A/N: This story takes place just before episode 14. It contains spoilers for episodes 11 to 14. Some of the spoilers used in this story are unconfirmed so don't panic. English isn't my first language so I apologize in advance for any mistakes. Oh, and I don't own Klaine or any of the other characters. If I did, Klaine would be cuddling together on the couch as we speak.

"So it's true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love"

E. , Brushstrokes of a Godfly

You are cordially invited to the wedding of

Emma Michelle Pillsbury

and

William Carl Schuester

Kurt stared at the wedding invitation in his hand blankly. Rachel was buzzing with excitement behind him, but he just felt...numb. He knew he should be sharing her excitement, his two favorite teachers were getting married after all, but he couldn't help the horrible sense of dread that washed over him. That wedding had the potential of turning into a disaster for him, and with the luck he had been having lately, he suspected it just might.

He moved around Rachel who was bouncing in her spot in the entrance of their kitchen. She was in his face the second he entered the loft, thrusting the invitation at him with a squeal. His posture was stiff as he settled in one of the chairs, but she didn't notice. She was talking a mile a minute about dresses, songs, and reunions, causing his anxiety to skyrocket.

Luckily, Rachel decided that she needed to get involved in picking the wedding songs as soon as possible, and skipped to her room with the excuse of brainstorming ideas with Mercedes. Kurt thanked every deity in existence as her voice faded. He loved Rachel, he really did but he needed to think in peace.

Kurt heaved a sigh as he rested his elbows on the table. The wedding invitation was basically mocking him from its position on the table. A part of him was feeling guilty for not being as happy as he should be, but another part, the part than held the teenager who had his world turn on its axis just a few months ago, that part only cared about that the wedding meant seeing Blaine again and he didn't know what would come out of that.

Kurt bit his lip as he thought about his wayward ex. Things had been going very well between them ever since Blaine visited at Christmas. They were slowly rebuilding their friendship and Kurt was, slowly but surely, opening up to Blaine again.

But all that came to a grounding halt with just one call. Blaine called him when he was in the shower, and Rachel had answered. Kurt never knew what the conversation was about, only that it ended with Rachel accidentally telling Blaine about Adam. Kurt came out of the shower, only to find a horrified Rachel stuttering her way through an explanation of what she had done.

He tried to call Blaine back that day, but was sent straight to voice mail. His heart truly plummeted to the ground that day. He never intended for Blaine to find out about Adam this way. He had kept putting it off because he didn't want things to turn awkward. He was enjoying their renewed connection too much to mess it up.

Rachel had been silent throughout his frantic dialing. She only moved when he collapsed on the couch, rubbing his shoulder and telling him that he should let it go, that this was for the best, that this was his opportunity to put Blaine behind him and move on with Adam.

Kurt exploded

He was sick of Rachel's attempts to influence every decision he made. He knew that she was trying to help him, but she pushed too hard. Even when he just needed to talk, she would always have an opinion and try to shove it down his throat.

He was tired of it.

Their fight that day was the worst they ever had. Kurt didn't blame Rachel for telling Blaine, but her attempt to downplay it and make it seem like a favor just grated on his nerves. Rachel, on the other hand, felt that Blaine was the reason Kurt was at a standstill with Adam. He tried to explain that he didn't even know where he stood with the NYADA student. Sure, they went on a couple of dates, but it wasn't enough for him to decide. She told him he was closing himself off for no reason. She insisted that he was clinging to a relationship that stopped holding a meaning, a love that no longer existed, and a boy that was long gone.

The yelling match went on for what felt like hours and left Kurt feeling drained. She just couldn't understand the kind of relationship he and Blaine shared. Blaine was Kurt's person. Even before they started dating, Blaine had always been there for him. Their connection was unique and he didn't want it to end. He might have lost Blaine as a boyfriend, but he sure as hell wasn't losing him as a friend.

Kurt struggled through the next week. He had finally reached Blaine and tried to explain, but the senior brushed the whole thing off. His attempt at nonchalance didn't fool Kurt though. His "I'm happy for you" sounded so false and broken that it tore Kurt's heart out. Kurt tried to force the issue several times, but Blaine always changed the subject. They were back to awkward talks and tense silences, and Kurt hated it. It was like he was losing Blaine all over again and he couldn't stand it.

Balancing NYADA and Vogue that week was exceptionally hard. They were preparing a new collection which meant long stressful hours, and he was still struggling to catch up on the work he missed at NYADA. On top of that, Rachel was still on his case. She was basically shoving him at Adam every chance she got and Kurt was nearing the end of his rope.

Adam's invitation to cook him dinner at his place felt like a breath of fresh air, and he agreed readily. He felt himself relax for the first time since that blasted phone call. Adam was even more charming than usual, and Kurt closed his eyes as he lost himself in the relaxed atmosphere. He felt the couch dip besides him and opened his eyes, only to be met with Adam's face millimeters away from his own.

Adam pressed a gentle kiss to his lips and Kurt sighed in contentment. He didn't protest when Adam deepened the kiss or when he pushed him back against the couch. And when Adam pulled him to the bedroom, Kurt just let go. He shut down his head and surrendered to the feeling wrecking his body.

It wasn't until they were done, and Adam's breathing deepened in sleep that he realized what he had done. He stiffened as the feeling of wrongness washed all over him. Tears sprang to his eyes as it hit him like a ton of bricks.

" you gotta know that it means something. You know, it does something... to you, to your heart, to your self esteem"

Kurt covered his mouth with his hand to stifle a sob. His father's words came back to haunt him, and he felt sick. What on earth had he done?

" When you're intimate with somebody, in that way, you're exposing yourself, you know, you're never gonna be more vulnerable"

He didn't even know Adam that well. He met the guy two months ago, and only went on a handful of dates. They weren't even official yet.

"Don't throw yourself around, like you don't matter. Because you matter, Kurt"

He rolled away from Adam and pulled his knees up to his chest. How could he do that to himself? How could he reduce something so precious and special to him to that?

Kurt moaned quietly as his body trembled with anguish. He had always regarded sex as the most sacred thing in the world, a way to become one with the person he loved. That's why sex always meant making love in his books, because it was in principle an act of pure love. It was never about physical pleasure to him. And now, in a moment of vulnerability, he allowed his stress to cloud his judgment and went against everything he believed in. He disrespected himself and broke the promise he made to his father that he would never take it lightly.

What truly killed Kurt is the guilt he was feeling towards Adam. Adam had done nothing wrong, he didn't pressure him or force him into anything, but Kurt still led him on. He didn't mean to, he was just trying to move forward and stop feeling so broken. But he just dug himself deeper in the hole of grief he had been living in lately.

Kurt took a deep breath, finally coming to terms with what his heart already knew. He wasn't over Blaine. He still didn't know if he could get back together with Blaine, if he even wanted to get back together with him. However, he knew for sure that there was no way he could have any sort of a relationship with anyone, while his heart wasn't whole. He needed to figure out what he felt about Blaine, not what Rachel pressed for him to feel, not what Adam expected him to feel, not even what Blaine hoped he would feel. He needed to focus on himself and figure things out before attempting to be in a relationship.

Coming clean to Adam was one of the hardest thing Kurt had ever done. He still harbored feelings of guilt towards the upperclassman, but he couldn't continue to fool himself, and he didn't want to string Adam along anymore. Adam was much more understanding than Kurt imagined. He had always felt like Kurt was hiding a part of himself away, and he finally knew the reason. Kurt's eyes watered as Adam actually apologized for pushing him into something he clearly wasn't ready for.

But if he thought that talking to Adam was tough, then his conversation with Blaine was agonizing. Blaine was a shadow of his former self and Kurt had a hard time trying to explain what he wanted. He didn't want to give Blaine false hope but he also didn't want to shut him out.

That was a week ago and Kurt was losing his mind. He had practically stopped talking to Rachel, and he had to force himself to walk away on several occasions so as not to tear the diva to shreds. He was trying so hard to figure out what was best for him, and she wasn't giving him a moment of peace ever since she found out about his breakup with Adam.

The tension between him and Blaine had reached a whole new level. Both were so conscious of every word the other one said, and they were tiptoeing around each other. Blaine had opted to reduce his phone calls as much as possible to provide Kurt with the space he needed, and while Kurt was grateful, he still loathed it. And now, with Mr. Shue's wedding on the horizon, Kurt was actually afraid of what would happen when they finally saw each other.

Kurt was brought out of his musing by his phone ringing. He let a small smile touch his lips when he saw Finn's name. He picked up his phone, climbing onto the fire escape before answering. Finn gave him his usual update on Burt and how his treatment was going, before launching into an explanation of what the New Directions kids came up with for the wedding. Kurt had to admit that most of the ideas were perfect. Finn also wanted the old members to sing duets, he wanted it to make it a special gift from them .

Kurt agreed with the sentiment, remembering their duet competition in his sophomore year. He was wary though of the drama it would create because it was a given that Rachel and Finn would duet together. Before he could voice his concern though, Finn made his world come to a grounding halt with his next words."I'm gonna need you and Blaine to agree on what song to sing as soon as you can, so we can decide on the song order"

Kurt's breath left him. Of course they'll expect him and Blaine to duet together. Why didn't he think of that? So not only was he going to see Blaine with his thoughts all over the place and his heart and mind in constant battle with each other, he was also going to sing a song, a love song no doubt, with Blaine, to Blaine.

Oh, crap.

Wow, that turned out to be so different from what I was planning. Hope you guys liked it. Sorry about the Kadam sleeping together part. That part hurt to write as much as it hurt to read. I would love to hear what you guys think.