(Author's Note: This is the first part of a fic series I'm planning to write. I just thought the pain and suffering and puzzleshipping angst would make a nice standalone fic, even though it is technically the beginning of something bigger. Also, there's no smut in here, I rated it Mature because I believe that anything with trigger warnings should be rated mature. More specifically, suicide attempt mention. If that could trigger you, you know what to do. And one last thing. It's been sixteen years because it's also past GX. So, according to my calculations everyone is 32. Good fuck. That because Duel Monsters takes place in two years, plus ten years between Duel Monsters and GX, and three years of GX, and six months up to this fic. Also, the wiki says 3D Bonds Beyond Time is canon, so I mentioned it. That's all.)
"It's natural that this Duel Monsters tournament, especially this Duel Monsters tournament, should end its course in the game's birthplace." the Pan-African Tournament host had said. "Everyone who has not been living under a rock these past few years knows where that is, right?". A general murmur of understanding had come from the whole stadium.
"That's right, folks! We're going to Cairo, Egypt!" he had continued, with the characteristic fanfares that are identical to all show hosts. "There we will witness the duel of the year, between a surprising underdog who ran through famous, established duellists, Hatsue Okumura!" (he then paused for the clapping) "and the man whose name is on the lips of everyone who wants to call themselves a duellist, Yugi Motou, the King of Games! Even though he doesn't like people to call him that very much..." That was one of the few things that had managed to draw a real smile from Yugi during the entire tournament.
He was back now. The flight to Japan had been long, but he was back now. It was 3 AM, he was exhausted. He knew, however, that he wouldn't sleep that night. Too much coffee on the plane, too many things on his mind.
At least he had won. Hatsue had proven herself a formidable foe. He had beaten her with 200 points left and a ticking clock to lose more, quite literally. But most importantly, he had managed to once more beat the emptiness he felt every time he touched his card deck. That was by far the toughest challenge. He overcame it by hyperfocusing on the game, his whole thought process was about the game, in game terms, even if he was thinking about something else.
That had its bad side, though. Every interviewer, every commentator, every fan would say this one thing, in one way or another, every damn time: "You seem to become a whole different person on the arena." And every time he would give them the same answer, a chuckle, and a "I do, right?" Or something like that.
That hadn't been the worst part this time, not by a long shot. The Pan-African tournament was named thus not after the contenstants, but because each match was held in a different African country. Before every duel, the hosts would take the contenstants on a tour around the country's landmarks. Jonouchi had been very interested in the safari, naturally. He had in fact achieved to snatch a picture of a lion. "Your hair is better." he had said and had rubbed Yugi's head.
Yugi had changed it a little, grew it a bit in the middle, trimmed it in the back. He had changed everything he had worn in highschool, given it away to fans (who wouldn't want a bracelet or a choker by Yugi fucking Motou?), often to replace them with almost identical things.
It was simply an effort to make changes without making actual changes. To remember and forget simultaneously. To follow Anzu's advice without following it.
"It's a bit like a breakup, isn't it?" Anzu had observed on one of her visits from New York, when they found some time alone. Yugi had just nodded. "Maybe it will be easier to forget if you get rid of all the things that remind you of him." she had suggested.
"But I don't want to forget."
And even if he wanted to, the world wouldn't let him.
"This exhibit was displayed for a while in Domino City, dubbed Duel Monsters capital. Now it has returned here, to our brand new Duel Monsters themed museum in Cairo. Professor Arthur Hopkins has found evidence, such as this exhibit, to support his theory that in Ancient Egypt, people seemed to play a game similar to our own. That theory has now been accepted by egyptologists worldwide, even though some parts of it are for experts at the supernatural rather than historians. In this stone tablet, we can recognise familiar images, such as the Dark Magician..." The tour guide went on and on.
"We don't need to listen to all that, do we Yug?" Jonouchi had said, and laughed out loud. "We know it already!" The nudge with his elbow had been a little too strong, the wink a little too deliberate. He understood, better than Yugi ever expected he would.
Yugi had barely said a word to him, or anyone, for that matter, until the duel. He had only felt like speaking when the tour guide had started talking about... him.
"The man is a complete mystery. We have only uncovered this one image of this unknown pharaoh, and some even doubt he ever was one at all. Another reason to view that theory as true is that we have never found his name. You see, the first two, out of the five – yes five – names that pharaohs had, were always encircled in a cartouche, and we have found no such record for this person.
However, Professor Arthur Hopkins has developed another theory, and has apparently some evidence to support it, that this pharaoh has been erased from the line of dynasties on purpose. He hasn't yet revealed his reasons to believe that, except that they were political, to some extent. Whether he was a pharaoh or not, we know nothing about this man, neither about the one in the priest garb, facing him. I am certain that egyptologists would kill for some information."
That was when he had gotten the urge to speak. And not just speak, walk right there in front of the crowd, and shout it loud for everyone to hear: "I could tell you everything about this man!" He had pictured himself moving towards the tour guide, looking right into her eyes. "I could tell you that he took things a little too seriously, most of the time. I could tell you that he was a little overdramatic, too, but I really don't think I have the right... I could tell you that every time he did smile, it was a gift from the heavens.
I could also tell you how brilliant he was, what a great strategist, how he thought of every outcome, how he made his way out of every adversity. I could tell you how deeply he cared for us all. I could tell you how brave he was, how he would do anything for us, even though he sometimes went over the top. I could tell you how good he really was, even though he didn't always believe it himself. I could tell you he was a hero, but then I would have to tell you why, and that I can't do. I could tell you, though, how much I loved him. I could tell you how much I miss him... But I guess you don't care about those things, you need historical facts. I could tell you he made history, would that be enough?"
He had kept his mind busy with that fantasy for so long, the tour had been already over when he... essentially when he woke up. It had probably been for the better, If he had heard one more word he would have had a breakdown.
The window seat on the plane had been quite favourable. He could stare out of the window. He even had an excuse on occassion, the beautiful yellow lights of the cities they passed over, spread on the ground, more orderly towards the middle, more sporadic on the outskirts. But most of the time, it was just pitch black.
He had been feeling Jonouchi's eyes on him during the entire flight. Or almost the entire flight, except for the times when he would worryingly turn to Mai, saying nothing, at least not with his mouth.
Yugi was lying on his bed, back in Domino City. Little time had passed since he returned home. 3:15. The telephone rang. There was only one person it could be at that hour.
"Jonouchi?"
"Hey, Yug, how are you? Did you just get home?"
"I've been here a little while. Why you ask?"
"I dunno." He yawned. "You sound awfully awake."
"And you don't. Is Mai there?"
"Ye... yeah. She's staying the night."
Yugi heard a "hi" from somewhere far off in the distance. "Say hi for me, too." After the "Yugi says hi." part was over, he added: "You two never cease to amaze me. You just got divorced."
Jonouchi didn't answer that. "Hey, Yugi, how are you?" He emphasised the question strangely.
"I... I'm fine. It's not that bad."
"Yugi, I know this trip was way too much for you. If you need anything..."
"Of course, Jou, I'll call you."
"I just don't want you to do anything stupid again. I mean, I'm sorry, I know it sounds mean, but..."
"I'll be fine." Yugi said firmly. "I am never ever pulling a stunt like that again. And I agree with you, it was stupid."
No one spoke for a while. "Alright, Yugi. I trust you. Goodnight."
"Thanks for calling."
"Don't be ridiculous. And try to get some sleep."
"I will, I will. Goodnight."
"'night Yug." Jonouchi hung up. He made his way to the coffee maker and turned it on
"How is he?" Mai asked, half-lying on the couch, in her pajamas.
"He sounded fine." Jonouchi replied, tapping his foot impatiently, waiting for the pot to fill up.
"But you're making coffee." she noted.
"I am."
"So you don't believe him."
"I do." He glanced at her over his shoulder.
"But you're not planning to sleep."
"I'm not." He took his coffee and sat next to Mai on the couch. He gently rubbed the side of her neck with his fingertips and cupped her cheek in his hand. He moved a little closer to her and leaned forward, looking straight into her eyes. "I'm not going to rest until I know Yugi made it through the night."
"That incident was a long time ago. I think he's built up his way to cope by now."
"I just want to be sure."
"Sixteen years is long enough."
"You saw him on the tour, on the plane... Mai, he hasn't stopped grieving, even after all this time."
"Time might not heal all wounds, Jonouchi, but it surely lessens the pain. He's recovering, no matter how slowly. Yugi is stronger than you think."
Jonouchi sighed. She's right. I shouldn't think like that. He looked at his steaming coffee cup. "I made this now, though." The sip he took burned the tip of his tongue. He tried to act casual. Mai laughed anyway.
She drifted away to sleep eventually. Jonouchi carefully held her foot, the one still touching the floor, and placed it next to the other on the couch. He lifted her head a little to straighten the cushions and covered her with a blanket.
He was now left alone with his thoughts. He paced around the room, feeling a little hyperactive. The gravitational center of his movements was the phone. He didn't want to admit it, but he was waiting for a call like the one he had received from Yugi that night.
It had been a night very much like this one, two years after their adventures. It had been Yugi's first big tournament in the big leagues since KaibaCorp's Grand Championship. He seemed to have been fine until then. During the tournament, however, he had suffered some significant losses, and most imporantly, he had actually lost to Seto.
Of course, Seto had used Yugi's psychological state to his advantage. He kept taunting Yugi until he was an inch away from throwing the towel. Classic Kaiba. Always kicking someone when they're down.
After all that salt on the wound, Yugi had been a walking wreck. Not as much sad, as frustrated and irritable. He had been snapping at everyone, the whole gang included. He wouldn't talk to them for days on end. And when he would, he would very often end up fighting with them.
He had argued with Jonouchi as well. That one fight had been explosive. Jonouchi had tried to confront him about his attitude. He couldn't face Yugi at first, not when he saw him. Not when he saw how his friend had broken down. The light had left from his eyes. Someone could have first noticed the dark circles under them, or that he had gotten even skinnier, or could have heard how hoarse his voice had been. But Jonouchi noticed his eyes, and he had made an effort to not lose his temper.
Yet, in the end, he was after all, Jonouchi Katsuya. And Yugi had recently developed the skill to rile up people significantly more gentle and meek, much less him.
It hadn't been like the other times. Yugi hadn't been bitter and aggressive like before, so much unlike his usual self. He had been shaking, screaming at the top of his lungs, his eyes had started tearing up. Jonouchi had dealt with it like a normal fight. He had done his own shouting, he had made the typical angry, prodding remarks, he had said: "If you want to be alone and mope, go ahead! Cause I am done trying!" and he had slammed the door behind him.
Fuck that slam, he always said to himself when he looked back on the fight. I shouldn't have slammed it like that. It had become the symbol of his mishandling.
It hadn't happened that night. It had happened a few days afterwards. He hadn't seen or heard from Yugi during these days at all...
One Sunday afternoon, so very much like this one, at 2:34:18 the phone rang, and Jonouchi answered. On the other end was Yugi, his voice sounding weak and stuttering. "J... Jonouchi?"
"Yugi? What's wrong, man?" He heard his friend wheezing and panting.
"I... Something's happened. I'll be in the hospital, I hope."
"Yugi? Yugi!" No one answered him but a repetitive beep.
He put on the first things he pulled out of his closet. He got in his rundown car – Mai and her convertible hadn't moved in yet – and stepped on the gas like a madman. He thought of calling her at a red light, but the green light quickly objected.
He ran up the hospital steps and rushed to the reception. Before even catching his breath, he asked: "Do you have a Yugi Motou in the emergency room?"
"Please wait, sir." The receptionist's voice was indifferent and mechanical. He turned to his computer and typed in Yugi's name. He waited for the search bar to fill up, drumming his fingers. If any doctor saw Jonouchi's face while the bar was inching its way to the end, they would have sent him for exams straight away.
The wretched bar finally filled up. Yugi's profile appeared on the screen, and the receptionist said "Ah, yes." and turned back to Jonouchi. "Yugi Motou, blood loss. They must have finished stitching him up now and... yes, he's in room 147. He probably cut, he seemed like the emo type." His tone wasn't even sarcastic, just apathetic.
Jonouchi was ready to slam his fist on the receptionist's desk, but he relieved the urge by simply pressing his fingertips against it until they turned red. "Can I see him now?" he asked through clenced teeth.
"Well, are you family?"
"Yes."
"Your name, sir?"
"Jonouchi Katsuya." No weird looks. Good. He didn't seem to know Yugi, either. Even better.
"Jonouchi Katsuya. Yeah, go ahead." the receptionist said as he wrote Jonouchi's name in a log.
"Thank you. " Like I needed your commentary, asshole. He found his way to room 147, after some frantic, pointless searching, until he decided in the end to actually look at the directional signs.
At the door, he ran into two police officers in uniform (not that he wouldn't be able to tell they were cops if they weren't in uniform or anything), and his bad feeling got worse.
"Ah, Mr. Katsuya." one of them said. Now it was even worse. "We came to see your friend. We were told he woke up."
"Now that you mention it, Fukuhara, we might have to get a testimony from you as well, Mr Katsuya, since you're his friend and everything."
"It was reported as an accident, but, as you might understand, we have our doubts."
"And why is that?" Jonouchi asked, trying to keep his composure.
"Oh, didn't you learn what happened? In my opinion, it's kind of hard to cut your wrist accidentally."
Jonouchi was left dumbfounded. He moved his eyes from one officer to another, without blinking. It then came to him to close his mouth. He started breathing consciously and flashed them a wide grin. "Well, guys, I'm sure there is another explanation for all this. Yugi would never do such a thing."
"Would you say that with certainty, Mr. Katsuya?"
"Absolutely! Yugi may have that dark look, but that's just his style. He's really a ray of sunshine. You'll see when you talk to him. Let's go in."
And so they did. They found Yugi sitting up on the bed, watching TV. His glazed eyes showed he wasn't all that invested. When he saw Jonouchi he gave him an exhausted smile. The contrast between the pallor of his face and the even darker circles round his eyes made Jonouchi audibly swallow. Yugi patted the mattress with a bandaged wrist. Jonouchi walked over to sit by his side.
"How are you, Yug?" he asked.
"So tired. I lost a lot of blood." Yugi answered and sank deeper in the soft pillows. "I suppose you're here to take my statement." he addressed the police officers.
"Yes. And we would like to speak to you alone, Mr Motou."
"Oh, come on, that's nonsense. I don't hide anything from Jonouchi."
"Mr Motou, this conversation is on the record. We can't have anyone else present, it might affect your statement."
Jonouchi waited patiently, ready to get up from the bed. Yugi rubbed his chin, pondering. He then beckoned the officers to come close. "Listen." he said in a low voice. "Do you guys work in a 'Dueltown' P.D. ?" They both nodded. "Then you probably know who I am."
"Yes, sir."
"If that's the case, you know that I have a flock of reporters, well, reporting about my every move. This..." he said, showing them his wrist, a brown-red spot staining the white bandage, "... will never sound right. What actually happened was nuts, but true. However, I'm going to have to ask you that the official report contains something different. Please, spare me the trouble."
The policemen looked at each other uncertainly, and then again at Yugi. He had taken a puppy-eyed look, but very subtle, discreet. And, of course, it would have swayed anyone with a soul. It didn't take long for them to cave. Smooth, Jonouchi thought.
"What would you like us to report, sir?"
"That I broke my wrist, because I slipped on the kitchen floor and slammed it on the counter trying to hold onto something. I've convinced the doctors to say the same, and that's what we're going to tell Grandpa."
"I see you've thought of everything, Yug." Jonouchi commented, in two layers of sarcasm.
"The perks of being a celebrity. In this room, I will tell you what really happened."
"Go on, then."
"Perhaps you'd like to tell them later, Yugi. Maybe you're tired."
"No, Jonouchi, I'm fine."
"If you say so."
"First of all, officers, I'd like you to take a look at me." he said and pointed at his panda eyes. "You can see these. I haven't been sleeping well lately. I didn't get any sleep tonight, either. So, I can't sleep, my Grandpa's fallen asleep on the couch, so TV's out of the question, too. I go to the kitchen to find something to eat. I want to eat a sandwich, so I grab the mustard. You know that some bottles have that tin foil under the lid, right? I try to pull it off by the part that sticks out, and that part rips off. So I grab the knife to peel the foil off, my hand slips, and now we're here."
"I see..." one officer said.
"It's almost happened to me a couple times, to be honest." officer Fukuhara affirmed.
Jonouchi laughed. "Me too. Jonouchi versus dish soap."
"Yeah."
"Yeah." Nods all around. Light atmosphere. Peace. Love. Happiness.
"What a crazy story." the policeman observed, half-laughing.
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
"So, Mr. Motou, I suppose we're going to leave you to rest now. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, officers, and..." Yugi winked, "... remember what we said."
"Of course, sir."
Yugi and Jonouchi followed them with their eyes as they left. Jonouchi then turned to Yugi, still grinning. "Excellent story, Yugi. That deserved Oscars for both script and Lead Male Actor. Bravo!" Yugi tried to speak, but Jonouchi cut him off. "Don't do this, Yugi. Just don't."
"Jonouchi, I..."
"Just tell me the truth, Yugi. I promise, I won't be mad." he said, very softly. Yugi still seemed uncomfortable. How couldn't he be? "I won't be mad." Jonouchi repeated.
Yugi gazed blankly around the hospital room, at his heart monitor, a bit more deliberately at his wrist. Then back at Jonouchi. Then he shyed his eyes away again. And then back at him. "I wanted to stop halfway, Jonouchi. I don't know why I kept going. I don't know why I kept going..." After keeping his cool all this time, he broke down in tears, violent tears that shook his shoulders with every sob.
"It's alright now, it's alright." Jonouchi said those usual words, and held Yugi in his arms. He couldn't find what else to tell him. Over and over again, Yugi kept saying: "I'm sorry, Jonouchi, I'm sorry."
"Don't apologise, Yugi. I'm just happy that you were honest with me." He tried, and failed,to take Yugi's fringe off his eyes.
"I didn't think to bring my hairgel." Yugi said and snickered.
"You win this time, gravity."
"Jonouchi..."
"Yes?"
"I am sorry. I gave you such a scare."
"Don't worry about me, Yugi."
"How did you figure out I was lying?'
"Well, first of all, I know you. Also, if that story was true, you would have said something over the phone."
"Yeah, I guess that's true."
"And... it's you, kind of. If they told me they suspected you had jumped in front of a car, or you shot yourself 'accidentally' or something, I wouldn't have believed it. This is... I don't know. It's not loud, but it has a certain... flair-"
"Just like me, eh?
"Kinda. It's also like you to sometimes get all desperate and 'it's all over, I can't do this anymore', and forget what you can really take on, and that's everything."
"I just kept thinking that... there was this voice in my head that kept saying: 'You weren't ready. You lied, you weren't ready.' But I didn't mean it for real, I didn't."
"I know, that's what I'm saying. What's important is, now you know it too. Don't ever think you can't do it." He faced Yugi directly. "He wouldn't want you to give up. When he left, he was certain that you would do fine without him. If you believe sometimes that it's not worth it holding on for yourself, think of that at least."
"You're right. He'd only want us to meet again after as long as possible."
Jonouchi remained silent for a moment, closing his mouth tight. He was thinking it over and over. "You loved him, didn't you? I mean, we all loved him, but you were in love with him, right?" A shine came to Yugi's eyes that Jonouchi had started to forget. Only for a moment, before they darkened again. He nodded indiscernibly. Jonouchi continued: "I know it's nothing compared to how you must feel, but I miss him too." Maybe I shouldn't have said that, he thought, because the tears started pooling in Yugi's eyes again in a heartbeat. He felt a few of the little buggers appearing in his eyes himself.
"Every now and then it crosses my mind that I should see someone." Yugi said. "You know, get help. Cause I feel like I have things to say a professional would appreciate. Of course they would, they would be impressed from the very beginning. Think about it: 'Doctor, all my problems started when I completed an ancient Egyptian puzzle and the amnesiac spirit of a 3.000 year-old pharaoh started living inside my head, switching places with me in order to beat some crazy villains trying to achieve world domination.'. Oh, they would treat me, alright, but for all the wrong reasons!" He laughed, if something that bitter could be called laughter.
"Yugi..."
Yugi hugged his knees and buried his face in his arms. Jonouchi, finding no other way to show affection, rubbed Yugi's back a little. At his touch Yugi raised his head again and said, sniffing, in almost a whisper. "I couldn't possibly describe it to you, Jonouchi. There are no words. It's just too... quiet."
After that breakdown, Yugi had started to get back on his feet. He was melancholic, certainly, but he had finally started to reach out to the rest of the group. All had been forgotten, more quickly from some, more slowly from others. All was, if not well, at least fine. This night though, Jonouchi wasn't certain Yugi wouldn't relapse.
His phone started vibrating. It was Yugi. Jonouchi swallowed and answered it. "Hello? Yug?"
He heard Yugi sigh on the other end. "Go to sleep, Jonouchi."
"Oh... Oh! You scared me there, Yugi."
"I knew you'd be awake. Now sleep."
"Heh... You know what, Yugi? You go to sleep, too."
"Okay. 'night."
"Night, Yug."
Yugi hung up. As if... He rolled on his back. He was still fully dressed.
"Focus on the good times." had been another one of Anzu's advice. That one was far easier to follow. The triumphs, the companionship, the few moments of normality amongst the crazy.
The few moments they had in private...
Like after they had wrapped up Duellist Kingdom. They had managed to take a break before their first encounter with Rare Hunters.
Yugi was dozing off, the first peaceful sleep in a long while. Yami manifested on his bed, one leg crossed over the other, quite casually. Even he had relaxed a bit.
Instead of perching at Yugi's feet, as usual, he was sitting by his chest. He smiled a bit and stroked Yugi's cheek. Yugi shifted a little, so Yami took away his hand.
"It's weird, but I kinda felt that." Yugi said sleepily and half-opened his eyes.
"Oh, Yugi, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to."
"It's okay. I woke up when you appeared. What's the matter, Yami, can't sleep?"
"I don't sleep, Yugi. I just withdraw to the back of your mind."
"I see. So, what is the matter then?" He sat next to Yami on the bed, rubbing his eyes. "Do you want to talk?"
"Well, I don't know..." I wish I had something to talk about.
I suppose you mean something that doesn't have to do with magic or Millenium Items or world-saving and stuff. Yami flinched, started. You always forget I can read your thoughts, don't you?
I guess so, Yami thought, and smiled.
So, tell me, what's the problem. Or think, whatever.
Yami took a deep breath, ready to talk. He exhaled and tried again: "That is the problem, Yugi. I have nothing to talk about. I do not remember anything, I don't remember even how I was as a person, what things I liked, who my friends were. Whatever I know, I know it through you. I feel... empty."
"This is only temporary." Yugi turned a thought around in his head (only for a second, so Yami wouldn't catch it). I guess we've broken the touch barrier, he concluded. He rested a hand on Yami's lap, or sort of. It dived in Yami's image, although he felt a cold tinge on his fingers. "Once we recover your memories, you'll feel normal again. Except a bit transparent." he continued, pressing his hand deeper, until, through Yami's thigh, it touched the mattress.
"Yugi?" With that frown, Yugi could barely hold back his laughter.
"Yes, Yami?"
"I can feel that, you know." Yami hammered every word.
"I know." Bigger frown, wider smirk.
"Fine, since you feel so intimate..." Yami mirrored Yugi's gesture and Yugi let out a little cry, his own thigh feeling refrigerated. He had to take off (or more accurately, out) his hand, in order to rub his thigh back to life.
"Are you alright?" Yami asked, unnecessarily worried.
"I'm fine. I'm just glad I was able to lift your spirits." Yami glared judgementally at him, and Yugi felt it was well deserved. He was quite proud of himself, though. "Anyway, Yami, I'll think of it, some way to jog up your memory. Do you want to talk about anything else?"
"No, Yugi. I am glad I had the chance to talk about this. You should rest now, you've earned it." And I am afraid you might need it.
Yugi had gotten under the blankets, but at Yami's thought he almost sat up again, his worry not expressed in words, yet in a way Yami could surely feel. Yami, though, didn't explain himself further, and instead led Yugi to lie down once again. "Just relax, Yugi. I am certain that if something comes, we shall be prepared."
"Try to rest too, Yami. Don't spend all night thinking."
Yami ran his fingers through – and through – Yugi's hair. "Shh. Sleep tight, Aibou." He disappeared.
After that, Yugi had set Yami up on a date with Anzu, to cheer him up, and maybe help his memory jump start. Boy, was that a good idea!
When Battle City had been over, they had found some more free time. Yugi had gotten Yami hooked up on Rubik's cubes, he had him solving them like crazy. Yami had taught him senet, which he remembered somewhat by instinct, after he had discovered a set Grandpa had found on his travels. Yugi was aware of the basic rules, but he couldn't have known the variations, the stick-cursing (it had special sticks instead of dice), the way the bragging changed to despair with one throw. That had been one hell of a time.
Afterwards, Pegasus organised a tournament. They chose to let bygones be bygones and participate. They naively thought they would have the chance to finally duel simply for the sake of duelling. Fat chance. In later conversations, they both said they ought to have guessed trouble would show up. Yami would talk about "the boys from the future" with a certain longing in his eyes. His scales did tip towards Yusei, if slightly. It didn't show, but Yugi knew. In a reaction that was partially driven by a hint of jealousy – even though he didn't want to admit it – he focused more on Judai. Yami, seemingly not realising Yugi's motive, was very happy to teach him a one-use spell for time travelling that he dug up from a corner of his mind.
Then came the crazy guys on motorcycles. There always have to be crazy guys on motorcycles. And soul-stealing seals. And controlling, corrupting magic. And a mythical civilisation rising to conquer mankind. Standard values.
After the KC Grand Championship, they had started planning that trip to Egypt. Yami had to get back his memory.
Yugi was sitting in front of his computer's screen, browsing hotels. Yami was standing over his shoulder, waiting for Yugi to wrap up the booking part, so they could see photos and videos of his homeland. Even though he didn't remember Egypt, he was curious to see how it had changed over the past 3.000 years.
They chose a seemingly cozy room, hoping that in reality it would be just as good. Yami looked eagerly at Yugi, anxious for his digital tour. Yugi's mouse hovered over the play button, but didn't click.
"Are you too bored to do that now, Yugi? We can always check it out tomorrow."
"What happens when you get your memory back, Yami?"
The question was sudden, and Yami had to process it for a few moments before answering. "I... suppose I will understand why I remained here all these years, what the greater threat that lies ahead is. Only with the help of my memories can we vanquish it."
Yugi smirked slightly. You just love talking like that, don't you?
Yami raised an eyebrow in response. Like what?
Nothing. His smile slowly faded. "And after we vanquish said threat, then what?"
"There is always the possibility that I will have to remain vigilant for a new enemy. However, I would like to assume that, after my mission is complete, I can pass over. Rest in peace, as we say."
Yugi felt a sudden chill. He hadn't even considered that. It was always about "unlocking the secrets of the Pharaoh's ancient past". He had never thought it also meant that Yami would... Or maybe it had crossed his mind, only to go to the back of it and never show up again. "Oh..."
"What did you expect, Yugi? Spirits are not supposed to wander aimlessly. That can only prove troublesome."
"Like some horror movie shit."
"Er... if you say so."
It wouldn't do any harm to try. "Would it really be aimless if... if you stayed? I'm sure some nutcase will show up eventually and until then, you'll have the gang, and me..."
"As much as I would like to, Yugi, I do not think I will be able to stay. And to be honest, I want to go home, see my people, be where I belong."
And you mean you don't belong here? Thoughts are much harder to hold back than words. Yugi immediately wished he had made the extra effort. "I'm sorry, that was selfish of me to think. You need to find peace, Yami. You deserve to find peace."
"It's alright, Yugi, I don't mind. We've formed a friendship that knows no bounds. I understand why you would want me to stay with you..." He didn't get a chance to finish.
"No, you don't." Yugi rushed out of the room. Outside in the hallway, with Yami nowhere in sight, he could finally control his raspy breathing. His eyes had already turned red, puffy.
"You know doors are not a major obstruction for me, right?" Yami appeared again, making Yugi jump. "If I don't understand, then make me. Tell me."
"I can't, I can't." You don't want to know. It will only make things worse.
Yugi...
Yami, I want some of my thoughts to be private. Please. "Listen, as I said, you deserve to find peace, and I will help you with all my heart. That's all you need to know. I am by your side. Always."
"Thank you." Yami said, more moved than Yugi could have ever expected. It's not as if this was the first time he made that promise. Out of the blue, Yami held him tightly in his arms. Neither of them knew how he didn't pass through him. On the other hand, it never happened, not when it really mattered. Now, his touch felt more real than ever. He could almost feel Yami's heartbeat. Not almost, he could.
"Yami, I..."
"There's no reason to feel guilty, Yugi. It's only human. What matters is that you are still willing to let me go, even if it is painful."
"You're already in death mode, chill." Yugi laughed it off. So that is why they call it 'that sinking feeling'. Yami made no comment. He probably hadn't heard.
"Don't worry. It's not that we will be apart forever." He took his head from Yugi's shoulder and looked him in the eyes, still holding him. "Just be patient. We will have all the time in the world." He let Yugi's arms go and his own eyes gaze somewhere Yugi couldn't see.
"I will do what's best for you. After all, we're friends, aren't we, Other Me?"
Yami smiled and withdrew without saying a word. That could either mean a "yes" or a "no". Yugi would later interpret it as whatever felt most comfortable at the time.
He had that glimmer of hope for a couple days, that Yami getting his memory back didn't necessarily mean he would have to leave. Even if that was the case, though, the most important thing was that Yami should be happy. That's what Yugi told himself. Yet, a part of him kept torturing him with that "maybe, just maybe..."
Then Insector Haga and Dinosaur Ryuzaki thought it would be an excellent idea to steal his God Cards, and that hope was shattered. Bakura confirmed that yes, once Yami took back his memories, a gate to the spirit world would open, and the Pharaoh could return to his resting place. It was definite, and, for some reason, healing. Yugi had boarded that plain to Cairo with a lighter heart.
And then came chaos. Staircases, doors, traps, and even more chaos. If Yugi had known that would have been the last time they'd have a proper conversation with Yami, he would have reconsidered. If he knew that they would be forced to run around like mad in Yami's head, he would have reconsidered. If he knew they would be caught in some twisted Shadow Game made by that batshit crazy motherfucker Bakura... Okay, maybe it's tea time now. Yugi went to boil water and try to keep Bakura and his tricks away from his already painful reminiscence. He was going for bittersweet, not vitriol.
Drink it right away. It will grow cold if you leave it. He went for a chocolate chip cookie. Bitter tea, sweet cookies. Appropriate.
He had stopped that train of thought before it crashed. It was time to pat himself on the back. Tonight he would not think about the Ceremonial Duel. Not at all. What, really? Would I really refuse myself tonight's poison?
No, tonight he would indulge himself, as most other nights. Tonight of all nights especially. Just as the colours had started to fade away, once again they became as vivid as ever. The scene unfolded in front of him so alive, it could give Kaiba's virtual reality a run for its life.
The stars were sparkling on the ocean's surface. The sea was quite calm, and the only waves were the ones the boat was making while it splitted the water in two. Yugi had already seen the sun rise out of the sea and dive back in once. It would take them two more days to reach the island in which the Ceremonial Duel would take place.
They hadn't talked much with Yami... no, Atem. Except for before he had started to prepare his deck.
"So, Yugi, are you ready?"
"No, of course not." He unlocked the suitcase Kaiba had handed him, but didn't open it. "I suppose I can only get less 'not ready'."
Yami smiled a little and placed his hands on Yugi's shoulders. "This is a milestone, Yugi. I'm proud that you decided to go through with it. You have come such a long way." His tone was almost fatherly, a thing at the top five of the reasons Yugi had to not just blurt out how he felt (number one being of course that Yami was a spirit living inside his head – but we can't choose who we love, can we?)
"I really can't picture life without you." He scraped the strength for a smile, even though he had already started sniffing.
"There is no reason to cry, Yugi, this is a good thing, for both of us. We will both be able to move forward... you will be able to move forward." Yami said. Yugi caught a glimpse of a tear forming in the corner of his eye.
"You're right, you're right. And I'm not going to cry, I'm a big boy now." Yugi replied, taking a few deep breaths to close the taps. "Before we go through with this, there is something I want to tell you." It's now or never.
Yami seemed uncertain at first, but that was addressed to Yugi's direct thought. The moment he solved the misunderstanding, a flash of worry passed through his eyes. "Go on." he said gravely. His face was that of someone bracing himself for a strike.
Yugi then knew he didn't actually have to continue. Yet he did have to. "Yami, I..."
Yami shushed him softly, pressing his finger against Yugi's lips. "Don't make this harder than it already is, Yugi. What good will it do?"
Yugi sighed. He wasn't surprised. He was almost certain it would turn out like this. He held Yami's hand, the one on his lips. Once again it was that cold feeling, slightly like static. He had only felt him warm, human, when Atem was barely clinging on to life, during their battle with Zorc. One moment, and that with threat of destruction looming over their heads. "I guess it was never meant to be. You are not meant to be in this world. You have to go. I have to let you go."
Yami disappeared very suddenly, the spirit equivalent of running away. Yugi had no other choice but to continue his routine. With Yami silent during the whole day, the morning of the next one he started to arrange his deck for the Ceremonial Duel.
Which hadn't been all that bad, to be honest. The duel itself had been the only pleasant part of the whole procedure. Jonouchi had said it again and again that Yugi had been having the time of his life up there, and it was true. It was the before and most of all, the after that had been so draining. By after meaning these past eighteen years.
His tea had grown lukewarm. He dipped in whatever remained of his cookie and threw the rest in a flower pot. He had heard tea leaves were good for plants. He wasn't all too sure about tea water, but whatever.
3:48. Not even the occasional car drove by anymore. There was absolute silence. The fridge wasn't humming, he was too far away from any clock, even his own breathing was quiet. He realised in full what he had said to Jonouchi that night in the hospital. That it's too quiet.
I'd give anything to hear your voice right now.
You'll never see him again. Not in this life.
Ah, yes. That every now and then interrupting thought in second person. In the conversations in his head – he would always do that in the slightest dilemma, give each option a voice – it was always the voice of reason, always the one that told him what he ought to do, even though not necessarily what he wanted to do. It was a method of comfort, however poor. Like the chain he'd wear around his neck. Crutches.
You'll never see him again. His trick started to unfold right in front of his eyes. In this absolute silence, he could hear very well that voice was just his own.
Tomorrow, you're done grieving. You have a life to live.
And just forget? Throw it all away like it meant nothing?
The one doesn't result in the other.
It feels like betrayal.
It isn't.
Isn't it?
It's the exact opposite.
I guess so.
He'd be happy.
So, until we meet again?
Keep busy till then.
Keep busy till then.
Wow, that rhymes. He chuckled. He went for a much needed shower, humming those last few phrases in a makeshift tune. By the time he was out and clean, he had added another lyric.
"Beating the silence, I'll keep busy till then.
Beating the silence, until we meet again." Air guitar.
He still felt a little peckish, so he went for some cereal, late night snack extraordinaire. He left the bowl on his side table and got under the blankets.
The fatigue started resting on his eyelids. Normally, this would be the time for the sad songs. Now he'd make a new normal, taking baby steps. Tonight the Ipod, tomorrow the world.
He'd leave the sad songs for breakups, sleep till noon and blame it on the jet lag. And tomorrow he'd visit Jonouchi without prior warning. So many things to do. He yawned. First things first, tomorrow he'd buy new cards, to renew his deck after the tournament. The Summer Draught, Production Line, Newton's Third Law. So many.
I don't have to forget. Just walk forward.