You are name, representing the country of whoreallycares. You have no character and could be a piece of peace of paper with eyes glued to it for all you know. You are female, because there are no male fans of Hetalia, and you have a tragic back-story that makes zero sense and is completely unnecessary to the story, but I'm going to drag you through it anyway!
You are a small country with little military power regardless of the country you picked. You were bullied by other countries and had your lunch money taken. This somehow made you become panicky or something like that, but it only happens when the plot requires it. So, after slogging through more useless words, let's get to the story.
We'll start with a description of your surroundings that is so vague you could be anywhere from Siberia to Chile. But disregard that and look at the lovely chaos before you! All the Hetalia nations are sitting at a table and quoting lines from the first episode! Italy is saying "ve~" before and after every sentence, America has said something about heroes five times, and no fanfic is complete without Spain saying Romano looks like a tomato ten million times! Germany starts yelling at everyone, saying his exact line from episode one. It doesn't work this time, so you decide to yell at everyone. They listen to you, which is weird because your country supposedly has no power at all and might not even exist.
The meeting ends right after this because the fanfic writer is lazy. Germany thanks you for stopping the fights copy-pasted from the anime you would never be able to actually stop and he leaves after a mention he was blushing. You are then invited to a party America is hosting down the street because the vague description was of Washington D.C. Despite the fact your weakly established character would never actually accept, you do because the fanfic says so and you don't get a say in it.
Instead of cutting to the party where it would be, you know, interesting, you run into Russia. He beats you around a bit because he is evil and that is his one and only character trait and the writer needed an antagonist. Well, if he/she used his/herself, this fanfic would be a lot better. And funnier as we watched some friendless person being beat up by the very countries antagonized them.
Anyway, England helps you up, doting on you like a three year old because women obviously can't care for themselves, countries included. You cry your insecurities you didn't know you had to him even though he doesn't really know you. But instead of being concerned enough to get you some help when you mention you are suicidal for whatever reason, he just tells you it will be okay and leaves you in the middle of a street you didn't know you were standing in. You then walk to America's party.
The party has already started when you arrive and you see all the countries doing overly stereotypical things, reminding you once again the writer doesn't actually know anything about the characters except what they got from the first four episodes.
You are quickly called over by Hungary, who is conducting a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven. Her personality is completely messed up; leading you to correctly assume the writer is using her as a self-insert. The writer then pairs his/her OTPs and throws them in a closet, adding how all of them were kissing inside and blah blah blah this isn't relevant to the plot at all.
Then it is your turn to be locked in a closet. Russia, because he is evil because the writer says so, is your partner. He does his weird "kolkolkol" laugh even though he does that when angry and he is creepily happy now. America steps forward and punches him and kicks him out even though if he knew your character her would want to kill you too. He apologizes and asks for the game to continue. He is chosen as your closet partner and you are both locked in.
While inside, though it is mentioned it is dark, you see perfectly fine, even noticing America's blush and pointing it out. He is embarrassed and stammers his way through some weird, out of character angst no one cares about before you kiss him. You keep kissing and are given a creepy description of the kiss before you pull apart just in time for the door to open. America makes a snaky comment and you get out.
While walking, you slip on air and hit your head. Again, going against what flimsy character and what any person over the age of five would do, you burst into tears. Spain finds you and for no reason starts kissing you. After making out unnoticed at the party, you walk away, suddenly depressed you don't look good enough because all guys care about is how hot a girl is, and they are completely blind to any kind of personality. But then again, with your personality, maybe you should be worried about your looks.
Germany finds you moping and, like a true whore, you start to violently make out with him. In a horribly written sex scene that you keep angsting through, it is suddenly mentioned your country is at war with a bunch of random OCs plucked from the back the writer's demented mind. Germany vows to be your ally and you wander off once more.
You clothes are suddenly back on your body and the party is still going because the writer has no concept of time. England appears again, asking where you were. You stammer ridiculously out of character, but he somehow believes you. You mention you have an abusive brother because you need to be as tragic and overdone as possible, and England connects because one line about how his brothers were a bit mean when he was trying to colonize America means they are obviously abusive. You have a weird heart to heart that transforms into a kiss. All of your other crushes see this and get angry. You manage to get them to stop fighting and say how they are all special and you love all of them equally. You declare you will be the girlfriend of Spain, even though you have the most flimsy of reasons for it, but whatever. The countries drew straws, Spain got the short one, so now he is stuck with you.
Hello world! I hope you enjoyed the story! I hate reader inserts with a passion, and this is why. Well, just a few reasons. If it is wanted, I can add more to this and cover any stupid thing fanfic writers do and over do in stories, but I had burned my eyes and fingers enough. Scc out!