From: "just mac"
Subject: FF Veritas (1/1) Just Mac
Date sent: Fri, 20 Mar 1998 23:36:12 +0100
TITLE:Veritas
AUTHOR: Katie Taylor
WRITTEN: August 26, 1997
EMAIL ADDRESS:
DISTRIBUTION STATEMENT: Anywhere, just tell me!
SPOILER WARNING: Momento Mori, Small Potatoes
TIME LINE: post SP,
RATING: PG
CONTENT WARNING: Mulder/Other, MSR
CLASSIFICATION: S/R
SUMMARY: An old flame comes back.
Disclaimer: The Scully's, Mr. Mulder, and Ms. Green belong to CC (who, if
he cared about his characters at all wouldn't have let that bad, bad lady
hurt poor Fox. But then again, she helped shape him into the man we all
know and love! :-P) 1013, FOX, yadda, yadda, yadda. Y'all know who you
are! Please do not sue me, Bitte. Thank you kindly!!
Author's notes: Oooooooo, I know y'all love my intros! :- First of
all, please don't e-mail me to remind me that Melissa is very dead. Yes, I
know that. I also know that I probably could have gotten away w/ using
Mrs. Scully instead, but you know what? I like having the power to bring
people back from the dead! Just kidding. I hope I got all the info on
Oxford right. I actually researched for this story. Praise me! So
everything should be right. If you're from Oxford, and I've gotten
something wrong . . . Sorry. I even went there just to right this story!
I'm so proud of myself. I hate researching. Well, y'all are lucky
today. I have a headache and can't think of anything else to write for
these notes. Lucky you! Before we go: TRANSLATION: Veritas is French for
Truth. Ha ha. Gotcha, no really, it's Latin.
And finally, I'd like to thank my editors (the whole team!): Regina,
Serena, Koula, Courtney, Jeannine, Suzita, Yasmin, & Kelli for putting up
w/ me and my stories!
Veritas
by Katie Taylor
WASHINGTON D.C.; September, 1997
Mulder sat at his desk, the cramped basement office lit only by the
small lamp at his side. He was concentrating on a new case and was
startled when a hand came to rest on his shoulder. He hadn't heard the
door open. Mulder spun around and smiled a bewildered smile as she bent to
kiss
him.
OXFORD, ENGLAND; August 1984
The route he ran was well memorized. He was alone, finally, a rare
occurrence. Since his arrival in England all kinds of people had been
trying to make him 'feel at home'. If you want to make me feel at home,
he always thought to himself, just leave me alone. Mulder refused to let
anyone accompany him on his morning runs, he needed the time to think about
his past,
his future. His life. This was the only time of the day he had to
himself. Some people said he was just brooding.
Mulder was working up a good sweat. He stopped on a foot bridge, plain,
unpainted wood beneath his feet, and leaned on the white, criss-cross
patterned railing. He wasn't tired, but something had made him stop.
Actually, he very rarely stopped until the end of his run, especially here.
The sun rising up over the trees reflected off the Thames and the glare
was blinding. Today, however, he stared into it for a long time. So many
thoughts were running through his mind this morning he couldn't even sort
them out. He finally turned away from the river and, when the blindness
cleared, he could see
the road through the trees.
A drop of sweat ran off his nose and he shook himself from the trance. He
had to get going. He still had to have a shower and change before
breakfast. Mulder wiped the sweat from his face with his Georgetown
T-shirt and resumed his course.
He followed Georgetown games, even over here. It was a good thing they
weren't rivals with Oxford. Of course, he didn't have to worry about that
ever happening. The English just could not play basketball. And forget
baseball. Ice hockey wasn't really big over here yet either, and rugby
just
wasn't the same as football--American football that is. Who wants to play
soccer?
There were some comforts of home he missed. Not a lot, but some (well,
basically just the sports). European
women and entertainment (well, other than sports) were great.
Phoebe looked up from her tea as a tall man approached.
"Fox!" She knew he hated to be called that, but she just couldn't call him
'Mulder'. "You're late," she said in her thick English accent.
"Sorry." He had that air about him this morning.
"You've been brooding again this morning, haven't you?"
He let out a long sigh and sat at the table, picking up the cup of coffee
Phoebe had ordered for him.
They were in their usual cafe in the covered market, where they came every
morning for breakfast. The room was alive with student gossip. It seemed
unusually loud to Mulder today.
"Phoebe . . . " he started, but let the subject drop. "I've got to be
quick
this morning. A friend said they've got a couple of books on dreams and
hypnosis over at the bookstore."
"Is this about Samantha?"
"So what if it is?" He knew what was coming next.
"Fox, you have to drop this crusade of yours. Stop living in the past, and
concentrate on the present and the future," she took his hand, "with me."
This was the only thing Mulder really disliked about her. She just didn't
understand him. Sam's disappearance had been his fault and no one else
seemed to be trying very hard to find her. Even though she'd been gone for
over ten years, he wasn't going to stop looking for her until he found her.
Or a body.
Mulder was running again. This was his second run of the day. It was about
seven in the evening. It was a nice night out and he needed a break from
his studies. He needed to think.
Something, once again, made him stop on the bridge. He looked out at the
setting
sun over the trees, watching the sky lend its pink and purple tints to the
Thames. He looked over to the riverbank by the boats.
And had to grip the rail to keep his balance.
Mulder didn't recognize the guy, but the girl lying beside him on the grass
passionately kissing him was familiar enough.
WASHINGTON D.C.; September, 1997
Scully walked slowly down the basement hall. She was nervous. She had
only been nervous walking down this corridor a couple of times before. That
first day, because she didn't know what to expect. Her first day back at
work after she had been abducted. Then there was the day after she had
told him about her cancer. That was hard. This was almost harder.
Almost, but not quite. Dana had realized, during her recovery from the coma
which had been the result of her abduction, exactly how strongly Mulder
felt about her. And now she was going to tell him that she felt the same
way. That she loved him.
The office door was ajar and she quietly pushed it open. This was it. This
was
going to change everything. This was--
A woman was leaning against the filing cabinet, her arms around Mulder's
neck, his hands buried in her thick auburn hair. They were kissing
passionately. Scully quickly pushed aside her anger and jealousy and,
taking a deep breath,
walked into the office. Mulder hastily pulled away from the woman in his
arms, trying
to act as if nothing had been going on, raking a hand roughly through
his hair,
hoping Scully hadn't seen anything.
"Hello, Inspector Greene," Scully said, walking to her desk.
"Agent Scully," she replied in her thick English accent, smiling, as if
she was
happy Scully had caught them together. "I was just leaving." She went to
Mulder and kissed him, hard. Scully couldn't help rolling her eyes. Phoebe
left the room and Mulder looked after her and then to Scully, as if unsure
what to do.
"I'll be back in one second, Scully."
She waved him away, and when he was gone slumped against the table,
which was strewn with papers and reference books. Mulder's jacket was
thrown over the pile.
He had been wearing black jeans and a T-shirt, which told her he had come
here during the night to work, which she knew he sometimes did, and hadn't
had the chance yet to go home and change. Scully reached out and ran her
fingers along the soft leather sleeve of his jacket. She loved it when he
wore this jacket. The way the smell of the leather mingled with that of
his cologne, and also how he seemed a little more human. The way he touched
her more. Trusted her more. Confided in her more. Cried on her shoulder.
She loved the way it felt under her fingertips, as if it would melt in her
hands, the same way she felt every time he touched her, or spoke her name.
He used her last name, as did Skinner and many other people, but Fox Mulder
said it in his own special way, as if he had made it up himself. His name
only for her. She had believed his words had always held a little bit more
than just their basic meaning. Maybe because he knew how she felt and he
felt the same way. Obviously that was ludicrous. He didn't love her or he
wouldn't be in the hallway with Phoebe doing who knew what. Perhaps he
didn't act that way at all. Could she have possibly imagined it all,
hoping that out of the office, he would act differently towards her?
She slowly pulled her hand to her side as he stepped back into the office.
If she'd only decided to do this a day earlier, she could be in his arms
right now. But now that would never happen.
Scully sat on her couch, her eyes closed, but she wasn't sleeping. A cup
of tea sat on the coffee table, untouched, but it had gone cold a long time
ago.
There was a knock at her door and, slowly, she rose to answer it.
"Oh, no, I forgot!" she cried as she opened the door and saw who was
standing on the other side. "Did you make reservations?"
"No," Missy said as she walked in to her sister's apartment. "Do you want
to take a rain check?"
"Oh, no," Scully said as they sat on the couch. "At least, not on our
evening together, but perhaps we could just stay here."
"Sure, Dana, whatever you want." Dana turned away to lead her sister to
the couch, but not before Missy noticed the preoccupied look on her face.
"Is everything all right?"
She told Missy about walking in on Mulder and Phoebe, but not about what
she had been planning to tell him.
"That's not all, is it?" Melissa responded.
"You know me too well." She smiled, an expression which faded as she
told Melissa everything that had happened that morning. "He's the only
thing I think about. Even when I'm thinking about something totally
unrelated, it always
leads to him. I dream about him coming here one night, saying he feels the
same way, but only fools dream of the one thing they can't have."
"Dana, you're not a fool. He feels the same way you do, I know it. He also
has the same fears, but with more reason than you do. You just need to
make
the first move."
"I can't. A few days ago I might have and this morning I was glad I
hadn't. He doesn't feel the same way. What if
he is still in love with Phoebe and wants to get back together. I don't
want to stand in the way if he's happy."
" What if he's not but gets back together with her anyway
because he doesn't think he has a chance with you and figures he could
fall
in love with her again? You won't know how he feels until you talk to him.
"
Scully looked up at her sister. "Missy, I can't!" There was a moment of
uncomfortable silence.
"Why are you so afraid to tell him how you feel?"
Scully let out a short laugh and tried to evade answering the question.
"You're a hopeless romantic, Melissa."
"No, Dana, I'm your sister." She paused for a moment, studying Dana.
"Dana, if you think you're protecting him, you're only fooling yourself.
Anyone can see how much he loves you."
Mulder walked down the hall toward Scully's apartment. He needed to talk
to Scully about what happened that morning with Phoebe. He didn't really
know why, or what he was going to say, be he had to say something. As he
approached the
apartment, he saw the door was open slightly and heard Melissa's voice
inside.
"Melissa, I chose a demanding profession, I don't have time for a
relationship."
"What about time for feelings?"
"I don't have time for feelings."
Mulder had never heard her talk like this before. It scared him a little.
"But you love him, don't you?"
There was a short pause before Scully's answer, which was, at least to
Mulder,
almost inaudible. "Yes, I love him."
For a moment, Mulder felt happier than he had ever been before, until he
remembered the events of that morning. She had hardly seemed fazed at all
at
seeing him and Phoebe together in his office. If she loved him, he
expected she
would have exhibited some sort of reaction. He left the hallway and
returned to
his car.
"So, why don't you tell him that?"
"Missy, you don't know Mulder like I do. He's got so much to worry about
already. His family, his work, his enemies. He doesn't need this too."
Melissa couldn't help but let out a small laugh. "Dana, this isn't going
to be 'another thing for him to worry about'."
Scully slowly nodded.
They talked about family and other things for the rest of the night over
Chinese they had delivered, but Scully's mind was elsewhere.
Mulder sat on his couch. He was jealous, and he didn't understand why. They
weren't together, he hadn't even told her how he felt. And he was with
Phoebe for heaven's sake! He didn't have the right to be jealous.
Well, 'with' her wasn't exactly the correct terminology for their present
relationship. She was in DC on another case, and to screw with his head
some more, and he was just lonely enough to take her back until she
scurried back under the English rock she emerged from. Mulder didn't think
he was ever be able to figure why she did this to him, or why he let her.
He'd said once, to Scully, that Phoebe was fire-and she was. With her mind
games and her seemingly vicious disregard for his feelings. But he was
used to it-from her and almost everyone else in his life. Perhaps that's
why he dropped everything for her every time she breezed through town, even
after vowing he'd never give her the time of day again. It was a hint of
normalcy in his otherwise abnormal life.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door, and Phoebe was on the other side.
Phoebe lay asleep in his bed. He lay next to her, but sleep was not going
to come for him tonight. Twice that night he had pictured Dana in Phoebe's
place. He couldn't get over this--the feeling that he knew had always been
there, but wished he had recognized earlier. Now it was too late. She'd
found someone else and she was dying.
But even if he couldn't have Scully, he would still have to end this thing
with Phoebe. He didn't even really like her anymore--after Oxford, and
that case they had worked on together, there was too much betrayal between
them. And he loved Dana, he knew that now, and it wasn't fair to Phoebe or
himself to stay with her if all he could think of was Scully. As if
hearing his thought, she turned to him, rubbing her eyes sleepily.
"Fox, is something wrong?"
Mulder didn't answer right away, but sat on the edge of the bed, gathering
his thoughts.
"Phoebe," he sighed, "I don't think I can continue doing this."
She put a hand on his bare shoulder. "What do you mean?"
"Us. I don't think it's a good idea to carry on with this."
"What are you talking about?"
"It's not fair to you to keep this up."
She seemed totally awake now, and angry. "This is because of Agent Scully,
isn't it?"
He nodded, still not looking at her.
"Do you love her?"
He hesitated. "Yes." Then, "That's why I don't think it's fair to either
of us to go on like this because she's all I can think about. The only
thing is, she's probably in love with someone else."
"Great, now you know how I feel."
Mulder looked at her. She was completely serious. Sure, she had told him
she loved him in the past, but she had never seemed serious about it.
"Phoebe, why were you with that other guy in Oxford? And again here in
Washington?"
"Because you never really paid attention to me. You were always a little
distracted. In Oxford, it was Samantha. And here it's Scully. I thought
if you caught me with someone else, you'd appreciate me more."
He nodded once, as if saying he was sorry. "If you want to stay here the
rest of the night, you can. I'll sleep on the couch."
Phoebe didn't answer for a while. She wasn't deciding whether or not to
stay, but simply realizing it had actually ended in Oxford. She wished she
could affect him the same way Scully did. They might never get together,
but
Phoebe knew Fox and Dana shared more than the two of them ever had, and it
had been that way for a long time.
"No, I think I should go."
Mulder said goodbye, but didn't move from his spot on the edge of the bed
as she walked out of his room and out of his life. He didn't hear her
close the door of the
apartment--he was thinking about Scully.
A knock at his door woke him from the sleep he had found only half an hour
before. After Phoebe had left, he still hadn't been able to get to sleep.
He had come into his living room, turned on the late-late movie and had
fallen asleep on the couch after watching three early morning cartoons. He
turned the TV off and ran his hand roughly through his hair before
answering the door.
"Melissa?"
"Yeah, hi, Mulder. I need to talk to you about Dana."
His face dropped as he moved aside to let her in.
"Scully? Is everything all right? She's not in the hospital or anything,
is she?" His face had gone white and she thought she could see his hand
shaking as he closed the door. "Everything's okay, right?"
She smiled. "Yes, Mulder, everything's fine. Phoebe would die if she
heard you talking like that."
"Phoebe isn't here anymore." Melissa's eyebrow went up in surprise--like
Scully's did when he came up with a crazy theory--as they sat on his couch.
"What is it then? You don't normally come around here."
"First of all, you can't tell her I was here. She'd kill me if she found
out."
"Okay."
"I'm going to tell you about a conversation I had with her last night."
Mulder knew the conversation Melissa spoke of. He didn't think he wanted
to hear confirmation of Scully's love for someone else.
"Maybe I should just tell you the main thing --Mulder, she loves you. But
she doesn't want to tell you, because she doesn't think it's right.
Actually,
she was on her way to tell you how she felt, but she walked in on you and
Phoebe."
She really does love me? Mulder thought.
"Melissa, maybe she's right."
She looked at him, shocked. "Mulder, I know you love her. Everyone can
see that. Everyone but her."
"She needs someone who can treat her the way she deserves to be treated."
"Mulder, I remember when Dana was returned to us. I know how distraught
you were. Mom told me what you were like when she first went missing, how
you wouldn't give up on her, and although I was angry at you when we argued
about her living will, I realize now why you were so against it. She is
everything to you. And I know you must have given up something very
important to you that night after I came to you. The night when we thought
it was the end."
"She is everything to me. She is my life." There was a few moments of
silence, then Missy spoke.
"Can't you see that you're the only one who can make her happy?"
He looked back at her. "She's the only one who can make me happy."
Melissa smiled.
Mulder sat at his desk, leaning back in the steno chair. He closed his
eyes and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Melissa had been gone for many
hours--in fact, dusk had come and gone.
He thought about what Melissa had said to him. The conversation between her
and
Dana the night before replayed itself over and over again in Mulder's head.
"What about feelings?"
"I don't have time for feelings?"
Had Scully actually said those words? Did she believe them? Or was she
trying to convince herself she didn't feel what she felt? She had told
Melissa that she loved 'him' and Mulder had thought she was talking about
someone else. But deep down, in a place he hadn't known existed until now,
he knew she had been talking about him, and that had made him stop
everything between him and Phoebe.
A knock at his door broke into his thoughts. He rubbed his face as he got
up
from the chair, and, for a moment, wondered how long he had been sitting
there. He opened the door and Scully didn't hesitate before stepping into
his apartment.
"Scully, what are you doing here?"
She looked around quickly as Mulder shut the door. "Is Phoebe here?"
Mulder shook his head and she seemed to calm down a bit.
"Mulder, I need to tell you something."
He motioned for her to sit and they sat on his couch.
"Missy and I were talking last night and I realized that I have to tell
you this, even though I know it will accomplish nothing, except to get it
off
my chest." She paused for a moment before continuing.
"Do you remember Van Blundht?"
Mulder couldn't stop the smile. How could he forget? He remembered
storming into her apartment, seeing 'himself' over Scully, about to kiss
her, and she hadn't been fighting. He also thought he had maybe seen
disappointment on her face at finding out it wasn't the real Mulder.
"Well, when he was going to kiss me, I wanted him to so badly. I mean, I
wasn't stupid. Really, in a way I knew he wasn't you. I mean, you don't
normally
come to my apartment with a bottle of wine."
"He did say I didn't treat you right."
"He also said you were a loser, so I wouldn't put much stock in what he
said. No one has ever treated me better than you do, or loved me like you
do." She looked away. "I'm sorry, that wasn't what I meant to say." She
turned back to him, and smiled a sad and nervous smile. "I know what you're
thinking."
"Really." It wasn't a question.
"Yeah, you don't love me. I know you're in love with Phoebe but I can't
help the way I feel. I love you."
"She's not here anymore."
"Oh," she said, casually. "Why?"
"It wasn't fair to her to keep going on the way we were going. Not when
all I could think about was you. Wishing I were doing those things to you
and not her." Mulder held her face in his hands and kissed her more
passionately than he had ever kissed Phoebe in all the years he had known
her.
Scully didn't hesitate before returning the kiss. Reluctantly, Mulder
pulled away.
"Dana, I love you. I always have. I was just too scared to say it before."
She smiled. "I wish we had said it before."
He silenced her with another kiss. "That doesn't matter. We're together
now
and that's what matters."
She nodded as they leaned back into the couch, their arms around each
other,
just happy to be together, with everything out in the open, both of them
finally happy
for the first time since either of them could remember.
the end.
axiously awaiting the movie in Europe :-(
Just Mac