Disclaimer - I own nothing you recognise.
AN - BellaJasper is my first love of Twilight, not gonna lie. Much as I like Bella paired with others, BellaJasper just makes sense to me. I don't know why, but I don't regret it. So, this story is somewhat special. I have it part written, eight chapters are ready to be posted, it isn't finished. It will be finished, I guarantee it. I don't leave stories unfinished. But! It does mean that updates will be sporadic and I'll post when I have time. Real life gets in the way far too often. If it was my choice, I'd spend every night writing, but it's just not to be.
I hope you enjoy, and please drop a review on the way out.
WARNINGS - This story is not for Edward Lovers. There's bad language, the possibility of both Violence and Lemons, and maybe a few other bits that I haven't thought of yet. Also, trigger warning - There is mention of suicide further into the story, but nobody dies. It's just mentioned. But the warning is there and you cannot say it isn't :P
Righting Wrongs
There was nothing left inside me. He'd taken everything with him when he left me in the forest. I couldn't cry, couldn't think, couldn't sleep. I didn't want to sleep. Sleep meant dreams, dreams meant nightmares, nightmares meant pain.
Charlie was stressed and hurt by my behaviour, but I couldn't bring myself to get better for him. He didn't understand and there was no way for me to explain it to him without betraying those that had left me behind. They might not care about me, but I cared about them and I wouldn't share their secret.
Renee was worried about me, and thought the best thing for me would be to force me away from Forks. I wouldn't leave. Charlie might not want me living under his roof any more, but he couldn't force me away from the town I now called home.
I'd walk the streets before I went to Florida.
Of course Charlie didn't kick me out, so instead of walking the streets, I sat in my bedroom, staring at the window for hours at a time. To distract myself from the pain, I threw myself into my school work, gaining A's across the board.
There was a time when I would have been proud of that.
Days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months, but I was still broken. I didn't speak to anyone. I didn't even make eye contact with anyone. I was a shadow of the person I had been. Anything of substance about me had fled Forks with the Cullens.
To keep out of Charlie's way as much as possible, I took a job at Newton's Outfitters. There were too many hours in a day for me to fill, but that eased the burden a little. Between school, studying and work, I was only left with the nights.
Night was always the worst. Thoughts broke through my shaky shield, destroying me again and again. Why I couldn't get past them, I didn't know. The memories; both good and bad, played on a never ending loop inside my mind.
They showed me time and time again how stupid I'd been to ever think that these beautiful, amazing vampires could ever want to keep me with them. They showed me how ridiculous it had been to think that Edward could ever love me. They showed me just how insignificant I had been to them.
Despite their perfect recall, I would be surprised if they even remembered I existed by now.
I wanted… There were so many things I wanted. I wanted to be angry at them for abandoning me. I wanted to tell Jasper that I didn't blame him for what happened on my birthday. I wanted to ask Alice why she didn't even say goodbye. I wanted to tell Edward that no matter what he thought, he wasn't a monster. I wanted to ask Carlisle and Esme why they called me their new daughter, only to discard me like last season's clothes.
So many things I wanted, but I would never get the chance to do any of them.
I tried to be angry. I hoped it would break through the haze that surrounded me. I hoped it would give me something to cling to, something to bring me back to life, but it didn't because anger evaded me like everything else.
I couldn't be angry at them for leaving because it was my fault. I wasn't important enough for them to remain for. I wasn't interesting enough, or funny enough, or pretty enough for them to want to stick around for. I didn't fit with their perfection.
As the sky lightened above my house, I got out of bed on autopilot, showering and dressing without once looking at the mess I would surely see in the mirror. Today would be filled with school and work, a few hours of respite from the thoughts and memories that clouded me.
When I got home and exhausted any and all school work I had, they would return with a vengeance, as they did every night.
I would succumb to them.
I always did.