Hey all!
So wow, another fic already. Actually, what happened here was that my good friend Morning .xx begged me to write a fic by giving me the very first line, so … this fic is dedicated to her, I think. You are an idea machine.
I'm really not very proud of the beginning or the ending of this, but I put it up anyways, just for kicks. So if you like, then tell me, and if you don't … then you don't.
Constructive criticism is a YES, flames are a NO. 'Nuff said.
Disclaimer: I do not own Batman, or the Joker, or anything from the franchise. If you think I do, then you are almost as crazy as I am.
… (hands cookie)
Agent of Chaos
Sitting, watching TV, the Joker laughs at people running from the hurricane, because he knew it did no good. He always got them in the end, didn't he?
Oh yes, he did.
Silly human race. They called them 'natural disasters'. As if disasters were natural. Didn't they understand the concept of 'Agent of Chaos'?
He takes a sip of Pinot Noir, then chuckles as he sees a woman crying for lost loved ones.
It's all the same isn't it?
Every hurricane, every flood, every kid being hit by a hit-and-run driver.
It's all him.
Because he's an Agent of Chaos.
It took him awhile to learn. It took him awhile to realize that your family's not always going to be there for you, that friendships can be broken, that people are assholes.
That love doesn't last forever.
It took him awhile to realize that the only thing fair in life is chaos.
All because it's so unpredictable. In fact, it's so unpredictable that it's predictable. And since it's so unpredictable that it's predictable, well then that makes it unpredictable again, right?
Silly human race, with their tiny minds and their tiny emotions.
Their tiny hearts.
But these people are on a learning curve, as the Joker very well knows.
The people of Gotham used to think that they would be saved. Saved by a man who dresses up in a giant bat costume. Hilarious. One of the best jokes the Joker's ever heard. Whenever a bank got robbed, or a girl got raped, or some gangsters stole some kid's candy, the people of Gotham didn't panic. They would think, like the cretins they are, that this creature would actually come and save them.
The Joker remembers how funny he thought it was the first time he heard the joke. After laughing so hard that his scars started to rip and bleed, he remembers drawing the bat-symbol on the dead face of his latest victim, and prancing around the street, saying,
"Oh, no worries! The Batman will save us! We are going to be saved by a man who dresses up as a flying rodent! Excuse me while I go iron my underwear, then have a bath, and then stick the iron in the bathtub while it's still plugged in! Because I know that the Batman will save me from electrocuting myself, because I am a really dumb citizen of Gotham City! Look at me go! HAHAHAH!"
It still brings a smile to the Joker's face when he thinks about that memory. In fact, he's grinning from cheek-to-cheek as he takes a long draught of his wine, his thoughts beginning to blur, and his face beginning to warm from the alcohol.
But don't forget that these people are on a learning curve.
They've finally gotten tired of their precious bat. Tired of The Batman breaking the rules. Tired of him breaking windows, and bones, and people's morale.
They're getting tired of the big, fat mess that dear old Flying Rat Man leaves behind.
Now if there's one thing that the Joker takes pride in (okay, so he's proud of a lot of things that he's done, but if he had to pick one), it would be that he doesn't make a mess. He always does a neat job of things. Whenever he's slitting people's throats, or robbing banks, or blowing up buildings … he always does a damn neat job of it.
Plus, he always cuts the crusts off his sandwiches. That has to count for something.
But thank goodness these people are finally learning something. This learning curve might actually be doing them some good. Fortunately, though, they're still dumb enough to be totally oblivious to the Joker's motives.
They still don't know that the Joker is oblivious to the Joker's motives.
And incredibly, they're still dumb enough to not know that they're breaking their not-so-precious Bat.
The Joker knows that Batsy is breaking.
Coincidentally, the news changes to a story about the dear old Bat. This is a good joke, as the Joker starts laughing. He swirls the remaining wine around in his glass, then still looking at the glass, begins to speak to the Bat on the TV.
"Poor old Bat. Does it make you feel sad that nobody likes you anymore?"
Still apparently mesmerized by the swirling wine, the Joker licks his lips. He's a little cross-eyed. This isn't his first drink.
"You're like that poor little kid in highschool that nobody liked. But I know you think you have a good heart. You think you're in- … incorruptible."
The Joker snorts as his words are beginning to slur. On the television, a lady is complaining rather heatedly about the Batman, and what should be done about him.
" … Look where that got you."
The Joker downs the rest of his wine, then sighs. Stricken by an idea, he rummages in the pocket of his purple jacket.
He takes out a Halloween-themed pencil with bats on it. He twists it delicately, almost lovingly in his nimble fingers.
"But soon, Batsy, you're going to get tired of the hate. Because the only person who'll like you will be me. And that's just not good enough, is it? No siree …"
The Joker stops twirling the pencil, and holds one end in each hand. A bestial smile is beginning to creep across his face.
"And then you'll find that you just might – might start to – to …"
His voice is shaking with suppressed laughter.
He suddenly snaps the pencil in two.
"Break,"
The Joker reels over from laughing, and chucks his wine glass at the television. He gets up and kicks the TV, then stumbles about the room in a drunken stupor, flapping his arms like a bat.
"The world is just completely batty, isn't it!?"
And with one last well-aimed kick at the TV, the Agent of Chaos stumbles to his quarters to retire for the night.
"This is going to be the best show that Gotham's ever seen …"