The notes hit and for a moment he thinks he's hearing things. She's not really... Yes, yes she is really singing it. He tries to keep stoic, leave the door closed between them. But she's on stage singing 'Don't You Forget About Me' and he knows she's singing it to him. If there was any doubt in his mind it all gets erased the moment she throws her fist up in the air to mimic Judd Nelson at the end of The Breakfast Club. She has him right there. Really she's had him for months, it's just now it seems like she finally wants him too.
And she makes it clear when she rushes off stage to kiss him. He's been waiting forever for this kiss. Since the moment he played air guitar to her while she was standing outside the taxi. The song, the kiss, this moment. It's her big romantic gesture, like the kind that comes at the end of all the movies he loves so much. Except this isn't the end for them. Her big romantic gesture, it's their beginning.
The problem with movies is after the big romantic gesture the credit always roll. They never show you what happens after. So he doesn't really have a movie guideline to go by. And a big romantic gesture with a kiss, he knows that isn't going to magically change her. There's work still to be done, and he's got to figure out where they go from here. They know each other right, so figuring it out should be easy. Like the start of a new movie.
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Except he doesn't really know her. He realizes this once they get back to Barden.
The Bellas have a celebration party and invite all the other a cappella groups on campus. Mainly the party is just so Aubrey can rub their national championship in everyone's faces. She walks around carrying the trophy and proclaiming herself the Queen of A cappella. It's her redemption and he figures that's why the rest of the Bellas let her do it because they know just as well as he does that they wouldn't have that trophy if it hadn't been for Beca.
Beca, who's been standing away from the crowd, standing away from him, off in her own place. It's in that moment while he's watching her smile at the people around her as she stands back, that he realizes he doesn't really know her. He knows she loves music, and that she's really really talented, and that under her heaping pile of issues there's someone even more special because she's special even with her heaping pile of issues. It's just... He wants to get beyond her issues. He wants to know her. He's been trying for months and now there's a crack in her walls, there's a hole in the pile of issues and he wants to burrow down into her. But he also doesn't want to scare her away.
Benji is showing her his latest magic trick when he decides it's time to make the next move. He won't have to fight anyone for her attention, he's sure Benji will easily bow into the background. So he stops at the keg and collects two cups of beer more making his way towards her. What he doesn't plan on his tripping over the speaker wire and spilling beer all over himself right as he gets to her.
Her face narrows and she laughs at him shaking her head, "You sure know how to impress a girl."
"This is why I use juice pouches. Juice pouches don't spill," he jokes and takes a step closer to stand next to her.
"SMILE!" Chloe comes out of nowhere to yell.
He doesn't have time to smile, his mouth is half open when the flash goes off, and it's not until she's moving away that he realizes Beca had leans her head against his shoulder.
"Hey," she reaches up and hooks her hand around his neck and draws him down into a kiss. He could get used to this. Maybe now he already is used to this because all he wants to do is kiss her. Kissing her is awesome and he really wishes she'd have let him do it sooner. But she's kissing him now and that's all that matters right now. They're going to have to talk it out at some point but for now he's okay with kissing her.
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Following they Bellas party they fall back into a familiar pattern of hanging out listening to music and watching movies.
Really it's not that much different between them than it was before she made her grand romantic gesture.
Except now it's more like they watch half of movies and there's music in the background because they always end up kissing.
It would probably be more than kissing if Kimmy Jin or Benji hadn't always seemed to show up just as things started to take a new turn. But kissing is good, he likes kissing her. He's not complaining about the kissing. He loves the kissing, it's just the kissing doesn't lend much in the way of talking. And he wants the talking too. He wants it all. He wants every piece of her.
The first time they don't end up kissing is when she tries to actually teach him how to mash up music. It doesn't make a lot of sense to him. Not that he doesn't love music and he loves what she does with it, it's just not his thing. It's hers. She talks about it with such passion, that he gets it and he likes that it's her thing. And he loves listening to her talk about it. She's the first person he's ever met that gets music the way he does.
"I think," he pauses and playful scratches his chin like he's thinking. "I think you should make me a special Jesse mash-up."
Her eyes soften for a moment and her head tilts at him and he can see the wall drop, "I already did that." She rolls her eyes and turns back to the computer screen reaching for her headphones.
"Hey," he stops her before she manages to cover her ears and without another word they're kissing again.
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The semester comes to an end shortly after the ICCAs and he's still unsure of what exactly is going on between them. It seems to be a running theme with her.
And now they're standing outside her dorm as he loads her bags into the taxi. She's not stoked about going back to her mom's for the summer. That's one thing he's gotten out of her, he doesn't know why but he's gotten that much out of her. And he likes to think it has something to do with not seeing him for three months. When he suggests they just run away for the summer she slaps his chest and laughs.
"I'm going to miss you. Weirdo."
"I'm going to miss you too," he says as he kisses her before she gets into the taxi.
She's smiling and waving at him as the cab drives off. He still hasn't gotten passed all her walls. He still doesn't have a clear answer about them. But the light is on, and he's going to leave it on until she comes back.
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His summer is uneventful. It's spent hanging out with friends from high school, watching movies and texting Beca. Mostly he just wants summer to be over so he can go back to Barden. He misses the Treblemakers, he misses singing, most of all he misses her. He really misses her. Like fly to where she is and stand outside her window holding a boom box up over his head, misses her. Summer can't end fast enough.
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He's helping Benji put his Star Wars tribute when there's a quick knock on the door before it flies open and tiny hands are pushing him against the wall. Benji's Luke Skywalker poster almost gets ripped before he has a chance to let go. Her lips hit his and he quickly responds. His mind is spinning, and he dizzy like he's been drinking all night but he knows the lips on his. He knows the hands that are in his hair, he knows the body pressed against her.
"You should lock the door." She mumbles against his lips. "Never know when a stranger is going to attack you."
"Umm hmm," he responds and catching her lips back against his. He's missed the kissing, that's for sure. But it's more than that. She pressed against him and there's warmth. And she smells like a beach. Like coconut and salt water and sunshine. Of course he'd never tell her she smelled like sunshine because he's pretty sure she's smack him or at the least quip back some witty remark about the way he smells like dork and nerd and geek all blended together. But he can still think it for a moment before he lets himself get totally lost in her.
"WHHSSSTTTTTTTTTT," the loud his of a whistle jolts them apart. He snaps his head in the direction of the noise.
"You dropped your rape whistle, Beca." Benji mumbles with the whistle still in his mouth.
She snaps forwards and snatches the whistle from Benji's mouth. "Now where were we?"
There's a gleam in her eye as she tugs at his hair and he willing leans back down. This year is going to be awesome.
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They pick up exactly where they left off before the summer. Falling back into that familiar pattern of half watching movies and music in the background and lots of kissing. And while he's not exactly complaining to her about it all there's still things nagging him. Like she still doesn't talk much about herself. She's slowly opening up the little stories about high school come periodically and it seems like every day he's learning something he didn't know about her. Like on top of not liking movies (he's still working on changing that if the kissing would ever stop getting in the way) she doesn't really care for ice cream. He calls her Un-American when she reveals that. And he knows that the first week she had her driver's license she bumped into a parked car but didn't leave a mark so she drove off.
So he's learning little things about her. She's letting him in bit by bit, and he's not the only one doing the talking. But despite it all there's still something really nagging at him.
They're sitting on her bed sharing headphones when he finally gets the nerve to ask the question that's been on his mind forever.
She's moving in to kiss him, and before he can stop himself he's moving away and the words just come rambling out of his mouth.
"What are we? I mean there was the song and there's the kissing and the hanging out and..." He let's go of a breath and tries to collect himself as he's looking over at her. She doesn't make it easy for him to collect his thoughts. She's biting her with that glazed over look in her eyes like the kiss she was about to initiate was going to lead to more, so he knows he's just blown the moment but the words he just couldn't stop them so now he has to roll with it.
"I mean I know you're not into labels or conformity or anything else normal people do but what are we? Am I your boyfriend? Am I some guy you listen to music and watch movies with? Am I your friend you like to make out with? What are we?" His head jiggles forward at her as he lets out a laugh to try and lighten the air so he can play it off just in case his words backfire or he gets an answer he doesn't want to hear.
There's a long pause after his question and she opens her mouth, then closes it and tucks her hair behind her ears. Which is adorable and makes him wish he'd never opened his mouth and just stuck with kissing her.
"You're not just my friend I like to make out with. You're my best friend and I love the making out. So all of the above. Unless-"
He doesn't give her time to finish her sentence. He darts forward and catches her lips in a kiss. The IPod they'd been listening to lands of the floor and the headphones get tangles between them. Before they are get thrown to the floor and forgotten like neither of them care. Because he doesn't care and he's fairly certain, by the way she's pulling his shirt over his head and crawling on top of them, that she doesn't care either. He leans up to kiss her again, only to have her push him back down against the bed. Her fingers tickle down his bare chest before the reach the top of his jeans and stop. She toys with his belt loops for a moment before her hands move to the hem of her shirt, pulling it up over her head and tossing it to the floor.
His heart starts to pound in his chest so loudly he can hear it, so he knows she must be able to as well. And then she leans down ever so slightly with this smile on her face like... Like she's about to cross a new line with him and she's totally okay with it. And her eyes are soft and eager, and her hair falls to frame her face and it's just perfect. He blinks and looks at her again, taking a mental picture because he's pretty sure he wants to remember this moment for the rest of his life.
"Whoa, baw chicka wah wah." Fat Amy says she walks in the dorm room.
Beca throws herself against his chest and reaches for the pillow beside him, "Get out!" She yells before sink her face into the crook of his neck.
"Chill bitch I'm going no need to throw things. If you're not into people watching next time put a sock on the door when you're getting your freak on."
He tries to keep his laughter quiet, but his chest shakes and Beca smacks his chest for laughing. "It could always be worse. At least it wasn't Jim's dad."
Her head finally lift from his neck with her brow wrinkled in confusion, "Jim's dad?"
"Seriously... Jim's dad, American Pie one of the greatest teen comedies ever..." He let's out an exaggerated scoff, "You're movication is never going to be finished at this rate. We really should sta-" His words get cut off by her mouth against his.
She breaks away and rises up. "Do you really want to talk movies right now?"
He's thinking up some witty response when he notices her hands are behind her back. Then her bra falls on his chest and he stops thinking altogether.
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He wakes up to the feeling of her fingers trailing along his bare chest and the sounds of Fat Amy snoring in the bed across the room.
"Sorry I feel asleep," he mumbles as he runs the hand that isn't tucked underneath her across his face. "Have you been awake all night?"
She nods but doesn't say anything at first. She just sinks down against his chest and draws a lazy pattern with her fingernail as she softly hums. He gets the feeling that now isn't a good time for him to start talking, which is okay because he just wants to live in this moment. In fact it wants this moment to stay on replay forever. Well this moment and what happened a couple of hours earlier. And seconds later when she starts to talk in a quiet whisper he's glad he stayed quiet because she's talking. She starts telling him things. She's letting her walls down.
"When my dad left... It hurt. I was hurt and lonely and... Somewhere along the line I decided that I didn't want to be hurt or lonely. So I made the decision to just not feel anything for anyone. To just rely on myself and then I found music and it made me feel. It made me feel and it couldn't hurt me. So it's just been me and music. Until I got here. And I met you. And I became a part of the Bellas and I started caring about things. It scared the hell out of me. It still does."
He waits for her to say something else but she doesn't they just lay in the silence.
"It's okay! I'm mermaid I'll save you!" Fat Amy yells in her sleep before she rolls off the bed and lands on the floor with a thud but doesn't wake.
"Maybe next time we do this in my room. It's illuminated with light sabers but at least no one will try to fish us out of the ocean. "He laughs and bends to kiss the top of her head.
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He signs up for her dad's comparative literature class when he's picking his classes for the next semester. He doesn't mention it to her because he doesn't think too. It's just a class, and she can her dad are alright now so it's no big deal.
She's helping him pack up to go home for Christmas break when she finds his class schedule for the next semester.
"Why is my dad's course on your schedule?" There's a mixture of surprise and pissed in her voice.
"It's your dad; I thought you guys were okay now. I had some hours to fill and it's just a class. It's not a big deal."
"It's a huge deal Jesse. You're taking my dad's class why? So you can read boring 18th century literature and writing pages worth or boring pages? Do you think you can walk in on the first day, 'Hi I'm Jesse I'm sleeping with your daughter, tell me about her childhood? Tell me why she's so screwed up?" Other people yell, she doesn't she has a tone and her voice is in that tone.
A sigh leaves his chest; he should have known it would be a big deal. And he probably should have said something before she found the schedule. He doesn't want to fight, he doesn't want to leave campus in an argument and that's exactly what's happening. "Beca, it's just a class. It's no big deal. I'll take something else if you want."
"No it's fine. Take my dad's class. Become best friends with him. Go guys can go fishing or play Frisbee golf in the quad. He can spend time with you and tell you all about his first wife and the daughter that shut him out. He can make himself look like a saint." She spits out as she starts to collect her stuff. The cracks in her walls are closing up and they're closing up fast.
"Beca," he says her name like it's a statement not a name. Her back is to him and he can see her hand stop on the doorknob. "What is this really about?"
She looks over her shoulder at him. The softness, she girl who sang to him on a stage, she's gone. There's coldness in her eyes, the same look she gave him when she emphatically told him he wasn't her boyfriend. That look is back and it kills him all over again because again he doesn't feel like he's done anything wrong. And this time she closes the door on him and amidst his confusion his heart breaks.
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She doesn't return his calls or texts or emails. It sucks. And it makes Christmas suck. It makes him understand why there's those cheesy movies about lonely people during the holidays.
Benji comes to visit the week after Christmas and it helps a little. It gets his mind off of things; it helps him get his mind off of Beca. On New Year's Eve they partake in his family's tradition of drinking and setting off fireworks in the street in front of his parent's house. He's pretty sure that even after a year and a half of college Benji's never really been drunk before because after two beers and a shot of whiskey he's stumbling and hopping and having a really difficult time getting on the tailgate of Jesse's old truck to sit down and watch Jesse's cousin shoot off the last of the firework before the grand finale countdown to the New Year.
When the firework falls and begins to shoot off into the street Benji jumps off the tailgate and throws his hand in the air, "I'll fix it!" Benji declares.
"Whoa buddy," Jesse manages to get a hand on his shoulder before he heads into the street. "Let's not go to the hospital tonight." He jokes and helps Benji get back up on the tailgate. His eyes glaze over and he takes a breath as he watches the sparks shoot into the grass. He shakes himself from his daze and notices Benji staring at him in a way he'd probably have found creepy four beers ago.
"I never did thank you. I never really had friends before you. And I wouldn't be a Treblemaker if it weren't for you. I owe you." Benji slurs as he pats his shoulder. "You miss her don't you?"
He shakes his head no as he speak, "Yeah."
"You should call her, or text her or something her. You can't just give up on her that's what she's expecting."
He's still letting Benji's words sink in as everyone starts to crowd into the yard for the countdown. He pats Benji's shoulder and jumps off the tailgate! "I'll be right back man."
"I'll kiss you at midnight if you need me too," he hears Benji call out as he walks away.
He can't help but laugh because Benji is well Benji and doesn't realize how inappropriate the offer is. But inappropriate offer or not it's all with good intentions. Just like Benji's advice was with good intentions and Jesse knows that without that little push he wouldn't be walking into the backyard to sneak away from the crowd. He can hear the voices in the background starting to cheer at the fireworks; he plugs his ear and dials the number. He's three rings into the call and the voices behind him are starting to countdown when he's about to hang up when the ringing becomes silence for a second.
"Hey." She says it quickly like she's expecting him not to really be there.
He can hear the sounds of her music in the background, and he pictures her alone in her room on New Year's Eve. Then his mind flashes and he pictures them together just the two of them listening to music and acting like it's not New Year's Eve. The people get louder shaking him from his daze and he takes a step deeper into the backyard to make sure he'll be able to hear her.
"Hey... I ah..." He starts searching for words, any words but all he can think to say is, "I just wanted to say Happy New Year."
There's a noise from her end of the line that sounds almost like a laugh, and god he's missed her laugh. "Happy New Year Weirdo." She says softly.
She doesn't say anything else to him; she simply hangs up the phone. But she answered. She answered and he's not ready to give up on her. And it's a new year. That's what matters.
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He's still waiting.
It's two weeks into the new semester and he's still waiting. He goes to class, he goes to Treblmaker's rehearsal, and then he goes back to his dorm to study and watch movies and check his phone because he hasn't talked to Beca since New Year's Eve. He's not sure what he's waiting for. A sign. Enough time. The right moment. He's not sure why he's waiting he just is. Maybe he's waiting to figure it out. And maybe he's not sure what it is.
He's been searching his favorite movies for a road map. Looking for help for what to do next. And it's there in a movie he's watching at 3am because he can't sleep that it hits him.
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He's standing on the other side of the door listening to the Bellas rehearse trying to work up the nerve. Trying to figure out what he's going to say because he's not sure winging it is the best idea because pretty sure the whole thing is a bad idea. But he has to give it a shot. And if he gets shot down then at least he knows. He waits until they're in the middle of a song so he can slip in unnoticed and once they finish up the number he begins to clap loudly making his presence known before he rushes the stage.
"Jesse wha-"
"Just let me talk. Hear me out and if you don't like what you hear I'll leave and I won't bother you again." He waits and watches as the other girls aw and urge Beca to listen.
"Okay fine I'm listening go."
He sucks in a breath, "This is the part that doesn't go so well in my head. The clapping and the showing up that all played out right but this part..." He stops and swallows hard, "I told you once that you push away anyone that could ever care about you and I told you to figure out why... Well I figured it out for you. It's not the people that care about you that you push away. It's the people you care about that you push away. And the more you care the harder you push because you expect people to just leave. You push them away, they leave and that's that. It's done and you're right. Except you're not this time. You're not right about me because I'm not going anywhere. You're difficult and guarded and the most stubborn person I've ever met but I'm going to be here chipping away at your walls until you finally let me in. Because I love you," the words fall out and stumble as they leave his mouth. That wasn't part supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to say that, he knew he's felt that way for a long time, for what seems like forever and he half expects her to be running out the door as he says it. But she's not and that makes him stumble over his words. "I love you and I complete... I mean you.. I mean..."
"You complete me." She says as she takes a step forward shaking her head. "You really could have been less obvious. I mean really big speech in a room full of women, and you're the only guy around. The only thing you're missing is a little kid and a gay Nanny. The line you're look for is you complete me. It's from Jerry McGuire."
His head tilts back and he cocks an eyebrow as she catches him completely off guard.
"What I'm not allowed to watch movies without you now?"
"No I just..." He smiles as he realizes she's stepped within his grasp and he reaches out to pull her closer to him. "You know why ending are the best part of movies? Because they're not final. Even the ones that don't end happily there's more story to be told. There's always a chance at a happy ending. Let me in. Let me be your happy ending."
The girls around them start to aw and clap, and Stacie gives Beca the last push that lands her into his arms. Her arms wrap around him and she shakes her head against his chest as he hugs her to him.
"Don't ever pull anything like this again." She says before her lips hit his and the girls around them begin to whistle. She breaks their kiss leaving him breathless and searching for her lips. Before he can find them he feels her breath against his ear.
"I love you too, Weirdo."
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The apartment is for lack of a better word crappy and small. Like less than his dorm room small, but it's got its own bathroom and not having to share a bathroom with a bunch of other dudes is a total plus even if that means the coffee table is in the kitchen and will actually be where the coffee pot goes. He throws the last of the boxes down on the only piece of floor left and a picture frame comes tumbling out and lands at his feet. He picks it up and studies it. It's an old picture. It's from the Bellas celebration party his first year at Barden. In the background Benji is smiling awkwardly and Fat Amy is making some type of weird gangsta sign. He's standing with Beca, his mouth half open, a red cup in his hand, beer all over his shirt and her head on his shoulder. A smile crosses his face as he remembers the exact moment it was taken and the seconds after.
"What are you smiling at Weirdo?" Her voice breaks him from his daze as she lands on the bed in the middle of the living room and makes a come here motion at him.
A big romantic gesture didn't change who she was, it didn't make her a different person and it didn't erase her heaping pile of issues. And he's glad it didn't. He's glad it wasn't always easy with her because it makes him appreciate where they are now.
He places the picture on the small mantle in their first apartment before he shakes his head. He pauses and looks at her lying on their new bed, her hair falling to frame her face with this smile on it, a smile he'll never get tired of seeing. "Nothing just... Just looking at a happy ending."