"Wilt thou have this Man to thy wedded Husband, to live together after God's ordinance in the holy estate of Matrimony? Wilt thou obey him, and serve him, love, honour, and keep him in sickness and in health; and, forsaking all other, keep thee only unto him, so long as ye both shall live?" Mr. Milbank's high snotty voice only made the wedding vow seem even more unappealing to Elizabeth and when she went to answer her throat seemed far too dry and nothing came out.
The silence echoed around the church and Elizabeth took a shuddering breath trying to summon up all her courage. Her father was watching her anxiously – he did not trust her to be sensible and Elizabeth sucked in another lungful of air – as best she was able in her wedding gown. The corset felt like a vice. A cage just like this marriage.
Mr. Milbank gave her a disapproving glare and repeated the question. Elizabeth knew he disapproved of her because ever since the banns had been called for her and James' wedding - his sermons had been pointed reminders of why Elizabeth was lucky to be wed at all. Sermons on the dangers of associating with loose women, sermons on the importance of the purity of a wife. Sermons on why modesty was to be valued in a woman.
Elizabeth had sat through them all stoically refusing to let herself blush or be ashamed. So what if half the fort had seen her in nothing more than a damp shift. She had nearly drowned and it was not her fault. So what if everyone knew she was only engaged because Commodore Norrington had offered for her moments before her fall from the battlements which had become her fall from grace and was too much of a gentleman to withdraw the offer. It was probably half guilt too - he had apologised repeatedly that his marines had not tracked down Captain Jack Sparrow, once he had removed her corset and threatened her and then fled the scene. The pirate had saved her and ruined her all in one day. She was not really sad he wouldn't be hung. At least it was something she could hold against James. Perhaps if James were not her betrothed perhaps he would be one of the officers who sniggered at her in the street and muttered obscene things just loudly enough for her to hear but no-one else.
But that was unfair. He would never be so improper. James had reassured her repeatedly he had not changed his opinion of her at all. Elizabeth knew that was kind of him. She did not want his kindness. Or his good opinion. Or his offer of marriage. Yet here they were. The priest cleared his throat and Elizabeth took a deep breath and answered before he asked a third time. "I will," she said clearly. Because what other choice did she have.
By the time the rest of the ceremony was over, Elizabeth was looking firmly at the floor as if the polished buckles on James' shoes were especially interesting. Her own fine brocade shoes pinched her feet and she was trembling, she would not cry she told herself. She was beyond relieved when James barely touched her for their nuptial kiss, his lips brushing hers so quickly it would have been easy to miss it. Though it was only a temporary reprieve. He was her husband now. Then he took her arm and steadied her as they left the church.
.
The wedding celebration was at Government House - her father's house, but hers no longer. It still gave her a chance to sneak off and catch her breath though she knew she would not get away with it for long. Her father would send Estrella to scold her and that would only make her maid feel badly. They had already fought that morning because Estrella had been appalled Elizabeth had the pirate medallion tucked down her gown for her wedding - but Estrella had talked her out of wearing it for the promotion ceremony and that had hardly proved lucky had it. Estrella felt differently of course. Estrella told her daily how pleased she was for her, how the Commodore was a fine man. How Elizabeth would be an Admiral's wife in no time. That last was probably true. Her father would use all his influence on James' behalf now - he would have supported James' career anyway no doubt anyway as his son in law but now - now her father was indebted to James for taking her despite her ruined reputation.
It was not as if Elizabeth had been planning on turning James down. Not really. She would have accepted him - she thought she would have anyway. She knew James. She liked James. And she knew very well there were worse men who wanted her only for her dowry. Or her father's influence. But she had wanted to be able to decide for herself. It was the one right a woman had in the matter after all. Everything else related to the marriage market was a man's choice. Who they were introduced to, who they asked to dance, who they eventually courted and who they proposed to. Elizabeth could not even decline a dance with a man her father's age without having to sit out the whole night. Surely it was not too much to ask that she get to decide her own answer to a proposal.
But she had not - even if Elizabeth would have accepted James of her own accord she had been sat down by her father, lectured on the talk about her that the whole town had heard and been told to give James an answer at the next available opportunity. The right answer. To facilitate this James had been invited to dinner the very next night and her father had not even allowed them to be alone while she told him rather begrudgingly that she would marry him. James had not even seemed angry with her that she was being so difficult and had only apologised that it was his promotion ceremony that been the setting for her difficulties. Difficulties indeed. A mild word to describe her humiliation and it was kind of him to downplay it. But she did not want his kindness and she did not want his pity and she did not want his hand in marriage. But she had them all the same.
.
It was James not Estrella who found her in the end. She found herself resenting that he came into her room which he would never have done before - not even when she was a child. But then he had every right now, she reminded herself bitterly thinking of the priests rather forceful reminder that a wife should submit to her husband and of the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit. It wasn't even really her room anymore - all of her thing were packed and most of them would have been taken to her new home while they had been at church. "Are you alright, Elizabeth," he said and she wipes at her face, embarrassed. He offers a handkerchief and she was outraged - she was not some milksop who was going to cry in his arms. "I know Mr. Milbank upset you - I will speak to him."
"I am not upset," she snapped hotly, annoyed at being caught out. "And I don't give a damn what Mr. Milbank said - he's a horrid old lecher who stares down girl's dresses at every service and if he saw a lady in her shift he'd probably drool." Horrid old hypocrite, she thought - she would not be going back to church unless James physically dragged her.. "I just want a minutes peace - is that too much to ask. I don't live under your roof yet and when I do I'd prefer you stay out of my room."
James was silent in the face of this tirade and then he bows stiffly, begs her pardon and leaves. Then she did cry because now she had made things worse.
.
Eventually, she washed her face and went back to the party. She sat by James and smiled at everyone who looked her way. She was polite in the face of the well-wishers. She did not touch a bit of food - not even the cake but she did partake freely of the wine and the rum punch and even stole a glass of brandy that had been poured for her father.
She was dizzy with drink by the time James shows her to the carriage but still entirely aware - it as if she could not get properly drunk despite her best efforts.
He helped her out of the carriage at his home and carried her over the threshold. Just for a moment, he seemed to hold her so close she did not think he would put her down. But he did and he gave her a brief tour of the house and when they ended at her room he could barely look her in the eye. "A maid will come," he said. "If you ring, but if there is anything you need now I can fetch. . .
"No thank you," she said politely. She had resigned herself to this. "If you could give me a half an hour or so to prepare - I will join you." She had asked him to stay out of his room and the only way she can see to make that happen was for her to go to his. Oh he would give her time she was sure if she asked. But what was the point - she cannot put him off forever. He started to tell her something - perhaps that she need not join him but she shuts the bedroom door in his face. She did not want his pity.
.
She had a pretty shift to wear for the wedding night. Shopping for it had been a nightmare. Three different shop girls had laughed at her and one had offered her a silk so fine it had been see through - 'it almost looks wet through' the girl had said slyly. Elizabeth had left and sent Estrella to a different dress shop to buy something pretty without her. It was just as well her father had gone quite mad with her trousseau. She wouldn't be giving them any more business so it was good to have an excuse not to.
She rang for the maid and was helped out of her gown and corset and into the shift. Her hair was unpinned and left down in soft curls. She certainly looked ready for her wedding night.
James was still dressed when she went through to his room and he turned at the sound of her at the door. He had opened his mouth as if to say something but instead he stood in silence and gaped at her. She scowled. "Don't you like it?" she said huffily waving one hand at the white silk. "I can remove it. After all half the fort saw me in my shift. Perhaps you feel as my husband you are entitled to go one step further."
"Elizabeth," he snapped. "Do not be ridiculous." He took a deep breath. "I do not feel I am entitled to anything. You need not feel obligated." He took a step towards her. "I would never expect you to feel you owed me anything in this fashion. We can wait. Until you want to. Until you feel comfortable."
It was so tempting. But Elizabeth was determined not to back down. "I am comfortable now," she said. After all for all the advice she had been given - it was not as if she was going to like it. She would rather get it over with. She went to him and began to unpin his wig. "Must you wear this in the house?" she complained. "It's dreadfully stuffy. You are much more handsome without it."
He reached for her and stilled her hands. "Alright," he said."I won't if you prefer it. Why don't you sit down while I prepare for bed."
Elizabeth did as she was told and perched on the end of the bed, she stared at him boldly the entire time he was undressing. She was ruined - why should she pretend to be shy and retiring and innocent.
He stopped when he got to his shirt though and came to bed. He kissed her forehead, then one cheek, then the other before he tangled one hand in her hair and tilted her face up to his and kissed her deeply, his mouth plundering hers and she made a small noise of surprise before he pressed her into the pillows and his touch began to roam.
.
Elizabeth could do nothing more than lay there scandalised. She could not believe James Norrington was doing such improper things to her. She could not believe the places he was touching her and where he was putting his mouth. She could not believe how good it felt and she squirmed under his touch and panted for breath and then shouted out in surprise when it finally became too much for her. Then she lay there stunned, shamed and aglow with pleasure. She wondered if this was some kind of trick? Had he done those things to her to prove she was as shameful as everyone said. But then she realised what the hard pressure pressed against her thigh was and she knew it was his turn. "I'm ready, James," she said quietly.
"I do not want to hurt you," he said quietly. He was watching her so carefully and she stared back evenly determined to not seem pathetic.
"I do not think you have much choice in the matter," she said pointedly. The first time hurt for women - everyone knew that. "All Sparrow relieved me of was my corset and my reputation. My virtue is quite intact." Her caustic tone only puts him off further and she feels him shift away from her and she feels that may be the end of it. "Please James," she said quietly. "I want to have a proper wedding night - don't I deserve that? Don't you want me?"
He kisses her again and she holds tightly to him until he presses her thighs apart and then he is on her. In her. It does not hurt as much as she feared but he is being very careful of her. She closes her eyes and took a deep breath. "It is alright James, You won't break me." And then he finally starts to move and she is startled - how can something sting and feel good. It is only just getting interesting again when he shudders and stilled against her and she sighed even though she knew was being greedy. It had already been much better than she thought it would be.
.
He pulled her close and tried to kiss her again and she lay limp in his arms until he took the hint and let her go. She sat up. "Thank you James," she said. "That was much more tolerable than I had been led to expect." He flinched and Elizabeth felt both guilty and pleased that she had hit so close to the mark. "I am going to sleep in my own room," she said. "And I prefer to have that to myself. But you are welcome to summon me when you want me. I am not insensible of what I owe you."
James looks as if she has struck him for a long moment and then his face closed down to a stoic face - his officers face. "You do not owe me anything."
Elizabeth shrugged. "Yet everyone has been telling me for weeks how grateful I should be," At least tonight she would not be the only one who goes to bed angry. A pyrrhic victory at best. "Have it your own way, James," she said and fled next door to her own room and her own space. All she had done was what was required of her - why should she feel guilty for being dutiful. But she did and tonight in this strange house and strange bed she would hold that against him as well.