felt things I never expected to be able to duplicate. I felt numb.
I'm a loose cannon, I'm a time bomb, ticking slowly away, waiting to explode. Waiting for the right trigger. And be sure of it, one day it will come.
Shrill bells sound around me, and there's an instant movement to get to class. Losers', I think to myself, get a life, do something other than be the perfect little kids Mummy and Daddy and all their money, raised you to be. Grow a backbone; stand up for your rights. Believe in something other than the strict rules you've been raised on.
"Hey" a girl says as I pass her in the corridor, and I find myself drowning in the mock sweetness and kindness that's taken over her voice. "You in for Friday night?"
"Yeah." A guy says from next to her, pulling the girl closer to him and snuggling into her "There are plenty of guys coming who are into your thing."
Sighing, I slam the locker next to me and walk away, ignoring the glares coming from everyone around me. Don't they know their thoughts are no longer a secret to me? They think I wag every class to get high in the toilets. The teachers all pretend as if I have a future, but really, they know I don't. That the only reason I'm passing is because I'm sleeping with the young, hot principle anyway.
Not that I'd have a problem with using my body for gain, because most believe I sleep with any male who passes within my sight. Depends on how drunk or high I am, I think to myself as I pull up a chair in the back corner and throw my books down, causing everyone to turn and stare at me.
The center of attention once more. All eyes have always to be on me. That's what they all think, as the roll their eyes or glare before turning around to happily face the perky teacher who just walked in.
That's what 'they' say anyway. That's what they whisper as I walk by them in the hallways, as I get changed next to them in P.E, as I sat behind them in class, drawing scenes depicting their deaths.
And mine.
Maybe they were right. Maybe I was waiting to be cut loose from the ball and chain I had been tied to for all these years. Maybe I was waiting for them to stop putting words, actions, even emotions, in my mouth. Maybe I was waiting for freedom.
Maybe I was enjoying my life way too much to slow down.
Maybe I didn't want life to pass me by without ever really feeling, ever really knowing, ever really living.
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Why can't you just let me
Do the things I wanna do
I just wanna be me
I don't understand why
Would you wanna bring me down
I'm only having fun
I'm going live my life (not the way you want me to)
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"Matilda" A strained voice says from the front of the classroom, "Any thoughts?"
Suicide, I think to myself. Death. Freedom.
Instead, I mutely sit there and shake my head, fingering the freshly formed scars that flow down my wrists.
Pain is my only friend. And even death is a better option than staying in this hellhole, I think to myself, as I pull out my book and begin drawing a scene portraying a world in chaos, a world where hell reigns supreme. Where there are no more little white gloves, where there are no stupid mistakes. Where we can all be ourselves.
Where the devil takes my hands, and puts me on a pedestal, for all eyes to see. When the world bows down at my feet, and I finally can get what I truly deserve.
A painless existence.
It's then when I catch him looking at me. Sitting in the other corner, his eyes look half closed, but I feel them on my face, watching my every move. His dyed black hair is fading, giving way to his sandy blonde lock he's tried to unsuccessfully hide.
His piercing blue eyes searching my soul for something that I know he won't find.
He smiles a little when I meet his eyes.
Apparently it looks as if he's found it, whatever he was searching for. At least, that's what he thinks. But he couldn't ever find anything within me. I'm a labyrinth of complex destruction, waiting in an abyss of darkness to be swallowed by the sinister thoughts that devour me.
Fool. You know nothing about me. So don't bother.
I turn away and refuse to meet his eyes for the rest of the lesson. No one will ever be allowed to be close to me. No one can ever be allowed to let me feel anything but the numbness I crave so much.
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I'm tired of rumors starting
I'm sick of being followed
I'm tired of people lying
Saying what they want about me
Why can't they back up off me
Why can't they let me live
I'm gonna do it my way
Take this for just what it is
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sex… drugs…. alcohol… anger… frustration…. fear…
These are what I crave. What I need to live.
The answer to all my prayers, the manner of all my sins. Temptation held it's sway over my a long time ago, when I was but a naïve child. Now I'm more grown than anyone knows. They didn't understand who I was, and they don't understand who I've become.
I am alive. I am dead. I am tainted.
But what else would you expect from a Private School girl?
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AN: And thus, it begins. Vastly different to any story I've ever written. If you hate it, don't review. Simple as that. I don't want any haters for this story, because its helping me vent at this moment in time. Reviews for those that do like it are always welcome. Thanks for checking it out.