A/N: I'm hoping that this story will inspire other Merlin/Lancelot shippers to write some stories, there have been very few since the Lancelot du Lac episode. I greatly prefer reading stories to writing them! I hope you enjoy.

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Merlin sighed as he walked into Arthur's chambers. The king was once again brooding, sitting staring into the fire. He had lost count of how many times he had walked into the same scene since Gwen was banished. Then again, Merlin hadn't been much better since Lancelot died once more.

"Arthur, I've brought your dinner. You should come eat, you haven't eaten much the past few days."

Arthur didn't even look up from the fire as he replied. "Just set it on the table. I'm not hungry at the moment."

"You need to eat something Arthur. I know it's hard, but…"

Arthur interrupted with a snarl. "You know? How would you know anything about it? I loved Gwen and she betrayed me. Now she's gone. You know nothing!"

That caused Merlin to snap. "Don't tell me I don't know! I know because Lancelot was mine like Gwen was yours! I loved him and then he sacrificed himself. It was hard but with time I healed. Then he was back and it was like he'd forgotten everything we shared and was enamoured with Gwen. Now he's dead again. Don't tell me that I know nothing!" He turned away not wanting Arthur to see his tears.

Arthur was stunned. He had known Merlin and Lancelot were close but had not realized how close they truly were. "How long were… were the two of you together?" He asked softly.

Merlin seemed to crumple in on himself. "Since the night before we overthrew Morgana. We had always been close but I had never dreamed that he may return my feelings until he confessed his own. He said he did not want to go into battle and possible death without having spoken. We were so happy for those months, almost a year, before the Dorocha were released. He worked so hard to keep me safe. He kept trying to get me to go back to Camelot while we were on the way to the Isle of the Blessed. He knew that I was planning to sacrifice myself for you. I should have known he would take my place. Did you know he turned around and smiled right before he walked through the veil? I felt like he had taken my heart with him."

Merlin fell silent. Arthur had never guessed that any of this had occurred. But he had another question. "What happened when Lancelot returned?"

"I was so happy to see him again. I was finally recovering from his loss but with him back it was like the world had colour again. I wanted to believe that everything would be fine but he had changed. It was like he had forgotten everything that had occurred between us, like we had nothing more than a passing friendship. His affair with Gwen came from nowhere! He had been attracted to her back when they first met but that was years ago. He grew to love her as a sister. And Gwen was utterly devoted to you. It makes no sense! Now he is dead again and Gwen is banished, leaving us both broken. I wish I could say that I wished he had never returned. You would be married and I would have only good memories of Lancelot. But I cannot say that because despite all the pain and devastation his return caused it still meant I got to see him one last time."

There was a long silence before Merlin spoke quietly again. "If that is all, Sire, I believe I will retire early this evening. I find I am not feeling well."

"Of course. I have an early council meeting so be sure to be on time waking me up in the morning."

Merlin just nodded as he made his way out of the room. Arthur looked back at the fire. There had been many surprises this evening but at least he now knew he was not alone in his grief.