Every time I see a funeral on TV I feel sad for who ever is attending and for the loved one they lost.
Every time I see a funeral line (cars) I bow my head and watch them pass.
Every time I hear of someones passing I feel sad for those left behind. But I never truly knew of the pain they went through...
Now I do.
I feel my heart constricting and my gut knotting up. It's a horrible feeling; my body is heavy as lead and my eyes are doused in wet, salty tears. I feel as if the world has sat itself on my shoulder, whispering in my ear with words as smooth as silk, "It's your fault" and on the other hell is growling out in that horrible raspy voice, "Why didn't you help her! She was your mother!" and I can suddenly I know of the sorrows the ones left on earth felt because now I was one too.
I sink to my knees and ball my fist up against my eyes, wailing. Then I felt a warmth contrasting against the cold hateful auras of the two on my shoulders. I look up to be blinded by the light radiating off of a lone figure standing in front of me. I blink and rub my eyes trying to make sure what I'm seeing is real. My dead mother stands ind the center of that light, smiling down at me.
"Tsuna," she says without hatred nor spite for her death, " I'll wait for you." and with those five words she disappears taking the light with her but leaving behind that loving warmth that fills me to the brim, chasing away the cold.
I stand and rub my eyes, banishing the tears. I walk to the podium and cast aside the mike wanting people to hear me, not a machine. Clearing my throat I start talking, voice confident and powerful, "Thank you for coming today, I know my mother is very proud of you all for gathering your strength together and coming to grieve for her, but grievances are not what she is looking for. She wants us to be happy and to know that she lived a long life and that she is happy to be up in heaven with my father. She wants us to live without regret and to know that death is not goodbye forever, no, death is only goodbye for now and I'll see you when it's your time. So lets honor her last wish and live without regret and sorrow, knowing that we will meet again someday." I look out over the crowd to see hope on the some faces, and contentment on others, and when I look to my loved ones, pride. A smile lights up my face and I leave the podium.
My time has come and I look down on my daughter, remembering how I was in the sames position as she when my own mother died. Kneeling down I place a comforting hand on her shoulder. She looks with the same shock and awe as I'm sure I had when I saw Mom. Smiling I repeat what Mother said to me, " I'll be waiting." and then I left, leaving her to contemplate my words.
As I pass through the starry gates of heaven to meet the dead I hear three singular words that make happiness bloom in my heart...
"Wait for me"