Author Notes: This story was loosely inspired by this Euroshipping fanfic by sitabethel, "Scylla and Charybdis" (rated M, just to warn you!): s/11578002/1/Scylla-and-Charybdis. If you're chill with the rating and the pairing, then you should totally check it out!
Amane Bakura, a pretty little thing now in her late twenties, had fallen hopelessly in love with her boss. Well, she wouldn't call it love, at least not out loud; she was always careful with how she used that word, the concept sacred to her and not to be taken lightly.
There were some things she had no qualms saying that she loved.
She loved her job as a game programmer at KaibaCorp. It was work that she not only enjoyed but was good at, and her skills with both people and computer code had earned her more than one promotion. The trust in her that each promotion implied made her work all the harder in order to prove that she was worthy of it, and more. She'd become a bit of a workaholic, volunteering as a beta tester for many of the games she helped program, and many of the ones she hadn't, and spending her weekends with Ramen noodles, video games, and caffeine, getting little sleep as she cataloged each game's glitches and flaws. It was fun for her all the same. She loved her work.
She also loved her older brother, Ryou, who worked at KaibaCorp in another division: game design and concepts. Their orbits rarely overlapped in the course of work, which was all for the best. It meant that they still had things to talk about with each other when they would meet for their weekly dinner together. Ryou used to join her in their beta-testing weekend sprees, which had always been fun. Now that he had a fiance, though, he wasn't able to join her for those most of the time. Occasionally he'd pop in for a couple of hours, but then he'd leave again to join his fiance for something or other. If it wasn't a date, then it was something to do with planning the wedding. Amane was a bridesmaid, more because she was Ryou's sister and his only family than because she had a particularly strong bond with the bride. She liked her future sister-in-law well enough, but there was some disconnect in their personalities, some difference in the ways their minds worked, that kept them from ever being close friends. Even so, Amane had no objections to her, even though she had all but stolen Ryou from Amane's life.
She also loved her cat, a calico rescue she'd adopted as a scrawny little kitten. Ginger was both declawed and neutered, even though Amane would have loved to have more little kittens running around her apartment. She knew that it was too much for her to handle on her own, so she'd foregone the possibility entirely. She regretted it a little every now and then, but she knew deep down that it was for the best.
And yes, Amane suspected that she'd fallen in love with the stoic Seto Kaiba. She'd had a crush on him for over a year now, but a true crush was a shallow thing, wasn't it? They were flighty, temporary infatuations, and never did a crush last nearly as long as a year. That was why she thought it must be love, because she wasn't infatuated with him. She saw his good points and his bad, knowing that he wasn't perfect but also knowing that he wasn't heartless. He was human, possessing all of the good and bad points that came with that condition. He was handsome as well, she wouldn't deny that. Not just handsome, but attractive. She always did her best to cut those thoughts short before they went too far, but she also couldn't deny the fact that she was lonely and that it had been a long time since she'd last had any intimacy.
Amane'd had maybe three relationships in her life, one in high school and two in college. None of them had been terribly successful. The last one had been the most promising; they had been together for almost a year when she caught him cheating on her and she'd ended things. It still hurt a little to think about that unhappy day. She'd forgiven him long ago, her bitterness towards him not lasting more than a few years. She'd come to the understanding that she really wasn't what many men were looking for in a woman. Though she was an adult, her slender, flat figure made her look younger than she was in a childish way that made her sigh with disappointment. She was far too intelligent for her own good; if there was one thing that turned guys off, it was a woman who was smarter than them. And if that didn't turn them away, then the fact that she could beat them at any card, board, rp, dice, or video game would do the trick. She won more often than not, and the only opponent she'd ever faced who matched her evenly was her own brother.
Besides all that, it was hard for her to meet people outside of work these days. There wasn't anybody at work—aside from Seto himself—that piqued her interest, or who was interested in her for that matter, and in the latter case Seto was no exception. He didn't treat her any differently than he treated any of his other employees. No lingering looks or longing gazes were ever cast her way, not by Seto, not by anybody. Even though she'd forced herself years ago to come to terms with the fact that she'd probably never marry, she still found herself incredibly lonely at times, still caught herself aching for a close companionship that she simply didn't and couldn't have. And when that time of the month rolled around, she'd always take a break from her video games to watch romantic movies—sometimes the comedic kind and sometimes the tragedic—and eat bowls of home-made ice cream, letting herself cry as much as she needed to for all the times throughout the rest of the month that she denied herself tears.
It was frustrating as much as it was discouraging. She didn't think she was that unattractive a person, but she held no illusions to her being anything near the beauty of a supermodel. She had decent looks, and she wasn't a bad person. She may be introverted, but she was pleasant enough to be around, even for people she'd never met before. So why was she still alone? Even if she didn't like the man, she would've liked to at least be asked out on a date once in a while. If she was of the disposition to do so, she probably could have managed to visit a bar or club and land herself a one-night stand, but that wasn't what she wanted at all. She wanted love, not lust; she wanted commitment, not wantonness; she wanted a best friend, not a friend with benefits.
As Ryou had been gradually withdrawn from her life, her loneliness had become all the more acute. She derided herself daily for her sentimental sensitivity, for her inability to toughen up and move on from her childhood dream of someday being a wife and mother. But every time she was around Ryou and his fiance, Yugi and Tea, Joey and Mai, Duke and Miho, or Tristan and Serenity, she felt the hole in her chest ache for the fulfillment she believed she'd never get. It wasn't fair, but there was nothing she could do about it.
After all, approaching Seto Kaiba and telling him about her feelings or asking him out was completely out of the question. For one thing, he was her boss. For another, she'd had a crush on him so long now that she wouldn't be surprised if it came across as creepy. Lastly, she simply couldn't handle the rejection, and she knew just how slim were the chances that he'd ever given her so much as a second thought as a person worthy of romantic interest. If she already knew he'd turn her down, why bother? Where was the benefit? In fact, only bad things could come of her telling him how she felt, and that was the position she'd hold firmly to until her heart finally gave up on Seto Kaiba.
She hoped that she eventually would lose interest in Seto, given enough time. If she could keep herself away from him, keep herself from making any sort of contact with him, from speaking to him directly or even looking him in the eye, it would certainly help her stubborn heart to give up all hope of ever being with him. She could do this. It would hurt a little, but being rejected would hurt a heck of a lot more. Yes, she loved him, but she'd learn not to. It was better that way.