Dragon Age: Origins, it's characters, places, etc. don't belong to me. They belong to BioWare. ALL HAIL BIOWARE!

Sunae Mahariel is my character. Don't steal her traits. Or anything of hers. I keel you if you do. She will also.

Note that this is a collection of FanFics that I do in random order for this awesome game. Some of it WILL not line up due to the fact I do these on a whim, although I will try to inform you what choices lead to this point!

This chapter of my collection of stories for DA:O is what my Fem!Mahariel (Sunae) would do if she survived the end, but Alistair sacrificed himself. Sort of has angst. Short.

Note that if it is italics and in between ' ', it is thoughts. If its just italics (and " " for speech of course), its a flashback.

Broken: Unwanted Survival

Her breathing was fast paced, and she sprinted forwards towards the edge of the large hollow in the bottom of the tree she hid in. Her light red-brown hair was plastered to her face by the fact she had been crying only moments ago, the long waves touching the salty liquid falling from her pale green eyes.

Sunae aimed her longbow for something out in the early morning fog that hid parts of the Brecillian Forest. She wanted to be left alone. She had told anyone that knew who she was that if they came looking for her, they would die. She just wanted to be left alone.

Left alone to hate. Left alone to rage. Left alone to break. Left alone to mourn.

'They can't understand. They wouldn't understand.'

Her thoughts had been like that for time she could not even count anymore. Maybe it had been a day and there was so much that she couldn't remember her life not being like this. Maybe it had been many years. It had seemed like many years that her dreams had been haunted by those images before the feeling of being forever alone and wanting to be forever alone had come into her life. The images of him.

Sunae had forgotten why she loved him. All she knew was that she had. And he was gone, gone because he saved her. Now all she could do was love to hate him, and hate herself for loving him even though he haunted her dreams. She could no longer have peace.

"No! This is crazy!" She shouted, tears streaming down her face.

'Why did you do it? Why did you give your life for my own?' She asked many times as she looked into the star-filled night sky, her sharp elven eyes blurred by her tears that she had rarely shed before, even when she had been in extreme distress. Something her friend-- no, more then a friend at that time-- before she had even met the man who caused her so much pain had called her reserve. The lie that kept everyone from knowing the pain she was in, or the sorrow, or the happiness, freedom, and any other emotion she felt. It was something she had used in self-defense, in self-defense of herself and others that didn't know how horribly she could rage or how depressed she could be in sorrowful times. And only those who trusted her and earned her trust in return saw outside of that reserve that she bottled every single one of her emotions in.

"Sanest thing I've ever done." He replied, his voice calm as tears choked her again. She swallowed, and launched herself towards him, clinging onto him like a small child.

"Don't do this! Please don't! Not for me! Do anything you want, but don't do any more for me!"

'Why did you do this for me, Alistair? I don't want to be here. I was a pointless and useless thing to this world, nothing more then anther barbaric elf. And yet you gave up your life for mine pointlessness to continue. You gave me anther thing, after you had already given me enough to pull me out of the darkness that I had sunken into.' Sunae's eyes blurred with tears as she heard something moving through the trees ahead. She attempted to break her thoughts from the sorrow that swallowed them and use the reserve she had not used in such a long time.

She still clung to him, desperately trying to keep him from doing what he was about to do. She shook with anther sob. She felt like a child, crying over silly things that were broken, lost, and gone. Was this a silly thing to cry over? She didn't know, nor did she care. She would never be able to stop the tears streaming down her face and taking her heart with them into nothingness. His face was against her own and their lips met. It seemed like only seconds, and then he was gone before the elf could react. She screamed... Somebody had held her back from charging forward... And there was a flash of white.

The next thing she remembered was waking up in the royal palace with her left arm in a sling and one of her legs broken, and a pang deep inside that she had become all too familiar with since this entire ordeal had started.

Sunae peered through the mist, and tore at the reserve that swallowed all of her emotions until she broke. Her eyes caught on movement, and suddenly she was pinned by something that was slobbering all over her face. She knew who it was, and had forgotten him in the entire time that she had fallen into her depression. "Azkar, you came to find me, didn't you boy?" She said with sorrow, hugging the Mabari and sitting upright. She hadn't suspected this. She wondered how the dog found her, but then she didn't want to wonder. She could share her emotions with the dog without too much argument and being told that she needed to get over it.

Her emotions broke through in seconds and she hugged the Mabari tight and began to cry like a child. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I let you die..." Sunae cried, and she didn't let anything stop her from finally freeing her sorrow.