So I wrote this when I was sitting in my mom's room watching TV one night, and really, it kind of just came to me. Yeah. Um, I like it, which is something I don't say too often about my own writing, so please comment constructively, faves mean nothing without reviews.
Disclaimer: Not mine….
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The way he was holding onto me, it was almost like he needed me. Almost like he had a heart to need me with. And then he let go. And then it all went back to normal. Mindless, emotionless fucking.
It was only for a moment, but I can still feel imprints, a certain weight where fingers had dug deep into my shirt, wrinkling the fabric, blunt nails scraping clothed flesh. I know I must be making it up, but I could practically feel the desperation and longing behind that grip. Practically. Hard to feel something that isn't there, right?
Roxas wanted to know what was happening. What was that? That… that thing that Axel had done. That grip on his waist… Or maybe he was imagining it.
Axel pulled back, the thin, post-makeout strip of saliva connecting his bottom lip to Roxas' glinting in the dim light. Both were panting heavy; Axel was close to shirtless, and Roxas already was. "Roxas…" Roxas didn't know what made him do it, but he crushed his lips against the redhead's. There was some glint in his eyes, and Roxas didn't want to know what it meant. He knew it wasn't what had actually happened, but he could have sworn a sudden panic had seized his chest, constricting his… heart. His heart.
His heart that he didn't have.
"Jeez, kid. Slow down, huh?" Axel pushed the younger boy back slightly with hot hands. "What's the rush?" And the truth was, Roxas didn't know what the rush was. He just didn't want to stop moving. Because if they stopped, Axel may get that glint back in his eye. He was actually afraid of what that glint meant. He waved the thought off. How silly, he wasn't afraid. He couldn't be afraid. Fear… was an emotion.
It was strange, how he had to keep reminding himself that he couldn't feel. When he didn't, the sensations almost felt real. Not that he would know what real emotions felt like. It was just… familiar. Almost like a warmth. Or sometimes a cold. Cold was for fear, warmth for happiness, and heat for anger.
He felt hot as Axel opened his mouth again.
Placing a gentle finger to his lover's lips(lover in the most carnal sense of the word), Roxas made a soft shushing noise that sounded much louder and heaver than he had meant for it to be. Condescending. He mentally smacked himself. What was he thinking? Condescending… he couldn't be if he tried.
But oh, how he wanted to try.
Sometimes, post-passion, post-euphoric bliss, just as they were falling asleep, Axel would whisper things into Roxas' ear. Things about how he felt, and what kinds of emotions drove him to do the things he did… And even though Roxas would be telling himself that the redhead was lying the entire time, maybe… just maybe, Axel was getting to him. Axel, and his crazy ideas that went against everything Superior said; everything Roxas knew.
Where is the line drawn between everything that one knows, and the only thing one knows? Though the only Twilight Town he could remember had been DiZ's virtual one, Hayner, Pence, Olette… even Vivi and Seifer had all made him feel something. He used to get so pumped up before struggle matches, and he felt light and bubbly when Pence told his silly jokes, and when Olette tried to drag him off for endless hours of shopping, he felt dream. Pure and simple, they were things that he felt.
His head hurt. Why, why was he thinking about all this now? And then Axel's mouth – oh God, Axel's mouth was doing amazing things with the skin of his collar bone, as if he had gotten the hint that Roxas didn't want to be thinking about whatever he was thinking about.
Axel always seemed to understand him. Or maybe it was just coincidence; what was there to understand? Nothing. After all, he was just a Nobody.