Stupid Mario Bros: Season 4
Episode 46 – Death is like a box of chocolates part 1
Author's note: Decided to do things in order concerning my plot(s), which begins with season 4. There will be humour, fourth wall breaking, battles and extras. I don't own StMB and I suggest not reading this if you haven't seen this YouTube show before.
Warning: If you haven't seen episodes 1-45, the movie Act 1 and Act 2, Operation Blind Storm and The Interactive Adventure, you might be a little confused.
"Therefore, I strongly suggest that-"
"Oh, just play the episode buddy; no one cares about that crap!" Snapped a furious Wario, walking up to Richie.
"But Wario-"
"But nothing. I've been waiting a long time for episode 46. It's been like two years."
"Yes, but if they haven't seen the movie and the interactive –" started Richie.
Wario grabbed Richie's shoulder.
"Look," he said, pointing towards the screen, "you think there are people out there, who are watching us right now, who haven't seen the movie?!" asked Wario.
"It's possible; newcomers to the series perhaps?" shrugged Richie.
"Perhaps you should die. Newcomers my butt. This is for the fans!" hissed Wario.
"Fine; play the episode!"
"Thank YOU!"
"His mother was an ox..."
"WHAT?"
-xxxxx-
It was a normal day for Mario as he walked over to the mail box. He got the letters out and frowned at the top one, mainly because of the insult.
To the fat ass in the red suit and I don't mean Santa Claus.
"Hmph! Another stupid letter from-a Bowser." He muttered. He had hoped that Bowser would have learned his lesson, but apparently not. Oh well, he couldn't do much anyway
"WAH HA HA HA!"
Mario looked up to see his rival Wario.
"This time Mario, it will be game over... for you!"
Mario rolled his eyes.
"As if. How many times must we go through this Wario? You can't beat me. You'll only get yourself hurt again."
"No Mario, this time it will be you who be hurt by the awesome power of my farts."
"Your farts?!" exclaimed Mario, "Ew, that's so gross; nobody likes that move!"
"But it's the one I do best!" protested Wario.
"Really? For all your years as a brawler, farting is the best you can do?"
"I was the National Gold Mushroom Fart champion when I was twelve." Said Wario, looking very proud,
"How do you do it?" asked Mario.
"Well, I push reaaaaaalllllllyyyy hard and then..."
"No, I mean, how CAN you do it? Don't you want to strive to do better moves?" asked Mario, looking at his rival.
"Well, I haven't strived for anything since my search for a long sleeved yellow shirt." Replied Wario, tugging at his sleeve.
"Really? Well it's no wonder you can't get Mona to be more serious about your relationship." Taunted Mario.
"How dare you bring Mona into this!" hissed Wario, pointing an accusing finger at Mario.
"Does that make you mad?"
"Yes!"
"Good, then let's fight!"
Wario swung at Mario, who jumped back and punched Wario in the stomach. Wario counterattacked with a smack to the head and jumped back.
Annoyed, Mario formed a fireball and aimed it at Wario, then shot seven more. Wario started running, dodging all the fireballs. Mario shot two more, and then started to pursue Wario, shooting out a couple more fireballs.
After running along the very long road, Wario stopped flailing his arms about, turned, and shot a yellow fireball at Mario. Mario dodged and aimed a red one back at him, which Wario, again, dodged.
Mario slumped.
Getting old for this...
Wario turned his hat around and threw eight fireballs in rapid succession. Mario ducked, dodged and jumped over all of them.
"BRRRRRRRRRGH!"
"..."
Wario grinned.
"Just like old times, eh Mario?"
"Indeed. But lets give the fireballs a rest, and fight with our fists." Suggested Mario.
"Agreed."
They both walked up to each other. Wario headbutted Mario, who retaliated in the same fashion. As Wario was thrown back, Mario punched his head and then his stomach. As Wario was doubled over, Mario drew back his fist. It seemed like certain victory, until Wario turned around and farted.
PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF FFT!
"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH HHHHHH!" Screamed Mario.
PFFFFFFFFFFT! PFFFT!
"Ahh..." sighed Wario in contentment.
Mario wafted the stench away, only to have Wario waft it back.
"That's right, plumber, smell my dominance."
With that, he stood up and ran off.
"Hey, come back here!" yelled Mario, determined not to lose the battle.
He chased his friend back to his garage, watching as Wario flailed his arms about.
"Spam! Spam! Spam! Spam! spam!" shrieked Wario, running up to the garage door and banging on it.
As Mario approached, he took out his red beam sword and ignited it, pointing it at Wario's neck.
"You are beaten, Wario," Mario said triumphantly, "don't make this more complicated than it needs to be."
"More complicated like what? Oh, like THIS?!" retorted Wario, igniting his own beam sword and knocking Mario's away.
"Hey!"
Wario pointed his beam sword at Mario's neck, before a look of confusion crossed his face.
"So why do we fight with lightsab- err, I mean Beam Swords?" asked Wario, correcting himself.
"I don't know; they use them in Super Smash Brothers." Replied Mario.
"And...Why are we fighting?" asked Wario. After all the fighting and randomness, the two heroes had forgotten the reason they were fighting.
"You know, I can't remember." Mario said.
Then he started laughing, and Wario started laughing as well. They walked to each other and threw their arms around each other. Then Wario abruptly stopped.
"Hey wait, didn't we lose our powers?"
"Huh?"
-xxxxx-
Mario sat bolt upright in bed, panting heavily and clutching his head.
He got up and started to get dressed, giving a recap to the viewers.
"It's now been almost a year since we all lost our powers. The evil being known as the Darkness tricked us into destroying the beacon that allowed us powers in this world."
Mario had put on his overalls and was now putting on his gloves.
"Ever since then I've been having dreams of the glory days. We've been getting along without them, but how long can we live like this?"
Mario put on his cap and went downstairs, passing his brothers bedroom, where he could hear Luigi snoring. He opened the door and took in the not-so-great view.
"Anyways, I'm hungry. I feel like Mexican today."
With that, he started to walk down to the park. It was covered in puddles and wasn't exactly the nicest place to go, but Mario had grown used to it. But when he got there, he saw two very familiar people. Curious, he walked up to them.
It was his ex, Pauline, chatting and laughing with his friend Donkey Kong. They had tea and cake with them and seemed to be enjoying themselves. Then Pauline noticed Mario coming towards them, and her laughter broke off with a groan.
"What's going on here, Pauline?" Mario asked.
"Oh hey, Mario, I believe you've met my boyfriend, DK?" she greeted with a tone which made it clear she wasn't happy to see him.
"BOYFRIEND?! You two are dating? Eugh..." Mario said, shuddering at the thought.
"Yeah, and it's been about, what, three months now?" she asked DK, who shrugged.
"You can't be serious. Don't you remember? He kidnapped you and I rescued you. Or has the year 1981 completely been erased from your memory?!" Mario protested.
"Oh, but he's different now, he's so much more sophisticated. Look, he's drinking tea." Pauline pointed out. DK held up his cup.
Mario looked at Pauline.
"Hey, I've played Donkey Kong Country Returns and I don't think he's changed at all." He retorted.
"Isn't Peach waiting for you or something? We're trying to have a nice meal here." Snapped Pauline, clearly getting frustrated.
"Actually, Peach and me broke up, ah, a while back." Admitted Mario.
And good riddance.
"Well, don't blame your failed love life on us." Was the reply, Pauline rolling her eyes.
"You didn't even answer my calls after I saved you." He reminded her, holding up his phone.
"Well, you're not my type." Pauline said dismissively.
"You're really gonna choose this gorilla, over SUPER MARIO?" He demanded, unable to come to terms with being bested by a gorilla.
Pauline scoffed.
"Super Mario? Well, I'm sorry Mario, but without your powers, you're just a plumber."
Mario opened his mouth to protest, but closed it and walked off, seeing he was beat.
Mario was now in a bad mood and walked slowly back home. Pauline was right, though. Without his fireballs and beam swords, he was just an average plumber. Mulling on this, he didn't notice the teenager walking in front of him until it was too late.
"WOAH!" he cried as he tripped over the boy's feet, sending them both crashing to the ground. Groaning Mario tried to sit up.
"Oh my god, I'm sorry Mario." Apologised the boy. He held out a hand, having gotten up quickly. Mario accepted the hand, getting up and getting a good look at the boy.
He was blond, with smooth hair and a small quiff at the front. He had a yellow T-Shirt with red stripes, blue shorts and yellow and orange trainers.
He looked familiar, but Mario couldn't remember his name.
"What's your name?" he asked.
The boy blinked.
"My name's Lucas. I'm a friend of Ness. I came to see him because I haven't seen him for a while. Also, I just felt like I was needed here."
That was it. At the beginning of Season 3, Ness had gone back to his world and had come back during the Movie Act II.
"You'll need somewhere to stay. Come with me back to my house." Said Mario.
"Are you sure? I can always stay with Wario."
"Of course it's fine."
Why wouldn't it be? Surely Lucas didn't think he would leave him out there on his own. Besides, Ness needed similar age company.
It was a few minutes walk to Mario's house. Luigi was waiting at the door.
"Mario, I wondered where you'd gotten to. And who's this?" asked his brother.
"This is Lucas. He's a friend of Ness and needs somewhere to stay."
"I see."
A few moments silence passed before Luigi spoke up.
"Well, what's wrong?"
Mario huffed.
"I'll tell you inside."
-xxxx-
"So NOW she's dating DK? What does that say?" asked Mario, finishing his recount.
"I know. You'd think Pauline would know better." Luigi agreed.
"You'd think she'd be a little bit more grateful."
"Was Peach ever grateful?" Luigi reminded.
"...Good point. I guess good deeds don't always have rewards."
"Speaking of deeds, I just sold a deed to that Mansion I inherited last summer." Luigi announced.
"Oh yeah? How much did you get for it?" Mario asked excitedly, preparing to be staggered by the amount.
But he was to be disappointed.
"I got something better than money. I got a lifetime supply of flash drives." Luigi added.
Mario gaped.
"You sold a six acre, five-storey mansion for flash drives?!" he cried, shocked.
"Yeah, now I'll never run out of memory."
"Remember this; you're an idiot."
A noise made Mario look up and he saw his friend Wario.
"Hey Luigi, ready to go bowling?"
"Bowling? Luigi, I thought we were going to hang out today." He accused.
"Sorry Mario, I promised Wario we'd go bowling." Luigi apologised.
"And I wasn't invited?!" he demanded, outraged.
"Pssh, you're too lazy to bowl, Mario. All you do is sit around and eat pasta."
"You can't be too lazy to bowl," protested Mario, "all you do is roll a ball on the ground."
Wario frowned.
"Well it's soooooo much more complicated than that. First there's air velocity..."
"SCREW YOU WARIO! And as it is, I've actually been cutting down on pasta." He shouted, jumping up and grabbing Wario's collar.
"I was going to say, you've been looking better." Luigi complimented.
"Thanks."
"But you still can't go Mario." Luigi insisted.
"Aw, why not?" asked Mario, looking bummed out.
"Snake called. He needs to talk to you about something."
"Can't he come over here?"
"Nope. He said you have to go over there." Replied Luigi.
"Why?"
"I don't know," shrugged Luigi, "he said it was really important."
"Ugh! Okay, fine I'll go to Snake's."
"Great. I'll see you later Mario."
Then Luigi and Wario went off, Wario patting Mario on the cheek and saying, "That better?"
"WOOOOOOOO!" he screamed after them, before slumping.
"Hey Lucas." He called. The teen popped his head around the side.
"Yes, Mario?"
"Feel free to take anything from the fridge except tonight's dinner."
"Which is?"
"Pizza."
"Okay." Lucas said.
Mario went out, deciding it was best not to keep Snake waiting.
-xxxxx-
Mario knocked on the door, which was immediately opened.
"Hey Snake, what's the big ide- WOAH!" cried Mario, finding himself picked up and thrown on the sofa. Snake slammed the door shut and looked at Mario.
"He's back."
"Who's back?" asked Mario, sitting up.
"My brother. Liquid."
Mario jumped.
"What? But you shot him."
"Yes. But I didn't make sure that he was dead. He could've been wearing a bullet proof vest." Replied Snake.
"Well what makes you think he's alive?" asked Mario, standing up.
"I saw him last week when I was doing a sneaking mission. He was at a Starbucks."
Mario laughed.
"What? Now Snake, don't you think if Liquid was alive, he'd be trying to keep a low profile, and not going out and buying a cup of overpriced Starbucks coffee?" Mario said, putting his hand on Snake's shoulder.
Snake shook him off and glared at him.
"I know what I saw, Mario! He's alive and it's only a matter of time before he comes back to kill us all."
"I think we can take care of him." Assured Mario.
"No! He'll be better prepared. He'll come back with more powerful friends than before."
"Well, what do you expect me to do about it?" asked Mario.
"We need to get our powers back." Snake said, grabbing the plumber's shoulders, "We cannot hope to win without them."
"Not possible. Without the beacon, there's now way for us to have powers." Mario told him.
"Are you sure? It only took one bullet to destroy the beacon. It seems like something that powerful would take more than one human bullet to destroy." Explained Snake.
"You know, that's true. I never thought about it like that." Mario agreed.
"Maybe it wasn't a beacon at all. Maybe, it was something else."
"It's possible. I never heard of such a beacon before that day."
"What if-Ohhhh." Snake broke off, doubling over and clutching his stomach.
"What's wrong?"
"Diarrhoea. Be right back." Groaned Snake, dashing up to the bathroom. Mario rolled his eyes as he heard the bathroom door slam.
"I can't worry about this right now. I need to prove to Pauline that I'm worthy of the name Super Mario. Maybe I can give her something." He said.
"Hmm."
Then he noticed something. A small rectangular package wrapped in blue wrapping paper. Picking it up, he shook it.
"These chocolates will do." He thought out loud.
"Sorry Snake, gotta run."
Then he quickly left the house.
Meanwhile...
With a swing of his arm, Luigi knocked down the last peg on Wii Sports.
"Wahoo! Looks like I beat you again, Wario."
"WAAAH! It's no fun playing with you if you keep winning."
"Don't be a sore loser, Wario." Luigi said.
"If this was real bowling I'd kick your ass."
Luigi frowned.
"What did I tell you about your language, Wario?"
"To... try and speak better English?" Wario queried.
"NO! Keep the vulgarities to a minimum." Luigi scolded his friend.
"There's nothing wrong with saying the word ass. In fact, NedWard TV has allowed the use of that word since-
"WARIO!"
"Fine, I won't say it again...in front of you."
"HMPH!"
-xxxx-
Mario hurried back to the park, where Pauline was texting someone.
"Hey, Pauline."
She looked up at him.
"Oh, hey Mario, what's up?" she said in a bored tone.
"Well first, I wanted to apologise for my behaviour earlier. I shouldn't have gotten upset." He explained.
"Hey, don't worry about it, it happens." She said.
"Oh, and also I wanted to give you this." Mario added, a grin crossing his face as he gave Pauline the chocolates.
She gasped.
"Chocolates, they're my favourite, how'd you know?" she squealed.
"Oh, just a lucky guess." He replied, giving a knowing look to the viewers.
"Thank you, Mario. DK never does this sort of thing for me; he's such an ape sometimes."
Mario decided now was not a moment to point out that as because he was an ape.
"No problem!" he grinned.
"Hey, uh, we should hang out sometime." Suggested Pauline.
"Oh, y-yeah, that would be great." He stammered, not expecting this so quickly.
"Cool." She replied, smiling.
"Well, I'd better be running off, but it was great running into you."
"Yeah, see you later."
Mario walked off, giving a triumphant 'Yes' to the viewers.
-xxxx-
Mario was playing on his Xbox when he heard several knocks at the door.
"I wonder who that could be." He thought out loud, going up to the door and opening it.
It was Snake, and he looked frustrated.
"Mario, did you see a box of chocolates while you were at my house?"
"No. Why?" Mario lied.
"Drr, somebody stole my box of chocolates." Explained Snake, coming inside.
"Oh no. Really?" Mario asked in pretend shock.
"Yeah, I can't believe it."
"Wow, that's terrible." Mario pretended to agree.
"I know!"
"Well, you know, you could just buy a new one." Mario suggested.
"Ugh, I wish it were that simple." Said Snake, taking a cigarette from behind his ear.
"Those are incredibly hard to ship over here." He explained.
"But they're just chocolates, right?" Mario questioned.
"No, they're medical chocolates."
"Medical chocolates?!"
"They contain a FOXDIE cure. If I don't have at least one box a year, I start to turn into an old man." Snake told him.
"Why is that?" Asked Mario, confused.
"Well, it has to do with me being a clone of Big Boss, and getting injected with the virus, yada yada yada."
"I see."
"The point is, when I find out who stole those chocolates...oh man, I don't know what I'm gonna do." Snake said.
Mario's eye twitched. He was starting to get a bad feeling about this.
"Just out of curiosity, what would happen to, say, a normal person if they...ate the chocolates?" Mario asked, hoping the answer wouldn't be the one he feared it would be.
"Oh, they die. Why, you know something about it?" queried Snake.
DK burst through the door.
"(PAULINE IS DEAD!)"
Shocked, Mario turned to Snake and gave him a sheepish grin as he received a death glare.
To be continued in Episode 47: Poke-Drawls