Live Like You Were Dying

A Grim Prognosis

Disclaimer: I own no one!

A/N- Another Sand and Water fic was just begging to be written…

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We're quite certain that your cancer is incurable.

Randy sighed, wondering how he could be dying. He didn't feel like he was dying. Mainly he was tired, but he was pretty sure that was a side effect of the chemotherapy.

"I can't be dying," he murmured, digging his toes into the sand. "John and Rhiannon need me,"

Suddenly, John and their young daughter, Rhiannon flashed through his mind. How could he leave them? He wanted to see her grow up. He wanted to be there for it all. He wanted to live.

Randy, we'll be fine. I'm staying with you through it all.

John was supportive. Randy knew he was lucky in that aspect. John was the only one to sit with him through treatment after treatment.

How can I tell him I'm stopping all treatment and allowing nature to take its course? He thought.

Rhiannon, his princess, was small. She wasn't really sure what was going on with her papa. All she really knew was that Randy was sick.

How can I actually leave her? He thought, thinking of his little girl.

Since becoming sick, Randy never went anywhere without his journal. The simple wire bound notebook was his salvation. It was his legacy to Rhiannon.

Rhiannon was so small that Randy wanted to leave a definite reminder of him for her.

Dear John,

On this one occasion, I am allowing you to read my journal. You need to understand what is going on.

The doctors have told me the course of treatment isn't working. They tell me the cancer is starting to spread.

I am giving up on treatment.

I'm not afraid of death. I view it as a new adventure. I am more afraid of leaving you and Rhiannon.

I have no clue why you've stayed with me through this. This can't be easy for you. I am so grateful for you and your love, especially through this ordeal.

Rhiannon is so young. Will she remember me? I don't want our baby girl to forget me.

I'm still young. I shouldn't be dying.

With less than a year on my life, I just want to live it to its fullest. I'm not going down without a fight.

I love you.

Love,

Randy

Moving to his car, he prepared to head home. He needed to get home. It would probably be the last peace they had as a family and he wanted to enjoy it.

Driving in silence, time seemed to pass slowly. Part of him didn't want to head home and ruin his family.

I've got to do this he thought.

Rhiannon met him at the door, her blue eyes shining with admiration. "Papa, Daddy said he was goin' nuts!" she squealed.

"Hi, Rhia" Randy said, hugging his daughter. "Where's Daddy?"

"Cooking! We're having tofu stir fry with broccoli and sprouts,"

Randy shook his head, suppressing the urge to gag and laugh. Rhiannon had to be the only three year old that ate bean sprouts and tofu. John was constantly trying to get him to eat healthy food. Tofu wasn't a favorite dish of his, but John and Rhiannon loved it.

"Good news or bad news?" John asked, kissing Randy. "Why are you handing me this?" He gazed down at the journal.

Randy moved into the shower, leaving John to read the last journal entry. Pausing to gaze in the mirror, Randy gently ran his hand over his bald skull.

"Oh Randy" John murmured, watching Randy dress. "Is it true?" Slowly, Randy nodded.

He sighed, collapsing in John's arms. Hearing Rhiannon's laughter caused him to break down. It reminded him of what he would be missing.

"I don't want to leave either of you," he sobbed. "Especially not my princess,"

Laying there in John's arms, Randy could only be grateful for his husband being his backbone, his unmoving rock, but most of all, the love of his life.

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I'm not fully sure I want to continue this. HOWEVER, if I get five reviews or more, I will update...

Enjoy