Quick little note here: Warning this is a crackfic with some weird crack pairings so be sure you're cool with that before reading. Now with that little warning out of the way I want to explain one of the pairings (it kind of needs explaining) so in this crackfic this is what has happened so far: Ace defied logic and lived after Akainu gave him that fist of death, so before being arrested and killed by Akainu Ace was in a relationship with Akainu. (I'm sorry I know it's horrible but I find it kind of funny to think they were in a relationship and when they got into a fight Akainu just sent him to Impel Down and Ace being all like 'worst break up ever') So Ace and Akainu broke up and Akainu started dating Rebecca...I have no excuse for this pairing...I think that's the only pairings that need to be explained...Alright enjoy the stupidity of my mind ~
The dark haired man handed his hat and coat to the door man who nervously accepted both before quickly disappearing avoiding the man's hawk-like eyes that seemed to be scanning the dimly lit restaurant.
"This way sir." A waiter gestured for the man to follow him. Mihawk simply followed the man without a word still looking at the romantic setting of the restaurant gave him an uncomfortable yet home-like feeling. He always felt his castle was very romantic and would be a great place to take a loved one to but sadly he had no interest in such things – and yet here he was at one of the most fancy and romantic restaurant's in the New World.
Finally the waiter stopped standing beside a table, it was dark in the place the only light coming from candles placed on each table with a rose sitting on each plate. Mihawk sighed as he sat down and crossed his arms – his date was late.
"Would you like some wine sir?" The waiter offered holding a fresh bottle of the finest wine, Mihawk simply gestured for him to proceed.
"That will be all for now." Mihawk said calmly leaning forward to pick up his glass as the waiter walked away. He could see the silhouettes of couples sitting at the tables around him, he quickly noticed a couple in the corner that seemed very much in love as the girl held his hand with a loving smile on her face just staring at him. The man was quiet large with strange hair – looking closer it seemed there was more then two hands holding his one rather large hand on the table. Strange.
"Dracule?" Mihawk turned his attention to his name being mentioned only to see, of all the people in the world Thatch. A soothing saxophone began to play in the background as Thatch smiled wide sitting down across from Mihawk, "so your my date eh?"
"Date?" Mihawk questioned with a glare as Thatch continued to smile.
"When he said he'd find me a date I was not expecting a warlord." Thatch said laughing nervously.
"Nor was I expecting a Commander from the Whitebeard Pirates." Mihawk replied.
"Well we're already here we might as well make this fun." Thatch said grinning, "waiter I'd like some wine too."
"Fun." Mihawk leaned back in his chair with a dull expression.
"Mihawk doesn't look happy at all." Shanks said giggling like a small child placing his hands over his mouth to hold in the laugh as he glanced over his shoulder at their table.
"Thatch actually looks a bit nervous. That's rather rare yoi." Marco adds tapping his hand lightly on the table.
"Hawkeye agreed to go on this 'date' if I promised something interesting would happen. I hope your brother doesn't let me down." Shanks said lifting his menu to cover his face trying to avoid being spotted by Mihawk.
"Did you beg me for three weeks to go out with you so that you could spy on Hawkeye?" Marco questioned, "it almost makes me jealous."
"Jealous?" Shanks quickly turned his attention back to his date with a wide grin, "Marco the Phoenix is jealous?"
"I didn't say that." Marco grinned, "I said almost."
"Come on let's figure out what to order." Shanks says picking up his menu, "how about chicken?"
"No!" Marco yelled slamming his hands on the table.
"Why?" Shanks questioned.
"I-I just don't like chicken alright yoi!" Marco answered blushing.
"How about we order two steaks then?" Shanks offered.
"That sounds fine." Marco sighed sitting back.
"What about some pineapple ice cream for dessert?" Shanks grinned.
"Are you trying to get me angry Redhair?" Marco questioned crossing his arms.
"No of course not." Shanks said quickly putting the menu down, "how about you pick dessert?"
"Fine." Marco responded lifting his menu up to inspect it closely.
"Afterwards we can get drunk and you can come back to my place." Shanks muttered under his breath.
"What was that yoi?" Marco questioned his dull expression still ever present on his face.
"Nothing." Shanks replied with a grin.
"I don't trust you at all." Marco mumbled glancing back down at the menu.
"How dare he go out on a blind date!?" Izo yelled angrily crumpling the menu in his hands as he glared over at Thatch. Thatch was laughing loudly after telling some sort of joke that was not amusing to Mihawk in the slightest.
"Well he did ask you out first." Vista commented looking over his menu.
"That doesn't mean he should go out with Hawkeye." Izo said placing the now destroyed menu down on the table.
"What do you think about chicken?" Vista asked looking up at Izo.
"I have no time for that." Izo answered crossing his arms, "I can't just let him steal Thatch from me."
"Thatch is yours?" Vista asked as Izo began to blush.
"I-I didn't mean it like that." Izo said nervously avoiding eye contact.
"Do you really think Thatch is taking this date seriously?" Vista questioned placing his menu down.
"Of course he is! Look at him he's obviously trying to get him drunk so he can take him home!" He crossed his arms slouching back in his chair with a scowl. Vista glanced over to see Thatch calling the waiter over with another bottle of wine – he was obviously trying to get Mihawk drunk but it surely wasn't to take him home.
"If it upsets you so much why'd you refuse to go on a date with him?" Vista questioned curiously.
"W-well because...Well it's like this...Sometimes you just have to – you know." Izo's face blushed bright red as he stuttered out these words trying to find his train of thought.
"We should get the pineapple ice cream for dessert. We can bring some home for Marco." Vista commented returning his attention to the menu.
"I didn't want Thatch to think I was too eager about going on a date with him or he might loose interest in me." Izo pouts, "now he's out on a date with Hawkeye."
"Izo?" Vista's voice was soft as he realized how much this was hurting his brother. Izo placed his face down on the table pouting as Vista reached over placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, "Thatch really likes you Izo. I know he's got no interest in Hawkeye."
"R-really?" Izo muffled out with his face still firmly placed on the table.
"You need to be more honest with Thatch. He's not exactly what we would call smart." Vista sighed rubbing Izo's back.
"Y-you're right Vista." Izo said lifting his head up with a smile on his face and misty eyes.
"Of course I am." Vista said back with a big grin.
"I will tell Thatch how I really feel." Izo said standing up proudly.
"Good for you Izo." Vista commented clapping.
"Right after I shoot Hawkeye in his forehead." Izo said pulling his gun out from inside his top.
"I can't let you do that Izo." Vista stood up quickly grabbing Izo's arms.
"I'm going to tell Thatch how I feel and get rid of the competition!" Izo tried desperately to break free of Vista's grasp, "Vista do you plan on standing in the way of my happiness?"
"I'm just standing in the way of you getting into a fight with a warlord for no reason." Vista sighed shaking his head.
"I'm so glad you could get the night off from work honey." Rebecca said wrapping her arms tightly around Akainu's arm as he led them over to their table. He stopped across the table pulling her chair out and allowing her to sit down before pushing it back in and taking his seat directly across from her.
"I promised you we'd have our date night." Akainu said with a soft smile on his face.
"You work so much I always worry about your health." Rebecca commented with a worried expression.
"I should be the one worrying about you." Akainu said taking her hand.
"How has work been?" Rebecca asked placing her free hand over his hand.
"Pretty good." Akainu answered, "we hired a new Admiral."
"Oh really?" Rebecca questioned.
"Yes." Akainu answered, "he's blind."
"That doesn't sound like someone I'd trust in such a position." Rebecca gave him a worried look before finally taking her hands away to pick up her menu.
"Once you meet him you'll understand he's perfect for the position." Akainu commented picking up his menu.
"When do I meet him then?" Rebecca questioned with a smile.
"He's the man I'm sending to Dressrosa." Akainu said only to meet with another worried look on Rebecca's face.
"Are you sure you can't come?" Rebecca questioned.
"I'm sorry Rebecca." Akainu's expression softened as he reached his hand over to touch her's softly, "I have to work."
"I understand." She sighed softly and he brought his hand back to his menu with a smile.
"I promise Fujitora will save Dressrosa." Akainu said smiling, "I have total faith in him."
"You have that much faith in this man?" Rebecca questioned, "Then I'll put my faith in him too."
"You bastard!" Izo yelled holding his pistol out standing on Thatch's table. The barrel of his pistol pointed directly between Mihawk's eyes who seemed very unamused by the gun being in his face, "how dare you take my brother out to dinner then act so disinterested?!"
"Izo..." Vista sighed trying to pull Izo away.
"He is the most handsome man in this whole restaurant!" All attention in the restaurant turned to Izo who was obviously not making a big scene.
"I beg to differ." Shanks begins to stand up only to have Marco casually push him back down in his seat.
"Stay out of it redhair." Marco mutters.
"Izo calm down." Vista said grabbing Izo's arm.
"I am calm!" Izo yelled staring into the blank expression of Mihawk.
"You don't look calm." Vista mutters picking Izo up off the table, "you seem very much upset."
"What are you two doing here?" Thatch questioned confused, "did you refuse to go on a date with me so you could go out with Vista?"
"Izo was worried about your date." Vista answered placing Izo down on the floor, "he was worried you might like your date a little too much."
"N-no I wasn't!" Izo argued.
"I have no interest in the third division commander." Mihawk sighed standing up, "I was told by Redhair that if I came here something interesting would happen." Mihawk's gaze fell over to Shanks table as he smiled widely at the hawkeyed man.
"Is a cross dresser pointing a gun at you not interesting?" Shanks questioned with a grin.
"I guess you were right." Marco said taking a drink, "Izo did show up yoi."
"What?" Izo questioned confused as Vista took his pistol away, "you mean this wasn't a real date?"
"Of course not." Mihawk replied, "The third division commander reminds me far to much of another red-haired man that I find extremely annoying. I would never date him."
"That's a little uncalled for." Shanks said pouting.
"I feel insulted since I happen to be on a date with the other red-haired annoying man." Marco muttered.
"It was a pleasure." Mihawk said turning around to leave as the waiter placed his hat on his head and hands him his coat, "let's not do this again."
"Izo?" Thatch's voice was playful as a large grin spread across his face, "you came here to ruin my date? Were you jealous?"
"M-me!? Jealous?! Of course not!" Izo denied blushing, "why would I be jealous of an obviously fake date?"
"You were totally jealous!" Thatch laughed happily, "that's so cute!"
"I'm not jealous!" Izo argued.
Akainu's attention was drawn away from Rebecca as he could hear the arguing across the restaurant, his eyes widened when he saw who it was that was arguing, "Whitebeard pirates!"
"Akainu?" Rebecca questioned worried – his attention quickly turned back to his lover, "you're not going to work on our date night are you?" Her eyes became misty making them sparkle in the candle light as she beamed at him.
"O-of course not Rebecca dear." Akainu stumbled with a smile, "I wont let anyone ruin out date night."
"Good." Rebecca quickly returned to a loving smile.
"Stupid Akainu." Ace mumbled to himself sulking back in his chair glaring over his menu at Akainu and Rebecca.
"Yeah he's the stupid one here." Sabo sighed sitting across from Ace, "should we get the lava cake for dessert?"
"What does she have that I don't!?" Ace questioned loudly causing all attention to turn to the sudden outburst. Sabo quickly jumped across the table pushing himself and Ace under the table to keep from being scene by the fleet admiral.
"What was that?" Akainu questioned looking around – his eyes met with a seemingly empty table.
"I'm sure it was nothing." Rebecca replied softly.
"She has a vagina alright now be quiet." Sabo mutters holding Ace's head down under the table, "if wee get caught here we're going to be in big trouble. He still thinks you're dead."
"That's why he's out with her. He thinks I'm dead I bet if he knew I were alive- "Ace begins only to have Sabo violently shove his head down further.
"Stop talking you're being stupid." Sabo mutters angrily, "I can't believe I let you talk me into going out like this."
"He's probably having such a hard time getting over me." Ace sighed returning back up to his seat, "poor guy."
"You keep telling yourself that." Sabo sighed picking up his menu as he returned to his seat, "though I think he got over you when he put that thing in your chest."
"Don't flatter him he's not that big." Ace commented rolling his eyes. Sabo just stared at him silently with a rather unamused look at his face.
Silence remained between the two brothers as they glanced over their menu's trying to decide what to order.
"Oh you meant the hole!" Ace realized suddenly causing Sabo to glare at him.
"Moron." Sabo sighed rubbing his head only to see Ace had fallen asleep on his plate, "I really shouldn't have agreed to this."
"Vista! You ordered the chicken yoi!" Marco yelled shocked at he looked at the food placed on Vista's table.
"I didn't realize you were here Marco!" Vista tries to defend himself.
"So you were going to eat chicken behind my back?" Marco questioned.
"Calm down Marco. It's alright I wont eat it if it bothers you that much." Vista sighed.
"Come on Izo you can join me for dinner since you chased off my date." Thatch offered pulling out a chair at the table. Izo smiled at Thatch before taking his seat.
"I'm not even dressed for a date though." Izo said looking down at his clothes.
"I think you look great." Thatch commented smiling, "this is going to be a date to remember."
"You two are just going to act like nothing happened?" Vista asked shocked.
"Don't change the subject! Bring the chicken back yoi!" Marco demanded.
"Alright, alright." Vista said picking up the plate from his table and walking over to the waiters station.
"What are you doing?" Marco questioned turning to see Shanks holding part of his tie in his mouth and another part in his hand.
"Ai ahmost gert it.[I almost got it]" Shanks grunts out.
"You're so helpless for a emperor, it's almost pathetic yoi." Marco sighed leaning in and grabbing both ends of the tie.
"I really appreciate this Marco." Shanks said with a smile.
"Fixing your tie?" Marco asked looking up at Shanks confused.
"I know you find me annoying but I really do appreciate you coming out with me tonight." Shanks said, "I even dressed up just for you."
"I don't find you that annoying." Marco sighed standing up straight, "and you do look rather good all dressed up yoi."
"Really?" Shanks questioned with big sparkling happy eyes.
"Well I wouldn't agree to go to dinner with someone I hated." Marco sighed – suddenly he felt Shanks arm wrap around his waist in a hug pulling him close.
"That makes me happy." Shanks laughed.
"Don't get any funny ideas yoi." Marco argued trying to push the redhead away.
"Well the show is done here." Shanks says releasing his grip on Marco, "we should head back to my place for some drinks."
"Trying to get me drunk?" Marco questioned with a smirk.
"Well that was the plan." Shanks grins, "I bet you're a light weight when it comes to drinking."
"A light weight?" Marco questioned, "alright let's make a bet."
"Bet?" Shanks asked, "what kind of bet?"
"Winner can do whatever he wants to the loser." Marco said smiling.
"You're on phoenix." Shanks agreed with a wide grin, "with a prize like that don't expect me to go easy on you."
"I wouldn't have it any other way redhair." Marco sighed following the redhead as he exited the restaurant.
"Why is he dating her? I'm so much better then her." Ace sprawled his arms across the table as he began to pout, "aren't I?"
"For the hundredth time yes you're way better then her." Sabo grunted reading his menu, "now pick something to eat I'm starving. I should get something with eggs."
"I bet he only likes her because she has pink hair." Ace mumbles, "i'd have pink hair too but Izo wouldn't let me dye it."
"Maybe you wear too much clothes." Sabo mutters looking over his menu paying little attention to his brothers whining.
"Too much clothes? I don't wear a top!" Ace argued.
"You still wear shorts though." Sabo smirked.
"Fine then I'll just walk around in nothing but my underwear." Ace said determined.
"I was joking Ace." Sabo said glaring at Ace.
"Speedo's are my super thing!" Franky calls out from across the restaurant.
"Franky." Robin said softly, "Don't talk to strangers – especially such weird strangers."
"Weird?" Sabo questioned standing up shocked, "but you know me Robin?!"
"I can wear speedo's too!" Ace argued.
"See obviously very strange." Robin said smiling.
"Super strange." Franky added.
"I don't want to hear that from you two of all people!" Sabo argued.
"Sabo calm down you're going to get us caught." Ace said softly.
"I don't want to hear that from you." Sabo said angrily turning to Ace.
"Everyone is so noisy in here." Doflamingo commented glancing over at the two couples arguing across the restaurant. "how uncivilized." He then returned his attention to his lovely date.
"I don't care." Law muttered squirming in his seastone handcuffs keeping him firmly in his seat, "can't we just go home."
"Not until you finish all of your bread." Doflamingo said grinning.
"I hate you." Law said glaring at him.