NOTE:I WAS FREAKIN BORED YESTEDAY WHEN I WROTE THIS. IF YOU READ IT PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW. THANK YOU.
When things are at their lowest it's best to resort to humor to bring up ones spirits. It's just too bad Hiei can't take a joke. Maybe there's a way to open him up a little...
Hahahahaaha! Famous last words thus the inspiration for this story...
Lady-warrioress: Okay before I go on this fic will be totally ridiculous and random. I'm just writing what comes off the top of my head so if it sounds weird then it's because I'm winging it. Since I'm doing so people will probably get out of character. So I felt I should warn you right now. There is a pairing in this fic that I just decided to add this second. HieixBotan. I'll probably make the plotline ridiculous as well. I hope you enjoy it anyway.
Botan was sick of picking up dead spirits all day from a fifty car pile up on Highway 59 so she decided to go see her friends in the living world. She had been invited to go to the hot springs with everyone and it was just what she needed. Everyone would be there even Hiei who was being drug along by Kurama who insisted he go. He probably would have gone anyway to keep Kuwabara from trying anything on Yukina his twin sister.
"This should be fun," she said to herself as she flew her boat oar thing down in front of Kurama's house where Genkai had her car parked for no reason in particular. "I hope Genkai doesn't mind driving us there."
Just then Kurama and Hiei came out of Kurama's house. Kurama was lugging a big fat suicase and Hiei wasn't holding anything since he doesn't wear anything else but black pants and a coat.
"Hey Botan," Kurama greeted her. "I see you made it just in time." he threw the suitcase at her. "Put this in the car will ya?"
Botan reached out to catch it and when she did it was so heavy she was pulled to the ground in a cloud of dust.
"Pathetic," Hiei said glaring at Kurama. "You shouldn't throw your junk at her. She's not strong enough to carry your heavy luggage."
"Sorry," he said sweat dropping. "I thought she could handle it."
"You thought wrong," Hiei said walking over to Botan and lifting the suitcase off of her. "Try not to lift with your back next time."
Just then Yusuke, Keiko, and Kuwabara arrived. Yusuke and Keiko were dressed normal but Kuwabara was dressed... strange. He was in his swimming trunks and was wearing a snorkle and little flippers on his feet. He looked like a big frog.
Hiei for some reason found that look very amusing and burst out laughing. "MWAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHAAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Kuwabara glared at him. "What are you laughing at, hamster legs?"
"You look so freakin ridiculous!" Hiei cackled holding his stomach as he pounded his fist against the side of Genkai's car. "Mwahaahaahaahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
Everyone stared at him. Was Hiei actually laughing at something?
"Are you all right?" Botan asked.
"HEY STOP POUNDING MY CAR!" Genkai shouted coming out of the house. "I just had it repainted."
Hiei got ahold of himself and returned to his normal dark demeanor. "Are we going now or do we have to wait for Koemna?"
"Koemna couldn't come," Botan said. "His father grounded him. He put marshmellow peeps in the microwave and they exploded and caused a huge mess."
"Peeps," Yukuke's face turned blue in fear.
"What's wrong with you?" Kuwabara asked staring at him.
"He had a bad experience with pink marshmellow peeps when he was little," Keiko explained. "He ate all the yellow ones and then as he was getting the pink ones down they came alive and attacked him."
"Are you sure he wasn't having a bad dream?" Botan asked. "It is highly unlikely that a little creature made of marshmellows and colored sugar would be able to attack someone."
"You haven't seen the peeps in the Makai have you?" Kurama asked sweat dropping.
"No," Botan said. "What do they do?"
"You don't want to know..."
"Oh.."
By then Yukina had arrived.
"Hey everyone," she said walking up to them with a little suitcase. "Am I late?"
"You're right on time," Genkai said as she took the ice maiden's suitcase and put it in the car.
"Yukina!" Kuwabara said with big hearty eyes. "I'm so happy to see you! Did ya bring your bathing suit?"
Yukina stared at him. "Why are you dressed like a giant frog?"
Well that ruined Kuwabara's smoothness. His face turned bright red and he stepped back all embarrest out of his fish flippers.
Yukina noticed Hiei at that moment. "Are you coming too, Mr. Hiei?" she asked.
Hie stared at her a moment listening to her little kawaii voice and suddenly got a uncontrolable urge. "YOU'RE SO CUTE!" he exclaimed giving her a big hug.
A big DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM sound arose from the east as everyone stared in shock at Hiei's sudden cuddleness.
"Um... Mr. Hiei," Yukina said blushing with embaressment. "What are you doing."
Lady-warrioress: No I am not going to pair them up! They are related you sickos! Incest is evil and wrong! He's just being big brotherly and Yukina is cute like a kitten.
Hiei just then realized what he was doing and let her go. "Uh..." he said his face turning red. "Sorry."
"Are you hitting on Yukina, shrimp?" Kuwabara demanded.
"Don't be stupid," Hiei growled apalled by the very idea. "That's disgusting! Why would I hit on my own si... savior."
"What?" Kuwabara asked giving him a weird look. "Yukina's your savior."
"Yeah," Hiei said in a voice loaded with sarcasm. "I have a shrine to her where I go and worship every morning when the due is still wet."
SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! DOOOOOOOMM!
A dark background dropped out of the sky around everyone who suddenly became very nervous. "Eh..."
"What are you all staring at me for?" Hiei demanded.
Genkai decided it was time to go then as she saw everyone was giving Hiei the strangest looks especially Botan.
"All right everyone," the pink haired old geezer said stepping toward them all. "I think it's time we head out."
"Good idea," Yusuke said lugging his suitcase toward the car. "I can't wait to relax after all the ghosts I've been hunting down."
"The only ghost you hunted down all week was a rat ghost that was eating all the cheese in your fridge," Botan reminded him. "And you really didn't need to shoot the poor vermin with your Spirit Gun."
"Hey, he was about to eat the last slice of Swiss," Yusuke protested. "I couldn't let him get away with that. What would I have eaten for lunch today?"
Botan shook her head. "You're hopeless."
"Whatever."
Everyone got into the car and strapped in. Hiei was the last to get in and he found himself sitting next to Botan who was singing about a dog named Bingo. The short gothic demon rolled his eyes and looked out the window. Why me?
Yes Hiei why you? Because you're so cute!
Is someone talking to me? Hiei wondered looking around for the phantom voice.
Yes my love! It's me! The author of this ridiculous fic! Oh... These words are my own! From my heart! I love you! I love you! I love you!
What the hell?
Nevermind Hiei. Back to the story and stop talking to me.
You started it.
Yeah yeah...
Anyway... where was I? Oh yeah. Hiei was sitting next to Botan who was singing about Bingo. After her singing it for the past four hours Hiei was getting sick of it but didn't feel like saying anything out loud. Instead he used his telepathic Force powers to sent her a message that scared the bejeebees out of her. One minute she was singing happily the next she stopped in mid note with a terrified look on her face.
"What's wrong, Botan?" Keiko asked, looking over at her friend.
"Ahahahahahhaaaaaaaaaaa..." Botan said laughing nervously.
Hiei chuckled evilly then looked back out the window. That should shut her uo for awhile.
Think again Hiei.
Shut up! If you keep talking to me people are going to get annoyed at you!
Sorry, pooky.
Don't call me pooky.
Then go to sleep.
I'm not tired.
You are now.
Why?
Because I'm going to make you tired.
I'M NOT TIRED!
Shut up! It's my fic and I say you're tired.
Fine whatever.
So Hiei became tired and fell asleep. While he was sleeping (And looking totally adorable as well) he had the weirdest dream with the Partridge Family theme playing in the background. Botan was in the dream as well and she was dressed as Ichigo from Tokyo Mew Mew. She was acting all dramatic and reaching out her hand with big exaggerated sparkling eyes. "Ret! Oh Ret!" she was saying dramatically. "Whatever shall I do? Where ever shall I go?"
Hiei was in the dream too and for some stupid reason he was Ret or whatever the Gone With The Wind guys name was. "Frankly, Botan, I don't give a shit," he said before he walked out of the dorky flowery field and into the dark woods of MiddleEarth.
In the lands of Middle Earth there is a legend about the Dark Lord Saron who forged a ring... eh.. I can't remember the rest.
Well Hiei suddenly was dressed as Frodo and he now had the Master Ring of Fire or whatever. He was being chased by the phantom horse riders wth the poison swords and the scarey screams. Hiei wasn't afraid though because he is a bishi and bishis fear nothing because they have awesome bishiness. He also had his pretty little sword and his powerful Dark Dragon Of Darkness and Doom. He just summond the dragon on them and the phantoms vanished in screams. Hiei thought he had them beaten but the final phantom was the Phantom Of the Opera and he summoned the great spider Shelob. Hiei happened to fear spiders and screamed his head off. When it seemed all was lost...
Uh... Steph...
Yes Hiei?
You're getting off topic here.
Oh. Sorry. I got carried away. I'll just wake you up then.
Thank you.
Well anyway. Hiei woke up to find the car had stopped and it was dark. He also discovered he was alone. Oh no! They have abandoned me! he thought opening the door and jumping out of the car as he drew his sword. How dare they abandon me! I'm going to kill them!
Just then Botan came out of a brightly lit house. "Oh there you are, Hiei," the Onna said smiling sweetly. "I see you finally woke up from your little cat nap."
"What happened?" he demanded, grabbing her arm and pulling her toward him aggressively. "Where did everybody go? Where are we?"
"Umm..." she began blushing for some reason. "We arrived at the hot springs."
"The hot srpings?"
"Yeah," she said.
"WHY DIDN'T ANYONE WAKE ME UP!" he demanded of her shaking her arm.
"We thought you wanted to get some sleep," Botan told him wiggling in his grasp. "We didn't want you getting mad at us for waking you up." she glared at his hand. "Would you let me go?"
Hiei glandly abliged. "Baka ferry onna," he muttered as he walked toward the house.
"Hiei," Botan said in that strange, girl-longing-yet-not-wanting-to-tell-him-anything-but-wanting-to-at-the-same-time, voice.
He looked back at her. "What?"
"Oh nothing."
"Whatever. Don't stay out here too long. You'll get eaten by a bear."
Botan looked around in fear "B-bear?' she stammered. "They have bears up here?"
"Yeah," Hiei said seeing an opertunity to torture her a litttle. "There's this real big one they call Jason. They say he's so big and bad he'll eat anything thing even the Grim Reaper. So you'd better watch out!" Then he walked toward the house chuckling evilly.
Botan stood there looking around the darkened wooded area for a moment looking for Jason when realization suddenly hit her. "Hey Jason's not a bear!" she exclaimed. "Jason's a villain from a horror film!'
"Took you long enough to figure that out," he said before he stepped into the house.
Botan watched him go in then stomped her foot. "Oh, that Hiei..."
The next morning the Yu Yu crew woke to a monsoon. The rainy season had come early and the whole hot spring area was flooded. Everyone was stranded in the guest house but couldn't go anywhere because the basement was flooded and the boats in the lake house had floated out the door that Kuwabara had left open the night before and floated down the river. The only thing they could do was sit in the living room. Kuwabara was so bored he was practically glued to the sliding glass doors starting at everything they had left outside the night before float away... including Genkai's brand new Grand Cherokee.
"Hey Genkai," he said absently as he watched the car float down the street. "Your car's floating away..."
"WHAT!" the old lady exclaimed rushing to the window. "MY CAR!" she ran to the front door, opened it, and swan dived into the flood. "I'M COMING MY BABY!"
"Oh brother," Hiei muttered coming out of the bathroom where he'd been showering.
Yuskue noticed his hair was still sticking straight up. "Do you gel your hair when you get out of the shower?" he asked from his spot on the ugly pink and green polka dot couch by the fireplace.
Hiei glared at him. "I do not gel my hair," he said indignantly as he tied his bathrobe shut. "My hair happened to be this way ever since I was a baby."
"Did your mom gel it when you were born?" Yusuke asked.
Hiei pulled his sword out of thin air and pointed it at the school boy. "Say one more thing and I'll slit your throat with my mighty regeneration sword of power."
"Why did you call it that?" Keiko asked.
"Because no matter how many times I break it it's always back to normal by the next scene," he replied, grinning at his wonder sword.
Everyone sweat dropped. "Oh..."
Botan suddenly got a great idea. "Let's play trueth or dare!"
"YEAH!" said everyone but Hiei who hates playing games like that. Everyone wanted him to play anyway so Kurama knocked him out and tied him to a chair. When Hiei came to he screamed. "KURAMA YOU TRAITOR! WHEN WE GET HOME I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU BLEED!"
"Okay then," Botan said, making a cat face. "Let's begin. Who should we start with?"
"Oh me mememememe!" Kuwabara said raising his hand like a 3 year old.
"Okay then," Botan said. "Kuwabara. Trueth or dare?"
"Dare."
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO." said everyone but Hiei who was trying to chew himself free.
"Okay. I dare you to uh... fit your fist in your mouth."
"That should be easy for him," Yusuke laughed slapping the side of the sofa. "His mouth is big enough."
"Shut up, punk!" Kuwabara shouted punching Yusuke out. He then raised his fist and shoved it into his mouth. "Eathy ath fie." he said through his fist. But when he tried to remove it he found it was stuck. "EWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEE!" he screamed through his hand as he thrashed around trying to free his fist from his mouth.
"I knew that would happen," Kurama groaned sweatdropping.
"The why didn't you say anything?" Botan asked.
"I didn't want to be wrong."
Everyone fell over.
"Since Kuwabara is having a little bit of trouble right now let's chose someone else," Botan said. "Kurama, truth or dare."
"Ummm truth..."
"Do you have a crush on Britanny Spears?"
"What? No way!" he exclaimed sickened at the thought. (What? I hate Britanny. She's whiny) "I do have a crush on Kairi from Kingdom Hearts!" he said clasping his hands together with heart eyes. "She's so hot! She's waaaaaaay too good for Sora!" (Go ahead and laugh. I know ya'll want to)
"Oh boy," Keiko said, her eyes little lines.
Kurama looked around the room. "Umm Yukina, truth or dare?"
Yukina who had been staring at the fire in the fireplace like she'd been hipnotized looked up spacily. "Eh what?" she asked.
"Trueth or dare? Weren't you paying attention."
"Oh... sorry," she looked away from the fire. "Umm trueth."
"Do you like growing beets in your basement?"
"WHAT!" everyone gasped. "What kind of question is that?"
Kurama looked at them all nervously. "I couldn't think of anything."
"Well I don't grow beets in the basement," Yukina replied. "I do have an obsession with fire eating, though."
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMM!
"You what?" Botan asked her eyes as big as saucers.
"I like to eat and spit fire," Yukina replied getting a psycho look in her eyes. "It helps me relax after all the frustration of not being able to find my long lost twin brother! I have to relieve my stress some way."
"I feel sorry for your stress," Botan said glancing at Hiei who was still chewing through the ropes holding him to the chair. "I hope you find him soon."
"Me too," Yukina said. "Before I burn something down."
"I want some muffins," Yusuke said suddenly. "Do we have an blueberry muffins?"
"The muffins were eaten by the dog next door," Keiko reminded him. "You fought with it this morning and it won."
"Oh," he said remembering his encounter with Feefee the poodle. "Yeah..."
"Okay let's go on then," Botan said. "Yukina it's your turn to ask someone."
"Okay," Yukina looked right at Hiei. "Trueth or dare, Hiei."
Hiei stopped biting the rope and stared at her. "I don't want to play," he said in a half civel voice. He didn't want to blow up at his sister.
"Please?" she said in a very cute voice.
Hiei could never stand her cute voice. It always made him more compliant. "All right," he said giving in. "Trueth..."
"Are you my brother."
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM! Didn't expect that did ya? Mwahahaha!
I better not have to tell her.
You shut up. It's trueth or dare, you fool. If you lie you break the rules and have the swallow a thousand needles.
I've swallowed worse but I CAN'T tell her! Shigure would kill me!
Shigure is an ass. Why do you care about him anyway? He wouldn't know if you told him. That's your mistake for not bringing any money with you when you talked to him.
Don't remind me...
You brought it up.
I did not!
Back to the story and if you don't knock it off I'll MAKE you tell her.
You wouldn't dare!
Try me!
Dew...
Hiei froze in horror. What could he do? He couldn't run, he couldn't hide, he couldn't even kill himself. The only thing he could do was... da dum dum... tell the truth.
"Uhhhhhhh..." he said stalling. "What makes you think that?"
"Don't play dumb with me, Hiei," she said folding her arms. "My mother's friend said something about my brother having psychotic eyes and being part fire demon. You have psychotic eyes and you're a fire demon. Do the math."
"Eh..." sweat poured down his forehead.
I can't stand it. I'm not making you stall any longer.
DONT' DO IT!
You shut up. (Throws in corner) This is my fic not yours. If you want to do a fic write your own!
"Yes I am your brother!" he burst out before he could stop the author. "I'm your big brother and I love you!"
"Uhhhhhhhhh." Yukina said her eyes wideing in horror. "What?"
"Not like that, Yukina." he corrected before she thought he was nuts.
Yukina let that sink in then burst into tears. "OH HIEI!" she screamed running at him and glomping him chair and all. "I'm so happy!"
Suddenly Shigure stomps in from a cloud of smoke with his bladed holahoop. "I told you not to tell!" he shouted in a his annoying voice. "Since you broke your part of the bargine I'm going to tear that fake eye out of your head and make you eat it."
He came at them but Yukina used her ice maiden Shiva powers to Diamond Dust him into the waste basket. "Leave my brother alone, ponytail man!"
Shigure How did you get in here? Get out of there! (Grabs Shigure and throws him in a dumpser) Nobody likes you anyway. Why don't you go make out with Karasu or something?
Well after an hour of the happy reunion of the twins it was back to the game...
"Okay then," Botan said. "It's your turn Hiei."
"I don't want to," he said.
"You have to," Botan went on. "Yukina chose you now you have to chose someone."
Hiei sighed and rolled his eyes. "All right. Botan truth or dare?"
Botan didn't even flinch. "Dare!"
To Be Continued
A/N Arrgh! My fingers hurt like mad! This is the longest thing I have ever written in one chapter in my life! No Shigure is not gay I was kidding. Karasu is gay though. He loves Kurama. He's got a hair fetish but he's not going to be in this story because he looks stupid and I hate him. I told you it was going to be random. And I also told you they would be Out Of Character so don't point it out and say "They would never say that" or "They were out of character and you suck". This is what happens when inspiration just comes to you. Though if you think about it it's kinda fun. lol. Poor Hiei. I wonder what'll happen to him next?AND NO I AM NOT PUTTING ANY FREAKING CHARACTER DESTROYING YAOI IN HERE SO DON'T EXPECT IT!
Hiei: You're so mean to me
Ladywarrioess: What? You want to be paired up with Kurama?
Hiei: What? Eew! No! We're just best friends!
Ladywarrioress: Yup Yup! Oh so true you look better with Botan anyway.
Hiei: See you still hate me.
Ladywarrioress: Shut up or I'll make you cry tear gems
Hiei: I don't cry tear gems!
Ladywarrioress: Now you do! (comes forward with evil intentions)
Hiei: Stay away from me!
Ladywarrioress (looms): C'mon cry Hiei! Let me see your tear gem goodness
Hiei: backs away You're crazy!
Ladywarrioess: Cry, my love, cry!
Hiei: I won't cry! Only girls cry!
Ladywarriores: Real men cry, dude.
Hiei: ehhhhh...
Lady-warrioess: NOW CRY! (stuffs onion under his nose)
Hiei: ARGH! (cries) (plink plink plink)(tear gems hit the floor)
Ladywarrioress: AH HAH! I was so right!
Hiei: (wipes away tears) Shut up!
Heheheheh. HieixBotan forever!
One more thing: If you read this and tell me I suck and flame at me what was your intention for reading it then? Did you just read it because you felt like flaming someone today? If that's the case you shouldn't have read this fic at all. It was just a waste of yours and my time. Think before you flamers review. I didn't write the story for you anyway so don't get all over me about it. It's not for you and I don't even know you so shut up and leave me alone!