A/N: I'm in pain. I know everything's going to be okay, eventually, but I just needed to see it. That episode was heartwrenching, and I'm not okay. The promo just kind of sealed the coffin. So here's me trying to help out the fandom. (don't say I didn't do anything nice for people) Unedited, I just really needed to get this out as soon as possible so I can start healing.
Disclaimer: Not my characters, not my world. Just my imagination borrowing them for a bit.
His brother's behind him, his ending, his rest. He's been doing this for so long, fighting, bartering, bargaining, living. It's been so long, and he's so tired.
His brother's behind him, and his way out lies with him.
But she's in front of him, and she's more than just an ending. She's happiness, she's love, she's life. The life he's been fighting to have all those years, those centuries. The life he's always dreamed of, with the woman he still can't believe is standing here, in the bloody Underworld to save him, to bring him back to her.
He's navigated all the seas in the realms, travelled by stars, by currents, and by magical means. He's memorised star charts for places sailors had never heard of before. He outran a damn curse to save her.
He's never been so lost.
"Tell me love," he begs, his voice breaking. "Why bring me back if I should just move on?" Give me a reason, he desperately screams inside, give me something, tell me what to do!
She says nothing, and he thinks that hurts worse than all the yelling he had expected. She says nothing, a tear slipping down her cheek. She says nothing, and his non-existent heart breaks further with each passing second.
She says nothing, and she walks past him, away. He doesn't move.
"I told you to let me go," he hears himself say, not so long ago. "You shouldn't be here."
"I never listen," she smiles. She smiles, and he's still not sure.
"Brother," he hears, a heavy hand on his shoulder. "We should go."
"I can't… I don't know if I can leave her," he whispers, unable to turn around, unable to face the man he's missed for over a century.
"If she's holding you back from your happiness, then what kind of love is she?"
This is wrong, he thinks, his mind racing, whirring, speeding too fast for him to catch up. This is WRONG. But he turns, he faces the man who raised him, the brother who loves him, the man who died in his arms all those years ago.
"Aye," he manages. "Let's go."
Halway there, he freezes. "Wait," he says, unable to take another step. "I have to go back for her."
His brother's arm is around his shoulders, bones so recently healed that they still feel as though they should ache. "Come on, Killian, we're almost there. You can finally relax for the first time in hundreds of years. And I'll be there with you."
He shakes his head. "I asked her to let me go, and she did."
Liam arches an eyebrow, so familiar a motion but also somehow so alien. "So what?"
"She let me go," he whispers. "She's letting me choose."
His brother sighs. "Killian, soon you won't have to choose. Soon you can just be happy, in a better place, without all this pain and doubt and fear. Don't you want that?"
He swallows hard. "Aye, more than anything," he murmurs. But he still doesn't move. "But not more than I want her." He meets his brother's gaze, and is surprised with the disappointment he sees there. "I told her I'd never stop fighting for us, not when she needed me most. But I did, I gave up. And now I'm doing it again."
Liam leans in close, his eyes inches from his. "You're not giving up, little brother." His voice is hard and firm, unwavering, unrelenting, almost… uncaring. "You're doing something for yourself, you're ending your own pain. She would want you to be happy."
"That's the thing," he answered, holding his brother's gaze. "If there's anything my life taught me, it's that absence of pain isn't happiness, it's emptiness. Happiness is finally making her smile after she's been cross with me, happiness is getting the right kind of side dish to go with her grilled cheese, happiness is being there for each other when we need it most. Not running away because of what I deserve."
He all but shoves his brother's arms off of him and takes a step back. "I love you, Liam. I'll always love you, and I hope you can still move on without me. I want you to be happy, I truly do, but I want her to be happy as well, more than I want anything for myself, and I can't do anything about it from the other side."
"I love you, brother," he says, not bothering to hide the tears in his eyes at Liam's hurt expression. "But I can't follow you, not this time.
"I'm going back."