Title: The Kids Aren't Alright
Author: Angel Spirit
Rating: PG13 (mostly T but M if you don't want to read the light swearing)
Warnings: Sheer angst…slight swearing but nothing too horrible (mostly on Dean's part…*grins*)
Disclaimer: Sam and Dean and the wonderful plot that is Supernatural belongs to Kripke…I'm only borrowing them for the sheer fun of writing this fic and promise to give them back in their original conditions in which I borrowed them when I'm finished…(despite the fact that I wish they were mine to keep!)
Recipient: SendInTheClowns
Word Count: 14603
Author's Note: (Hides behind Sam and Dean from sheer nerves) my first SPN fic…eeep! It was written for the Summer of Sam Love 09' that is going on over at the LJ community...and I'll admit, that I'm nervous…I'm hoping that my nerves haven't gotten the best of me in writing this fic for Send In The Clowns as she was the one that I was chosen to write for. Much thanks to you for encouraging me to write again and I hope that this lives up to your expectations! It was fun to write again, and I dare say that I've actually thought of another plot while I was working on this…I'm glad that I was able to write a fic for Send In The Clowns after having read and enjoyed all the wonderful fics that she has written. And since I know you have a thing for the IMTOD/ELAC time frame (and I will admit to loving that part of season 02 also)…well…I think you can guess which prompt that I chose! It's posted in two parts, since after going through it I believed that it would be too long to post as one whole fic and that splitting it in half would make it easier to read.
Prompt: Something post IMTOD, oh, say...around ELAC? Maybe Sam signed himself out of the hospital Against Medical Advice because someone had to look after his dad and Dean. I want to see someone else's take on Sam's struggle to hold himself together (both mentally and physically) while his brother is grieving the death of John Winchester and those famous last words.
Summary: While staying at Bobby's after their father's sudden death, Sam and Dean come to grips with everything that's happened to them…and Dean realizes that secrets that have been kept are meant to be spilled, and promises made can be broken…despite everything, can the boys figure out a way to repair their brotherly bond before the guilt eats away at them both?
The Kids Aren't Alright
Author: Angel Spirit
Part I
It was the headache that had originally made him to up to the guest room that Dean had been using while they'd been staying at Bobby's…a headache that, even with the help of a couple of Advil tablets to help relieve the pain, had still turned into a full blown migraine. The only thing that Sam was grateful for was the fact that it at least wasn't caused by a vision.
He really didn't think that he could tolerate having a vision right now…there were too many other things on his mind…like how to get Dean talking to him again. The fact that Dean had pretty much shut Sam out of his life since they'd gotten to Bobby's place hadn't really settled well with him-it hurt, and felt like a part of him was missing. Sam hadn't realized just how close of a relationship he'd formed with his brother since they've started travelling together, but now that they were living under the same roof with Dean ignoring him…it made it feel like they were miles apart.
Sam groaned as he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to calm the throbbing pain that he felt there. The lights bothered him, sound bothered, him…everything bothered him. But the headache wasn't the worst part of it, no…his whole body ached, and Sam felt weighed down. In all honesty, he'd felt weighed down since they'd left the hospital a couple of weeks ago, and he'd promised his doctor when he'd signed out AMA that he'd take his medication, rest, and take it easy. But the resting and taking it easy part hadn't come around as often as Sam would like…even though he knew Bobby had been keeping an eye on him and occasionally making the suggestion to Sam that he take a nap when Sam got tired, Sam would most often evade the extra rest to keep a quiet eye on his silent brother while he was out in the yard working on the Impala…thinking of different opportunities to talk to him, to try and get him to open up instead of keeping everything bottled up inside. That and he'd also been helping Bobby with the new puppy that he'd gotten…Sam was sure that Bobby had asked him to help out with the pup to help distract him from his worries.
Sometimes it helped…and sometimes it didn't. Sometimes, Sam just wished that he had the courage to really face Dean and get it all done and over with, even if it meant facing Dean's wrath. But he knew he couldn't…while they'd hunted everything big and bad that was the Supernatural, from ghosts to the Boogeyman, Sam couldn't even find the courage it took to face down his brother and tell him that everything was not okay. He hadn't even told him that he'd signed out AMA yet…and he'd promised Bobby that he would. But since day one when Dean had closed the door to the guest room right in front of his face, only to open it at Sam's pleads to chuck out his duffel bag (that had hit him square in the chest and had caused him more pain than Sam had cared to admit at the time) Sam knew that it would be a matter of time before Dean was even willing to talk…much less look him in the eye.
Sam supposed it was why he was probably seeking comfort in the one place that he knew he shouldn't, but at the same time, he knew that it would probably help him more than hurt him. Because Dean had always been there for him when he'd been hurting…and he wasn't here now…hadn't really been there for awhile now.
And if Dean wouldn't come to Sam, then Sam figured he'd just have to go to Dean…whether Dean wanted it or not. Because as much as Sam hated to admit it, he honestly didn't think that he could deal with this all by himself anymore. As much as Sam wanted to admit that he didn't need his older brother anymore, he wanted…no, he needed his older brother now more than ever before.
The youngest Winchester whimpered slightly as he felt the pain flare for a minute as he fell gently on top of the bed that Dean had been sleeping in since Bobby had taken them to his place for a little R&R. Except that it really hadn't felt much like R&R at all…at least, not to Sam…maybe to Dean it had…but then again Sam didn't know, since Dean wasn't speaking to him at the moment.
Again, another whimper of pain escaped from Sam and he curled up on top of the covers and all but buried his head into Dean's pillow. Just the smell of Dean…of leather, oil and grease from having worked on the Impala almost everyday since they'd gotten there, earth from all the graves they'd had to dig up so far, and gun powder from their weapons that they cleaned out and loaded on a regular basis…filled his nostrils and while Sam thought that the smell would aggravate his head even further, it was the exact opposite. It helped soothe and relief him…but just slightly…Sam winced as his head pounded again and he tried to loose himself in the pillow, shutting out all light and sound…
~*~*~*~
"Sam…dinner!" A patient man Bobby Singer was normally not. But he'd had to learn patience the past several days while having the Winchester boys stay with him…hoping to give them a place to rest and heal after the car accident and loosing their daddy. It seemed as though bad luck ran with the boys lately, and Bobby had only hoped that by letting them stay for as long as was necessary would help them out and get them back on track.
It hadn't been easy though, as Bobby had found out. Because shortly after getting there, Dean seemed to be giving Sam the cold shoulder…and of course, Bobby knew that with Dean being the stubborn ass he could be (a trait that Bobby knew for a fact he had picked up from the legendary John Winchester himself) hadn't even thought twice that his younger brother was clearly not okay.
While Dean wasn't keen on showing much emotion after their father's death, Sam was just the exact opposite. And Bobby knew something that Dean didn't know…and that was that Sam had signed himself AMA from the hospital they'd been treated at. He'd done it all before Bobby had even arrived…and Bobby had made Sam promise to tell Dean. He didn't want to be feeling Dean's wrath if something happened to his younger brother without him knowing that Sam hadn't even really let himself be treated for whatever injuries he'd gotten from the accident.
Bobby was no medic, but he knew that Sam had to be hurting…while Dean was somehow miraculously healed after everything that had happened despite his close brush with death, Sam still had plenty of recuperating to do. He still bore bruises on his face (though Sam had insisted that that was from a fight a few days before the crash had happened) and cuts around his eye. He was still pretty pale, and Bobby suspected that Sam's ribs were probably bothering him from how stiffly he moved around his place these days, and Bobby didn't miss the fact that Sam took pain killers on a regular basis…nor did he miss Sam's pained expressions and how he'd rub his forehead every now and then as though he had a massive headache. Bobby knew that Sam had meds that he had to take…he seriously hoped that Sam was actually taking them. He knew that he wasn't resting the way the doctor had said that he should.
Sam hadn't known that the pretty nurse who had helped Sam out had 'accidentally' run into Bobby shortly after he'd gotten them and had 'hinted' at some of the things that Sam's doctor had told him. Bobby had promised that he'd make sure that Sam would take care of himself…the girl had been pretty, and Bobby had wondered briefly if Sam hadn't been as traumatized as he was, if he'd have taken an interest in the nurse who had helped him out more than he would know.
And at the moment, Bobby was trying to keep his damned promise. It had been tough getting Sam-and Dean-to eat on a regular basis, sometimes Bobby had to force them out of whatever activity they were up to (for Dean it was usually working on the Impala, it seemed as though Dean was like the energizer bunny when it came to that car, not like Bobby could blame him) and come eat whatever was on the menu…tonight it was his chili, and even though he knew he made it a little spicier than most people did he also knew that it was a great comfort food and a favorite of both boys.
"SAM!" Again, Bobby found himself calling the youngest Winchesters name, knowing that Sam had gone upstairs for something. He'd seen him move in that direction a short while ago…and had wondered what Sam had been up too, but hadn't said anything. Shaking his head and deciding to give Sam a few minutes-hoping that maybe he'd fallen asleep somewhere and was waking up and only taking his sweet time to come down-Bobby decided to tackle Dean.
Quickly glancing around the entryway to make sure that PJ-the new Rottweiler puppy that he'd picked up before the Winchesters had come to stay-wouldn't escape out into the yard (or else Bobby knew he'd have a hell of a time getting him back into the house and he really didn't want to have that merry chase at the moment) Bobby undid the latch on the screen door and headed out into the warm late summer air. Squinting at the fading sun, Bobby sighed at the sight that lay out before him.
Dean was still under the Impala, his feet sticking out from underneath it as he continued to work on bringing his 'baby' back to life.
"Dean…dinner!" Usually it wasn't Bobby who would try and get Dean to eat…most of the time that was Sam's job, as Sam had taken it upon himself to annoy his older brother as much as possible to make sure that he was 'taking care of himself'. Sam's words…not Dean's…so when he heard Bobby calling him, he frowned slightly as he wiped grease off of his forehead that had somehow managed to find its way there, and rolled out from underneath the Impala.
Taking a minute to get his bearings, Dean sat up slowly and just gave Bobby a look that didn't need an explanation at all. Bobby sighed and shook his head…for Sam to think that Dean didn't care, if he had seen Dean's look just about then he would've thought otherwise. That look said it all…and all Bobby could do was shrug.
"I think he's in the house somewhere, I called him down for dinner and he didn't respond…I figured maybe he's either wrapped up in a book or fallen asleep somewhere comfy-why don't you go and check on him?" The older hunter asked this as Dean grabbed the rag off of the front porch railing that he had left there earlier and wiped his dirty, grease-stained hands on them.
When Dean looked like he was about to refuse and come up with a better plan, Bobby only shook his head and pointed him in the direction of the upstairs.
He'd had enough…they'd been here for at least a couple of weeks, and he was getting tired of playing the game of 'Bobby in the middle'…the boys were adults, and like adults they could talk and figure things out between the two of them even if they were going through tough times.
"Boy, don't make me give you a good swift kick in the ass…have you really looked at your brother these days?" Before Dean could open his mouth to respond, Bobby was already shaking his head at the words that he knew would already come out.
"No…I meant really looked at him Dean. Not just the brush off you've been giving him…you know he's like you-he's not immortal-do you really think that he escaped that car crash you were both in without any injuries that needed attention?" Bobby's reprimand-as small as it was-caused Dean to flinch, and he knew that it was more from the tone of Bobby's voice than anything else that got to him.
He knew that he hadn't necessarily been given Sam the attention that he usually gave his younger brother, but damnit…he was angry. And it wasn't like he was angry at Sam…but he knew even though he kept on telling himself, Dean knew that he was a little angry at Sam. But mostly, he was angry at their father…and he just didn't know how to voice it, in fact, Dean was pretty sure that he didn't want to voice it. He wanted to stew in his own anger for as long as possible…
It was why he was working on the Impala so much. It gave him time to think, time to be lost in his own little world and think 'what if's' and 'could haves'…he didn't want to talk to Sam. He especially didn't want to talk to Sam about the last words that their father had told him. That, was out of the question…it would break Sam to hear those words, and Dean didn't think that he had the guts enough to do what their father wanted him to do…if he had to.
He'd protect Sam with everything he had…and he'd save him…the rest of it was out of the question. He'd come to the decision long ago, and there would be no changing his mind. Despite the fact that Sam had one hell of a freakish mind with his visions and whatnot, he was still his brother.
And that would always come first. Dean almost smirked…whether Bobby had meant to do it or not, he'd reminded Dean that he hadn't quite been doing his job of being the older brother. And while Dean was still angry…that didn't mean that he couldn't check up on Sam every now and then, instead of completely checking out on him like he'd been doing.
"Which way did he go Bobby?" Dean finally murmured, and Bobby sighed in slight relief as he took the now dirty rag from Dean's hands and gestured up the stairs.
"I think I saw him head somewhere up there…you should look around there before looking around here, I doubt he had enough time to sneak back downstairs but I could be wrong…" Nodding at Bobby's suggestion, Dean headed up the stairs…using his big brother intuition to tell him where Sam was.
And something told Dean that Sam was in the guest bedroom that he'd been using.
Suddenly Dean felt slightly guilty…he'd shut Sam out of the guest bedroom when they'd first gotten there, meaning that Sam had the couch most of the time…and from what Bobby had said the couch couldn't have been all that great of a place to sleep.
While Dean staved off a new type of anger that was starting to boil inside, he was determined to hold it back until he'd gotten a chance to really look Sam over. If Sam was really injured from the accident like Bobby said he was Dean knew he wasn't going to be too happy to have found out from Bobby instead of Sam himself.
But when have you let Sam talk more than a sentence or two to you without brushing you off….? A small voice whispered in the back of his head, and Dean shoved it away-knowing that right now he had far more important issues that he had to deal with.
The door to the guest bedroom was open, and Dean didn't need to look twice to find that his instincts had been more than correct-Sam was there…and more importantly Sam was lying on top of his bed…his head buried as deeply into Dean's pillow as it would go, and concern spiked through Dean as he moved slowly towards his younger brother so that he wouldn't startle him.
This was normally the position that Sam took when he had a killer migraine…Dean had gotten used to seeing it after the many visions that Sam had had in the past several months, and Dean only hoped that Sam hadn't had one now. The last thing they needed, was one of Sam's visions-there was no way they were ready to take on a hunt.
"Sam?" He made sure that his voice was gentle, soft…no sense in scaring his younger brother into thinking that he'd come up here to yell at him. And suddenly, Dean felt weary…when was the last time they had actually spoken to each other without using heated words, or Dean brushing Sam away as he went to work out all his troubles on the Impala?
Things had gotten way out of control…and Dean was sad to have to admit it…especially since it really wasn't Sam's fault. No…this time, the fault all lay on his shoulders. Sam had wanted to talk-Dean hadn't.
"Sam? C'mon Sam, Bobby says that he's got dinner ready to go…time to eat little brother." Dean murmured reaching out a hand to gently touch his younger brother's shoulder, not missing the flinch as Sam tried to move away from him.
How in the hell had Dean let things get so badly between the two of them?
Sighing, Dean knelt down so that he was more at Sam's height, and reached out to see if he could turn Sam over so that he could get a good look at him.
But Sam seemed to bunch up on him, his muscles bunching together so that he couldn't be moved and Dean muttered a low curse, already starting to feel frustration building.
But that was all it took for him to know that there was probably more than a migraine that was troubling his brother, and now Dean needed to know exactly what was wrong with him.
"Sam, come on…I'm not fooling around now…I know you at least have a migraine. I need you to tell me what else is wrong." Dean insisted, and when he got a mumbled response, he sighed and rubbed a hand across his face.
"C'mon Sammy, I can't understand it when you speak mumble…what's wrong?" This time, Dean heard Sam's answer a little more clearly, because Sam had only just barely managed to turn his head away from the pillow.
"You're asking me what's wrong now…when you've been avoiding me since we got here…." Sam asked, his voice coming out in pained gasps, and Dean flinched as he knew that Sam had hit him without even touching him. Sometimes the right words were all that was needed…and Sam sure had a way with them.
Now Dean really didn't know what to say…because Sam was right. And looking at Sam's face as it peered out from the pillow, Dean sighed.
His kid brother looked like hell…there were dark circles starting to form under his eyes, and Dean was wondering how much sleep the kid was really getting…he suddenly had no doubt that the nightmares were back and causing Sam grief. On top of that, Sam's face was still healing from the bruises that he'd gotten from when the one demon had nearly pounded his head into the cement not so long ago, and there were still cuts around his right eye from where Dean suspected glass had probably scraped him up from the accident.
He wondered what else Sam was hiding…as he remembered that Sam had been the one driving…and that they'd been sidelined by not a usual ordinary car on the road but a huge semi truck. At least that's what he'd heard anyway.
Dean muttered a low curse, wondering why it had taken him so long to realize that Sam was hurting more than he let on.
But then again, the kid was always really good at keeping injuries a secret-and he'd only learned that from the best as Dean remembered that in the past when they were younger that he had been the one to start off the tradition. He'd hide injuries from one hunt so that he could go with their father on the other…
"Sam…" The older Winchester let his voice trail off, not quite knowing what to say. Sam looked like he was going to reply, but only managed a low groan as he felt the migraine attack him once more and buried his head in the pillow again, trying to block out the stabbing pain happening in between his eyes.
It made him want to be sick…and he still didn't comprehend exactly what it was that Dean was doing here when lately he seemed to want nothing to do with him in the first place.
"Hang on Sammy…I'll be right back, okay? We'll fix this somehow…I promise." Dean's voice was a gentle reassurance despite the fact that Sam knew that Dean was probably still angry at many things-and some of that anger was even directed at him these days.
But Sam couldn't help the little sigh that escaped him after Dean had left the room for a moment when he'd realized that his older brother had called him Sammy. In all honesty, Sam couldn't remember the last time that Dean had called him that…it had definitely been awhile.
Groaning and burying his head in the pillow as far as it would go, Sam fought off the nausea…knowing that it wouldn't do him any good to hurl right now as it would only cause pain to his tender, still healing ribs. He only hoped that when Dean came back, that he would bring some painkillers with him.
I should tell him about the meds…Sam thought briefly, knowing that Dean needed to know. He'd been trying to tell Dean about them for several days now, but every time he did Dean would brush him off, no doubt thinking that Sam would bring up some kind of chick flick moment for them to talk about what happened with their dad's death…
And while Sam did want to talk about it, he was also learning that Dean wanted his space too. Even though space wasn't what Sam wanted at the moment, he was trying his hardest to give Dean what he wanted. But being as injured as he was, and with all the nightmares that he'd been having as well, Sam knew that space wasn't exactly what he needed right now.
He needed comfort…he needed someone to understand…and he needed his big brother…
Sam only hoped that like all the other times before, that Dean would come through for him once again and wouldn't be too upset at the fact that he hadn't really told him how badly off he really was.
As Dean left, Sam managed to doze off into a light sleep…and remembered…
~*~*~*~
He heard the helicopters before he managed to open his eyes. The light was blinding and he groaned as he immediately closed his eyes again…but someone must've heard him, because he heard a somewhat gentle voice calling out to him.
"Hey…you awake there?" The voice was female, and Sam found that even though the voice was trying to sound comforting, he really didn't want to be awake. He hurt…every single muscle in his body felt like it was bruised and torn, and his head was pounding…it wasn't all that fun to breathe either, Sam discovered this when he tried to take a breath…and somehow in the process of exhaling, a low whimper came with it.
The woman tried to soothe him with her calm voice, but Sam found that all he wanted to do was fall back into unconsciousness. He suddenly found himself not really caring what happened from here on out as long as he could go back into that comforting darkness where he couldn't feel anything.
He was starting to drift back…
Until he heard other voices, male and female voices alike calling out…things like blood pressure and broken arm…and as suddenly as Sam wanted to go back into the world of dreams where he couldn't feel his own pain, he remembered that there were others to think about.
Dad and Dean…oh god, Dean…
Hazel eyes snapped open again, and squinted in the too bright light and the woman kneeling beside him sighed in relief as she gave him a warm friendly smile.
"It's going to be alright, I promise okay? They're moving your dad and your brother, they're getting a stretcher for you now…" Even as Sam fought to process the words, he found his eyes slipping close again. It was the light…it made his eyes hurt and his head hurt…it wasn't supposed to be bright outside though, it had been dark the last time he'd been officially awake. It had been night when they'd been hit…it made him wonder how long he'd been out.
Had to have been awhile…and while he'd been passed out, dead to the world. Passed out…dead…Dean…Dean…!
Suddenly, all Sam wanted to know was how his older brother was doing, if he was even still alive. But he couldn't seem to summon up the strength enough to ask the medic kneeling next to him and taking his vital stats how the rest of his family was doing…instead, he found himself slipping in and out of consciousness, something that seemed to worry the female medic next to him as she tried to get him to stay with her.
I wonder just how bad of a shape I'm in…Sam managed to briefly wonder as the world seemed to fall away from him once more…
When he was awake again, he knew that he hadn't been out of it for very long and he suddenly felt very confined. That, and the fact that he was moving caused him to stir a little more, especially when the movement of whatever it was that was moving beneath him caused him to be so nauseated that Sam thought that he was really going to loose every single one of the meals that he'd eaten within the past forty eight hours, and then some.
He heard more words from above him, like severe concussion, heart rate and CO2 levels…
And again, struggled to make sense of things…it was noisy and a bit windy as well and Sam felt himself shiver as he tried to figure out what was going on and why he was so confused. Concussion…was it him who had a concussion? If that was the truth, then that would explain the confusion on his part…and why he couldn't remember much at the moment…
Except for…
Sam whimpered as he remembered bits and pieces, the sound of a semi-truck's horn blaring as it crashed into the Impala…wrecking it. Injuring them all and probably destroying the Impala beyond repair.
And somehow with that thought, Sam finally managed to find his voice.
"Dad…Dean! Dean!" Sam put all his strength into his brother's name, determined to find out something before he let unconsciousness take him once more.
It seemed as though no one was listening, and Sam wondered for a minute if he was being heard at all. Deciding to take a chance, he tried to turn his head, and found that even though he was strapped down, he could still move it enough to see what was going on around him. He saw two other stretchers being taken away, one to the same helicopter that he was being led towards and the other one to a completely different one.
Sam had the worst feeling come over him as he found that he really wanted to be following that other stretcher. He didn't know how he knew, but he knew that that other stretcher contained his brother…and from the frantic movements of the medics that were surrounding him, it didn't look good.
And Sam had to know, he had too…he wouldn't allow the medics to take care of him otherwise, he'd fight them tooth and nail until he found out if his brother was at least still alive. They could tell him that much…right?
"Are they even alive?!?" Sam managed to shout out, starting to feel even more panicked…what if he was the only one left? What if he was the only Winchester who'd made it and that in the end, a demon had killed his brother and father through the simple act of taking over a semi-truck drivers body?
Sam could still hear the echoes of the crash ringing in his ears, and he closed his eyes tightly once again-this time though to try and shut out the onslaught of sudden memories that threatened to take him all down at once.
"Shhh…your father is alright, I'm not sure about your brother at the moment, the last thing I know before they rushed him off to get him to the nearest ER is that he was alive…you're not doing yourself much good by panicking and squirming around so much…you're pretty banged up too." Again, the same unknown female voice from before tried to soothe him, and Sam found that as he listened to it, it was calming. It wasn't as reassuring as having his dad or Dean talking to him, letting him know that they were okay for themselves, but still…at least it proved that someone had listened.
"Hurts…" Sam managed to whisper out, and as he slowly opened his eyes and squinted up, he could barely make out the blurry figure of the woman next to him as they finished loading him onto the helicopter. The woman's dark gray eyes softened a bit and she smiled gently at him, reaching out for his hand as she took it and gave it a light squeeze. Again, Sam was taken aback by just how a gesture like that calmed him down even more.
He found that there was something about this woman that he could trust…and he wasn't sure why. It was something about those warm gray eyes…he had never thought that the color gray could be so pretty.
"I know it hurts Sam…but we're going to take good care of you, I promise…" Promises…promises were meant to be broken, Sam had experienced plenty of that, so he didn't really care to believe the medic just then. It was just another empty promise…and Sam felt his heart clench as he wished more than ever that he was in that other helicopter, that he could be next to Dean and keep his brother here with him in the land of the living…
As Sam's eyes slowly shut once more, a part of him wished that he would do more than just dream…that somehow, in someway he could use whatever abilities he had to get through to his brother and keep him going until he could be there for Dean himself…
His family had been through too much to quit now…
~*~*~*~
Dean needed answers…and he needed answers yesterday…actually he needed them more like days ago, but as of now he wasn't going to let Bobby even think about eating anything until he told him everything that he needed to know. And a part of Dean firmly believed that Bobby knew most of the secrets-if not all of the secrets that Sam was keeping from him.
Once again, that little voice in the back of Dean's mind whispered to him that a part of this was his fault…for brushing Sam off every time he wanted to talk about something. Maybe one-if not most-of those times had been to tell him what was wrong, instead of wanting to talk about the one thing that Dean didn't want to talk about.
It was starting to drive Dean crazy…he'd know how badly he'd screwed up once he talked to Bobby.
"Bobby!" Not wanting to leave Sam for long, and knowing that Sam had the pain medication for his migraines in his duffel bag somewhere, Dean quickly headed downstairs and hoped to talk to their old friend while he was rummaging through Sam's stuff for the migraine medication that they'd had to get him at a local clinic they'd stopped by after the visions had started appearing on a more frequent basis.
As if he knew that he was going to be called for, Bobby appeared by the time Dean had managed to locate Sam's duffel bag and was giving Dean a look that Dean really didn't want to decipher at the moment.
"You want to tell me what's up with my kid brother? Because Sam sure as hell isn't really in the position to be doing so at the moment…" He all but managed to vent out his frustrations as he rummaged around Sam's bag for the meds that he was looking for.
"And what makes you think that I know what's wrong with Sam?" Bobby murmured, and Dean just threw him a look that clearly told the older hunter that he wasn't amused.
Bobby only snorted.
"If you weren't being such a damned idjit, you'd know everything that I knew from the moment we left the hospital Dean. Clearly Sam is not okay…and he's got every reason to not be okay considering the fact that he decided to check himself AMA once he found out the condition that you and your daddy were in. Apparently Sam thought that he was the only one capable enough to take care of things until I could get there." Bobby declared softly, and Dean felt his anger deflate the moment Bobby had brought up the fact that Sam had signed himself out AMA.
How stupid was Dean to think that Sam hadn't sustained any injury and that he'd come out just as fine as he had in the end? Dean knew that somehow when he'd been returned to his body that he'd been healed in some weird way too…the doctors at the hospital that they'd been treated at, were calling him a 'miracle.' But Sam hadn't had that 'near death' experience that he had had…and Dean wondered how quickly Sam had signed out AMA.
And as if he were reading his mind, Bobby sighed.
"He was dressed in a pair of scrubs that one of the nurses had loaned him before I'd even gotten there since his clothes had pretty much been trashed from what I'd found out. Not to mention the fact that he'd also figured out which room your daddy was in and that you were being put in ICU. He was working on figuring out where the Impala had been taken too…all by the time I arrived…" Bobby let his voice trail off as he shrugged, remembering how he'd found Sam…
Looking completely lost, like he wasn't quite sure what to do…sitting just outside of John's hospital room, wondering if he should go in or not. Bobby had known that John and Sam hadn't quite gotten along, especially after their last heated argument that made Sam up and leave for Stanford.
So Bobby hadn't quite been too surprised to see Sam looking so torn and indecisive…he'd been even more surprised at how he'd physically looked more than anything else, and had tried his best to convince Sam to sign himself back into the hospital. But Sam had been stubborn, and would have none of it.
Bobby sighed…Sam had said that he'd take care of himself, but after the doctor that had been looking after Dean had arrived and regretfully announced that Dean was in a coma, taking care of himself was the last thing on Sam's mind.
And then everything else had gone to hell when John had done…something. Bobby wasn't too one hundred percent of the way sure what it was that his old friend had been up too that fateful day, but he had the feeling that he had been dealing with demons…or maybe just a demon. It was a hunch, but still Bobby knew that John would've done anything to keep Dean here in this world. He'd seen the look on John's face when he'd found out that Dean was in the coma, and the chances of him making it were unknown…sketchy.
As Bobby found himself looking into Dean's eyes, he knew that both boys bore heavy burdens from their father's death…both blaming themselves. But Bobby knew what it was that John had really done…whatever he'd done; he'd somehow managed to keep Dean living. John had known that one brother couldn't live without the other. Sure, Sam felt guilty about their father's death and thought that there was a way that he could've prevented it…but if he had, in the end it would've been Dean who would've been gone, and Sam would be alone with their father.
And while Sam probably denied it, at least at the moment, Bobby knew that that wouldn't be what Sam would've wanted. In fact, Bobby didn't even want to picture Sam trying to live a life without Dean and vice a versa and somehow John had known that.
So while the bastard had never been a perfect father, he knew his sons well enough that he knew that one couldn't live without the other. And somehow Bobby had to get the boys to understand that this was what John wanted. It was why he'd done whatever stupid thing he'd done…
But seeing the haunted look that had taken over Dean, Bobby knew that he'd have a tough time selling that explanation to him at the moment.
Instead he tried for a different tactic.
"Look…Sam signed out AMA, so technically I wasn't supposed to find out worth squat about his injuries. But I got lucky when I'd run into the nurse who had helped Sam out before I'd gotten there-apparently she was concerned enough about his health to pull me aside and tell me some things that I wasn't supposed to know. I have a sneaky feeling Sam knows that I know, but I know that he knows that you don't know…so if I tell you do me a favor and don't hold it against him, okay?" Bobby asked, and Dean fought hard to agree…
A part of him still wanted to tear into Sam for keeping a huge secret like this from him. If he'd managed to tell him from the start that he was not okay, then he'd have been able to at least keep a lid on his anger and hold it in until the kid was feeling better.
When Dean finally found Sam's migraine medication, he held it up and smirked in triumph as he palmed it…but the triumph was quickly short lived as he saw another container of prescribed meds in Sam's bag. Snatching that up as well, he checked the date…and cursed out loud. It seemed like he was doing a lot of that lately.
From his position in the living room entryway where Sam had been sleeping on the couch, Bobby Singer let out a sigh as he wondered what was wrong this time. It seemed like the day kept on getting worse instead of better…and to top it all off, the chili was starting to get cold too. His stomach growled, reminding him that it was time to eat…but Bobby knew that he wasn't going to get a bowl full of anything until this mess was all taken care of first.
"What is it now Dean?" Bobby asked, suddenly feeling very tired and wishing that John was there. Despite the fact that John could be a stubborn ass and that Bobby didn't always agree with the methods that John had used to raise his kids, he still knew that John was always there for the boys…and they could really use a fatherly figure right now.
But John's NOT here right now…so you're going to be the one who's going to have to step up to the plate Singer…coming to this realization, Bobby mentally sighed this time. That lovely wonderful voice in the back of his head was right…there really was no one else to help Sam and Dean out through these times but himself…not after what had happened with everyone else.
For a minute, Bobby felt his throat get tight…Dean and Sam weren't the only one's grieving. Pastor Jim and Caleb had been really good friends and fellow hunters of his too…had been for a long time, he was going to miss them. But right now, he had to focus on the Winchester boys and get them going on the right track. He knew that this was what they all would've wanted had they been there.
"Damn…Bobby, did you know that Sam had meds that he had to take and how long he had to take them for?" Dean asked, coming up to him and handing him the all too familiar orange bottle that most prescribed pills came in.
The older hunter sighed and shook his head, feeling stupid suddenly. He should've checked with Sam himself about such information…but a part of him had doubted that Sam would've let him know. As Dean had said before, the youngest Winchester was pretty good at keeping secrets himself…and for some odd reason; Sam had thought that by keeping his injuries a secret that he was probably keeping the burden of having to take care of him off from Dean.
It looks like your plan backfired on you Sam my boy…Bobby thought tiredly as he shook his head, telling Dean that no, he hadn't known about them.
Something flared in Dean's eyes suddenly, a look that Bobby couldn't quite place…but before he even allowed Dean to go back upstairs, he had to make sure that Dean wouldn't take out his anger on Sam first. Because if Dean wanted to get Sam to open up to him, that really wasn't the way to go.
"Dean…look…if you go up there acting like you are now, do you really think that Sam's going to tell you everything you want to know, huh?" Even as Bobby asked the question, both men knew what the answer was going to be.
And even though that look in Dean's eyes dimmed a little, it was still there.
"No…but he should've said something Bobby, he should've told me…I should've listened. This is as much my fault as it is Sam's and damnit Bobby, I'm sick and tired of the world messing with us! Why in the hell can't it just all leave us alone, huh Bobby?!? Why can't it just leave us in peace and let us grieve like normal people? I'm tired of dealing with all this shit…for Sam and I just have a little time to our selves without everything going to hell?" Dean hadn't meant to vent…hadn't meant for the tears to slip, but fall they did and before he knew it Bobby had wrapped him up in a big hug…letting him cry.
Dean felt stupid…he didn't want to cry, and he didn't want to show these types of emotions…at least not to Bobby Singer. If there was anyone who deserved to see them, it would be Sam.
But Sam was upstairs…not feeling well. And that simple thought managed to get Dean out of whatever emotional funk he'd fallen into, and he pulled away from Bobby as he wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand before giving Bobby a small smile.
"Thanks Bobby…but…I think I need to see Sam…" Dean let his voice trail off as his green eyes met with Bobby's and Bobby nodded as he stepped out of the way and let Dean go upstairs to his brother.
Letting out his own shaky sigh, Bobby looked upwards and muttered something underneath his breath before the sounds of a whimpering puppy could be heard and took Bobby into the direction of the kitchen.
It seemed like PJ was hungry and not too happy at having a late dinner…and Bobby couldn't help but agree…