To fear love is the greatest tragedy of all.
Go Ha Jin climbed the many steps to the temple, trembling. The ceremony wedding dress swirled in the wind in reds and goldens. It wouldn't take long now, but she didn't want to arrive. She expected death, and only hoped it would be a quick one.
Oh heavens, may the dragon be merciful and may his bloodlust be satiated for another year with my sacrifice.
But Go Ha Jin didn't want to be a sacrifice, no matter how much her mother praised her, doted on her, adorned her long, red hair with flowers and phoenixes. She didn't want to be a source of happiness in another life, didn't want anyone burning things in her name. She was twenty-five and should be marrying a good man, not a beast. She shouldn't have been raised for this very moment.
Still she drew in her breath, exhaled slowly, and continued her journey up. She could see the temple now, adorned with black pillars and red roof. She expected to see wide black wings and fire. Her throat burned with all the effort, and sweat trailed down her back ungracefully. One, two, three, four, five.
At dusk, Go Ha Jin arrived at the temple of the Black Dragon.
For a hundred years, every year, the kingdom of Goryeo sent brides to the Black Dragon. The girls, all twenty-five of age, were prepared from birth for that day. They never returned.
They call us "brides" but we are sacrifices. In the end, naught remains of us but ashes.
Would she find traces of the other girls anywhere? Did the dragon remember their names? Ha Jin's name would be placed on a plaque and revered by her entire village, but did any of it matter to the dragon? Did it matter to him if they had hopes, dreams or had felt love?
As Ha Jin stepped inside the temple, she thought about how she had felt love. She would have given herself entirely to Jung if she wasn't one of the dragon's brides. She had kissed his lips, felt the touch of his hand on her cheeks. He was young and innocent, unaware of the terrors women had to be taught, of the books they had to read. As she looked inside every room, she thought about all she could have experienced. She would never even be a mother.
She looked and looked, passing from door to door, but found no dragon.
The altar was at the end of the main hallway. The door was intricately adorned with birds. She thought it was out of place for a temple dedicated to a dragon, but still she pushed them open, stepping inside. The choking fear had been reduced to a numb pain at the bottom of her stomach. Where did he go? When would he come back?
She finally noticed a shadow contrasting against the royal colors of the walls. It was looking down, past the mountains and the skies. His right eye was dark but it reflected the light of every candle in the room too brightly, and when he looked at her, she saw his left eye was hidden behind a mask.
Go Ha Jin froze. She had expected so many different things, had had so many nightmares from that moment, but nothing, no talk or sermon could have prepared her for him. He walked and his heels echoed in the silence, inching closer and closer. He was tall and he was beautiful, his dark hair long and sleek, and he dressed in black robes. He opened his mouth and no word came out. Ha Jin dared not to move. She saw his hand moving up but it never reached her, dropped to the side.
"You are?"
His voice was deep and melodic. It wasn't demanding but it was firm, and sounded nothing like the voice of the other men she had known.
"Go... Go Ha Jin."
"Go Ha Jin."
The name sounded like poetry in his lips.
"I am the Black Dragon."
He led her to her chambers and she discovered a thousand different fears on the way. They were called brides but she had only ever assumed they were castaways. She wondered if she was supposed to become his bride, to sleep with him, to be violated. Wondered what kind of powers he possessed, if the fire reflected in his eyes were external or internal. Wondered if he would shapeshift into a dragon while she slept and eat her. Wondered, wondered, wondered. She couldn't utter a word, and he only walked. One foot in front of the other, a straight line, his ponytail swishing from side to side. She was trembling again, the tears were hot in her eyes, but she wouldn't dare crying.
He stopped and she stopped. He opened one door and looked at her, but she couldn't look back, her eyes downcast. When he didn't move forward and didn't look away she took it as her cue and walked inside. The door closed behind her and her heart was in her throat. Was it locked? Was it a test to see if she would try going outside, and if she failed, would he kill her then? She looked away from the door and around the room. There was a bed and a small table, cushions, curtains, a wardrobe. Everything was very traditional but there was nothing cheap about them. All the carvings and details on every piece were very feminine, very expensive. It looked like a room fit for a young queen. She felt like it was a very beautiful grave.
She tried sleeping that night, but she tossed and turned for hours. When her body gave up in exhaustion, she had nightmares of flames and she would wake up again, only to discover it wasn't yet day. She cried, missing her family, pleading for mercy.
The Black Dragon didn't sleep. He stood outside her unlocked door and in his eyes was not fire, but tears.
When Ha Jin woke up the next morning, she could smell food. She was tired, a little broken and a little messy. She combed her hair without enthusiasm, and when she tried opening the door, it opened without resistance. She followed the smell and discovered a dining room with a feast. She had never seen so much meat in her entire life, everything cooked to precision, and on the other end of the table, there were sweets, a lot of her favorites. She briefly pondered if they were poisoned, but if she had gone there to die, what was the difference in the method? She tried a little bit of everything and even the juice was fresh.
Walking around the table she eventually noticed a small note. Written in sharp calligraphy was, "You can clean up at the bathing chambers to the left. There are clothes in your room."
He hadn't shown up at all the entire time she had been there, so the feast... Everything had been for her? Was he fattening her up so she could be his feast in the end? The stories in her head had gone from certain nightmare to a puzzle full of missing pieces.
She walked outside the dining hall but didn't go to the bathing chambers. She looked for him behind every door, every corner. Wanting to spy on him exactly the way she thought he was spying on her. She tried to be silent, but the silence was already too much and even the rustling of her clothes echoed. However, try as she might, she couldn't find him anywhere inside the temple. She found a single door locked, right across the hall from her own room, but felt no movement inside. Confused, she stepped outside, the way she had come the day before.
She found him in a field beside the temple, right next to a cliff. He trained sword art like Jung, but unlike Jung, his training looked like dancing. Graceful, every movement calculated, precise. His sword didn't look new, but it shone in the sunlight, a light that shifted and shifted, so fast, so bright. He looked wild, a force of nature. There were silver threads in his robe that day. His face looked predatory, and Ha Jin wondered if she had angered him, and if she had, if she could fix it. He jumped in the air and his body swirled like an acrobat's, and when he landed, she expected to finally see his wings. But there were no wings. Only a single eye looking in her direction.
Surprised, Ha Jin made a run for her chambers and closed the door as quickly as she could.
The clothes in her room were just her size, and they were the most beautiful dresses she had ever seen. Her favorite was a white one, and when she tried it on, she finally felt like a true, grown woman. Ha Jin had never seen much of the world but she expected the richest ladies to dress with that fabric, so soft, capturing the light just right.
There were hairpins and make-up, and if there was something Ha Jin was proud of was how well she could combine make-up, how beautiful she could make other women look. She barely ever tried it on herself, but all the girls in the village liked her work, so she decided to try.
If I am his bride, then I must face him. If he must kill me, and if that is my destiny, let it be fulfilled.
She colored her lips a soft color, and her face a fair shade. Her eyes were lined up in delicate but correct lines. Her brushes were just like his sword, going exactly where they were supposed to be. When she stood in front of the mirror, she looked like a woman, the head of her own house.
But in her heart, Go Ha Jin still wasn't ready to die.
She left her room and went straight to the altar room. She kept her head high and held her dress with class. In the colors of the altar chamber, it looked as if blood had painted her lips. A giant phoenix statue adorned the front of the room, and it gave her strength. Rebirth. She had never thought of rebirth before.
Standing before the statue, she could hear the footsteps drawing closer behind her. She turned around and faced him, not looking down, not backing down.
"If you are the Black Dragon, then when are you going to kill me? What do you plan on doing to me?"
He locked eyes with her but it didn't last long. The Black Dragon grimaced and shot a hand to his covered eye. Soon, he was screaming. Ha Jin was alarmed. He was in pain but she had no idea of the source. He fell to his knees and his screams could be heard outside the walls. He was intimidating and powerful but still he was in pain, so she knelt in front of him and touched his hand.
His uncovered eye opened in a flash and he pushed her away.
"Leave!"
Ha Jin had fallen to the floor and she looked at him, at his ragged breath. She noticed the air around his mask had changed, and when she had touched him, he had irradiated unusual heat.
Is he... burning...?
"Leave, now!"
She got up and ran, feeling like she only ever ran from him, and he always let her.
She found a note slipped under her door the next morning.
I am not going to kill you.
The stories she had always been told spoke of a dragon whose wrath needed to be tamed by sending a bride every year, or the entire kingdom of Goryeo would be destroyed. If his bloodthirst wasn't quenched with her death, then what did it mean? He had not approached her, much less touched her, in all the time she had arrived, then what did he want? Did he want a companion? Was he... lonely?
Ha Jin thought those were rather infantile conjectures. But she had almost memorized every corner of the temple and still he hadn't done anything to her. Had barely even talked to her. Soon she was... bored. She hadn't found a single book to read, and she bore no talent for knitting or embroidery, the instruments for which were available in her room. The only talent she had was for painting, but she found no right materials.
If she were to gift him a painting, would he talk to her? She had been prepared her whole life for her mission but she had only been taught to not raise a dragon's wrath, not how to win a man's trust. If she could talk to him, would he tell her what he needed? Would she be free to go?
She searched and searched her room for paper but found none. Perhaps so the brides wouldn't try and find ways to send notes to their families. Without the proper materials, she grabbed the only thing she could use — the note he had sent before. She turned it over and grabbed her lip tint. Using her fingers, she started to draw.
It was so hard without the proper brush, and none of the make-up materials were useful. She couldn't make the lines as fine as she wanted them to be, but she tried her best to be delicate, to draw the shapes she wanted. It took her a lot longer than she had expected, and it was so small, but it was a start. A simple portrait of him.
She walked to the altar room and left it at the feet of the statue. She hoped it wouldn't take him too long to find it.
In her room, she lied in bed, her back tired from all the effort of drawing, and tried not to think about the hidden bundle she had brought in her wedding dress.
She hoped he would talk to her.
You must obey his every command and you must not go where you are not allowed to go. Do not force your entrance into locked rooms or soil the holy ground. You must stay inside the temple and be on your best behavior until he decides your fate. You must not anger him.
However, should the chance arrive, should his back be turned, you must...
The next day, the drawing was gone from where she had placed it. Ha Jin was pleased with herself, and she searched everywhere for him. She found him just where she had seen him practicing his sword dance, but he was sitting down with her drawing in hand. She peeked at him and tried and tried to see his face. He faced the horizon and his hair moved with the wind.
She saw he was smiling and she dared to hope again.
She found painting materials outside her door when she next woke up. All the right materials and many different colors and a notebook on which she could paint. She thought it was a good sign and decided to paint him another portrait, this time to her best abilities.
As she painted his eyes, she thought, this is a man. He may have an unknown power inside of him, as well as deadly sword skills, but he was a man and not a beast, so...
What is your name?
She drew his hair as she saw on the other day, rippling with wind waves. At the bottom of the portrait, she signed her name, then the title, "The Black Dragon", then she drew two parenthesis and a space between them. She hoped he would understand. She ripped the sheet from the notebook and rushed outside, fixing her posture once she was in the hall, trying to look dignified. She placed the portrait on the dining table this time, then returned to her room. Before the day was over she checked several times to see if he had seen the portrait, if he would take it with him, but every time she looked, it was unmoved.
It was only on the next morning that she noticed something was different. Right in the space she had left, the known calligraphy had made itself present.
Wang So.
She read it again and again and again. When she spoke it aloud, she knew she had heard it before, she just couldn't remember where.
On that night she got a gift of her own. After eating dinner by herself and cleaning up, she went to her room and found a note on her bed. But it wasn't a note, not at all. The calligraphy was still the same, but they were not a message she had ever seen before.
After the battles have ended
and the blood has been washed off the ground
I walk towards you, my love
To sleep, finally,
safe and sound.
But you have left me,
left with all of me,
and I cannot rest,
I cannot see
I cannot see you
Another piece of the puzzle was handed to her but she was still far from obtaining the final picture.
Despite everything that she had been taught, Go Ha Jin dared. She was never meant to go outside but still she sat on his spot with the notebook he had given her on her lap and a piece of charcoal in her hand and she drew the scenery. She drew the land and the clouds. She bit her lip. She hesitated.
I cannot see you.
When she closed her eyes, she could see the poem, she could feel it. She let her fingers draw and draw and she drew it all. It's so lonely. She could notice a shadow eclipsing the sunlight but she didn't look up, she continued to draw. Two lovers standing on opposite sides of the page. The woman had her back to him, and wind blew in her direction, blowing her away. Ha Jin felt she was treading on forbidden ground, you must not anger him, but he had given her his words, he had opened up first, she could only... Only...
Are you hurt? I thought you were immortal, but all this time, have you been... wounded?
Her hand stopped as she thought about it. They had never told her why he was angry, why he wanted to destroy, why he had to be placated.
However, should the chance arrive, should his back be turned, you must do it, Ha Jin. You must save us.
Have we hurt you?
She turned to him at the moment a single tear fell down from under the mask. When they locked eyes, he inhaled and dropped to his knees. His screams terrified her, but she didn't run away. He wasn't screaming in anger. He was screaming in pain.
"What is wrong? Why does it burn?" She knelt beside him and she could feel his skin burning just through proximity. His right eye pierced through her.
"You have to leave this place!"
"Tell me!"
"Go Ha Jin!"
Her name roared from his throat and in that moment she felt he was a beast, she thought he was going to kill her. But she had come too far to give up now.
"Tell me!"
"I'm cursed!"
He got up and backed away from her, still keeping a hand over his left eye.
"Cursed...?"
"I've been cursed by the black dragon." His breath still came uneven, forced, and he snarled. "You must leave. There's nothing for you here."
"Cursed... How..." She swallowed, looking up at him who blocked the sun from view. Wang So... Cursed by a Dragon...
Her eyes widened as words flooded into her memory.
There was once a soldier named Wang So who, in order to gain the King's favor, sought to defeat a dragon who had been terrorizing the Kingdom. Although he never came back, the dragon never showed its face again, and his bravery inspired songs that can still be heard in the corners of Goryeo.
"You killed it. You killed the dragon." Ha Jin got up to her feet, and he watched her, his brows furrowed. "Your story is not told anymore, as though it has been buried from the public, but I've read it. You're Wang So, the Dragonslayer."
His laugh was guttural and bitter.
"I'm a curse and an omen, Go Ha Jin."
"How do we break it?"
His one visible eye stared at her, wide, unbelieving.
"How do we break the curse?"
At first it seemed as if he was panting again, but soon it turned into laughter, growing louder and louder, his pain forgotten. Ha Jin took a step back, suddenly afraid. Afraid that something had been broken, that the thin trust that had been forming between them had been ruptured like ice.
"Break it? You're asking how to break it? As if you hadn't walked in here to kill me?"
He walked towards her and she took another step back, and another, and another. She was getting dangerously closer to the cliff, and she would never survive the fall. A death more painless than the one he's promising me right now.
"I was going to spare you like I spared so many others but you would lie to me?"
"I would not!"
"You're a liar!" The laughter had died down and there was only wrath then. "You think I don't know that you brought a knife? That you were told to look for my weakness? That you were told to strike when you had the chance?"
"No!"
She tried to run away from him, to circle him and enter the temple, but he grabbed her arm, and his hand was scorching hot.
"The price is blood, Ha Jin. Would you shed blood for me?"
She saw the dragon in his eyes and struggled against his grip the best she could. She broke free and she would never know if it had been out of her own effort or if he let her go. I was going to spare you. She ran to her bedroom and shut the door, trying to barricade it with the table. She looked around her room, trying to make sense of it all, to make the puzzle whole.
The price is blood, Ha Jin. Would you shed blood for me?
You must do it, Ha Jin. You must save us.
But you have left me,
left with all of me,
and I cannot rest,
I cannot see
I cannot see you
Ha Jin searched through her painting materials, until she found what she was looking for. There was a loud bang on the other of her door and she knew he had arrived then. She was nervous, as nervous as on the day she had arrived, but she had made up her mind. She ran to her bed and grabbed a bundle of cloth that she had kept hidden under her pillow. From inside she took a sharp knife, and she held in her hand the moment Wang So broke the door open. She saw his mask was gone, probably burned. The skin around his left eye was covered in black scales, and his irises were glowing with flames.
Go Ha Jin held the blade up.
"I'm sorry."
And slit her wrist.
Blood started flowing freely and she cried from pain. Wang So didn't move, frozen by the entrance. She fell down, reached for one of the cups where she kept water to wash her brushes and held her wrist there, dripping, dripping blood.
The price is blood.
She had no idea how much blood was needed, if he had to drink it or not, but she held it there, pouring and pouring. She started growing weaker and weaker, but she held it there until she couldn't keep her wrist up anymore. It was only when she rolled away from cup that Wang So moved.
"No!"
He rushed to her side and when he held her in his arms, there was no more fire in his eyes.
"I don't know how much is enough, but it's yours..."
He held her wrist and it burned. Ha Jin screamed.
The last words she heard before passing out were an apology.
In her dreams, she heard singing. It was beautiful and melancholic. Although she felt a little cold, she felt comfortable, protected. It wouldn't take long until she felt warm again. She felt pain for a while, but it soon disappeared. The singing... was soothing. It didn't remind her of her old home, but it gave her a similar feeling. She remembered the kiss she once shared with Jung and thought that it was something like that, even though Jung was so far away now.
When she opened her eyes, the light was offending, hurtful. She groaned and raised her arm to cover her eyes and that's when she noticed a piece of cloth tied neatly around her wrist. When she untied it, she could see the burn marks on her skin, and they were ugly, but she was alive.
Wang So... saved me?
He walked in just as she tried to sit up.
"Ha Jin!" He rushed to her side and she blinked her eyes once, twice. At first the light had cast shadows in her eyes, but then she could finally see it clearly.
The scales were gone. Around his left eye was only a faint scar of what had been a horrible curse. When he smiled, he looked so young. Ha Jin tried to remember how old he was when he got cursed, she could even remember the cover of the book, but she couldn't focus on anything but him. How he carried himself differently, how he looked in blue. He looked like royalty. With the curse lifted, it was like a shadow had been cast away from him. Like the sun shining through the clouds after a storm.
He looked at her wrist and his face fell.
"I'm sorry... It was the only way I could save you."
"Why... did you save me?"
He frowned, and she continued.
"I had fulfilled my duty, why did you save me?"
"Ha Jin... According to your customs, your duty was not to save me, your duty was to kill me. I saved you because you did the exact opposite. I saved you because I never wanted you to die in the first place." He held her hand and it was warm, human warm. "Why did you save me?"
"I didn't... want to kill anyone." Her eyes, still so tired, filled with tears. "If you had been cursed, why did you have to die? I thought everything could end... And then nobody had to suffer anymore." She cried and it was more relief than anything. She didn't expect him to reach out and pull her into his arms. She didn't expect him to rub her back and hush her.
"For a hundred years, none of them tried," he whispered, and his low voice was sweet next to her ear. "The first ones were too scared and killed themselves. As they had not offered their blood to me, I couldn't use it. Many left when I offered the chance to them, just like I did you. Some tried to kill me, and I couldn't do anything other than..."
He went silent and Ha Jin patted his back, understanding, unable to blame either side.
"Did any of them manage to hurt you?"
He let go of her and stood beside her bed. When he started untying his robes, Ha Jin covered her eyes and would have blushed if she had been healthier. After what seemed like a long time, he gently pulled her hands out of her eyes and she could see it. All the scars across his chest and back.
"They used to be covered in scales, too. And they burned." He clenched his jaw, tracing one scar as if he couldn't believe the curse had been lifted. "Burned with every new feeling that I felt, whenever I felt human again."
"How... how did they even manage to hurt you?"
As he put on his robes, he smiled a crooked smile.
"I let my guard down... They always reminded me of her."
"Who?"
He didn't reply.
"Tell me your story." She smiled weakly. "The one you spoke about on the poem. Tell me about her."
He looked at her for a long time, then walked to the window and began to speak.
The story you read probably said I wanted to gain the king's favor. The truth is that I wanted to gain his favor because I was his son. He couldn't acknowledge me officially, but I felt that if I did something to prove my worth, at least he could see me as a son in his heart.
So I sought out the dragon and promised to bring his head. The battle was hard, and I was wounded, but I defeated him. The moment his blood touched me I could feel it burning. Still, I chopped off his head and brought it with me. When I reached the palace, the king saw me and ordered the soldiers to kill me. He knew that I had been cursed and thought I'd bring ruin to the kingdom. I didn't understand, and I tried to argue with him until they brought her in.
My Hae Soo...
They killed her before my eyes. My very brother, Wang Wook. The king looked at me in the eye and said that I no longer had anything to do with his kingdom, that it had nothing left for me. He said it as Soo bled to death, as she called my name.
In that moment, I swore to him. Swore to all present that I would bring the kingdom down, that I would burn everything. And I could. When I touched his soldiers I could set them on fire with a thought, and I would. I would kill them all then but Soo...
With her final breath, Soo asked me to think of all the innocent lives that would be lost. Soo asked me the future, and I couldn't deny it to her, so I left. Even though she would have no future, even though they stole it from her, she wanted to protect them.
This kingdom is alive because of her.
"I installed myself in this temple because it was there I could best see the kingdom. Watch them. Make sure it turned out to be the hope Soo thought it would be. And because I wanted to take over the ancient god who abandoned me. Abandoned us. And eventually he, too, vanished from people's prayers." His smile was bitter. "They sent the first bride a week later. She carried a message that I was supposed to... Seek comfort in her. She had the same age. The same age as Soo."
"What did you do?"
"I sent her away. Told her to never return to that wretched place."
Ha Jin looked down.
"Perhaps it would have been better to not have killed the dragon at all..."
"Would you do it?" He looked back at her. "Would you throw away the chance to be loved?
She clenched her hands and didn't answer.
"I can't remember when I started being referred to as dragon instead of man. Perhaps the king thought I was too much of an embarrassment. He wanted to erase me."
"But your story lived on."
"My younger brother, Baek Ah." His smile turned different. Genuine. "He was the only one who accepted me, and he was a kinder soul than the palace deserved. He wrote the song, and passed it along." Wang So turned sad. "He's dead now. They all are."
"But you stayed here. Watching over Hae Soo's kingdom."
He locked eyes with her and Ha Jin was weak under the intensity of his gaze. For a while he didn't say anything. It seemed like ages passed between them.
"You... remind me of her the most."
"Hae Soo?"
"You were the first one who tried to talk to me."
Ha Jin looked down at her hands again, embarrassed.
"You talked back."
When he approached her and touched her hand, she didn't flinch away and pull back.
"Hae Soo was an amazing woman."
Wang So sat down.
"She was... kind. And saw the good in everyone. And I..." When Ha Jin looked up, she saw he was crying. "I can't remember her face anymore."
Ha Jin let the broken Goryeo prince cry on her shoulder, thinking no one should have to live so long. No one should have to watch everyone they loved die and suffer alone, being reminded of their beloved at every turn, being betrayed every year. Being unable to even remember their smile.
Ha Jin let him cry and she comforted him the best she could. She thought it wasn't much, but she heard him whisper, felt him hold her tighter.
"Thank you."
"You should go back."
"Back?"
He nodded.
"I'll be gone before they know the curse is broken. Your family should accept you. Since you're untouched, you can still get married, have a family."
"And where would you go?"
He smiled a crooked smile.
"There should be a place for me, somewhere."
He left her at the steps of the temple. Go Ha Jin was dressed in her wedding gown, the one she had worn on the day she came. In her hair she carried one his hairpins and it got her thinking. All the dresses and hairpins... Had they belonged to Hae Soo? Did he decorate the room in the way she had liked?
None of them tried.
She took two steps down.
Did you try, Wang So? If you never told them about the curse, if you never tried to break it, then what have you been waiting for?
She stopped, looking down at the cloth tied around her wrist, knowing the scar underneath. She thought about the parents who raised her to be sacrificed. Thought about Jung, who gave her the knife. Thought about the voice who sang to her as she was nursed back to health.
Thought about the first step.
I walk towards you, my love
To sleep, finally,
safe and sound.
She found him at the top of the stairs and he looked confused as she stood there, gasping for air, having ran all the way back to him.
"Ha Jin?"
"I can't get married, you see." She said, between breaths. "I'm already married to the Black Dragon. There was a ceremony."
He walked to her and for a moment she felt him dark again. She could almost see the fire behind his eyes, feel the weight of his presence. He stood before her and leaned down, looking straight into her eyes.
"Are you pitying me, Go Ha Jin?"
"Did you pity me when you saved my life, your highness?"
His arm circled her waist and he pulled her closer, brushing her hair, blinking slowly. As if there was still magic in him. Magnetic, mystifying.
"No."
He whispered in her ear and she shivered, looked away, blushed. The former Black Dragon took her hand and led her inside the temple, where they would start the preparations for their new journey.
Dear Mother,
So and I decided to chronicle our journey and he asked me to dedicate it to someone. Although you may never read this, I wish you could see all that we see, all the different people. Did you know there are so many ways to live? I didn't know. I don't blame you, mother. There are people I could blame, but they're long gone, so what is the point?
We've traveled south and here there are flowers I've never seen before. I didn't know there existed so many different colors. I can only do my best to draw them, but no one has invented colors that could replicate the colors of nature. So loves my drawings and encourages me to draw everything that catches my eye. It is so hard, mother! I didn't know the world could be so vast.
I'll leave the writing to him, but I just wanted to tell you, mother, that I'm happy. I had never wanted to see everything until I caught a glimpse of the world. Everyone has their own story and superstitions, their own gods and fears. I'm reminded of home every time I look at So and hold his hand, and truly, I am thankful to you, mother. Thankful that you raised me so that I could meet him.
I wish you could see him. I see more goodness in him every day that I spend by his side.
There is so much in the world to see, mother. So much to believe in.
I wish you could see it.
- Go Ha Jin
I loved you then.
When they ran to shelter themselves from the rain, Ha Jin thought about her relationship with Wang So. She thought he saw her as a child. He would hold her hand and he would share a room with her, but he wouldn't touch her more intimately. She wanted to grow more, to show him more of her. This, too, was something she wanted to learn, wanted to feel. She had chosen him and she wanted to learn with him.
She looked at him drenched from the rain and saw how much he loved it. In some ways, he was like a child, too. If she got mad at him, he would try everything to make her laugh. If he experienced something new, he would laugh to his heart's content. He loved the rain, and he loved snow. Was she too unfitting to be his partner or were they not so different at all?
He caught her staring at him and he reached out, wiping the raindrops from her face, brushing her hair back with his fingers. She loved it, being taken care of. She wondered if they could go far together, as far as the horizon would send them.
He kissed her that day, taking her by surprise. His lips were cold but she felt warm, so warm. He held her face, caressing, so caring. She opened her mouth and breathed his air, and it was so different, so different from what she had experienced with Jung. It made her want to hold him close, cling to him, and never let him go.
Ah, she thought. Is this what it means to love?
Every day was a new first, a new land, new people, a new side to their relationship. She learned how to say no to him, and he learned she was stubborn and could be mad for a long time. She learned how to make love to him, and she was embarrassed the first time, but she was his bride and he was kind and understanding. She learned that waking up in his arms was one of the best feelings she would ever know.
And they traveled and traveled. Across the ocean and across the land. The woman and her dragon. Growing older, growing their family.
Goryeo was only a star in the sky when the first of them passed away. It was sad to be left behind, even with their children and their children's children by their side, but it was inevitable. He was no longer dragon, but man. And it was okay because they promised. They promised to meet again, and Go Ha Jin keeps her promises. She was raised to meet him and she would meet him again. They would travel across time then. A different journey.
For to fear love is the greatest tragedy of all, and their story was never meant to be a tragedy.