Disclaimer: I don't own FF characters. Miserable Life of Support Characters-
series tells (mainly), as name implies, about support chars of FF7 (I
personally dislike all leading chars of FF-series)
Warning: Cointains Cloud/Aeris/Tifa/Charles Heston-bashing and violence!
Miserable Life of Support Characters
*Cid is reading newest Times magazine and cursing at the same time*
Cid: #%&@$!
Barret: Shuddap ya foo! I'm tryin' to watch A-Team!
Red: What's the matter, Cid?
Cid: Have you read this?
Red: What is it?
Cid: This is a interview of Spikey and his little mistress. Those &#£$@!
Red: Let me see*Red starts to read it* Goddamit! You are right!
Cid: How we are going to get even with them?!
Barret:*noticing conversation between Red and Cid* Get even with who?
Red: With Cloud and Tifa. They are taking all the credit from saving the Planet.
Barret: Lemme see dat! *Barret grabs the magazine and reads it for a moment* Dat foo! I found da AVALANCHE, not him!
Cid: * Has been thinking since Barret joined the conversation* I know! Let's tell to the press that Cloud's hair isn't natural.
Barret: Ya foo! I have better idea. What if we relieve dat Tifa's breasts aren't real?
Vincent: Or if we tell about Cloud's and Yuffie's relationship?
*Barret, Cid and Red stare at Vincent and Yuffie*
Yuffie: It was purely physical! *glares evilly at Vincent and throws her Conformer at him*
Vincent: *gets knocked unconsious by Conformer*
Red: *raising his voice* Be quiet! I have a good plan. All we have to do is- erm, forget it
Barret: Spit it out foo!
Red: You aren't going to like this *whispers to Barret and Cid*
Barret: Ya foo! I ain't doin' dat!
Cid: I think it's $@¤#%& good plan!
Red: So, are we going to do it?
Cid: *grins evilly* @%&# sure we are going to do it! Come on Barret, to the Highwind!
Barret: Ya foo's! We are goin' to regret dis
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
*Barret and Cid are walking throught corridors of the City of the Ancients*
Barret: Ya sure 'bout dis? Reviving Aeris ain't wise decision
Cid: Pretty #@$%& sure. It's not like I liked the flower #%&@$, you know
*Cid is reading a map, when hears a voice from front of him. Charles Heston appears from darkness*
CH: Could ya help me? I'm trying to get to FF8 FanFiction section *notices Barret* Is this darkie with you?
Barret: Ya lil' cracka ass! *shoots Charles Heston*
Cid: *wipes blood off the map* Thanks a #%&@$ lot! How are we going to navigate now?
*after hours of aimless wandering, they find the right room*
Barret: Dat must be it! *points the Shining Orb™ in middle of the room*
*suddenly Zelgadis appears out of nowhere*
Zelgadis: Finally, I have found cure for my condition *grabs the Shining Orb™*
Barret: Dat belongs to us!
Zelgadis: Why don't you try to take it then? *laughs sadistically*
Barret: Catastrophe! *ray of energy hits Zelgadis, killing him*
*Cid picks up the orb and they start searching the altar where Aeris was killed*
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
*at the same time in AVALANCHE HQ*
1 Cait Sith: *Notices that Vincent hasn't regained his consiuosness* Hey Red, Vincent died do you have any Phoenix Downs?
2
3 Red: *face buried in book* Don't bug me while I'm thinking!
4
5 Cait Sith: Okay then *puts Vincent in garbage bag and drags him outside. Unfortunately black Trans Am hits Cait when his crossing the road*
6
7 *Kefka comes out of the Trans Am*
8
9 Kefka: Goddamit! We are late from the party and you had to run over this guy!
10 Gilgamesh: It's not my fault!
Kefka: I don't want to hear it! ExDeath, drag that garbage bag to garbage bin. I'll put this corpse in to trunk.
Sephiroth: *sobs* I want my Masamune back
11 Seifer: *hits Sephiroth* Shut up! Kefka, what about Kuja?
Kefka: If Kuja wanted to go, he would have waited us at City of theAncients
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
*Cid and Barret are standing in place where Aeris was killed*
Barret: *stares at Shining Orb™ * How does dis thing work?
Cid: Red just said that it should be thrown into water
*Cid and Barret are interrupted by character who is flying throught air towards them. The character is wielding a huge sword. Barret and Cid dodge his pitiful attack and the character stomps to the ground*
Barret: *glares at the character regonizing him* Kuja, ya foo! Whatta hell ya think you're doin'?
Kuja: I have always wanted to try that. And what are you doing here?
Cid: We are reviving Aeris
Kuja: I'm sorry, but I can't let you do it
Barret: We'll see 'bout dat *knocks Kuja unconsiuos with his gun-arm*
12 Cid: *throws Shining Orb™ to water* This ought to do it
*pillar of light raises from the water and disappears. Aeris is standing next to Cid and Barret*
Aeris: *looks surprised* What am I doing here?
Cid: You are going to meet an old friend
Aeris: And that old friend would be?
Barret: Cloud, ya foo!
Aeris: *lightens up* I'm going to meet my Cloudy?! But I have to buy new clothes and shoes and blaa blaa blaa…
Cid: *looks Barret and nods* Do it!
Barret: Okay, foo! *knocks Aeris unconsious*
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
*Back at AVALANCHE HQ, Red and Yuffie are waiting for Cid and Barret*
Red: Where are they? I'm dying to get even with Spikey and that bitch
*suddenly door opens. Cid and Barret are standing in the doorway*
Red: Where we're you? Do you have Aeris with you?
Barret: *pointing a bag which Cid is carrying* #%&@$ right we have!
Red: Excellent! Then let's get going
*whole gang (except Cait and Vincent) boards the Highwind and Cid flies towards the Strife Mansion*
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
*gang is inside the Strife Mansion. They hear voices behind wooden double doors. Barret kicks doors so hard that they shatter. Everyone in the room turns to look(except Sephiroth who is sobbing in corner*
Cloud: What do you want?!
Red: Revenge! Aeris, come here!
Aeris: *notices Cloud* Cloudy! I'm back!
Cloud: Oh no! Not you!
Tifa: Cloud belongs to me!
Aeris:Oh, yeah?
Tifa and Aeris: Catfight!!! *they start fighting*
*at same moment Kuja comes in, carrying Masamune*
Kuja: Take your sword back! *throws Masamune to Sephiroth*
Sephiroth: Masamune!!! *picks it up and slashes Cloud. Then he flies away*
Cloud: Damn you Sephiroth! *dies*
Kefka: Damnit! I forgot to give him the medication! After him!
*Kefka, ExDeath, Seifer, Gilgamesh and Kuja run out of the room*
Yuffie: Mine! *steals Cloud's Materia*
Tifa: * knocks Aeris unconsious and turns towards AVALANCHE* Now I'm going to take care of you!
Cid: Boost Jump! *Jumps and pierces Tifa with Venus Gospel*
Tifa: Why me? *dies*
Red: Let's get outta here. This place sucks
*gang leaves and returns back to the AVALANCHE HQ*
Warning: Cointains Cloud/Aeris/Tifa/Charles Heston-bashing and violence!
Miserable Life of Support Characters
*Cid is reading newest Times magazine and cursing at the same time*
Cid: #%&@$!
Barret: Shuddap ya foo! I'm tryin' to watch A-Team!
Red: What's the matter, Cid?
Cid: Have you read this?
Red: What is it?
Cid: This is a interview of Spikey and his little mistress. Those &#£$@!
Red: Let me see*Red starts to read it* Goddamit! You are right!
Cid: How we are going to get even with them?!
Barret:*noticing conversation between Red and Cid* Get even with who?
Red: With Cloud and Tifa. They are taking all the credit from saving the Planet.
Barret: Lemme see dat! *Barret grabs the magazine and reads it for a moment* Dat foo! I found da AVALANCHE, not him!
Cid: * Has been thinking since Barret joined the conversation* I know! Let's tell to the press that Cloud's hair isn't natural.
Barret: Ya foo! I have better idea. What if we relieve dat Tifa's breasts aren't real?
Vincent: Or if we tell about Cloud's and Yuffie's relationship?
*Barret, Cid and Red stare at Vincent and Yuffie*
Yuffie: It was purely physical! *glares evilly at Vincent and throws her Conformer at him*
Vincent: *gets knocked unconsious by Conformer*
Red: *raising his voice* Be quiet! I have a good plan. All we have to do is- erm, forget it
Barret: Spit it out foo!
Red: You aren't going to like this *whispers to Barret and Cid*
Barret: Ya foo! I ain't doin' dat!
Cid: I think it's $@¤#%& good plan!
Red: So, are we going to do it?
Cid: *grins evilly* @%&# sure we are going to do it! Come on Barret, to the Highwind!
Barret: Ya foo's! We are goin' to regret dis
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
*Barret and Cid are walking throught corridors of the City of the Ancients*
Barret: Ya sure 'bout dis? Reviving Aeris ain't wise decision
Cid: Pretty #@$%& sure. It's not like I liked the flower #%&@$, you know
*Cid is reading a map, when hears a voice from front of him. Charles Heston appears from darkness*
CH: Could ya help me? I'm trying to get to FF8 FanFiction section *notices Barret* Is this darkie with you?
Barret: Ya lil' cracka ass! *shoots Charles Heston*
Cid: *wipes blood off the map* Thanks a #%&@$ lot! How are we going to navigate now?
*after hours of aimless wandering, they find the right room*
Barret: Dat must be it! *points the Shining Orb™ in middle of the room*
*suddenly Zelgadis appears out of nowhere*
Zelgadis: Finally, I have found cure for my condition *grabs the Shining Orb™*
Barret: Dat belongs to us!
Zelgadis: Why don't you try to take it then? *laughs sadistically*
Barret: Catastrophe! *ray of energy hits Zelgadis, killing him*
*Cid picks up the orb and they start searching the altar where Aeris was killed*
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
*at the same time in AVALANCHE HQ*
1 Cait Sith: *Notices that Vincent hasn't regained his consiuosness* Hey Red, Vincent died do you have any Phoenix Downs?
2
3 Red: *face buried in book* Don't bug me while I'm thinking!
4
5 Cait Sith: Okay then *puts Vincent in garbage bag and drags him outside. Unfortunately black Trans Am hits Cait when his crossing the road*
6
7 *Kefka comes out of the Trans Am*
8
9 Kefka: Goddamit! We are late from the party and you had to run over this guy!
10 Gilgamesh: It's not my fault!
Kefka: I don't want to hear it! ExDeath, drag that garbage bag to garbage bin. I'll put this corpse in to trunk.
Sephiroth: *sobs* I want my Masamune back
11 Seifer: *hits Sephiroth* Shut up! Kefka, what about Kuja?
Kefka: If Kuja wanted to go, he would have waited us at City of theAncients
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
*Cid and Barret are standing in place where Aeris was killed*
Barret: *stares at Shining Orb™ * How does dis thing work?
Cid: Red just said that it should be thrown into water
*Cid and Barret are interrupted by character who is flying throught air towards them. The character is wielding a huge sword. Barret and Cid dodge his pitiful attack and the character stomps to the ground*
Barret: *glares at the character regonizing him* Kuja, ya foo! Whatta hell ya think you're doin'?
Kuja: I have always wanted to try that. And what are you doing here?
Cid: We are reviving Aeris
Kuja: I'm sorry, but I can't let you do it
Barret: We'll see 'bout dat *knocks Kuja unconsiuos with his gun-arm*
12 Cid: *throws Shining Orb™ to water* This ought to do it
*pillar of light raises from the water and disappears. Aeris is standing next to Cid and Barret*
Aeris: *looks surprised* What am I doing here?
Cid: You are going to meet an old friend
Aeris: And that old friend would be?
Barret: Cloud, ya foo!
Aeris: *lightens up* I'm going to meet my Cloudy?! But I have to buy new clothes and shoes and blaa blaa blaa…
Cid: *looks Barret and nods* Do it!
Barret: Okay, foo! *knocks Aeris unconsious*
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
*Back at AVALANCHE HQ, Red and Yuffie are waiting for Cid and Barret*
Red: Where are they? I'm dying to get even with Spikey and that bitch
*suddenly door opens. Cid and Barret are standing in the doorway*
Red: Where we're you? Do you have Aeris with you?
Barret: *pointing a bag which Cid is carrying* #%&@$ right we have!
Red: Excellent! Then let's get going
*whole gang (except Cait and Vincent) boards the Highwind and Cid flies towards the Strife Mansion*
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*- *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*
*gang is inside the Strife Mansion. They hear voices behind wooden double doors. Barret kicks doors so hard that they shatter. Everyone in the room turns to look(except Sephiroth who is sobbing in corner*
Cloud: What do you want?!
Red: Revenge! Aeris, come here!
Aeris: *notices Cloud* Cloudy! I'm back!
Cloud: Oh no! Not you!
Tifa: Cloud belongs to me!
Aeris:Oh, yeah?
Tifa and Aeris: Catfight!!! *they start fighting*
*at same moment Kuja comes in, carrying Masamune*
Kuja: Take your sword back! *throws Masamune to Sephiroth*
Sephiroth: Masamune!!! *picks it up and slashes Cloud. Then he flies away*
Cloud: Damn you Sephiroth! *dies*
Kefka: Damnit! I forgot to give him the medication! After him!
*Kefka, ExDeath, Seifer, Gilgamesh and Kuja run out of the room*
Yuffie: Mine! *steals Cloud's Materia*
Tifa: * knocks Aeris unconsious and turns towards AVALANCHE* Now I'm going to take care of you!
Cid: Boost Jump! *Jumps and pierces Tifa with Venus Gospel*
Tifa: Why me? *dies*
Red: Let's get outta here. This place sucks
*gang leaves and returns back to the AVALANCHE HQ*