Author's Note: Hi everyone. This is my first FanFiction. I've been reading FanFictions for a while now, and decided I wanted to give it a try. So Enjoy! Reviews are appreciated. I'm curious how you like it. :)
Disclaimer: I do not own anything, No Star Wars, Star Trek, or Spaceballs. It all belongs to George Lucas, Gene Roddenberry, and Mel Brooks.
Summary: What did Yoda do all those years of his exile on Dagobah? Maybe Prank Calling is somewhere on that list…
Delivery!
After Yoda got settled in on Dagobah, right after the Emperor took over. He realized that there's not going be much to do. Yoda, as he sat in his hut, came up with an idea that would keep him busy for a long time.
Yoda set up the old subspace radio that he snuck on his escape pod. Then he made the call…
"Captain were being hailed!" said Uhura
"Put it on audio." said James T. Kirk, Captain of the Enterprise.
"Yoda this is! Order a Pizza I will, with mushrooms and peppers, and a Root Beer. Charge it, you will to Obi-Wan. Deliver it to Dagobah you will. A half an hour u have, or free, it will be, for me. Hehehehehehehe." The transmission ended.
Dead silence on the Enterprise… only that annoying beeping of the view screen could be heard.
After some time..
(in very dramatic voices) "What should we do a Captain?" said Uhura
"Well we gotta deliver that pizza! We can't let it be free!" Kirk proclaims, "Scotty get those replecators to make some pizza! Spock! Search the star charts for Dagobah! Sulu, set a course for where ever Spock says that planet is!"
"Aye sir!" They all shout with excitement, because it beats what the heck they were doing. Except for Spock because he an emotionless hobgoblin.
Yoda, meanwhile was thinking about how he was going to get a free pizza. Because it is totally impossible to deliver a pizza in 30 minutes to his location. Let alone find his location in 30 minutes.
Back on the Enterprise...
"Captain! Dagobah isn't located on our star charts." said Spock, looking up from his monitor on the bridge of the Enterprise.
"What do u mean it's not on the star charts?" called Kirk, walking over to Spock.
"See here Captain, its not on here." said Spock.
"Well its gotta be on those charts! We only got 25 minutes left!" exclaimed Kirk.
"Captain, I suggest we trace the call from where ever it came from." said Spock in an emotionless tone.
"Uhura!" Shouts Kirk, "Trace that call we got earlier!"
"Aye Sir." says Uhura.
A few minutes later…
"Captain! It came from here!" A picture of the Milky Way galaxy "you are here" chart came up on the Bridge screen monitor. Then another picture of whatever galaxy Star Wars is in popped up. "See Captain, it came from this planet." Then a little arrow then proceeded to appear on the chart, pointing to a planet in the Outer Region. Then a little line then appeared showing the route and distance between the two places.
"You got to be kidding! This route would take us right through Klingon Space! Plus, its over 1,000,000,000 light years away. How are we ever going to get there in 20 minutes?" Exclaimed Kirk (See? They weren't kidding when they said "in a galaxy far, far away").
"Sir!" says Scotty walking on to the bridge just at the right moment, "There's no way we can make it there in 20 years! Let alone 20 minutes!" proclaimed Scotty.
"Um Captain," Spock interrupts, "We can use the Ludicrous speed."
"Huu!" everyone gasps on the Enterprise. Meanwhile a "Duh duh duhhh!" can be heard in the background.
"Ludicrous speed?" Whispers Scotty for the dramatic effect. Another "Duh duh duhhh!" Can be heard in the background.
"Yes Mr. Scott." answers Spock in his still emotionless tone. (Spock takes the fun out of everything)
"But it hasn't been tested yet!" proclaims Scotty.
"What is this Ludicrous speed you're talking about?" asks Kirk. Another "Duh duh duhhh!" can yet again be heard in the background.
"It is a type of speed that will take us past warpspeed." said Spock.
"Well what are we waiting for? Sulu, Ludicrous speed!" proclaimed Kirk. Another "Duh duh duhhh!" was heard in the background.
"Will someone turn that darn thing off?" shouts Kirk. Everyone turns to see Dr. McCoy holding a tape recorder, and him hitting the replay button. Dr. McCoy lowers his head and walks out of the bridge, murmuring "that stupid green-blooded hobgoblin."
Right after McCoy leaves the bridge an alarm starts going off. The annoying voice over the intercom starts to talk. "Please strap yourselves in and prepare for Ludicrous speed." Everyone strapped themselves in, with Kirk in his captain chair.
"Sulu, punch it!" shouts Kirk. But right before the Enterprise entered Ludicrous speed, Kirk thinks, "Those Klingons wont even know were there." Then the Enterprise entered Ludicrous speed.
Some Random bystander in a ship was watching the Enterprise enter Ludicrous speed. He remarked to his counterpart "Wow, Plaid. I didn't even know that was possible." (referring to the different designs you see in space when you enter warp/hyper speed. Whatever you prefer.)
On Dagobah...
Yoda, meanwhile is still basking in his free pizza glory. Then a noise was heard outside his little hut. Yoda, believing it to be some ikky animal, went outside to chase it away. But instead Yoda finds Captain James T. Kirk, Dr. McCoy, and Spock standing outside his doorway with Kirk holding a pizza.
"Are you Yoda?" asks Kirk.
"Yoda, I am." answers Yoda.
"Here take your lousy pizza!" Kirk then throws the pizza at Yoda. Along with a root beer bottle, which both managed to bounce of Yoda head and land perfectly in his hands.
"We had five minutes to spare. Now pay up." Say Kirk. Who then turns to his landing party, "We are never taking Ludicrous speed again!" Kirk then turns to throw up in a bush.
Dr. McCoy says to Spock excitedly "Hey, this guy is actually a green hobgoblin! What were the chances?"
Spock then responds " 3432,434,7543,302 to 1."
Yoda says, "Sound like C-3PO you do. Manage to find me, how did you? Find me on your life scans, you could not. To much life, there is, on this planet."
"The same way Luke Skywalker managed to crash-land his X-wing in the perfect spot to find you." Responds Kirk. Recovering from his vomiting.
"Logical, that sounds." says Yoda.
"Hey you two can be best friends!" proclaims Dr. McCoy, "Two green hobgoblins that use logic!"
Yoda then proceeds to whack McCoy with is walking stick. "A green hobgoblin I am not! Look in the mirror, have you lately?" (referring to McCoy, who was still looking green after his experience with Ludicrous speed. )
"Alright you Hobgoblin! You asked for it!" shouts McCoy. Who then starts to fire his phaser at Yoda. Yoda steadily dodges it while holding his pizza and root beer. (he is a Jedi master after all, you just don't earn that rank for nothing)
"Hit me you cannot! An idiot you are!" shouts Yoda, while jumping around.
"Alright Bones that's enough." shouts Kirk. Who snatches the phaser away from McCoy. Spock meanwhile, was looking as emotionless as ever to the whole event, despite being insulted.
"Alright Yoda pay up." says Kirk.
"Money I have not, go to Obi-Wan you must. Charge it to him, you must."
Everyone just stared at Yoda in disbelief, except for Spock, because he's an emotionless hobgoblin.
"Now who is this Obi-Wan?" Kirk asked, still in disbelief.
"On Tatoonie, find him will. By Anchorhead, next to the Dune Sea he will be." said Yoda in matter of factly.
"Well your going to show us where that is!" says Kirk, "We are not going on another wild goose chase!"
Yoda proceeded to show where Tatooine is on a star chart in his escape pod.
"Alright team, lets move out. I really don't want to stay here." said Kirk, who then proceeded to lift his boots up to find mud all over them. Kirk then keyed into the Enterprises frequency. "Scotty beam us up!"
"Aye Sir." responds Scotty.
As the landing party started to fade in the beam up to the Enterprise, McCoy did a "im watching you" hand motion in Yoda's direction.
After they disappeared, Yoda murmured to himself "Fun that was, call someone else I should. Hehehehehehehe" as he limped to his little hut to eat his cooling pizza.
Back on the Enterprise...
"Alright Sulu, plot a course for this planet." said Kirk, who then pointed out the planet on the star chart he took from Yoda when he wasn't looking.
"Please not Ludicrous speed." groaned Sulu, who got sick from the Ludicrous speed like everyone else. Except for Spock, because he's an emotionless hobgoblin.
"Thankfully Sulu, we are never taking Ludicrous speed again." replied Kirk.
"May I point out Captain, that we have to use Ludicrous speed to get back to our galaxy." said Spock.
A loud groan was heard throughout the bridge. "Alright Sulu, plot that course and lets get that money so we can go home faster." said Kirk.
On Tatooine…
Obi-Wan was just about to make himself some tea when he heard a knocking at his door. Obi-Wan then proceeded to open the door. What he saw was the last thing he expected. Two humans and a species he didn't recognize at his doorstep. He automatically ignited his lightsaber in fear of Imperials.
"What kind of Imperials are You?" said Obi-Wan. Who started looking them over, and he realized he didn't recognize the uniforms.
A glace exchange was shared through the landing group. "I am Captain James T. Kirk of the U.S.S Enterprise, of the United Federation of Starships." said Kirk in matter of factly.
"What's the Enterprise? A disease?" asked Obi-Wan, who was trying to figure out why these people were here.
"It is NOT a disease!" shouted Kirk, "that's my starship you just insulted!" Kirk then proceeds to pull his phaser out and fire it at Obi-Wan.
Obi-Wan easily defected it with his lightsaber. Spock then came behind him and did a Vulcan nerve pinch. It put Obi-Wan unconscious for a few hours.
A few hours later…
Obi-Wan found himself waking up on his couch in his house, slowly his vision came back to him.
"Look, are you Obi-Wan?" said Kirk quickly and to the point.
"What's it to you?" responded Obi-wan. He didn't tell them his name in fear of the Imperials. Which obviously these people weren't.
"Look, some creature named Yoda ordered a pizza from us. He told us to charge it to a Obi-Wan on Tatooine, and we want our money. That's why were hear in the first place, because we weren't about to give away free pizza." said Kirk rushfully.
"Ohh. Why didn't you say so in the first place?" said Obi-Wan. Who managed to get up and get the money. "Here five credits." Obi-Wan then tossed them at Kirk.
"Credits? What in the name of the Enterprise are credits?" said Kirk in disbelief. He had a bad feeling he knew what they were.
"Money of course," said Obi-Wan. "What did you think they were?"
"WE CAME ALL THIS WAY TO MAKE SURE HE DIDN'T GET A FREE PIZZA AND WE CAN'T EVEN USE THE MONEY!" shouted Kirk in disbelief. Obi-Wan just looked baffled because he had no idea what they were talking about.
"So the Enterprise is a pizza company?" asked Obi-Wan.
"NOOOOOO!" shouted Kirk. "We are leaving!" Kirk keyed into the Enterprise. "Scotty beam us up now!" As the landing crew began to fade, McCoy quickly pocketed the money that was lying there.
After they had disappeared, leaving Obi-Wan baffled as all heck. He had never seen someone disappear like that before. He then murmured to himself, "I have a bad feeling I'm going to be getting a lot these kinds of visitors." Obi-Wan decided to go to bed and dismiss it as a desert hallucination.
Back on the Enterprise…
"THIS WHOLE TRIP WAS POINTLESS!" shouted Kirk. Still fuming about the money.
"Well look on the bright side," said McCoy walking up to Kirk, "We learned there are other beings in different galaxies. Plus, now I know that Spock has a brother." McCoy then to began to laugh like crazy.
"May I point out Doctor, that I am no way related to that creature. I am 5.7 times taller than him." said Spock emotionlessly.
"No matter what you say Spock, I think you are." replied McCoy. Spock then raised an eyebrow.
"Well Spock, What did you learn from this experience?" asked Kirk.
"Well Captain, I found out that there are some beings in this universe crazier than humans." said Spock.
The bridge went dead silent, because everyone else on the bridge was human besides Spock.
"Well.." said Kirk after sending death glares at Spock, "Lets go home. Sulu, Ludicrous Speed!"
A groan was heard throughout the Enterprise as the annoying announcement was made over the intercom. Except for Spock, because he's an emotionless hobgoblin.
The End :)