A/N: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry for everyone who added this story, and were wondering where it went. I ended up deleting it, for God knows what reason, but here it is again. I'd love any feedback so I can improve on my writing.

So this begins right after Jacob kisses Bella in the woods before the fight in Eclipse.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or Edward Cullen, although I think if I saw Rob Pattinson I would faint or have a heart attack. Then he'd have to come give me CPR.

Oh, and P.S., I am an Edward fan.

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I was in love with Jacob. It was a fact. I couldn't deny my overwhelming desire for more of him back in the woods. The heat, the comfort, it was the best experience of my life. The way our bodies melded together perfectly, the way our lips moved together in unison, it was like we were made especially for each other. It wasn't like that with Edward. Although we had a connection, an electrical tension between us, we did not fit together. When we kissed, his lips always took over, his body controlled how mine moved. It was never us working together.

I considered all of this as I stumbled through the woods, trying to find my way back. I couldn't imagine finding anything or anyone better than Edward, and I was in shock. I couldn't comprehend it. As I was thinking about this, a new image flashed through my mind. Edward's face. I pictured the tortured look he had in Italy when Jane smiled at him. I couldn't bear to think that I would see that soon, and I was the one that was going to cause it. Because I had made up my mind.

The tears that had welled up in my eyes began spilling over. I tried to keep my sobs silent, but the crushing feeling on my lungs made it difficult. It wasn't like I didn't care for Edward anymore - he was still the one I cared most about in the whole world - Jacob was just the person who I'd rather be with.

And I was going to tell Edward. Soon, before anyone got hurt more.

My crying continued, blurring my eyesight and making it harder for me to find the right way back. As I walked, I stumbled and tripped more than normal, and I developed large scrapes on the palms of my hands. After only a few minutes, through my clouded eyes, a small clearing appeared.

As I approached the campsite, I attempted to regain some control - I didn't want to look too horrid to Edward. I wasn't very successful, but I was able to slow my breathing to a more normal pace.

The tears were still flowing when I saw Edward waiting at the opening of the tent. As I moved closer, I noticed his wary expression. His brows were furrowed slightly, but his lips were relaxed. He looked worried and confused, but still very cautious about something. I wasn't sure if he had heard the story through any of the wolves yet.

I walked to him slowly, trying to control myself. But although I used every strength in my body to calm down, once I was next to Edward, staring into his deep, golden eyes, I lost it.

At once I began bawling, my eyes overflowing with tears and my lungs gasping for oxygen. I leaned forward into Edward's chest and soaked his shirt. He placed his arms firmly around my waste and pulled me tighter to him, allowing me to sob and release everything into his arms. He gently led us into the tent while I continued to weep, sitting us on the ground.

After what seemed like hours, I finally managed to regain some control, stifling some of my tears. I had not even delivered the bad news, and it was already going bad. I looked up from Edward's drenched shirt to his face. It was filled with concern, but I caught a glimmer of curiosity in the corner of his eye.

So he didn't know yet.

Knowing that I needed to explain, I pushed away from him, sitting upright, and took a big breath. But before I could open my mouth to begin, he spoke.

"Bella, love, what happened? Are you alright?"

This was going to be awful. "No," I replied. "I'm not."

"Bella, what happened?"

I took an even bigger breath than before, attempting to steady my voice, and began. "Edward, I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this mess with Jacob. I never wanted to hurt any of you. I know that every time I want Jacob, it hurts you. I hate that I do that. I am a monster. I am the worst person in the world. But, Edward, that's not the worst."

I stopped, taking a break to look up at his face. His jawline, the strong, defined jawline I had traced so many times with my hands. His nose, the perfectly angled, gentle nose that had rubbed across my face. His brows were slightly wrinkled in concern, concern for me, and I desperately wanted to reach out and smooth them with my fingers, but I knew it would just make everything worse. His lips, each one in the correct proportion, the ones that used to dazzle me until I couldn't breathe. I saved the best - or worst - for last.

I was about to lift up my eyes to meet his when I heard a rustling of leaves outside the tent. I heard a faint rumbling, a sign that Seth had just come back to the campsite and laid down.

I returned to where I left off, looking directly into Edward's golden eyes, when I noticed his entire expression had changed. I ignored that and went back to his eyes, where I now noticed pain. I looked deeply and saw a fire, hidden in the back, that was roaring to life. Something was killing him inside, and I could guess what it was.

Seth had just come back, and the boy could see Jacob playing back everything that had happened in the woods. That meant Edward could see it too. As crystal clear as Jacob had seen it in the woods. And it was killing Edward.

I didn't know if I would be able to finish.

"That's not the worst, either," I murmured quietly, acknowledging that I knew what he was discovering in Seth.

"I can handle it, Bella." He spoke even softer. But it didn't reassure me. He didn't look like he could contain himself much longer.

I felt like I was going to explode. I broke out in tears again, and I tried to speak in between sobs.

"The worst part...is...that even though...you are...the most..." I was struggling trying to get the words out. "Important...person to me..."

He cut me off, placing one finger on my lips. "It's alright. Calm down."

"I can't...Edward...just let me try to speak..." It was getting more difficult by the second. "Even though...you are the most...important...Jacob...is the one...who I want...in that way..." There, it was out. But I erupted into a brand new waterfall of tears.

"We're...a team..." I continued. "We work together...and with you...you're always...the better one...and you always have the control...and I like contributing..."

I did not look up to see his expression. I continued to sob into my hands.

"It's okay, I understand." Edward used his gentle, sincere tone.

Why was he comforting me? This thought almost angered me. I was hurting him! I should be comforting him! He was to good for me.

"I'm so...sorry, Edward," I let out as I stifled a sob.

He squeezed my hand. "I love you Bella. If this is what you truly desire, then you get it. I'm not holding you back. And if anything ever happens and you change your mind, I'll always be here. Because I love you, I always have, and I always will."

He kissed the top of my forehead, slowly and gently, and I glanced up at his face. It was calm. I wasn't sure if he was really accepting this, or if he was trying to hide his true pain from me. Before I could figure it out, he had gone.