These characters do not belong to me but exclusively to Robert Tapert and Renaissance Pictures. This is intended to be solely a work for free distribution on the Internet with no profit whatsoever. It will deeply offend Joxer-haters everywhere. That is its' intent. now if you're over 18 and VERY open minded you can find out exactly what Xena and Joxer got up to in graphic detail in the adult version of this story at my archive under my name at Adult Fan Fiction . net
The Jitters
"Just let me stay here," thought Joxer. " Let tomorrow never come and the two of us just stay here forever". He rested his head on Xena's, both supporting each other in more ways than one. He could smell the flowers in her hair, could feel them pressed against his skull. In the morning she would be Ares' bride and lost to him for all time. For now he revelled in the fact that she needed him, just this once. They may be united in misery but at least they were united.
Then she kissed him.
He tore himself away, retreating to the far side of the room. For a moment he wondered if this was actually Meg before him, playing some sort of prank. But no, it was Xena. Xena had just kissed him. Not a peck, not a kiss of affection, a full-blown, on the lips, kiss of passion. A kiss that said she wanted him, here and now, a kiss that offered her to him without reservation.
"Xena what are you doing?"
She looked at him with sadness, almost melancholy. He thought she looked too beautiful for words, so pretty in her wedding dress. All the pain in the world behind those blue, blue eyes, a sea of tears. A pain he recognised, a grinding agony he normally saw reflected at the bottom of his glass. And she craved him. Why now? Why now of all times?
"Joxer, tomorrow I'm going to marry Ares. I'll be his wife not just for the rest of my life but I'll be immortal, I'll be his forever. That's all I have to look forward to, for all eternity. I don't love him, I never could and he may be my father".
He understood now. He thought that his heart would melt but he let her continue, let her go on because she needed to say it even if he knew what she was going to say.
"I'm willing to do it, I'm willing to do anything to get Gabrielle back. But tonight I don't want to be alone, I want to be with someone I love".
He stepped forward and took her hands. He met her gaze.
"Be with me tonight Joxer. Give me a night of mortal love to sustain me through eternity".
He kissed her. Joxer the Mighty, the joke, the buffoon kissed the warrior princess. Kissed her because she wanted him to, even if their hearts both belonged to another. Tonight he would be with her because she needed him and he couldn't refuse her, would never turn her away. How many men had dreamt of this moment? Yet as he took her in his arms it was not the leather clad warrior beauty he embraced but a woman, a woman who desired him for his heart rather than his body.
Both were hers for the asking.
She let her dress fall to the floor and he stood back for a moment, marvelling at the incredible beauty before him. He stepped forward again and attempted to sweep her of her feet and on to the bed.
He tripped.
"Joxer!" she exclaimed through peals of laughter as they fell onto the covers in a tangled mass of arms and legs. It was good to hear her laugh again, for whatever reason.
He stared at the ceiling, her head draped across his chest. He twirled her hair in his fingers, marvelling at the long thick locks. It occurred to him that he had just bedded Xena, the warrior princess, the bride of Ares on the night before her wedding. His fame would probably last for aeons, as would his suffering if the God of War ever found out. Yet he didn't care. All he cared about was the warm, sensitive woman he cradled in his arms.
He chewed idly on a toothpick. He wished someone would invent something you could do in the mellow aftermath. Maybe if there was an herb you could burn?
She turned over and joined him staring into infinity. It was a long time before she spoke.
"Joxer?"
"Yes Xena?"
"What are you thinking about?"
"I'm thinking that I'm the only person in the world whose going to see both you and Gabrielle married. I saw her widowed; I helped her return her husband to the elements. I saw her die. Tomorrow I get to see you married so that she might live. It's not how I planned it".
He shuffled a little, propping himself up on his elbow so he could look her in the eye. "What are you thinking?"
She looked a little uncomfortable" Honestly?"
"Honestly"
"I'm thinking I'd have never in a million years thought that you'd be this good"
Joxer laughed. He laughed for what seemed like an age, until tears streamed down his cheeks, even when she prodded him indignantly, trying to suppress her own giggling. It hurt; even when she did it playfully but it didn't stop him. Eventually he recovered enough to let her continue.
"No, I'm serious, where'd you learn to do that?"
He smiled modestly. "Let's just say Meg's a good teacher, very professional".
"As good as me?"
"Different. I know you look identical but you've a lot more muscle, a lot more energy. She a softer touch, a slow burn. You're both great, just different, that's all".
"I guess that's why her girls were so fond of you. Joxer the Mighty indeed.
She looked vaguely guilty for a moment. Joxer returned to studying the ceiling with her. The minutes passed in agreeable silence.
"It's just a long time since I've been with a guy, that's all. I'd almost forgotten what it was like. I mean Gabrielle was sensational, you'd expect a bard to be good with her tongue and fingers, don't get me wrong but she..."
"Lacked a certain something?"
"Well, yes, obviously, she had other things to compensate though".
"But you?"
"Well, I'd a lot more experience with men than her. Sometimes you want quail, sometimes you want."
"Beef?"
"Easy, Narcissus! Don't get me wrong, my heart belongs to..."
"Gabrielle". He let the word hang in the air for a moment and they were both quiet again.
"Don't get me wrong, tonight was special, but what we have..."
"Doesn't compare. I know, I resigned myself to that a long time ago"
"Joxer, I want you to promise me something. If I marry Ares and Gabrielle comes back I want you to take care of her, take her to the Academy in Athens. Marry her. If I can't be with her I want her with someone who can make her happy, someone who can make her forget about me".
"You got it. But you make it sound as though we'll never see each other again".
"I hardly think Ares will allow you to visit"
"Screw jellybutt!" She laughed and Joxer felt a twinge of fear before remembering what he'd be doing to Ares' bride to be for the last few hours and how name-calling rather paled in comparison. "What I mean is that Gab and I are on pretty good terms with Cupid and 'Dite, so we can always drop by at their invitation. And Hercules could always bring us along".
"Whatever, do you promise?"
"With all my heart".
She rolled over and stared at him, resting her chin on her clasped palms. Her right leg folded forwards, her foot twirling playfully as she raised her eyebrows. "You know we still have a few hours to dawn".
Joxer kissed her, kissed her and rolled over on top of her, pinioning her with his weight. For all her incredible qualities Xena was still a woman and tonight this woman needed to be loved.
"Forgive me Gabrielle, I can never take her away from you but only comfort her in your absence" he prayed, for the dead knew the thoughts of the living. "Bless this coupling Aphrodite and bless this wonderful, remarkable woman I hold in my arms. May she find peace and her soul mate once again".
The countless, searing, stings the world could deliver could not disturb the lovers. For tonight, both only knew the pleasure of the each other.