I bounced my ball up against the wall, watching it bounce back into my hand, and repeat. It made a little noise but not enough to get over the t.v. Darry was watching the news and Soda was with him, most of the gang were, all but Johnny, he was beside me, and every so often I'd bounce it his way, he'd catch it and bounce it back. We didn't speak, and we didn't really need to, we'd said all that was needed when Johnny sat down. "It'll be okay Pony" Johnny had said soft, putting an arm across my back, I let my boney shoulder bone poke into his rib a bit and we sat there as I starred down at the ball in my hand.

Bouncing it against the wall I heard Darry holler for me to stop making that God awful racket. "It aint a racket Its just a ball" I called on back a bit, he'd huffed at that, but Soda said something I didn't catch, it made him stop. I was relieved for that, I didn't think I could have taken it.

I didn't think of ma often, but I could have used her then. A big hug from your mother fixes everything. Shaking my head, not wanting to think about her I bounced the ball again. Johnny stayed a while, my shoulder digging into his rib still. "Hey Pony, why don't we go for a walk to the lot or somethin'?" he suggested, he was real good at trying to make me happy now, I looked down at my hands, rubbing them off on my 501's.

"Yea...mebe" I might have needed a walk, so I nodded and got up from me and Soda's bed, slipping my feet into my worn sneakers and doing the laces. I put my hands down into my pockets, Johnny offered me a smile, his face was still a bit busted from getting jumped a while back and Darry said it probably wouldn't get better. Kicking up dust on the old wood floor I just looked down, walking on ahead of him. It was cold out again, and I never did remember to bring a coat. Johnny grabbed onto my arm and had a feel of how cold it were.

"Why didn't you bring a coat, stupid?" someone said, I looked up, it wasn't Johnny. I knew that voice anywhere, looking around I saw Dally. Good ol' Dallas Winston, leaning against my gate like he did normally when he showed up at our place. I offered him a smile though, because I'd grown more fond of him lately.

"Hi Dally" I said with a bit of a wave, but my hand being in my pocket it took a minute to get out what with it being scrunched a little. He chuckled a bit and came forward to meet us. Johnny smiled a bit brighter too at seeing his hero. "Hey Dal" he said, Dally ruffed Johnny's hair up, he didn't ruff mine up like that. I didn't mind any though.

"How are you Pony? Doin' good?" Dallas asked, he knew, just like the rest of the gang. Leaning against my shoulder as he lit up offering it too me, I took it and had a drag before passing it back. Nodding a bit the smoke wisp came from my mouth in a haze.

"Yeah I aint bad" It was a lie.

"I'm just taking Pony for a walk, wana come Dal?" Johnny asked, Dally shrugged, it usually meant he didn't care if he did, he could take it or leave it.

"Well...weather your coming or not, I'm walkin'." I said and I started to, it wasn't my day. I didn't feel real like anyone coming with me, even Johnny. Sniffing a bit I wiped my face with my fore arm, I shouldn't cry, big kids don't cry. But I wasn't a big kid, I was only fourteen and It didn't matter how old I wanted to be I'd be fourteen for another whole year, so what was the point.

I thought walking would clear my head up right, it was like the movies I saw. One where the hero fell in love with the wrong girl, he did a lot of walking in that movie, and he looked real thoughtful while he did it. He got her in the end anyways, I'd known it was coming. But my life wasn't like one of those glamorous movies, when people got hurt, they got hurt. When people died, they died. They didn't come back, everything didn't turn out okay. Or a book, in books the leading guy took it hard for most of the book, but by the time your were on the last chapter, he got praise and love and money, usually by the end of the book it was all okay. But outside the books, the movies. Everything was not okay here. They might take me away from Darry and Soda, and it was my own stupid fault, my grades slipping, not eating right or getting enough sleep, if it weren't for them threatening to begin with none of this would have happened. But now it wasn't a threat, they were serious this time. That didn't happen in movies, movies were all plastic payed smiles and beautiful people. I wish I could be one of those, perfect hair and money, expensive suits just to wear, one for every hour with a comb in my top pocket.

I couldn't hold it by then, biting on my lip hard I could barely see where I was going, I didn't want to cry, the tears in my eyes just put themselves there. I was alone, what was the harm. So I dropped down then and there under the bridge, sitting on a concrete slab. Wrapping my arms around myself good and tight I sniffed, no one was all that pretty when they cried but I knew I was real ugly when I did. So I let out a pathetic sort of a whimper and let a couple tears fall, making my cheeks feel hot as they slid down. I was a real man alright, crying again Ponyboy? Shocker, everyone expected me to break down, I was the only one who didn't see it, because I didn't really want to. I started to cough a bit then, you know when you cry and then all of a sudden you can't breath? And you feel all sick up inside and all. I was feeling like that, hot tears going down my puffy cheeks now as I wiped them off with the back of my hand. If I wasn't a gross looking sight all the time, I sure was when I cried, if I didn't mention before.

I shook a bit in the shoulders as I felt a rough hand on the back of my neck all of a sudden. I didn't want Johnny to see me this way.

"G-Go on now Johnny I aint in the mood" I whined, sniffing up a storm. But it wasn't Johnny, I looked up, it was Dally, his big hand was patting the back of my neck with his thumb. He looked a bit sick, he didn't want to be there and boy could I tell. He had a funny look to him as he shrugged his jacket off and dropped it on me.

"C'mon Pony, quit crying. You ain't no baby" he said real firm like, I frowned up at him, still tears sat in my eyes, I wasn't done crying. He just looked down at me, he didn't have much of an expression; but it was enough.

"Can I go home now?" I didn't even know what I meant by saying that, whatever I meant, Dally understood. He just nodded, he looked awkward, I don't think he'd ever handled with someone crying on him before. Letting go of my neck to drag me up by the collar of his own coat, wrapped around me like a straight jacket. He gave me my marching orders so to speak, so traipsing along beside him we walked back, over the tracks, had I really walked so far from home? I swallowed hard, I must have. Not watching my feet I stumbled on a rock and fell around a bit, he caught me hard by the shoulder "Ow" I exclaimed, "Quit squeezin' Dal" I winced, shaking his hand off.

"Watch were your walkin' then idiot" he said back in that real husky tone of his, I frowned and swatted him

"I'm not an idiot, I'm probably smarter 'en you" I shot back quiet, chucking my fists down out behind me, whirling his jacket around my shoulders and down my sides. I knew I'd been wrong to snap at Dally like that, I probably should have just taken his kick and forget about it. He'd probably slap me silly, I'd take a licking for saying that later I was sure.

"Don't get lippy with me, wise guy" Dallas warned, I nodded, I was already sorry I'd said anything. He gave me a look and shook his head sighing as he went about wrapping an arm round my neck and pulling me close in to his chest, messing up with my greased back hair.

"OW DALLY GET OFA ME" I half laughed shakily trying to get free, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Don't get mouthy then" he replied through his teeth, grinning tough ear to ear. He hated the world, you only had to look at his grin and you knew.

My nose wrinkled up as I caught a whiff of cheap after shave and cigarette smoke. I screwed up my face "G-golly you smell good" I teased at him, having trouble getting my voice out from under his arm, my cheek was all jammed up.

"Shut ya mouth kid" He shook his head a bit and kept walking with me all pulled up in his arm. He was a kidder that way, I tried walking but I wasn't too steady like that, sighing deep he let me go. "You've learnt ya lesson" I rubbed my cheek and stretched my shoulders out a bit. I felt a little better-

"You look like shit Pony"-well I had felt a little better, sniffing I kicked up a little dust as we walked back.

"Yea, I know I look lousy, aint a single person that looks tuff when they cry" I puffed my cheeks out as I told him so. I really didn't need to be told how awful I looked, and on that thought I wasn't keen on going back to Darry and Soda looking like a messy cry baby, Dally gave me half a apologetic look. He just eyed me for a moment, Dallas Winston had dead eyes, the kinds of eyes that had clearly seen too much. Like the light was gone, it died out with everything else that wasn't under that hardened shell that was the older boy, young man, standing in front of me. I was reading too far into it, because those exact eyes were now trained on me. I didn't mean to draw attention.