Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Stephenie Meyer, the creator of Twilight.
Chapter 1
JPOV
Sometimes I wondered if fate was against me. It certainly felt that way ninety nine percent of the time.
What had I ever done to piss off the big guy upstairs? My mom was gone, my sisters moved away as soon as they could, my father was in a wheelchair due to his diabetes, I lost the girl I loved to a bloodsucker...didn't I deserve a little bit of slack, understanding, hell even a break?
Oh, stop your whining, Black.
Screw you, Leah. Mind your own damn business.
That sounds like a good idea. Just think how it would piss them off.
I internally rolled my eyes. Yeah, no. I'd like to keep my dick, thank you very much.
She snorted. Why? You afraid they'll rip it off once they find out?
Nah, I wouldn't even make it that far.
Then what are you afraid of?
Honestly? The nasty beast that would bite my dick off once I was inside. I imagined gnashing teeth in that area, chomping away as I got closer and closer.
Fuck you, Black. You'll never get anywhere near this.
And that's a bad thing?
Sam didn't seem to mind it so much when he was hitting it. She imagined Sam with her, rolling around in the bed, making her scream his name and then to be an uber bitch, she imagined her face being replaced with hers. His hands were in her curls, he was staring into her eyes, gripping her hands, their fingers intertwined. In her sweet voice, she told Sam that she loved him, whimpering as she begged him for more.
Cut it out! God, you can be such a heartless bitch when you want to be.
She chuckled bitterly. Then shut your face and don't act like I'm that bad. You know I'm not.
I rolled my eyes again. Sure, sure. In all seriousness, though, doesn't it bother you to even imagine something like that?
Of course not, Cupcake. To me, it's all sunshine and rainbows. I love thinking about shit like that.
I sighed. Can you cut the sarcasm and stop being a bitch for just one minute? Seriously, Lee, how can you be okay with this? I know you're not okay but at the same time, it doesn't seem to destroy you. Not the way it's destroying me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize we would be wallowing in your misery and self-pity today. Hang on and let me get my violin out. Maybe some tissues, too. Poor Jacob.
Fuck off, Leah! Screw this. I don't fucking need this. I started to lope back towards the house.
Yes, it does bother me.
I didn't respond. I was still pissed.
Oh, chill out, Black. Stop with the fucking dramatics. Yeah, it bothers me. Alright? But, you forget, I've been through this shit once before. I've already lost Sam and I know I'm never getting him back, no matter who he's with.
Yeah, but...doesn't it just fucking kill you that he didn't come rushing back to you once Emily left?
You mean the way she didn't rush back to you when you came back?
I sighed sadly. Yeah. I mean, we're supposed to be together and yet she chose him. I don't get it. This is the second time for me, too. I don't understand what the fuck is so wrong with me that even my own imprint doesn't want me.
Alright, first off, stop with the fucking pity party. Seriously. It's useless and it's pissing me right the fuck off. Secondly, maybe this is actually a good thing. Did you ever think of it like that?
I snorted. How the hell is my imprint sleeping with my old Alpha a good thing?
This time, she was the one who rolled her eyes. Not that, you idiot. I mean you. You never wanted to imprint, right? You saw it as a loss of free will and all that crap?
Yeah, so? I still imprinted.
Wow, you are thick as a brick sometimes, Black. And as ugly as one, too. I mean, yikes. She ignored my amused snort. Look, you involuntarily did something you never wanted to do on the first place, on the worst possible candidate.
The deep growl that emanated from deep within my chest surprised me though it shouldn't have. It certainly didn't surprise Leah. Shit. Sorry.
Whatever. I'm used to it. It's not like I was thinking all that kindly of Emily all the time I was in Sam's pack. Anyway, my point is, maybe this is good, for you. Think about it. She's chosen to be with Sam. Now you can choose who you want to be with. You've got your free will back.
Yeah, but I'm always gonna love her more than any other girl I could ever be with. I'll never feel whole without her.
I don't believe that.
Really? So, you're telling me that you feel whole even though Sam's with someone else?
She appeared next to me, giving me her version of a wolfy glare. When have I ever felt fucking whole, Black? In this whole fucked up world of imprinting, when has anything been fair when it comes to my fucked up life?
I had to give her that one. She had definitely had it worst than most of us when it came to this shit. Point taken. Does being with Em...help any?
I felt her anger melt away a little at the thought of Embry. It almost felt like she was smiling as she ran next to me along the outskirts of the Cullens' property. It does. Yeah, he's not my imprint and I'm not his but that doesn't really matter. Sure, it's hard when I see Sam but as long as I know he's happy and he needs me as only a friend, it makes it easier. And for Em...I would fight it regardless. Even if Sam wanted me back. Em fights his for me like I fight mine for him. Sam never cared to try.
That's not fair, Lee. The guy may be on my shit list right now but he didn't really know any better. He was told to accept the imprint with Emily by the Elders. He was the first of us to phase. He didn't know any better. And you know just as well as I do that it's hard. Plus, Emily didn't know that she could lessen the pull of the imprint by needing him differently. They didn't learn any of that until Quil imprinted on Claire, just like the rest of us.
Doesn't matter. He should've tried. At least Emily tried in the beginning, I'll give her that.
It's always harder for the wolf. You know that.
Whatever. My point is, I'm happy. I may still not feel whole all the time, but Em is all I need.
I gave another mental sigh. Well, I'm glad one of us is happy at least. You and Em are good together.
I felt her smile again. Thanks. I'm telling you, Jacob, our ancestors really fucked us with this imprinting bullshit.
I snorted and looked for a tree to phase behind as she did the same. Yeah, you can say that again. Fuck. Well, maybe I should be thankful that she'll need me less and in a different way. It's not like I forgot how I felt before the imprint.
Don't even go there, Black.
What?
You know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't do it.
I phased and hurriedly slipped my shorts on that I snatched from my leather pouch around my leg. "Lee, it's not like it's even possible so don't worry about it," I said at normal volume, knowing she could hear me just fine."Things aren't the same as they used to be." I walked out from behind the tree to find her doing the same, in her loose sundress she always carried with her.
"You think? That would be way too fucked up to even consider. I think Em and I would have to beat you black and blue and keep you tied to your bed or something."
I smirked at her. "I didn't know you and Em were into that kind of thing." I laughed as she punched my arm, making me wince.
"You know what I mean, asshole." She pointed a finger at me. "I'm serious. Don't do it. You got better after you imprinted. Now, you have the chance to actually be happy for once. Don't allow yourself to get all fucked up again."
I rolled my eyes. "Sure, sure. Like I told you, you've got nothing to worry about. Even if some small part of me still felt that way, which I don't, it wouldn't matter. She'll never feel like that again. Ever. So, keep your panties on. For once."
She hit me again, making me laugh. "Asshole," she muttered.
We both were on our way to the house when we heard Bella growling, "Edward, don't!" Then we heard a scream, a crash and two different snarls. Leah and I looked at each other for a split second before sprinting at an inhuman speed towards the steps and up through the door.
First written: 1/17/13
Re-edited: 10/23/16