Disclaimer: I don't own Fire Emblem

It's all for the master's sake. If it's for her, then even I…!

I opened my eyes as I finally awoke. Sitting upright, I could see a small figure standing by my bed. A young boy with white hair.

He stared at me with big brown eyes. "Mr. Joker, where did Mommy and Daddy go?"

I forced myself to smile and look down at him. "I do not know, Kisaragi. I just woke up."

He frowned and sat at the edge of the bed. I found a small prick of annoyance at his childish arrogance. "Can we have some breakfast?" he asked.

I nodded curtly and stood up. "I'll be out in a minute." As I ushered him out the door, I turned back towards my wardrobe with a sigh. As I threw my proper clothes on, I could hear dull noises throughout the house. Those two are going to make a big mess. And I'm going to get into trouble for it. But in that moment, an image of a smiling Kamui flashed through my mind. No, she wouldn't get mad. She would simply ask me to clean up and try and cheer up Takumi. I scowled at the thought. Him. Of course she would try to cheer him up. My mind focusing on the unpleasant thoughts, I accidentally crushed a glass I was drinking from last night. As the blood and wine dribbled down my hand, I quickly and stoically grabbed a silk handkerchief and wrapped it around my wrist. Not wasting time for pleasantries, I shoved my way out the door and headed to the garden out back.

Kisaragi barreled into me, closely followed by Kanna. I hit the wood floor hard, struggling not to curse at the surge of pain that shot through my arm.

As the two struggled to their feet, Kisaragi caught a glimpse of my arm. His eyes widened with fear and shock. "Is that blood?!" he screeched.

"N-No, it's not," I muttered as I clutched my hand against my chest. "I just spilled something on me."

Kanna hopped up and down, grasping his elder brother's arm. "Kisaragi! Mr. Joker's bleeding!"

Kisaragi started to cry. "I don't want Mr. Joker to be hurt!"

For a single, horrifying moment, I felt a vile rage so intense that I wanted to hurt them. I wanted to hurt them both until they didn't have the strength to even cry out to that dastard Takumi. But I quickly shoved the notion away and shoved past the two. As I neared the coy pond, I dropped to my knees and dunked my bloody hand in the water. Soon, I could no longer feel the intense burning, as the icy-cold water had numbed my hand until I couldn't even feel my fingers move. As I withdrew the desensitized appendage out of the pond, I looked it over for any serious damage. I didn't see anything that would scar, however, the cuts did look quite noticeable.

I could hear the approaching footsteps of Kisaragi and Kanna behind me. "See, Kanna, I told you Mr. Joker was bleeding. He has the cuts on his hand."

"I know that, Kisaragi! I was saying earlier."

Kisaragi elbowed his shoulder. "Did not."

Kanna shoved him back. "Did too."

As the two started to tussle on the ground, I turned around and fixed them with a glare before it could turn into a full-blown fight. "Do you two want to get punished?!" I hissed. "You two can't be fighting on the ground with those clothes on! You have to make an appearance with your mother later!"

Kisaragi stepped forward, while Kanna cringed. "But isn't that your job to give us new clothes if we get them dirty?"

As those words were uttered, I saw red. I snatched Kisaragi by the collar and yanked him towards me. "Is this a joke to you?!" I screamed in rage. "It may be my job, but I didn't sign up to deal with you brats when I agreed to work for Master Kamui! It wasn't my fault that she was tricked and seduced by that heathen and had you two!"

Kisaragi didn't reply, but I could look down and see that he was silently crying. I swallowed roughly as I set him down, horrified with my outburst. What kind of a monster am I? To make two young children cry like that… "Go inside and get cleaned up," I said coldly, turning away so they couldn't see my face. "I'll make breakfast."

I walked away quickly, not bothering to check to make sure that they obeyed. I gritted my teeth together as I slammed the door to my bedroom shut. As I took a second to cool my head, I caught a glimpse of the small painting in the corner of the room. It was framed and stood up on the desk. In a mix of colors, I could see the day that Kamui and the rest of the Nohr royal family had their picture taken together. Even the butlers and maids were allowed to be in the back. But Kamui insisted that I was family enough to sit next to her near the front.

Joker can sit with me. He's been with me long enough to be considered family.

I felt the sting of tears burden my eyes. What have I done? I thought. True, they may not be mine, but they're still Kamui's. I have no right, as her butler and as her trusted advisor, to harm her children. I'm sorry, Master Kamui. I'm sorry…

After a few more minutes, I finally shoved myself upright and opened the door. I had promised the children breakfast and I intended to deliver. As I looked around the kitchen, I decided on a whim to make rice balls. I got the sticky rice out of the cupboard and quickly started to dab it into place. After another minute or two, I had five perfectly round rice balls sitting on a large platter.

As I sat down and waited for them, I heard someone knock at the door. Not thinking much of it, I quickly stepped out to answer it. At the door was an annoyed Felicia with a young Deere hiding behind her.

"Kamui said that it would be fine to have the boys get together," she huffed. She glared at me as she finally let go of my son. "Make sure to keep them safe," she said flatly.

"And make sure to keep your petite waistline safe, too," I replied snippily before taking Deere and shutting the door. As I headed to the kitchen, I felt Deere tap my shoulder.

"Daddy?"

"What?" I sighed.

"What happened to your hand?"

I scowled as I hid it out of view. "Nothing. I was just cleaning some glasses."

He said nothing further, but I could sense his apathetic gaze roving somewhere else. When we got to the kitchen, Deere sat next to Kisaragi and began to eat the rice balls. As the three chatted amongst themselves, I turned my attention away towards the past. Memories of Kamui begging me to show her another battle trick, memories of her teasing me until I lost my composure, memories of her scolding me for being blunt with Felicia and her sister. I let out a sigh as I recalled her smooth, silken voice as she laughed. The voice that caressed the ears of whoever had the pleasure of hearing it.

I snapped out of my thoughts as I heard people enter through the front door. Abruptly springing onto my feet, I greeted Kamui warmly, ignoring Takumi behind her. He scowled at me, but smiled when Kisaragi ran towards him.

"Were you afraid when I wasn't here when you woke up?" Takumi asked as he picked him up.

"Nope," Kisaragi replied happily as he hugged his father.

"Anything interesting happen since you got up?"

For a moment, I froze. Kisaragi looked right into my eyes as Takumi held him. In that evanescent amount of time, his normally cheerful brown eyes were dark and unreadable.

"Not really," Kisaragi replied. "Can Kanna and I go into the back yard?"

Takumi smiled and set him down. "Sure. But make sure to include Deere. He's our guest."

"Of course!" Kisaragi chirped. "But first, Kanna and I want to set up a surprise for him!"

Takumi nodded while Kamui approached him. "I'll watch them to make sure they don't hurt themselves," she said.

Takumi nodded and looked straight at me. "How about we wait in the dining room for them to finish?"

I returned the heated stare. "Sure." I grasped Deere's hand and led him to the dining room, my body tense. As we found our seats, Takumi leaned forward.

"So, how have things been going lately?"

I scowled at him. "Good, though it's not really your business."

Takumi grinned back at my annoyance. "Why did you move in here, Mr. Joker?"

I bit my lip and snarled at him. "I have my reasons."

Deere hopped up. "Daddy, why did you move out? And why are you and Mommy always fighting? Do you not love each other anymore?"

I sighed and put my hand over my chin. "Well, Deere, I married Mommy out of pity."

He looked up at me in shock. "What?"

I rolled my eyes. "Something bad happened to Mommy's sister, so I felt bad for her. Along the way, I thought I loved her, but after we got married, we found out we didn't. At the time, there were some rough patches in my life, so I married her to forget about those things. And when we wanted to separate, we found out you were going to be born, so we stayed together. But Mommy and I simply don't love each other anymore. And that's the story."

Takumi lunged forward and grabbed my collar. "How could you say that?!" he snarled. "That's your son right there! You basically said that he was a mistake!" His eyes blazed angrily as he stared deep into mine. "No child should ever be called a mistake!" he hissed.

I didn't reply, instead merely turning my head to look at Deere. For once, he seemed upset and truly bothered. "I'm… I'm not a mistake," he stuttered.

I looked at him for a few more moments. He stared back at me, tears in his eyes. Half my body was burning while the other half was freezing. On one hand, the enormous guilt of what I had done was making my body burn with shame, but the other half was just one solid block of hate. I hated Deere for being lazy and looking awkward. I hated Deere for not looking cute like Kanna. I hated Takumi for being on the receiving end of Kamui's affection. I hated Kisaragi for being a cute, little carbon copy of his father. I hated Kanna for making him wonder if my son with Kamui would've looked like him. And some part of me, deep inside, hated Kamui for teasing me like she did and throwing me away for Takumi.

I jerked myself out of Takumi's grip and headed to my quarters. Before I shut the door, I looked Deere straight in the eye and told him, "Go home to your mother."

Before I could see him cry, I shut the door and simply settled with hearing him bawl in the hallway.

"Don't worry about it. I'll go get Felicia," I heard Takumi say.

I slammed my fist down onto the bed as I gritted my teeth in anger. First he had to take Kamui, then he has to take my son! It just wasn't fair. She was my light, and I was her shadow. So why…? Why did she play with me like that?

A memory from a few years ago flashed through my mind.

Joker shivered as the comb passed through his hair. Kamui leaned over and draped her arms over his shoulders.

"I just love your hair," she said sleepily. "It's silky and soft. It's much better than my hair."

Joker smiled, his eyes closed. "Now, now, don't say that. Your hair is beautiful."

He could hear her quietly humming as she got close to his cheek. "Should I braid it for you again?" she murmured close to his ear.

He shivered and tilted his neck upward. "Whatever you want," he replied.

He could feel her hands reach around and start to feel him. He took a sharp intake of breath as she felt him around. Just as he thought he couldn't take it anymore, she stopped.

"Sorry, Joker, not today. Although, if we keep spending time like this, maybe I will go all the way through with it soon."

"Damn, you're such a tease," he growled.

She giggled and stood up. "If you'll excuse me, I have matters to attend to." She quickly walked up behind him and whispered in his ear, "Goodbye, Joker."

He only smiled in reply.

I let out a sigh as the memory finished. I flipped around and laid on my stomach as I drifted off.

I yawned as I looked on in annoyance at Kisaragi. He looked at me as he ran up.

"Hey, Joker, do you know where I put my bow?"

I frowned as I stood up. "No, I have not seen it. Why do you need it?"

He smiled. "Oh, Father and I are doing archery practice."

I scowled and turned away. "I hope you two enjoy that." I tried to calm myself down. The bitterness was swallowing me up again. It hasn't been this bad since years ago. Back when Kisaragi and Deere were six. Back when I had told Deere that he was a mistake.

Excusing myself, I headed back to my room. Slamming my hands down, I felt an icy fear surge through me that I might lose control. That I might hurt those dear to me again. That I'd harm someone else and deeply regret it later. Just the thought terrified me. I didn't want to hurt people, but I ended up doing it anyway. I couldn't even remember when it started. Perhaps it'd been there my whole life. I had always snapped at people that weren't Kamui. From the moment I saw her, I knew that I could never get upset with her. No matter what she did, I never got angry. Or at least, I never got angry with her after that time.

Joker slammed the door as he looked at the vanity. He gritted his teeth as his eyes blazed with anger. He slumped to the floor, his face in his hands. As he felt his tears begin to fall, he gritted his teeth in anger at his loss of self-control.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" he asked himself, trying to dry his eyes in vain. "Those stupid maids can't do anything competently. Not to mention that Lazward fellow can't even bother to help me move the dishes." He slammed his hand down onto the floor as he gritted his teeth. "Why am I so angry?" he choked out quietly.

He stiffened as he felt someone hug him from behind. "It's okay," Kamui whispered. "I don't think there's anything wrong with you. You're just angry; that's all."

He tried to struggle, but she held him still. "Get the fuck away from me!" he screamed, completely aware of how childish he sounded.

She hushed him until he was too tired to keep up his efforts. "Just quiet down, Joker," she reasoned. "I'm not going to go away until you tell me what's wrong."

"Just leave!" he shouted. "It's not my fault that I'm like this! That I can't control my personality!"

"Mmhmm," she murmured as she pressed her face into his back soothingly. "There's nothing wrong with you, Joker. Maybe you get angry for no reason, or you're quite unfriendly, but that's not a big deal. Everybody struggles with their demons." She leaned over his shoulder and whispered in his ear. "Even if you push everyone else away, I'll be here. You're my shadow, and I intend to be your light."

As she uttered her last sentence, Joker silenced himself and finally relaxed. As she got up and left, he smiled at himself through the vanity. "I'll protect you forever, Master Kamui," he whispered to himself.

I shook with emotion as I gripped the sheets. Master Kamui. How could you…? I knew what I had to do. In a moment, I saw the room dim. Groggily struggling to my feet, I grasped the shuriken sitting on the dresser and stumbled out the door. As I staggered down the hallway, Kanna jogged up to me.

"Hey, Joker!"

I stared menacingly into his eyes as I towered over him.

"Uh, Mr. Joker?" He was slowly backing away from me, his eyes growing wider and wider.

I didn't even blink as I swung my hand down. As the walls stained red, I kept going, looking for Kisaragi. Good thing he didn't scream. I'd be found out otherwise, I thought to myself. At that thought, I stopped what I was doing for a moment. Found out by Kamui, right? I just… Her son… I… My thoughts abruptly stopped as I staggered forward once more. All I needed to do was find Kisaragi. Once I went through with it, all my problems would be over. I didn't know why, but at the time, it seemed like the perfect answer. I tightened my grip on the shuriken as I proceeded down the hallway into the kitchen. He was leaning his head over the table, completely fixated on whatever he was working on. I stepped forward, causing Kisaragi to look up. The expression of pleasant surprise froze on his face as he saw the red stains covering me.

Falling off the chair, he scrambled backwards until he was against the door. "M-Mr. Joker?" he asked, sweating nervously all over the floor.

I lunged forward and brought the weapon down, prompting a scream of agony from him. As he fell onto his side, I felt an intense relief flow through me. But as the seconds passed by, I felt that relief fade away, to be replaced with an icy sense of horror. I fell to the floor, bringing the shuriken to my throat. I stared at it for a moment, hating myself more than ever before. Before I could swipe it to the right, I heard Kamui scream from down the hallway.

"Kanna!" I could hear her sobbing while Takumi appeared in the doorway.

"What the hell?!" I could almost feel the horror present on his face. I could see tears in his eyes as he looked past me. "Kisaragi!" He ran across the kitchen and skidded on his knees. He picked up his son, completely ignoring me.

Kisaragi grasped his hand weakly. "Dad…"

I could hear Kamui gasp in horror. "What's going on?!"

Takumi placed Kisaragi down and turned to face me, complete and utter loathing on his face. He detested me more than anything else. "You!" he snarled. He took out his bow, put in an arrow, and pulled it back, glaring at me the whole time.

I looked back at him, not moving my gaze. "Kill me," I croaked out.

He gritted his teeth and I saw a single tear fall as he let go of the string. I felt a piercing pain shoot through my chest. As I started to shut my eyes, I caught a glimpse of Kamui staring at me, horrified at what I'd done.

I turned on my side and looked at her as my blood spilled out over the floor. "You were wrong, Kamui. I'm not your shadow, and I can't fix myself. And you left me, despite what you said." I tried to keep my eyes open as they flickered. "Why did you make me suffer?" I could only catch one last glimpse of her face as she stared at me, tears pouring down her face. I reached out my hand to her as my eyes shut once and for all. I'm sorry...

Fin

Really happy with this one. Time transitioning could've been better, but overall, this is one of my faves. I really loved Takumi, but Joker was just too close in second place to make me forget about him, so I made it from his perspective. And made it depressing, of course. That's my specialty. Joker was real crazy in this fic. Like, damn. I was leaning towards a mental disorder type of thing, but nothing in particular. I can't really think of anything off the top of my head that matches up with how Joker was behaving. I just have a thing for crazy guys. And pretty boys who try and act emo and moody. They're just too cute~

Since If isn't out in English yet, I'm not sure of all the future children's ages. So I don't know how Kanna correlates to Kisaragi and who is the same age as who. So I'm just going with Kisaragi being 16 and Kanna 14 (although Kisaragi looks 13 IMO). Anyway, hope y'all enjoyed~