I didn't write Love Hina/Rurouni Kenshin. See the end of each chapter for translations of Japanese words used! To fully understand the jokes, I recommend you read KnightHawke's fanfic. It is not necessary to read his fiction before mine, but I highly recommend it, because it is the only other fiction with Tenshin in it, and it is very funny! My characterization of Tenshin is very different than Knighthawke's, but hopefully he's as likeable (or more!). All of the beginning chapter titles are RK or CB parodies. (Brief note: Tenshin is Keitaro's Uncle [Haruka's brother]. He tends to display alarming mood swings, act intentionally perverted, and be very violent towards his nephew.). This last update has been to switch formatting (yay!) and to delete my constant begging for reviews after each chapter ^_^ Enjoy!
Chapter 1 – The Man who Yells.
Urashima Tenshin's eyes narrowed predatorily as he stalked his nephew through the winding hallways. Keitaro could be troublesome when only wounded. Waiting for the perfect moment, he attacked his opponent from behind.
Twisting Keitaro's arm back, Tenshin snarled: "SAY UNCLE! SAY IT!"
"Ow! Ojii-san! OjiisanOjiisanOjiisan! Yeeoww!" Tenshin released Keitaro.
"Oi! I haven't done that since you were fifteen!" His eyes narrowed. "And it's uncle, not old man! Geez, I'm only thirty-two, barely older than you…"
Keitaro touched his sore arm gingerly; checking to make sure it was all in one piece. "Oww…that still hurts..."
Tenshin smirked at Keitaro and flexed one arm. "You know, I also haven't made you help me practice my attacks in years. I think we may have some catching up to do, ne?"
Keitaro backed away, holding his hands in front of him. "No! Not the sword practice! I mean…why'd you come to see me right now? I thought you were talking with Haruka."
Tenshin motioned towards Keitaro's door and followed him inside. "Well, 'Sis and I were talking about all these young, well-equipped, long-legged…say, do you know that your face just bright red?"
"O-ojiisan! You know that kind of language, uh, when talking about girls I, ah…." Keitaro stammered off into silence and looked at his uncle pleadingly.
Tenshin smirked again. "Keitaro, I've seen wet noodles stand up better than you! God knows if I were in your place, I'd have the babes …okay! I'll stop and get to the point!"
"Well, 'Sis and I were talking about your relationship with Naru, or rather, your lack of one."
"Huh? Lack of relationship?" 'Uh-oh.'
Tenshin nodded sagely. "I think you know what I mean, kiddo. Aside from one measly date, you two haven't gotten too romantic. And when I see you hesitating over a nice girl like her, its obvious you need serious help."
Keitaro frowned. "Oh, I see what you're getting at. Thanks for offering, but my friends tried a few schemes already and it kind of backfired." 'And got me in even more trouble than before.'
Tenshin jumped up from the ground and grabbed Keitaro by the shoulders. "Damn it Keitaro, I'm not just your friend, I'm your uncle! It's my sacred duty to our family to see you take control of your life! Now stop being so selfish!"
"What?! S-stop shaking me!"
Tenshin continued to shake Keitaro. "Damn it, I'm trying, kid! Didn't I explain the facts of life to ya like you were my own son? Now shaddup and listen!"
"If you try hard, you get what ya want. You should know this; you're going for Toudai, aren't ya? Well, if you really like her, you'll put the same amount of effort into Naru as you do for Toudai!" Tenshin released Keitaro and began walking away.
"Think about what I said. When you decide to get serious about Naru, tell me and I'll help you out."
Meanwhile, exactly overhead…"Oh my God! Tenshin told Keitaro about the birds and the bees? Hahaha, the poor guy!" Kitsune rolled over onto her side. "No wonder he's afraid to try anything! I'll bet Tenshin probably tried to make Keitaro learn by example!"
Kitsune giggled some more, until she realized that Naru wasn't paying attention. "Hey…Naru? You there?" Naru nodded distractedly. Odd how somebody perverted as Tenshin felt the same way about her relationship as she did. 'But would Keitaro listen? And if he did, what should I do?'
Chapter 2 – The Cross-series Solution.
"What?!" Keitaro stared at Tenshin in disbelief. " But it'll never work!"
Tenshin raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And why is that, little man?"
"Motoko will never agree to go on a date with you! And how will you tell me what to say to Naru if you're at the other side of the restaurant with Motoko?"
Smiling smugly, Tenshin waved a small pen in front of Keitaro's nose. "With THIS!"
Keitaro was unimpressed. "Um…with a pen?" Inwardly he sighed. 'Just as I was beginning to hope he was serious, Tenshin pulls out a pen.'
"Look, I got my doctorate at M.I.T, remember? This pen will let me speak with you via radio. Now just convince Naru to go, and I'll take care of Motoko. Okay?"
Keitaro nodded resignedly. "Yes, Ojiisan." He turned to leave.
"Oh yeah, and Keitaro?"
"Yes, ojii- ow!" Tenshin removed his elbow from the top of Keitaro's head.
"Call me Tenshin."
Setting: Hinata Inn Rooftop
"So…you're saying that this isn't a date, but a trip to a fine dining establishment in order to discuss sword techniques?" Motoko's tone sounded dubious.
"Of course! All the kendo schools in Massachusetts are doing it!" Tenshin sweatdropped.
"Hmm…very well then, I accept. I shall meet you and Urashima outside in an hour." Motoko bowed and left.
Tenshin whispered into the pen. "See? Just like I said…putty in my hands."
The response was immeasurably less confident. "Are you sure this is a good idea? What if Naru notices I'm listening to a pen before I speak? What if she doesn't want to go?"
Tenshin's reply was short and to the point. "Get-Her-Before-I Kill-You." Looking up, he saw Kaolla Su staring at him. "Oh…hello." He smiled weakly. "I suppose you're wondering why I'm talking to stationary, aren't you?"
Su shook her head. "No, I do it all the time with my toys! Watch this!" Su cupped her hands to her mouth. "MECHA TAMA-CHAN! ATTACK!"
A low, rumbling noise came from the ground below, and a gigantic mechanical turtle burst out of the ground and shot straight towards Tenshin.
Tenshin waved his arms frantically. "No! Make it stop! STOP! Ahhh!!" Tenshin ducked out of the turtle's way and began sprinting towards Su.
Su struggled with her controller. "Mecha Tama, STOP! Back to sleep!" Tenshin sighed with relief and turned around. Straight into the flipper of the charging turtle.
"Ye-OW!! Dammit, that HURT!" Leaping into the air, Tenshin drew his sword on the berserk turtle. Su fiddled with her controller with mild interest.
"It must've blown a fuse. Hmm…" Su studied the controller intently as Tenshin slashed down at the turtle, only to be caught in its mouth and shaken like a rag doll.
"What do you mean, 'Hmm…'?!? Get it offa me!"
"Aha! Here we are." Su pressed a button, and the Mecha Tama dropped Tenshin unceremoniously onto the floor as it flew back into its hole. Tenshin started to breath again. "Su, let's make my little chat with my pen a secret between you and me, okay?"
Su skipped away happily. "Sure, if you show me how to build one later!"
Meanwhile, in Naru's room…
"So, I was wondering if you would like to come with us to relax for a while, and celebrate that last test and …maybe see another movie?"
Naru had a small smile on her face. "Oh, I don't know, I promised Motoko I'd talk with her about Tama-chan again." 'Don't give away your feelings immediately: Make him beg for it first.'
"Tenshin said Motoko had agreed to go eat with us!" Keitaro waited for a prompt or suggestion from the pen, but all he could hear was static and faint screaming noises.
"Oh. All right then, if you *really* want me to come. I'll meet you outside in an hour."
Chapter 3 – The Critics Speak from the Mountain Home.
Kitsune and Haruka watched from the balcony of the Hinata Inn as the two couples departed. Kitsune was the first to break the silence. "Well, I'm glad that Keitaro asked Naru out again. I could tell he was just dying for a chance, ya know?"
Haruka light a cigarette. "Hai."
Kitsune continued. "You can tell he adores the ground she walks on! Watch the way he looks at her face!"
Haruka took a drag of her cigarette. "Hai."
"They just make such a cute couple!" Tearing her eyes from them, Kitsune looked at Tenshin and Motoko. "It's a good thing Motoko hasn't taken her eyes from her feet since they left, huh?"
Haruka breathed out. "Hai."
"After all, Tenshin *is* staring at her ass the way a starving man stares at a thick, juicy steak."
Haruka nodded.
Kitsune giggled. "Kawaisou. Don't you think it's disgusting how your brothers thirty-two and still so perverted?"
Haruka took another long drag. "Hai."
"And isn't it rather pathetic the way he's dating a girl half his age?"
"…Hai." Haruka breathed out again.
"And, uh…" Kitsune looked at Tenshin, his broad back still visible as the rest of the small group faded from view. "Don't you wish you were in Motoko's shoes right now?"
Haruka stared at Kitsune. "…."
"Um…never mind. Forget it. C'mon, lets go eat." Kitsune and Haruka headed downstairs.
Chapter 4 – The Man of the Shining Teeth
Tenshin smiled proudly. Getting Naru to go out with Keitaro had been the hard part, and all that remained were the details. Even better, he got to go out with another kendo fanatic. "Ah, life is good, and my plan worked out in the end."
A moment later a yowl burst from his shirtfront into his ears. "JUST HOW HAS EVERYTHING WORKED OUT?"
Tenshin jumped at the peeved little voice. Replying in a small voice: "Is that you God?"
"What?! Tenshin, what are you talking about? It's me, Keitaro! You were supposed to help me and Naru get closer, remember?"
"Oh yeah. That. Uh…good luck?"
"But what do I say? How do I tell her how I feel? Hello? Tenshin? Helloooo?"
Keitaro stared at his pen hopelessly. He should have known better than to trust Tenshin. 'Leave the rest up to him, indeed! That from the man who chose Hiten Mitsurugi because 'Chicks dig guys in Magenta Gi's!'
Naru smiled at Keitaro, trying not to feel uncomfortable at Keitaro's little monologue with his shirt. "So…Keitaro. How is your studying going?"
"Great! Thanks to your help, I got a 'B' on my last practice test!"
"Really? That's good, though you'd better not get too overconfident." Naru narrowed her eyes to help get her point across.
"No, no, of course not! Say, why don't we go see that movie now and eat dinner afterwards? After we pay for our drinks here, I mean."
"Sure, I haven't seen one in months!" The two waved to Tenshin and Motoko as they left.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the restaurant…
Motoko tried to focus on Tenshin's story. Like all of his, it focused entirely on a single master of Hiten Mitsurugi. Suddenly, she jolted. "Wait, I believe I recognize that story! It happened in Kyoto, did it not? And the giant's name was Fuji, right?"
"Yep. Not too many people know that story."
"I heard this story while learning Shinmei Ryu. Afterwards, Fuji repented by joining our school to protect Kyoto. Because of Fuji's respect for the master who understood his inner feelings, our school still considers Hiten Mitsurugi a close ally."
Tenshin grinned, showing off his perfectly white teeth. "How about creating a closer alliance right now?"
Motoko stared at Tenshin's leer with a hint of disbelief. "I think not."
"Damn. Okay, why don't you tell a story about Shinmei Ryu then?"
"Very well. A month ago, the ghost of a drowned woman attempted to murder your nephew. As she had taken over a friend's body, the only way to drive it out was with my school's succession technique."
Tenshin listened intently as the story unfolded. 'She knows the succession technique at her age?' "What is your succession technique?"
"It is a powerful ki attack that hits only the evil in its path. It can be used to exorcise or even destroy spirits. It is called the Zanmaken, ni no tachi technique."
Tenshin nodded, intrigued. "Really? My succession technique, Ama Kakeru Ryuno Hirameki, is a defensive battou-jitsou so powerful nothing can get past it."
"It sounds quite powerful. Was it difficult for you to learn?"
"It was hard to learn the lesson, but harder to live with it." Tenshin's gaze slowly traveled to Motoko's eyes.
"Keep going. I won't interrupt again." Motoko began her story again as Tenshin listened. 'Her eyes…the same as Shishou's…same voice too…'
Motoko watched Tenshin carefully. His expression had begun to unnerve her. 'He looks at me as if I were an image superimposed onto another…'
"I needed a subject while I learned the technique. Keitaro took enough attacks to kill any ordinary man."
Tenshin nodded slowly. "I suppose his visits during my training paid off."
"Visits? You mean Keitaro also knows Hiten Mitsurugi?" 'Surely Keitaro would have mentioned it, but then, he never mentioned his uncle either…'
"No, of course not! A shrimpy, feminine guy like him would never learn Hiten Mitsurugi! But whenever he visited, my Shishou would teach him whatever I was learning at the time as well. Of course, Shishou made sure that whenever Keitaro came to visit we would be reviewing simple defensive techniques."
"Simple defense techniques like…catching a sword with your bare hands?"
"Yeah, that kind of thing. Catching a sword, exaggerating weakness to fool an opponent, how to fall without injuring yourself, how to hold an opponent without hurting him." Tenshin put on his biggest smile. "How about we practice that last one?"
Motoko ignored Tenshin's lascivious grin pointedly. "I already know how. As for Keitaro, he certainly takes enough pain. Every day he's hit at least half a dozen times."
"Yeah, that sounds like my spineless little nephew alright. No matter how many times I tried to toughen him up, the little fool still didn't fight back."
Motoko's eyebrows rose. "You only hit him when he did something perverted, right?"
"Huh? Why would that require punish…oh yes, of course! Um, he was quite the perverted little eight year old, but I think I cured him of it."
Motoko sensed a lie, but didn't care enough about Keitaro's childhood to pursue the topic. "Well Tenshin, I thank you for the meal, but it is growing dark and I must return."
Tenshin jumped to his feet. "Why don't we go to m- " He broke off in midsentence as Motoko stood up and stretched. 'The same face…yet so different.'
Motoko blushed slightly. 'Why is Tenshin acting so strangely?' "What is it?"
"No-nothing! I trust you will allow me the honor of escorting you back?" Tenshin held the door for Motoko as she left the restaurant.
Chapter 5 – Photo Booth Samba
"Thanks for the dinner and the movie, Keitaro." Naru mimicked slashing down with a sword. "And you're saying your uncle knows Hiten Mitsurugi, just like in the movie?"
Keitaro hurried to keep up with Naru's pace. "Yeah, he's really into it. He graduated about a month ago. I think he wanted to stay and study longer, but always changed the subject when I brought it up."
Naru twirled around and looked at Keitaro, hands clasped behind her back. "Say Keitaro, was it a coincident you asked me out on the anniversary of our first meeting?"
"Hahaha, that's right! Why don't we get a photo sticker together to celebrate?" Keitaro pointed at a booth across the street. 'Three years…they had passed so quickly with her…'
"Well, all right." Naru smiled at Keitaro and followed him into the booth.
Keitaro fiddled with the machine and then sat back next to Naru. "One, two, three,… Oi!" Keitaro blinked as the camera flashed, and felt a sudden soft sensation on his cheek.
Naru quickly exited the booth. "Now that we've indulged in your little hobby, can we go home?" Despite her annoyed tone, she had a pleased smile on her face.
"One moment, Naru. I think that last picture was a little blurred." 'Dammit, he hadn't even noticed!' Naru felt the growing urge to pound Keitaro into the dirt.
"I hope someday you overcome this childish obsession." She climbed back inside and stared straight into the flash. As she closed her eyes and waited for the colors to fade, she muttered grim implications about how they should be studying. "The test is only a week away and besides…Oh!" She opened her eyes to see Keitaro smiling at her.
"I know. If we don't study, how will we ever get into Todai together?" Keitaro held his hand out to help Naru out of the booth. She accepted, resisting the urge to touch her cheek as they started walking.
"Yes. Our promise." The two slowly walked back to Hinata Inn.
Omake Theater – Tenshin and Tribble-ations!
Naru looked up. "Ah, Motoko-chan! I'm glad you came. I wanted to ask you something."
Motoko sat down across from Naru. "What is the problem, Naru-sempai?"
Naru blushed slightly. "I was wondering…what do you think of Keitaro?"
Motoko studied the ground intently, unwilling to look Naru in the eye. "I respect him. He is much stronger than he appears, and wiser than he looks. He has his faults, but does not let them interfere with his job as manager." She looked up at Naru, staring at her intently, as if judging her.
Naru shifted uncomfortably. "Ah, Motoko, would you mind stopping…?"
Motoko continued as if Naru hadn't spoken. "He is very strong, but also…soft. He is reluctant to use his strength to harm others, even when it is the best thing to do. And I feel the need to admit that I am glad for the two of you."
Naru froze as the implication of Motoko's words hit her. "I…that is, we ah haven't really decided…he's not exactly boyfriend material…"
"I also have a question, Naru-sempai. How do you feel about Tenshin?" Motoko held her breath.
"Tenshin…um, how do I say this, Motoko? Its uh, kind of how I felt about Keitaro when I first met him." Naru seemed reluctant to voice her feelings.
"Tenshin is uh…very different from Keitaro."
Motoko nodded. "He is not soft."
"No…Tenshin is many things, but he is not soft. He may be a swaggering, overbearing, tin-plated dictator with delusions of godhood, but he is not soft!"
"Then…you feel the same way, Naru? Good. I was worried that I had the wrong impression of him."
Naru looked up, her eyes wide open. Motoko was sitting across from her with a disconcerting expression, as if she was trying to hold back a huge grin.
Suddenly the rooftop erupted in a small chorus of laughter.
End of Chapter One
Terminology:
Ojiisan: Old man. Sounds very similar to Uncle (ojisan). It's a pun.
Ne: Right?
Toudai: Tokyo University. M.I.T. is Mass. Institute of Technology.
Kawaisou: How pitiful
Hai: Yes, affirmative.
Shishou: Teacher/patron/master
-Chan/-sempai/-san/-sama: honorifics. It helps the reader understand who is talking when they are familiar with each character's speech patterns.