TITLE: Alius AUTHOR: KatieTaylor WRITTEN: November 17, 1997 DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, just tell me!
SPOILER WARNING: None RATING: PG CONTENT WARNING: Scully/other; MSR CLASSIFICATION: S/R SUMMARY: Has Scully made the wrong decision or the right one?
DISCLAIMER: Mr. and Mrs. Spooky and Agent Pendrell all belong to Surferboy, 1013, and Fox. I don't own them, just borrowing them.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: This is not intended for any kind of deep reading. I just felt like posting something. ; ) In fact, I didn't even send it to my editors.
Alius is Latin for 'Another'. Thanks to Chris Holzman.
Alius by Katie Taylor
Mulder strolled across the Mall, towards the J. Edgar Hoover Building-FBI headquarters & location of his copy-room-turned- office-of-the-paranormal. He had just finished lunch at a nearby restaurant & was now returning to work; alone. Scully had declined his offer of lunch, saying that Agent Pendrell needed to talk to her about something. She didn't know what it was about, but figured it was about some case he was working on. Fox walked up the white steps outside the building & walked down to the basement office. As he turned the last corner, near a vending machine, he heard voices.
"Pendrell! What you're asking--is ridiculous!" It was Scully's voice. He hated to eavesdrop on his partner, but he stayed concealed around the corner to listen to part of the conversation. She seemed distraught.
"Is it really, Dana?"
"Dana. I don't even know your first name. How could we possibly get married?" Married? How could she possibly marry Agent Pendrell? They hadn't seen that much of each other, as far as Mulder knew, how could he be asking her to marry him?
"I'm sure you know how I feel about you, Dana. I'm sure you feel the same way. Would you at least think about it?" There was a long pause before her answer.
"I'll think about it." Mulder couldn't listen to anymore of this. He walked around the corner just in time to see Pendrell kiss Scully quickly on the lips, look at her intently, as if trying to make her decide right there, & leave. Mulder walked the rest of the way to his office & closed the door behind him, trying as best he could to act like nothing had happened, & hoped he pulled it off. Scully slowly walked into the office, her mind obviously elsewhere.
"Hi, Dana."
"Hi, Mulder." She answered, not even noticing that he had used her first name instead of the usual 'Scully'. She didn't look at him as she sat down at a chair near his desk. Mulder had to know. He had to know now.
"Scully, are you going to marry him?" That snapped Dana from her thoughts.
"What?"
"Are you going to marry him?" She looked at him as if he was an alien,
then recovered, the look turning into one filled with anger.
"It's none of your business." Mulder was taken aback. None of his business? Putting aside the fact that they worked together and if she got married she would be gone while they went on their honeymoon, among other things, he had thought they were friends, and that, as a friend, she would be happy to tell him that she was about to be engaged to a great guy. But even that wasn't the reason he felt it was his business. He loved her, and if she got married to Agent Pendrell, she wouldn't be able to marry him. Well, she could, but he didn't think her Catholic faith would allow that, somehow. And besides, he didn't really want to be getting into that.
"Really?" Was all he could say, and it wasn't really a question. She answered it, however, with a small nod. A small, not-so-sure-nod, one that he could tell was full of doubt--about what she had just said, about the whole situation, about Pendrell, & Mulder, & herself. About her whole life not turning out the way she had planned it & everything falling apart around her. Pendrell, Mulder knew, was the perfect guy for Dana to settle down with-have 2.4 children, a house with a white picket fence & a dog in the backyard. Everything she had wanted a few years ago, before Mulder. Before the X-Files. Mulder knew she still wanted that, deep down, but Scully had changed a lot since then, she had to, & he knew that she knew she didn't really want that now-at this moment. She was different & she didn't need a relationship like that until their work was finished. Their lifestyle just wasn't conducive to that. She had to make a choice. But he wondered if she knew that, & if she would be able to say no to Pendrell & the offer he had given her.
Scully was looking at him quizzically now. "How did you know Pendrell asked me to marry him? Were you listening"
"I couldn't help it, I'm sorry"
"I can't believe you would do such a thing. You really aren't the person I thought you were, Mulder." She stood up & walked to the door. "If I decide to marry him, believe me, you'll be the first to know." Then she was gone.
Dana sat on her couch, a cold cup of tea sat forgotten on her coffee table. Her mind was a jumble of confused thoughts, all detached from one another, but, basically all having something to do with all the others. How could Pendrell have asked her to marry him when they hardly knew each other? She didn't even know his first name & he was asking her to marry him? And what right did Mulder have to ask her if she was going to marry him before she even had to chance to assimilate the question? What business was it of his? They were only partners. That was a lie, they were best friends, but he could have at least waited until she had a chance to make a decision before asking her what she was going to do. She liked Pendrell, but did she really like him the way he liked her? She had known for a long time how he felt about her. How could she not? He managed to show her in some way every time they saw each other. But she really only liked him as a friend. But his offer was what she had always wanted. Since she was a little girl she had always wanted to be exactly like her mother-get married & stay at home with her children. Her dreams had changed somewhat since then, obviously, but she still wanted a family & that was exactly what Pendrell was offering. For once in her life, something may actually go the way she had planned it, without it blowing up in her face. She had wanted to be a doctor & it led her to the X-Files, but where could this proposal lead her that she didn't want to go? How could she say anything but-- A knock at her door interrupted her thoughts. She slowed rose from the couch & answered the door.
"I'm sorry about earlier." Mulder said. "Can I come in for a minute? I need to tell you something." After a brief hesitation, Scully moved to one side & motioned for him to enter the room. "What do you want, Mulder"
"I've been doing some thinking, and I think I should leave"
"Then why did you come here?" Scully asked, a little confused, and not really wanting to give great thought about his riddles today.
"No Scully, I mean leave here-DC, the X-Files." Dana tried to say something, but couldn't find the words at first, all she could manage was a confused, tired look, then-
"You're just leaving"
"There's nothing to stay for." Dana had to sit down in the chair, but Mulder remained standing near the door. Why was he doing this to her now? Couldn't he see that she already had so much to deal with, she couldn't deal with him leaving now? There were so many decisions for her make that would affect the rest of her life and he was leaving her by herself with the X-Files? What kind of friend was he supposed to be?
"Why did you even come here?" He looked at her quizzically.
"To tell you I was leaving." She was getting angry now, he could tell,
although he wasn't quite sure what he had done wrong.
"What's the real reason?"
"What do you care?"
"I care."
"Well, you've got a funny way of showing it." Between possibly marrying another guy, and treating him as if he were the one responsible for all then wrongs ever done to her in her life-all in one day-Mulder wondered why she just didn't shoot him to put them both out of their misery.
"I asked you a question."
"Why did I come here?"
"Yes, why?"
"Because."
"Because why?" Mulder hesitated a moment before deciding if she was deciding whether or not to marry another guy, she should probably have all the facts and go from there.
"Because I love you." It seemed to take her a moment to assimilate what he had just said, but when it sunk in, she glared at him.
"Leave." She said, almost under her breath.
"What?" He had heard the order well enough, but couldn't believe she had said it.
"I said get out." He couldn't believe she had said that, but he didn't want to upset her any more than he already had, so, slowly, he turned around and left her apartment.
Mulder walked into his bedroom, peeling his clothes off, leaving a trail behind him, and flung himself onto his bed. Could this day have gone any worse? He had heard Skinner talking to his secretary earlier in the day. Dana had said yes to Pendrell's proposal. They were having a dinner tomorrow night to formally announce it. Why the rush? Why couldn't she have waited, and thought it over more? They hardly knew each other for goodness sakes. He wondered if Pendrell had gotten around to telling her his name yet. The dinner was tomorrow night, and he was leaving tomorrow morning. Was that planned? Why was she doing this to him? All he had ever done wrong was ask her, a little prematurely, if she was planning on marrying Pendrell. Did that mean this was his punishment?
Dana was nervous. She still couldn't actually believe she had said yes to Pendrell-only after he had told her his name was Mark. Something seemed wrong, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. They were having the dinner at a restaurant near her mother's house. Not many people would be there-Pendrell didn't have much family, so there were only a few of his friends, Skinner, and her family and that was it. Mulder wouldn't be there, because he was leaving town. He hadn't even told her where he was going. She had thought they were friends, but she had never seen him act like this before-so immature.
People walked past Mulder without seeing him, going on about their business without knowing how his world was crumbling before his eyes, and there was nothing he could do about it. He leaned against a wall, a cup of coffee in hand-waiting-torturing himself. They walked past talking about meaningless topics, sipping their gourmet coffees and eating their late business meeting lunches-or early dinners. But Mulder didn't pay attention to the crowd of people that was beginning to thin out and go back to hiding behind their jobs or going home to their families. He was watching Dana Scully put up decorations with her mother and fiance. She was laughing with her mother, throwing looks to Pendrell in a small room off the main dining room.
Mulder walked back to his table. She seemed happy enough & Mulder didn't want to ruin anything if she was happy, but there was something about the laugh, the not-so-sure glances towards Pendrell. It just made him feel a little glimmer of hope inside-hope that he hadn't wasted his money because they wouldn't give him a refund ten minutes before the flight was suppose to leave-that he was right to stay and come here. He hoped he was right.
Mulder had waited in the restaurant while they decorated. Then while they greeted their guests. They had eaten and were now just finishing dessert. He rose and walked to the doorway of the room. Pendrell and Dana sat facing him, but for now, neither of them noticed him. But then she looked up and saw him, she hardly reacted at seeing him there-a small, quick look of surprise, but then she recovered and it didn't seem as if anyone else had noticed-at first. But no sooner had she recovered then she looked back and this time she couldn't look away.
What am I doing? Scully asked herself. She didn't love Pendrell. She never thought she'd be able to say yes to someone she didn't love, but here she was, eating dessert at her engagement dinner. She wondered why Pendrell-er, Mark-even asked her, but decided she didn't want to dwell on that, right now. And what the hell was the matter with Mulder? Why was he leaving?
Mark said something in her ear and she turned to answer him, as she turned back to her meal, she saw Mulder in the doorway. Dana tried to compose herself, she didn't want anyone else to know he was there if possible. Maybe he'll go away if I ignore him she thought. Why is he even here? I thought he was skipping town. Now he's come to ruin my dinner. Thanks a lot. Is he gone yet? She turned back to see if he was gone, but he was still there, watching her. This time, she couldn't look away.
Their eyes met and suddenly both of them knew what the other was thinking. It had always been that way, really, but this time, they both smiled at what they saw in each others eyes. Scully wasn't quite sure why she was here, other than she wanted to live a little bit of a normal life-as normal as possible while she was working in the X-Files. She was delighted beyond words that Mulder had stayed. That he had come here. Mulder was devastated at the news of her marrying Pendrell, but at the same time only concerned that she was doing the right thing--for her. Scully took the napkin laying in her lap and placed it on the table. She slowly got up and walked towards Fox. He gathered her in his arms-maybe everything would work out all right after all. The only one at the table smiling was Margaret. Mark Pendrell was a nice enough man, but she knew that Fox was the only one who could make her daughter truly happy.
"I love you, Dana. The reason I never told you before wasn't because I wasn't interested, it was because every time I look at you, you're so beautiful & smart & perfect, I couldn't understand why a woman like you would want to be with a screw up like me. But I couldn't stand to see you with him, because I knew he wasn't what you really wanted. I needed to stop you from making that mistake, even if it wasn't me you should have been with instead. All I knew was it wasn't Pendrell"
"I always thought you knew how I felt, but I just couldn't wait forever, and Pendrell offered me what I thought I always wanted, but it wasn't enough. I needed you"
"I guess I had a feeling, but something in the back of my mind always convinced me I was wrong." He kissed her quickly, then smiled that smile that told her everything was going to be all right. That smile had given her so much hope over the years, calmed so many of her fears. What had Pendrell ever done?
"One is the lonliest number"
KatieTaylor