Photograph, a harry potter fanfic

Photograph

Summery: Sirius is having trouble remembering things since Azkaban so Remus brings out some old pictures to try to help. One Shot. Loose Songfic to Nickleback's Photograph. Lyrics are at the end because I hate it when there are lyrics in the middle of my story.

Disclaimer: I don't own harry potter or any of the characters. I don't own the song either for that matter. There is slash so if you don't like that just don't read.

"Whatcha doing?" Sirius questioned as Remus burst into his room with a battered old suitcase

"Well… I was just thinking… you know how you say your memories are kind of fuzzy. Well, I mean, I just thought maybe some pictures would help." He said struggling with the catches.

"That looks tough"

"yeh, I, um, don't look at these often. Or, you know, ever, since well…" Remus went back to the catches. Finally getting them open he pulled out a handful of pictures and began to flick through them idly until he came across one which made him chuckle.

"What?" he couldn't help but be curious. He hadn't heard Remus laugh like that in years. The werewolf held out the picture.

"Are we?"

"Yep, we were high." Remus sniggered.

"So is that why James has that ridiculous thing on his head?" he said pointing to the fez James wore.

"Nope, no" Remus was still smirking "he urrm. Lily made some comment about how she would never date anyone as unsophisticated as James. So what's more sophisticated than a fez, right? He wore that thing for weeks. I tore it apart on the next full moon."

"Oh." Remus could see Sirius' disappointment at not remembering. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, what if all it did was remind him that he didn't remember. That he didn't know everything there was to know about James or Remus or even himself anymore.

"Hey, your old house!" Sirius suddenly picked up a picture of fairly run down cottage.

"You… remember"

"Yeh, god, the number of times I nearly killed myself climbing out of your window. And that time your dad actually caught me! I swear I never thought John Lupin could be that scary, I thought he might skin me alive!"

"Well, you were sneaking out of his 16 year olds bedroom at one am. Can you really blame my dad for being mad? Particularly considering the noises that woke him up!"

"Huh? I don't remember. Just getting caught."

"Oh" Remus' face fell "I guess getting caught wasn't a good memory, so the dementors didn't take it. That's, good, I guess"

"What is?" Sirius didn't understand what Remus was muttering about

"That it, what happened that night, was a good memory. Good enough for them to take it." Remus still looked heartbroken though. The look broke Sirius' heart too, but he didn't know why, unless..

"Remus, was that our…" Remus' look cut him off completely. He knew he was right but clearly Remus didn't want him to say it. Now he had realised he didn't want to say it either. It hurt too much that he couldn't remember every detail. Every word, every touch. Desperately Sirius' cast around for something to say, anything to push away the memory, or in his case lack of memory. He grabbed the first photo from the top of the case. It was the four of them. The Marauders. Standing outside of Hogwarts Great Hall and grinning from ear to ear. They both stared. They looked so happy, Sirius wrapped tightly in Remus' arms and Peter clearly revelling in the fact that James' was slung casually across his shoulders. How the hell did it all go so wrong?

"I hardly remember school." Sirius murmured so quietly Remus had to strain to hear. "Only a few detentions and getting chased by Filch's bloody cat." Remus was silent; he couldn't make Sirius remember the good times, no matter how much he wanted to. He could just tell him what he remembered, but that wouldn't be the same; because they would be his memories, his thoughts, not Sirius'. All Remus could do was be there and hope, in time, thing would come back.

"I remember one time. It was summer, before 7th year I think. And we all decided to sneak in. To school I mean" Sirius' voice sounded distant. Like he was struggling to dredge up memories that had been locked away for a long time. "We wanted to see what it was like over summer I guess, so we broke in. Somehow you and I gave James and Pete the slip. Probably sent they to the kitchens knowing those two, it's the only thing that would have worked, and we went exploring. We got caught and Filch was so mad. I guess that's why it's still there, the anger. But I think I can remember before that, by the lake" he looked up to see tears shining in Remus's eyes. Remus nodded, telling Sirius this was right, true, it really had happened "that was a good day" Sirius breathed.

"The best. All of us together, before it all got so messed up. And you and me." They shared a look for just a second before Remus looked down to continue "is it wrong that I want to remember that Wormtail too. The one who was our friend before… everything?"

Sirius glanced at him he had never really thought about that. Pete had been their friend for a reason. He was quiet and sometimes annoying. But he could also be funny and kind. It was him who finally convinced Remus that they wouldn't abandon him after they found out his secret. Sirius never knew how but he remembered that Remus had run off. He had refused to come near them for days until Peter found him and talked him into coming back to the dorms. And it had been Peter's idea to become animagi too. The other thought he was mad at first, and even Peter admitted he had no idea how, but he had absolute confidence in James and Sirius and Remus' ability. Sirius couldn't hate that Peter. He hated who he became, who he was now. But the round faced boy who had told him he had better get off his ass and bloody well work out to become an animal because Moony needed him. He couldn't hate that boy.

"No, it's not wrong. I miss that Peter too. We lost them both you know, Jamie and Pete, we lost them both to Voldemort, and we never even got to say goodbye, not properly, to either of them." Sirius' voice was thick with emotion. He missed his friends, his youth. He missed arguing with James about quidditch and teasing Wormtail, even getting told off by Lily. But most of all he missed his Moony. That he was right here, and yet still so far away, just made it worse. Mustering his courage Sirius turned himself so he was looking directly at Remus "I never got to say goodbye to you either. That was what haunted me the most for all those years, that I never got to see you one last time. I can't even remember our last kiss." Remus' eyes locked on to Sirius' and he saw such sincerity there it made him gasp. Sirius really meant what he was saying. "I remember the first though. I wouldn't let them take that, I couldn't. I couldn't keep every first and I'm so, so sorry for that, but our first kiss I kept hold of. I made sure if I thought of it I concentrated on how scared I was, how afraid I was you would push me off, and that was enough to keep them away."

"I thought Blacks were never afraid of anything"

"Ah, but I'm not a true Black, as my mother told me often enough, and I was petrified. Best moment of my life though Remi. I know we aren't the same boys we were then, but I never stopped loving you. Not even in there. I have loved you since I was fifteen, and I'll always love you, just, you know, so you know."

Remus broke the eye contact looking at the photos spread across the bedroom floor. He didn't know what to say. He had never stopped loving Sirius either, but he had never though he would be allowed to have him back. Even when he came back Remus thought maybe he didn't remember what they had been. Maybe he didn't want too. But the sincerity and pain in Sirius' eyes told him that he remembered, maybe not every detail, but the important stuff like how they had felt about each other, he remembered that. The ball was in Remus' court now. It was fight or flight time.

"You know, if I could relive it all I'd change a lot of things Sirius" Remus began, still unsure of where he was going "but not that" he added slowly "not us." Sirius' face lit up in a smile that Remus couldn't help but return. "You're right that a lot has changed, for both of us. But I never stopped loving you either. And maybe we could try again, as the men we are now, not the boys we were then." Suddenly he felt his lips being caught in a fierce kiss, taking his breath away. He kissed back with everything he had and finally, for the first time in over 12 years, he felt whole again. He was Sirius' again, and Sirius was his. That was all he had ever needed.

Photograph by Nickleback

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
How did our eyes get so red
And what the hell is on Joey's head

And this is where I grew up
I think the present owner fixed it up
I never knew we'd ever went without
The second floor is hard for sneaking out

And this is where I went to school
Most of the time had better things to do
Criminal record says I broke in twice
I must have done it half a dozen times

I wonder if it's too late
Should i go back and try to graduate
Life's better now than it was back then
If I was them I wouldn't let me in

Oh, oh, oh
Oh, god, I

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye.

We used to listen to the radio
And sing along with every song we know
We said someday we'd find out how it feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel

Kim's the first girl I kissed
I was so nervous that I nearly missed
She's had a couple of kids since then
I haven't seen her since god knows when

Oh, oh, oh
Oh, god, I

I miss that town
I miss the faces
You can't erase
You can't replace it
I miss it now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it

If I could I relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Look at this photograph
Everytime I do it makes me laugh
Everytime I do it makes me...