Author's Note

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, nor do I make any money from this fic. I'm looking for a beta reader if anyone is interested. I want someone who focuses on characterizatoin and believable story flow.

Not an original premise…Edward loses control that first day, and bites Bella.

Edward's POV

The leaves and branches of the trees waved in the breeze around me as I ran to her house. I supposed I was going fast enough that my surroundings would have been a green blur if I were human. It was the fact that I was not that drove me to the house. Her house. I could wait no longer to taste her blood.

The monster within me had roared in protest at being denied at the first delectable scent of her. I should be proud of myself I suppose. I could have destroyed a classroom full of people to take her. Or a few hours later only one innocent woman, Mrs. Cope, would have had die for me to take my prey. But I had resisted. That denial birthed a frenzy that came from the darkest place within me, the monster had beaten back all that was moral and right, and was racing to claim its prize.

Somewhere in the back of my mind a small part of me still tried to protest what I was about to do. But it was too late. Her blood sang to me like the sirens of legend. The need I had for her blood was beyond reason and beyond control. And I hated myself for it. But my self-loathing could not stop the monster.

It had been a snap decision. The decision to end this girl's life. One moment I was rushing to my car planning to drive straight to Alaska, to avoid her—to avoid this very deed, and the next moment I was running to commit it.

I slowed to a human pace just outside of the grassy clearing surrounding Bella's house. I extended my senses and felt no one's thoughts. The monster within me celebrated. She was alone. And in spite of the fact that I still could not hear her thoughts, I could smell her divine fragrance. I could hear her I-Pod playing and the rattling of pans and utensils as my meal prepared a meal that she would never eat.

A hiss of anticipation escaped me as I walked into Chief Swan's typical suburban yard. She didn't hear me as I entered the house. I stood in the shadows of the hallway that led to her kitchen and watched the girl. She was no great beauty, but there was something about her that was…hmm. Fetching. Quite fetching I realized as I got a closer look at her flawless skin and slim form.

She stiffened, almost as though she knew I was there. I stepped out of sight before she could see me. Bella was frightened. I could smell the adrenaline and hear the mouth watering quickening of her heart. I could wait no longer as her luscious blood flushed her delicate and pale skin. I stepped out of the shadows at my quickest. I heard Bella gasp. I chuckled mirthlessly. At the speed I entered the room, it must have looked like I appeared out of thin air.

"Hello, Bella," I said, my voice smooth.

"How?" she stammered. "Why are you here?"

I glided closer to her and noticed her eyes. They were a unique brown I'd never seen before. 'Lovely,' I noted even as I grabbed her and pulled her to myself. I'm sure she would have screamed if I had not covered her mouth with my hand. I sighed in contentment as I pulled her soft body to my own. I took a deep breath of her tantalizing scent and leaned in closer. She was intoxicating. And her struggles, all in vain, only sped up her heartrate and warmed her blood nicely. I ran my tongue over her pulse point and felt her shiver in fear. Then I fed.

I don't know how long I was in ecstasy as her hot, sweet blood flowed down my throat. It seemed a timeless moment. Yet in another moment my ecstasy ended as a wave of sorrow deep and crippling hit me like a runaway truck. I was too distracted by this haze of misery to hear Emmett race into me, knocking me away from my prize. Carlise took Bella in his arms and ran as Emmett, Esme, Alice, and Jasper tackled me and held me down.

I'm not sure how long the blood-lust kept me reduced to the level of a snarling senseless animal. When the red haze passed, Esme and Alice were already racing around Chief Swan's house, erasing any sign of my visit—indeed, any sign that Bella had even entered the house that night. Without a word, Alice took Bella's truck keys and raced out the door, Bella's backpack slung over her shoulder. I could see the plan in Alice's mind—driving the truck off a cliff into the ocean. Bella's body would be assumed washed away—consumed by her watery grave.

I was horrified as Emmett and Jasper helped me to my feet. I stood motionless for a minute in shocked silence. I moved when I felt a bead of Bella's blood began to roll from my lips. Without thinking, I licked my lips clean. It was then I realized exactly what I'd done.

I heard her screams out here in the garage. I refused to be near her as long as blood still ran in her veins. That was my excuse. I didn't know why I bothered. No one believed me.

"You still sulking down here, Edward?" called Emmett as he bounded down the steps two at a time.

I refused to dignify that with a response.

"Ease up on yourself, bro. We are what we are, and sometimes we slip up. It happens. So you're not a perfect as you thought. So what?"

"So what?" I asked infuriated. "I've put us all at risk. She's the daughter of the chief of police, and even worse I've condemned an innocent girl to this cursed existence! How can I ever look her in the eyes, knowing what I did to her?"

"Listen. She'll adjust just like we all did. Alice is already planning her room and talking about how much she loves her already."

"But she's not like us Emmett. She wasn't dying when we found her. She was fine. She had a life and a family. I've stolen all of that."

"Edward," came Esme's gentle voice from the doorway leading into the garage. "No one judges you. Son, come here. Esme glided to my side after I made no show to come to her. "I can see by the look on your face that you won't listen to us." Esme laid her hand on my cheek. "But you need to stop beating yourself up. We've had things like this happen before, and we've always been fine."

"And what about her?" I asked jerking away. "What are we going to do with her? She would have every reason to expose us out of revenge. She could go see her father and expose us. She could bring the Volturi down on our very doorstep."

That's exactly why she's not going to be here when she comes out of the transformation," Esme explained calmly. "Calrlise's already called Eleazer and arranged for you, Alice and Jasper to go with her to the Denalis. You will be able to get her started in her new life there without allowing her to know where she is."

"You want me to go?" I asked incredulously.

"She will be a newborn, Edward, and the Denalis will need all of the help that they can get to control her. You may be able to read her mind once her transformation is complete."

I nodded. I knew she was right. It was the least I could do for my family and the Denalis to use my abilities to help control the new vampire I had created.

The sound of Bella's screaming was nerve-wracking as I drove the rented ambulance up the curving wilderness roads to the Denalis. I had volunteered to drive the ambulance. Guilt permeated every part of me. It was my fault that she was screaming and crying. No one else deserved to hear that. We had left one day into Bella's transformation and now we had spent the greater part of another day making our way to the Denali's isolated home in the Alaskan wilderness.

I hated myself. Bella still had at least day of misery left—because of me.

Yet Alice and Jasper still demanded to go with me in the shriek filled ambulance rather than the peace they'd have in a car following us. They both sat in the back with Bella. Jasper was occasionally able to calm her while I heard Alice explaining to Bella what she was becoming.

I remembered my own transformation. By this point of my change, I was in as much agony as Bella, but I was aware—hyperaware of what was going on around me. I still couldn't sense her thoughts, but from what I could gather Alice, was able to communicate with her. Apparently once clench of her right fist was yes, and two was no.

I let out the breath I did not realize I was holding when I saw the Denali's home in the distance. We were finally here.

Bella's POV

I was in hell.

That was the only explanation I had for the fire that burned white-hot throughout my body but didn't consume me. I don't know exactly when I started hearing the voice. Alice she called herself. But I knew even as my mind seemed to expand and grow that her voice was too lovely to be real. She was just a product of my broken body—a way to cope with the pain. It was odd. The pain seemed to get no better but my thoughts became clearer. I understood conversations going on around me. I found it strange that as I became even more aware of my inner torment, I was able to think that much more clearly.

I was definitely in hell.

"Bella can you hear us?" the lovely Alice voice called to me.

I continued to moan and cry. I tried to form the word yes, but it came out more as a ragged and hoarse, "Yaaaaa."

I felt a blissfully cool hand against my forehead. "Don't try to talk Bella. Squeeze your hand once for yes and twice for no. Can you do that?"

I squeezed my hand once.

"Good," Alice chirped. "Bella I'm going to try to explain what's happening to you now. Do you remember how this started?"

I saw him in my mind. My attacker. I squeezed my hand once as I screamed as much in rage as in pain.

"Don't go there now," warned another voice. So smooth and calm, I thought, distracted by the sound. I felt my anger fade as I listened to his musical voice.

"Thanks, Jazz," Alice said.

Jazz, I thought, what a perfect name for that voice. The pain was constant, and somewhere in my mind I was aware that I was still trying to scream. My voice was gone now. My whimpers and cries sounded more like croaks and dry rattles from a paper sack being crumpled than a human sound. But then I must be closer to a pile of ashes now than a human, so I supposed that fit.

"Bella," the sweet Alice voice said to me. "I know you're in pain, but I promise it will pass and you will be fine—better than fine. You're going to be strong, healthy, and graceful.

I almost choked at those words. Me—strong and graceful. I coughed weakly; it was meant to be a derisive laugh, but I supposed I was lucky that I could breathe at all much less cough.

"We're taking you to a place you'll be safe, and we're going to take care of you."

What's wrong with me? I wondered in a panic. Why can't I take care of myself?

"She's getting upset again, Alice. Be careful," Jasper warned.

"She has to know now; it's only going to be worse for her if we wait."

I was beyond upset now. I was enraged. I began to thrash around. I felt cool hands pinning me down. "Bella, you are in pain now because your body is changing. You are becoming like Jasper and me. Do you hear me?"

I squeezed my fist once as I arched my back up in pain. The pain in my hand was fading, but it brought no relief because the flame in my chest was growing hotter.

"We are not exactly human. We are called vampires by those who still believe."

"Noo," I moaned. It all made sense now: Edward being so beautiful and fast, his strength, the way he held me just before he—Holy crow! He bit me! And now I'm becoming like him? My ragged throat was feverish and dry, so my anguished cry came out as breathy rasp. "Why?"

I heard a sharp intake of breath. It reminded me of the sound a person makes when they are slapped.

"It was an accident Bella. He didn't mean it."

I was distracted by the slamming of a car door. Where had they taken me? I wondered with a small part of my mind, but the fire that was leaving my hands and feet was growing hotter and now was roaring within my chest, distracting me from everything but the pain. I felt myself being moved even as someone held me down.

"Careful with the stretcher, Jasper," I heard the Alice voice speak.

I was vaguely aware of being brought into a large building. A hospital? I wondered.

No, I thought. It didn't have that antiseptic hospital smell. My klutziness had landed me in enough hospitals that I knew that smell all too well.

"We have the room set up for her upstairs," I heard a deep warm voice say. "Carmen and I will be up shortly.

"I'm going to pick you up now, Bella," Jazz said. "Please don't be afraid."

In spite of myself, I felt a calm envelop me. It did not reach the inner turmoil that was churning in time with waves of agony, but it helped subdue my thrashing to the point that I was merely trembling violently in the voice's arms.

Soon I was laid out again on some sort of bed. At least that was all I could imagine it would be; I couldn't be sure. I don't know how long I lay on this strange bed. Time seemed to have lost all meaning as I felt the flames consume me.

"Kill me!" I screamed. The fire in my limbs had vanished, but my heart was burning like a sun within me. I felt it speed up until I felt as if my heart would fly out of my chest. I hoped it would, so I could die.

"It's almost over Bella. Not much longer, and we will be right here."

Edward's P.O.V.

I heard Bella begging for death again. It had become a raspy whisper over the past day. I wondered whether or not I should give it to her. Would she want to live when she found out what she had become? What I had made her become? If she didn't want to live, I would help her end it, I decided, but she had to at least know she had a choice left. Not a good one, but I would take no more choices from her.

I heard her heart speeding up as her change was almost complete. How much longer? I mouthed to Alice. She focused with her gift. A half hour. I turned to walk out. I would be here when Bella awoke to her new life. I owed her that, but I had to walk away. I had to try to clear my head.

"Edward," Eleazer called to me from their wide deck. I turned to see the only Denali male approaching me.

Eleazer placed his hands on my shoulders and pulled me in a fatherly embrace. "Accidents happen Edward. Don't blame yourself for this."

I returned his hug stiffly, but made no reply.

I stepped back and decided to share one more of the reasons this whole situation was bothering me. "I can't read her. I've never been unable to read another before."

"That's because she a shield," Eleazer explained.

"A shield?" I asked perplexed.

"And a pretty powerful one if her shielding kept you out of her mind in her human state. I guessed she was gifted when you first brought her a day ago, but now I'm sure. You know that I spent a great deal of time with the Volturi finding talented humans to be changed to join Aro's army. Renata is a shield as well, but unlike Bella, she shields against physical attack. Bella seems to have a shield that is purely mental in nature. It's an interesting gift. I would like to see how she is able to defend herself against Kate's talent."

"She doesn't need that!" I protested angrily. "She's already been through enough."

"Calm down. I did not mean any time in the near future. We will be as gentle and cautious with her as we would with any other newborn. And Jasper's physical gift of manipulating the body's emotional responses seems to be working well with her." Eleazer paused for a moment. Then I supposed he saw the disbelief on my face, and then he added. "She will be fine."

"Maybe, but will she ever forgive me?"

"I think she will, Edward. The bigger question is will you ever forgive yourself?"

"It's almost time," I said changing the subject. "I want to be there when she wakes."

Eleazer gave me a measuring glance, and followed me into the house."

Bella's POV

I couldn't speak as I writhed on what must be my deathbed. The fire had all but left my body, but for a dry burn in my throat and an inferno in my chest. My heart was beating like the rapid wings of a humming bird. I wished it would stop. As the flames grew to their hottest, my wish was granted. I felt my heartbeat stutter and become still.

For a moment I was motionless. There was no sound around me and almost everything was cool now. So wonderfully cool. I must be dead. I sighed in relief. What? I thought. I took another deep breath. How can I be breathing if I'm dead? I wondered. And breathing was strange now because I smelled sweet fragrances all around that I couldn't place as well as dust and wood. I opened my eyes and gasped. I saw so clearly. I felt as if I could trace each grain of wood in the beamed ceiling above me. I saw shafts of light streaking across the room filled with dust motes that looked like tiny stars dancing.

"So beautiful," I whispered. And then froze. That voice could not have been me. It was clear and lovely as bells. Rythmic and beautiful.

"Bella, we're here. Don't be afraid," said the Alice voice. I turned toward her and was shocked. I knew her somehow, yet I couldn't remember ever seeing someone as lovely as her. She reached out her hand toward me, I assumed to offer me a hand up.

I reached for her hand hesitantly only to gape at my hand. It was so lovely and radiant. My skin sparkled a bit in the cloudy light.

I sat up with Alice's help. "Am I dead?" I asked Alice. It felt strange to move when my heart was still and when breathing did not feel necessary.

"No," answered the voice I knew as Jazz. I looked over and saw a handsome blond man covered in bite marks. I was shocked I knew him, but for some reason I could not explain, I felt calm. "Do you remember what we told you on the way up here?"

I ran through my memories. "I'm a vampire?" I asked in horror. Yet my voice still sounded liked a song.

"Yes, Bella," Alice said. "It was an accident."

Without warning I felt myself snap. "An accident?" I shrieked though my voice still sounded beautiful. For a while I was not aware of what was happening. I leaped from the bed and lunged toward Alice only to be knocked aside by Japer. He stepped back and I felt an ever stronger level of calm descend Jasper stood in front of Alice and said, "Please stay calm, Bella. I know this is hard but I need you to stay in control."

I felt rather than saw the presence of another person in the room move. I turned faster than I believed possible. A strange animalistic sound—a cross between a hiss and a snarl—escaped my throat. It was him—Edward—the person who took away my life.