AN: Because this is what I can imagine would happen if the Baseball Bat was even introduced in Konoha. ;)
Naruto does not belong to me. It belongs to Kishimoto, and believe me, he writes far better than I.
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It was a sunny afternoon in the middle of spring, where the weather was warm enough not to need a jacket any longer, but cool enough so that one wouldn't want to wear shorts. Shikamaru was taking a stroll by the training grounds to clear his head. His normal cloud watching spot was already being used by someone else, and he thought it far too troublesome to ask them to leave.
A grunt of exertion caught his attention, and he wondered briefly who was on the training grounds. He rounded a bend in the trees to find Sakura swinging a baseball bat with murderous force and sending something flying into the distance never to be seen again. Curiosity winning out over his better judgement, he decided it might not be too troublesome to find out what the pink-haired kunoichi was up to.
In lazy strides, he walked over to Sakura, making sure to keep a safe distance out of her bat's range and that he was in plain view.
"Hey Sakura. What's up?"
"Relieving some stress." She grunted, sending another object flying into space. Shikamaru noticed with some interest that she was hitting home-made Sasuke dolls, and that she had apparently been hitting them so hard, some of their stuffing had come out, if the white fluff at her feet was any indication.
"Sasuke dolls?" He asked curiously.
"Yep. Each one is bio-degradable, and has a hand written note stuffed inside." She said, hefting another doll to swing at. "A note filled with hate and loneliness and self-pity." She swung again, showering them both with stuffing. "They needed to go. And I had extra material."
Shikamaru smiled. "Creative. I wish Ino worked out her problems the way you do. Then we wouldn't have to hear about them so often."
Sakura smiled, hitting another doll into the distance. "Ino wants people to hear about her problems. She doesn't try to work them out. She wants us to help her. That's the only way she knows how to deal with them."
"Very philosophical, doctor." He grinned, watching her hit another doll into the distance. "Out of curiosity, where are you sending all these dolls that your hitting?"
"Rice country." She grunted. "That's where Sasuke was last."
He grinned. "Nice…"
*****
Kabuto was sitting in the expansive tree on the edge of the training grounds, watching as Orchimaru tried to teach Sasuke a new technique. So far, all that was happening was Sasuke hopping around trying not to get his ass handed to him. Orochimaru wasn't playing around today.
He smirked. Served that stuck up brat right.
A whistling sound caught his attention, and he looked up to see a small black speck in the sky zooming towards him. It had apparently caught Orochimaru and Sasuke's attention too, because that had stopped training to look up at the sky as well.
Kabuto did a quick mental calculation of the speed and force at which the object would strike, and about where. Even knowing his calculations weren't as accurate as they could have been, he became alarmed.
"Shit!" He cursed, diving out of the tree and trying to sprint across the training field. The missle struck with the force of a small meteor, shattering the tree where Kabuto had just been sitting, and nearly splitting the trunk clean in two. All three sound ninja scrambled to get out of the way as the tree toppled over.
"What the hell was that?!" Sasuke shouted.
Kabuto loped back over to the broken tree, rooting around until he found object in question. "You guys are not going to believe this," he muttered, using a small scale wind jutsu to cool down the smoking projectile before picking it up. "But it's a doll." He said showing it to them. "And I think it's a doll of you, Sasuke."
Sasuke took the burnt doll, the head immediately falling off in his hands to reveal a small, folded up piece of paper that was surprisingly no worse for wear. Orochimaru looked over Sasuke's shoulders at the headless doll and note.
"Well? Aren't you going to read it Sasuke? It's probably for you anyways."
"No thank you. I have no desire to know what's going on back at home." he said scornfully.
Another whistling noise filled the air, this time louder than before. The three of them tilted their heads back to find more that one doll flying at them with alarming speed.
"Back to the hide-out boys!" Orochimaru said, shoving them along as fast as he could. "And Sasuke, don't drop that note!"
They watched from the entrance of the hide-out as the training-field and surrounding forest became a bomb zone. Trees shattered, the ground exploded, the water in the lake burst straight up, raining down on everything until there was little water left in the lake at all.
"Ok. Now would be a good time to read that note." Kabuto said, looking slightly alarmed.
"Yeah. 'Cause I think they know where we are." Orochimaru added.
Sasuke grumbled, but opened the note, scanning it's contents quickly before turning bright red, crumpling it, and throwing it to the floor. Then, turning on his heal, he tried to walk deeper into the hide-out, seeking the shelter of his room. Orochimaru grabbed the back of his collar and hauled him back, indicating that he hadn't been dismissed yet, and wasn't allowed to leave.
Orochimaru picked up the note, scanned it, and started laughing before handing it to Kabuto. Kabuto cocked an eyebrow and turned bright red as he took in the letter.
"Oh wow. Someone has some issues to work out."
Orochimaru laughed, quoting the note. " 'Dear Sasuke, my lovely little Uchiha. You've destroyed my heart like the very flames that you represent! I can only hope that some day I can send you to a place where your flames are matchsticks compared to a bonfire, and you burn to ashes for all eternity!' " he snorted and laughed even harder. "Kabuto, we have to find who wrote this and have her join! She sounds positively brilliant!!"
"She goes on like this for half a page…" Kabuto said, still staring at the note in shock. "And some of the details are rather…. vivid."
"And look! She's sending more! Once she stops, lets go collect them all and read them!" he turned and looked at the Sasuke, who was in the process of trying to slink down the hall. "Come on Sasuke! Aren't you going to help us collect all the letters from your girlfriend?"
"She is not my girlfriend!" He shouted back.
"But surely you'd like to send a note back, right? We can even help you write it!"
Sasuke took one look at the overjoyed look on the snake ninja's face, saw his own doom reflected his his eyes, and took off running down the hall at full speed.
Orochimaru smiled at Kabuto. "That will teach the brat not to sass me on the field."
"So you were kidding about collecting all the notes?" Kabuto asked.
He grinned. "Are you kidding? Those things will provide hours of amusement, not to mention prime blackmail material! We get all of them!"
Kabuto sighed, not for the first time thinking that he had indeed sided with the crazy one. "Yes, lord Orochimaru. We'll get all of them…."
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AN: I loved writing this! Partially because writing it vented frustrations of my own, and partially because it was just was much fun trying to write for these characters. And I would love for someone to try and write some of Sakura's notes. J Go for it! Just tell when you do please!