Rangiku's Ghost-Children
There are persons called geniuses. Prodigies. Blessed. Rangiku was cursed with two of the kind. But she called them none of those things. She called them ghost-children.
1. Silver and Gold
Rangiku saw their hearts grow hard and their eyes grow steely, while the world only saw their powers grow thick. The same powers that raised them from the dirt, garnered envy in their peers, and wicked selfishness in their seniors. Their powers left them alone.
Rangiku admitted, she had envied Gin too. She envied his talent, his determination, and simultaneous carelessness. Most of all, she hated that he was brilliant without effort, and even more brilliant with it.
Rangiku was told that she was talented too. She had also been told she was beautiful. At the time, she didn't think it was enough. At the time, she thought she needed talent and confidence of Gin's caliber to make him stay with her. And no matter how hard she tried to try, she'd never have what he did. Motivation followed swagger's fall. It was a vicious cycle, really, the more Rangiku failed to reach him, the more she lost interest in trying, and the farther behind she fell. And as far as she fell behind Gin, her own talent propelled her past her peers. Even that had driven some of her friends away from her. She couldn't even comprehend what people did to Gin.
Perhaps more effort would have quickened Rangiku's ascension through the ranks of the Gotei 13, and her quest to find people to save her from the emptiness Gin left with her, but an incurable laziness and inferiority complex tended to get the better of her. It wasn't as if she liked being lazy, though. Whenever she thought about overcoming the laziness, she became too lazy to try. She never figured out how to do it so she stopped trying. It took a while. Hundreds of haircuts and wardrobe cleanouts later, Rangiku settled on simplicity. She adopted Gin's carefree attitude in the hopes it would make things easier to bear. She dived in Byakuya's koi pond and saw her reflection in the sky and the man told her she was worth more than she took herself for. It took Rangiku a century to slay her demons. It had taken her closest friend's death to slay the last. After Gin died, she stopped drinking. Even Yumichika said she was prettier sober.
Rangiku often did not understand the things that Gin did, and rarely had she suspected they were for her own sake. He was good at keeping secrets that way. Rumors abounded amongst the young shinigami women of Gin's eye color. Some girls said they were red, others light blue, some said yellow. Rangiku knew what they really were. They were all of those colors because his eyes were not his to use; they simply reflected the emotions they saw and he gave Rangiku the good parts. Gin kept his eyes squint shut for two reasons. He didn't want to see the world he hated, and he didn't want her to see that he was lonely. People called him a jester for toying with people like puppet strings. Centuries later, Rangiku realized she was the real fool. In his absence she felt weak. And yet when he returned, she knew she had grown stronger.
Once, Gin had given Rangiku a golden necklace. She still didn't know where it came from. He had returned from a particularly long absence, looking like death had touched him twice. Trembling, he had said, "If someday I don't come back, or if the world ends or something. I want you to hold this and remember that at least you're beautiful." The memory persisted because it was the only time she had seen him afraid, like he was about to lose something larger than himself. She took the necklace and kissed his cheek. They cried and she forgot to thank him.
Ichimaru Gin was smarter than Rangiku; smart enough to know that if he stayed with her too long, she wouldn't want him anymore. Rangiku realized (too late, of course), that he hadn't wanted to leave her. It was a necessity.
2. Ice and Fire
She imagined the ghost-childrens' worst fear was incompetence. That someday their genius wouldn't be enough. That their potential would run out like the end of a line. Maybe they had the wrong kind of genius, and they would be powerless to save someone they loved.
Before the Winter War had started, Rangiku's captain had called her into his office for a private meeting. He started, "I know you were close to Gin. Will you be okay fighting against him?"
Still somewhat dazed, she had answered, "No… Will it better for you if I pretend though?"
"Yes, yes it will. I wish I could worry for you, Matsumoto, but I need to stay professional. I can't worry for Momo either... Someone believes you are a liability. We will vote on whether or not to leave you behind today."
"I see. I'll take care of Hinamori if they vote to leave me. But I doubt many know the nature of our friendship. I'll be fine."
"Also, I've noticed you've been drinking in amounts even greater than the excess you usually drink in recently. Your health concerns me."
"Isn't it silly that we're allowed to worry about each others' health only because it's a liability in a battle?"
"Matsumoto… I'm not sure if we'll both survive the impending war. In preparation for my death, I have revised my will. If you survive, please be the one to carry out its contents. I keep it in the top left drawer of my desk, the one with the gold lock. You know the combination."
"Yes. Is that all, Captain?"
"Not quite. I'd like to talk about you for a moment. As I said, the drinking is of concern to me. I don't know exactly what sort of relationship you had with Ex-Captain Ichimaru, but I do know that you draw many parallels between our two tales. Please know, I will not leave you or Hinamori."
"You don't have to worry about me, Toshiro. I can take care of myself. Gin taught me how to do that. Just be there for Hinamori and… I'll be here for you too."
"Thank you… for everything you've done for me Matsumoto. I am deeply indebted to you, so please accept my loyalty. Unlike Aizen, I do not treat my lieutenants like trash and you are more than a lieutenant to me." Hitsugaya's eyes glowed with heat. Unlike Gin, he did not have the mastery of deception. But their voice had the same fervor. They had the same hardened demeanor, and they both had a person they loved very much and grew stronger to protect. Rangiku didn't much like comparing herself to Hinamori, though. There were too many similarities and she didn't enjoy thinking about herself.
"You reminded me of Gin. That's why I befriended you. It was my own choice. There's no need to thank me. It's been too long for that. I was drawn to you. You and Gin were both so lonely… and cold. I know you're trying to be strong for Hinamori, but in the end, you have to be the one to make her stronger. I think… your ice will make her bloom and grow hardy. Stay with each other." Hitsugaya was silent, so she rambled on. "I like to think I did something noble by you. Sometimes I want to be like your mother or something. There was a time when you became very sad… after your grandmother died. I wanted to be the one who hugged you and said everything was okay, but I felt it was out of my place. I apologize. The world is harsh on children like you. It turned Gin into a shell. I want to try to save you from that happening."
"That is very noble."
"I didn't want you to be lonely like Gin and me. I didn't want Hinamori to be lonely either. My serious side doesn't come out often." Here, Rangiku paused. She wanted to say that she thought of him as the child she and Gin would never have. But she decided that could wait until they died. Not in preparation. Instead, she said, "Don't try too hard to be a man, Hitsugaya. Don't let the world pressure you into growing up too fast. It's not good for your health."
"I'd like to take your advice," Hitsugaya said. "But I'm afraid I'm too stubborn."
"It's all right."
Rangiku tugged at her shihakusho. Finally, Hitsugaya said, "Matsumoto, it is people like you who make the world okay for people like Gin and I." My ghost-children,Rangiku thought. "I think you were Gin's warmth. Like the gold to his silver. So I want to thank you for being my fire and making the cold less hard to bear. Also… thank you for giving Hinamori the light to grow."
"Don't say it like it's over. I'm still here and y'all are still growing."
"I apologize."
They both smiled. He still looks like a boy, she thought. He looks like Gin. They have the same grit in their grin.
After the war, Rangiku remembered why she loved the drink in the first place. It was to fill the emptiness she felt when Gin left her all those times. She stopped because he wouldn't be coming back and she couldn't wait forever. There were people around her happy to fill the emptiness. Aizen took her soul, and he took Hinamori's heart. Their ghost-children brought them back.
AN: I like to think of Rangiku as an ex-bulimic. I decided to put the two parts together. Corny theme, yes, no? No copyright infringements intended. My story "Empty" sort of ties in to this one. Read it if you like. Have a wonderful day~