a/n: This follows Crop Circles and is part of my Time, Eternals and The Domestic Life series.

Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Doctor Who

The Doctor was whinging quite noisily as he drove he, Rose and their two children, Jamie and Zoe to the Tyler mansion. Rose was giving him "the look."

"Doctor, it's only a couple of nights. Tony's not old enough to stay on his own and Mum feels better with us there while she and Pete head off to this charity auction thing in Aberdeen."

The Doctor pouted. "Why can't Tony stay with us at the Manor? I don't see why we have to be inconvenienced just to make sure he doesn't sneak off to go play video games or football with his friends. It's not like he's gonna go do something bad like unleash a horde of sabre toothed rats to terrorize London."

Jamie looked up from the back seat, cocked his head to the side with an inquisitive expression. The Doctor sent him a quick "never mind" telepathic message and he turned back to his math equations on his iPad.

Rose sighed. "Because he's only thirteen and Mum doesn't want to impose on the house keepin' staff and besides, she'll feel better knowin' we're there keepin' an eye on him."

"Yes, but it's boring here and there's loads more to do at the Manor," the Doctor continued to moan. Rose rolled her eyes at his complaints. He always kicked up a fuss at visiting the Tyler Mansion and yet always found some trouble to get into while there.

"You know Mum's never been completely comfortable at the Manor. What with the rift and all, she doesn't want Tony spending a whole lot of time near it. Especially after everything that happened with us and the Eternals, she thinks he's gonna fall into the rift and disappear or play with alien tech or we're gonna take 'im away in the Tardis and she won't see 'im for a year."

"One time, Rose. It was one time and I never hear the end of it," he groused thinking about his Ninth incarnation when he returned Rose to Jackie a year late. He swore his cheek still stung from that slap.

"Doctor, it's just this once. Besides, it's not all bad. Pete just bought this old movie prop left over from this 1960s movie, Fantastic Voyage and he has it at the house. It's supposed to be this prop where…." Rose started to explain before the Doctor jumped in interrupting her.

"Where they used it to shrink down a vessel and its crew that they injected into a scientist with a blood clot on his brain!" the Doctor said with excitement and a glint in his eyes. "I loved that film! Brilliant plot and technology centuries ahead of its time!"

"Manipulation of energy to miniaturize matter in proportion to the original subject!" Jamie shouted. "Excellent!"

"Are we shrinking Uncle Tony?" Zoe asked, now mildly interested enough to put down her ipad.

"No, we aren't!" Rose responded strongly and then turned to the Doctor who was smirking.

"Don't you even," Rose warned.

The Doctor made an exaggerated hurt expression at her and then turned to the kids and winked.

Rose slumped back in her seat and stared out the window thinking how this was going to be a really long weekend. Little did she know, that thought was going to be proven true.

When they arrived, Jackie and Pete were packing up the car. After hugging the children and Rose and then turning a stern eye on the Doctor who rolled his eyes, they drove off. The kids were already inside with Tony who was playing Minecraft Survival Elite. Rose stuck her head in the family room and sighed. Tony was playing his favorite Jackie approved video game while Jamie and Zoe were still glued to their iPads, looking up occasionally when Tony shouted out in glee. Her Mum would have a fit if she knew Tony often snuck off to play World of Warcraft with Pete and she was surprised Tony hadn't whipped it out as soon as their parents were out the door. The Doctor had taken their luggage up to their rooms and Rose was sure something would distract him before she saw him again, so after checking on the kids, she went into the kitchen to make some tea.

Tony was vaguely aware that his niece and nephew had entered the room. They didn't bother him too much other than he thought they were a bit out of touch with reality on Earth. His Mum had made him promise to be nice and always look out for them as things wouldn't be easy being they were so brilliant and there father was a nutter. Tony smiled internally at that. He loved the Doctor. His brother-in-law was the cool member of the family. He'd taken Tony on several adventures that no one knew about, not even his sister. The Doctor never talked down to him and always treated him as if he was as smart as the Doctor himself.

He'd never forget the day he'd been sent home from school for brawling and the Doctor had come into his room to talk to him while Rose had tried to calm his Mum down. As the Doctor quietly sat down, he listened to the echo of his Mum screaming downstairs and flinched every time she said "whip his arse." The Doctor didn't judge him. He talked about Tony's black eye and the biology and science of contusions. Usually, Tony would have rolled his eyes but at that time, he was relieved to hear his brother-in-law babble. Tony eventually confessed that he'd been teased and tormented non-stop by a group of boys at school and had just reached his limit. The Doctor didn't yell at him for lashing out but suggested other ways to handle the situation.

Tony and the Doctor came downstairs just as Pete arrived home and they had a family meeting. He considered himself lucky Rose was there to help mediate things with his parents. He confessed what was happening at school and knew what he did was wrong and apologized. His Mum had immediately relented and hugged him. His Dad took him for a walk, lecturing on brawling at school being wrong but ended up teaching him a few defensive moves after sternly telling him this was a last resort and how proud he was of his son for standing up for himself. He ended with "Just don't do it again or your Mum will have your arse." When Tony returned to school, he implemented one of the Doctor's suggestions and soon the bullies were running, from the building screaming as hundreds of spiders spilled from their lockers and crawled all over them. No one knew where hundreds of harmless house spiders came from but the bullies suddenly made a wide berth around Tony who now had quite a group of his own supporters surrounding him.

That was a few years ago but Tony never forgot it. He looked over as Jamie came to stand next to him staring intently at the telly. He knew Jamie had probably never even seen this game before. Jamie and Zoe both always seemed to be engrossed in their iPads and whatever alien stuff the Doctor gave to them. Tony was well aware of the family's secrets and knew how different their family was. It drew them all together and made for a tight knit family. Of course, tight knit didn't mean he couldn't tease his brilliant nephew and niece.

"So Gryffindor twins, guess you're stuck here with us earthlings for a while."

"Jamie and I are not twins. A twin is one of two offspring who are either monozygotic, fertilized from the same egg, or dizygotic from two separate fertilized eggs and who gestate together in the same womb and are born subsequent to one another. Jamie was birthed before me," Zoe said matter of fact.

Tony rolled his eyes and looked at Jamie who had his sonic out and pointed it at the game.

"Hey! Dweeboid! Don't muck it up!" Tony yelled, as the screen swirled and righted itself with the game on pause.

Jamie pocketed his sonic. "Fine, don't enjoy the extra two levels I just added. Be a boring homo sapien." He turned and went back to the couch and his ipad.

Tony looked at the game and then sighed. "Dammit!" he muttered as he realized Jamie had actually done something nice for him and now he was going to have to thank the little nutter genius.

"Nan doesn't allow cursing," Zoe reminded him, her eyes never leaving her screen as her trainer clad feet dangled over the edge of the sofa.

He turned around, arms crossed and found Jamie grinning at him. "You're welcome, Uncle Tony," he said, enunciating Uncle Tony as he knew Tony hated it.

"Fine, you did something nice without blowing something up. You were lucky…this time."

Jamie flopped back onto the sofa and toyed with his sonic. "Luck has nothing to do with it. It was a simple program and besides, if it imploded, you were at the top level anyway," he said, focused on his sonic.

"The point is it's mine! You should have asked but since you didn't break it, I'll let you off easy this time."

Jamie smirked. Zoe shook her head, her long brown braids brushing her pale pink top and said softly, "Boys and their toys" an expression she often heard her mother mutter after walking away from her father and Jamie tinkering with something.

"Anyway, I have better things to do," Tony announced, shut off his game and turned to leave.

"Oh? Like what?" Jamie asked, interested in doing something new. Sitting around at Nan's was hardly his favorite thing to do.

Tony looked at the door to make sure no one was listening and then turned back to Jamie and whispered. "Dad's got this ray gun thing locked up in his study. It's this lame movie prop from some ancient sci fi movie he saw when he was a kid. He won't let anyone near it."

Jamie grinned enthusiastically immediately understanding what Tony was getting at and after hearing his parents talk about it in the car, he wanted to join in. Besides, it was an adventure and he was bored. "And you want to see it up close and perhaps need some…assistance with the breaking and entering part?"

Tony snorted. "I don't need help. I know where it is and all I have to do is pick the lock."

Zoe looked up at this. "A sonic would facilitate the illegal entry."

Tony stared at her. She had a point. "All right, I suppose you could tag along. Just be quiet!"

Zoe jumped off the couch, her iPad tucked under her arm and followed Tony and Jamie as they snuck down the hall toward Pete's study. Luckily, the Doctor was still upstairs, the housekeeping staff was busy and Rose was in the kitchen so they didn't have to worry too much. Jamie made short work of the lock and the three of them ducked into the office and quietly closed the door.

Pete's study was a perfect example of posh masculinity. The walls were lined floor to ceiling with dark wood shelves filled with books and assorted bric-a-brac. The room was dominated by a huge mahogany desk sitting in front of a wall of windows. There was a well-worn leather sofa and equally worn chairs. The floor was wooden parquet scattered with a few Persian rugs. There was no doubt this was Pete Tyler's office. The three jean clad children slowly walked in like they expected to be caught at any time.

They found the device in a corner sitting on a table with a protective cover over it. "Whoa," the boys said in unison as the ray gun was revealed. They stared at it as if it was the most beautiful thing they had ever seen. Zoe stood back and observed. It was about three feet long built of what looked like glass and silver metal with lots of wires and switches and had an almost steampunk air about it.

Zoe had a bad feeling as she looked at the device despite the boys' awe and excitement. It was impressive looking but Zoe was far more impressed with how it worked, not how many lights, switches or how shiny it was. She often wondered what it was with boys and how something looked. She'd once asked her mother about her father's comment of adding a certain shiny component to the Tardis console just because it looked sexy. Her mum had promised her she'd understand when she was older. How much older did she have to be to understand though? It just seemed silly to her and judging by the way her mother had rolled her eyes, it was silly to her mum too. Sometimes she thought she would never understand males.

Tony was the first to touch it and lightly ran his fingers over the shiny metal parts. "This isn't as lame as I thought it would be," he commented. "Do you think it's real? I mean, can we turn it on?"

Jamie chewed his lip nervously and walked around it. "You said it was a movie prop. It shouldn't work…"

"Yeah, but why would Dad lock it up then? There must be some reason he locked it up," Tony reasoned as he continued to poke and prod at it.

"Jamie, don't," Zoe said, clinging to her iPad in front of her protectively. As she often did, Zoe seemed to stare at something no one else could see. "Accidents happen and it's a long trek through the jungle."

Jamie immediately walked over to Zoe and put a hand on her arm. "Zo zo?" he said softly.

"Man, but your sister can be spooky. What's she goin' on about anyway?"

Jamie turned and glared at Tony. "Zoe sees things we can't. Dad says she's more in tune with the ebb and flow of the universe." He turned back to Zoe who blinked and seemed more focused on him. "Can we get ice cream now?" she asked as if nothing happened.

"In a bit. I just want to get another look at this," Jamie told her, now satisfied she was okay and turned his attention back to the ray gun. Zoe sighed knowing this would not end well. Jamie pulled out his sonic and aimed it at the ray gun.

Meanwhile, Rose was pouring a cup of tea for herself and contemplating snacks for the kids when she was overcome by worry. Usually, such a feeling meant the kids were about to get into trouble or the Doctor was about to blow something up or both. She tapped her fingers on the kitchen counter and told the Mrs. Cornwall, the cook, that she would be back in a bit to talk about lunch. She quickly made her way to the family room and finding it empty, knew she had to hurry. They were up to something. Her mother's intuition kicked in and she tapped into psychic senses the Doctor had trained her how to use and felt drawn toward Pete's office.

dwdwdwdwdwdw

The Doctor was distracted but not with worry for Tony and his children. He was focused on a lamp of all things. Jackie had redecorated the guest bedroom they were staying in while watching over Tony. After he set the luggage down, he was focused on the hideous aubergine ceramic lamp with a base that was shaped like a curvy lava lamp. He was immediately suspicious as it reminded him of the Talaxadorans. They were a silicate species that looked like beautiful purple sculptures, that is, until you got close to admire them. Then, they liquefied and engulfed you, absorbing all the minerals out of your body. The Doctor's eyes narrowed and he slowly reached for his sonic. He had a family to protect after all and no Talaxadoran was going to get the best of him. Little did he know as he jumped forward, sonic aimed at the alleged alien lamp, that his actions were about to have unforeseen consequences.

Dwdwdwdwdwdw

The door to Pete's office slammed open and Rose stood there staring at Tony who had his hands on the ray gun, Zoe who stood nearby watching them and Jaime who had his sonic aimed at it.

"What do you think you're doin?" she called out as she rushed in. Just about that time in the guest bedroom that was directly above them, the Doctor activated his sonic aimed at what he believed to be a nefarious purple lamp and that's when it all went pear shaped. The ray gun began to glow and the air around it began to crackle. Rose ran and grabbed Zoe just as Tony and Jamie backed toward her, swearing they hadn't done anything. A white searing light enveloped them and then the ray gun sparked and smoke started coming out. Rose woke up lying on the floor with the kids collapsed around her.

"Zoe!" she called out, shaking her daughter who was lying unconscious next to her.

Eventually, Zoe's eyes flutter open. "Mummy, everything's wrong," she said as she rubbed her eyes.

"Are you okay?" Rose asked worried.

Zoe nodded her head and Rose turned to Jamie and Tony who were slowly sitting up.

"What happened?" Tony asked, squinting and rubbing his head.

"I'll tell ya what happened!" Rose announced in her best lecturing mum voice. "You lot broke into Pete's office and mucked about with something you shouldn't have. That's what happened."

"But, Roooose, we didn't do anything. We just wanted to see it," Tony whinged.

Rose glared at Tony and then turned to Jamie. "You did a bit more than just see it. It didn't turn on and get all glowy by itself."

"It shouldn't have turned on at all, Mum. It's just supposed to be some movie prop, not a real ray gun or a real anything," Jamie protested.

"And that's why you had your sonic out and aimed at it then? This falls under stuff you're not supposed to do with your sonic, Mister! You are in so much trouble. If that thing's broken, Pete's gonna have both of your hides," Rose lectured and glared at both Tony and Jamie who at least had the good sense to look down at the floor.

Zoe tugged at Rose's denim jacket. "What is it, sweetheart?" Rose asked as she ran a hand up and down Zoe's arm. "Mum, this house is not bigger on the inside."

Rose looked at her puzzled and then looked around. Her jaw dropped.

"Rose!" Tony shouted as he looked at the now oversized furniture around them.

"Brilliant," Jamie breathed. "It worked!" he shouted as he jumped up excited.

"Worked! Whadda ya mean it worked!" Rose exclaimed as she and Zoe stood up. As she looked around the room at the now giant furniture surrounding her, she couldn't help but wonder if they were all having some shared nightmare. Surely, the house did not expand around them. Then the sinking feeling started and she looked over at her excited son who had his sonic out and was scanning the room and muttering, not unlike his father. "Jamie!" she shouted to get his attention.

"The shrinking ray, Mum! It worked!" Jamie told her excitedly. "We are exactly 95.9786 percent smaller than we were!"

Tony paced back and forth frantically, his hands in his short ginger hair, stopped and stared at them in horror. "Mum's gonna kill me!" Then he paced a few more steps. "No, she's gonna kill you!" he said pointing at Jamie. "This is your fault! You're the one that soniced that thing!"

"Me!" Jamie called out indignantly. "It was your idea to come in her and you asked me to figure out if it would work!"

The two boys began a shouting match. Rose rubbed her temples as she realized how bad this was and particularly with two contentious, stubborn boys. Zoe just stood by her side. "Boys," she said quietly shaking her head and then she let out an ear piercing whistle.

Rose looked down at her and smiled. "That's my girl," she murmured before turning the boys, arms crossed in front of her. "I don't care which of you did it, although I'm willin' to pass the blame around. All that matters is that we fix it and I mean now!"

Jamie looked at her and chewed on his lip and dug his trainers into the floor as he looked down at his sonic.

"You don't know how do ya?" she asked softly. He looked back at her and before he could say anything, Tony began shouting.

"That's just great! Genius doesn't know how and we're stuck the size of a…of a…"

"Totgor Ant," Zoe supplied helpfully.

Tony glared at her. "Only you would compare us to some alien bug!"

"Tony!" Rose said warningly. Tony had not been exposed very much to this part of the family's life. After the zombie invasion at Rose and the Doctor's wedding, Jackie had put her foot down. Tony was not to be exposed to any more Torchwood or alien stuff. Rose and the Doctor had done their best to respect Jackie's wishes so it was only natural that Tony would be extremely upset to be in this situation. Rose knew she needed to get control and calm him down.

"Oh my gawd! My match this afternoon! I'm gonna miss it!" he shouted and again gripped at his hair.

"Tony, calm down! We'll get you to your match. We just have to figure this out and besides, the Doctor's around and if anyone can fix it, it's him," Rose said in a calming voice. "Right, so let's…." she started to say before the cleaning staff arrived. "Run!" she shouted and grabbed Zoe's hand tugging her along as they raced for under the table, trying to avoid the dust and parts littering the floor that had blown off of the shrink ray gun. As they ducked under the table to avoid being stepped on, Rose began to worry. The cleaning staff were giants to them now and certainly would not notice miniature people running about. Rose hid them behind the table legs which were like giant redwood trees compared to their diminutive size. They could hear the maids tutting about the mess on the floor from the exploding ray gun and soon the automated hoover the Doctor had so helpfully supplied the cleaning staff, aptly named Mr. Happy Hoover and emblazoned with a happy face on its front, was rumbling in the room.

"Oh no," Rose whispered.

"Mum, this…this is bad," Jamie intoned, staring fearfully at the robotic hoover taking aim for them.

"Shit!" Rose cursed as she herded them all back toward the wall away from the hoover with the happy face on its front making its merry way toward them with it's Doctor enhanced super sonic suction. At that point, Rose sent out a very loud panicked telepathic shout at the Doctor.

dwdwdwdwdwdwdw

The Doctor, who was staring at the crumbled and powdered remains of what was once a purple lamp, bits of which were now embedded in the walls and smoke from its destruction was filling the room, flinched when he felt Rose's call for help.

"Rose!" he shouted, turned and ran toward the door, only to trip over the suitcase he'd dropped carelessly in the doorway when he'd caught sight of the lamp. His sonic rolled away from him upon is graceless collapse. He cursed and reached for it as he untangled himself from the luggage sending Rose a mental "I'm coming, hang on!"

dwdwdwdwdwdwdw

Rose was hanging on, for dear life as were all the children as the suction from Mr. Happy Hoover became more intense.

"Mummy!" Zoe screamed as her beloved ipad was sucked away while she gripped onto Rose, her legs dangling in the air as they were pulled horizontal. Tony and Jamie were hanging on to a lamp cord as their lifeline screaming out in terror.

Rose reached for Zoe and hauled her closer to her as she held onto a telephone cord which she looped around her arm. "Jamie!" she shouted over the noise of the hoover which at this size was deafening. "Jamie, do you have your sonic?"

Jamie quickly pulled it from his pocket. "Can you short circuit it?" Rose screamed.

Jamie nodded and aimed his sonic at the terrifying Mr. Happy Hoover but it didn't seem to be doing much. Rose felt her son's panic and gathered a vague thought that the sonic's reduced size was diminishing its effectiveness. Without asking, Zoe pulled her mum's sonic out and aimed it at the demonic hoover. Jamie tried again in conjunction with Zoe and suddenly Mr. Happy Hoover was not so happy. It stopped and smoke started floating out of it. Rose and the children fell to the ground with a thump.

"Thank God!" Rose moaned and sat up. "Everyone all right?"

"All right!" Tony shouted. "We were almost hoovered to death by some happy faced robotic hoover!" he said, glaring at the now defunct Mr. Happy Hoover.

"Jamie, whose brown hair was now as tousled as his father's looked at Rose and quirked a smile "Not a very dignified way to end one's life. Is it Mum?"

Rose breathed a shuddering sigh of relief. If he was joking, he was alright. Zoe looked up at Rose and very calmly stated. "I'm hungry. Dust doesn't taste very good. Can I have my ice cream now?"

"Ice cream!" Tony shouted. "You want ice cream, now? Are you completely barmy!"

"Oi! That's enough, Tony." Rose warned. "We'll get this sorted and then have a good laugh…over ice cream and then get you to your game. Now then, the Doctor should be here any minute." She thought to the Doctor. "What the bloody blazes is takin' you so long. We got a crisis here!"

One of the maids picked up the robotic hoover, shook it and parts came crashing down all around Rose and the children who screamed and went running out of the way. They heard the maid curse about robot hoover rubbish and toss it aside as another maid arrived with a broom and dust bin.

"Oh no," Rose whispered as she backed the kids away.

Tony's eyes widened. "She's gonna bin us!"

Before Rose could utter another word, they were all caught up in the broom and swept into a dust bin.