Disclaimer: The characters within this story all belong to Yukiru Sugisaki-san.
Warnings: Clean.
Summary: Dark thinks about his affects on the Niwa line.
Completed: February 15, 2010
Dark and Niwa
by: Kagome-reincarnation
Dark remembers the time he was pressed into the first host of the Niwa family. The pressure that built up in his ears as his lungs were blocked up and the sudden ease with which he breathed as the process was complete. The first time he'd transformed and used his wings and powers only to realize that he'd harmed his host in the process he'd hated himself for days and days and had fought the transformation each time despite the inevitable loss to the power that had bound him.
The sheer terror that had come upon him as he'd realized he was hurting each host he transformed within and the pure self-disgust that had come when he'd returned to his original form only to have his host collapse from the strain. What had he become that he could harm the very people with whom he was supposed to be coexisting?
He hated himself for years and years. He couldn't even kill himself because it wasn't his body. Over time, he learned to be faster with his jobs – to be quicker with his movements, more discreet and more effective. Eventually, he realized that his powers were growing – something which scared him, because he didn't know how it would affect his host.
Eventually he'd learned to suppress his wings, keeping them from appearing when he transformed. He'd lessened the strain on his hosts, but he'd anchored the pain to his own soul. Partial transformations left his wings and a great chunk of his power behind, leaving him with the feeling of emptiness and weakness – a dry ache in the chest, really. But he'd stopped draining his hosts and that was good enough for him.
In the past, he'd had one or two female hosts, but he'd stopped – quickly – once he'd realized how much it drained them. None were able to have children after the change, and their bodies, already weaker than men's, had grown frail under the strain.
When Emiko had cried out for him to appear, he'd ached inside for the loneliness of the child and for her wish to be good enough. He'd wanted to appear before her to tell her all was well, but the only way he could do that was to possess her and her certainly couldn't allow himself to do so.
He had remained quietly within the back of her consciousness, never speaking to her and never making himself known to her. He'd been grateful when she'd given birth – when she'd met Kousuke, really – because it meant that he'd no longer be face to face with the reality of the fact that he'd made her lonely. Lonely, sad, and filled with thoughts of inferiority.
But Daisuke – Daisuke scared him the most. The boy was small and joyous and only fourteen and he was using the boy's body to leap across alleys and dodge Krad's attacks – to steal and hurt and get what he wanted.
What was needed, he liked to tell himself. He only did what he did because it was needed. The Hikari artwork needed to be sealed and if he had to hurt a few people in the process – well, it was better than having a lot more hurt afterwards.
Dark never believed his words, feeling even worse after trying to explain his actions away.
But still, at least now he's got Wiz and he doesn't need to call on his powers as often because Emiko and Daichi have ensured that Daisuke's been trained and trained well so there's not nearly as much strain on the boy as there has been on previous hosts.
It's a relief, really, to know that he's found an alternative to being Krad.