Yosho's Seven
By Galaxy 1001D
"Tenchi Muyo" and all related characters are © AIC/Pioneer/Funamation. "Blakes Seven" all related material are © BBC. This parody has been written solely for entertainment. The views expressed herein do not necessarily express the opinions of AIC/Pioneer/Funimation, the BBC, the author, or this website.
Based on "Blake's Seven" created by Terry Nation
And "Tenchi Muyo" created by Masaki Kajishima
This story is dedicated to Morgeil, without whose support this story would not exist.
Chapter One: I'm Coming Back
In the third century of the second calendar there was a band of revolutionaries who dared to combat the corrupt and decrepit Terran Federation. Led by the legendary warrior, Yosho, these rebels spread hope and freedom throughout the galaxy. Here is their tale…
The cameras never stopped watching. They were everywhere. In all public buildings, on city streets, everywhere. No effort was made to hide them. After a while people stopped seeing them.
One person who didn't see them was an old man named Katsuhito Yosho. Despite his many years, his posture was perfectly erect, his movements steady and his mind sharp. His steely maroon eyes were hidden behind a set of spectacles and his iron gray hair was tied back in a ponytail. He didn't dress extravagantly the way most alpha grades did. He simply wore a white robe known as a gi.
He was accompanied by his grandson, Tenchi, a teenage boy whose good looks and slender build made him look slightly effeminate. "She should be around here somewhere," the boy said.
"This new girlfriend of yours is even worse than the old one," Katsuhito grumbled. "She may not be as pushy as Ayeka is, but she's still a nut."
"Sakuya said that she recognized you," Tenchi insisted. "She said that this is important, that it could clear up a lot of questions that you've had for years."
"Yes, but such bizarre instructions," the old man muttered. "Are you sure she's not involved in something illegal?"
"No!" the boy exclaimed hotly. "Sakuya's not that kind of girl!"
"Very well," Katsuhito sighed.
At that moment, a short pale girl with dark hair approached them. "Tenchi, Lord Yosho," she greeted the pair of them. "I'm so glad you agreed to meet me! Did you follow my instructions?"
"About not eating or drinking for twenty-four hours?" Tenchi replied. "Yeah we did that."
"Okay, then," the girl's green eyes shone with triumph. "How do you feel?"
"Hungry and thirsty," Katsuhito grumbled.
"No," Sakuya insisted. "I mean does your mind feel clearer?"
"If my mind was clear I wouldn't have let the two of you talk me into this," the old man muttered.
"I'm sorry about the fasting," Sakuya apologized, "it's just that they drug the food and water to pacify the population. You had to avoid food and drink to let it pass from your system."
"Whatever," Tenchi's grandfather snorted. "So what proof of the Federation's corruption do you have anyway? We already know that there was a lot of bad apples in Servelan's administration, but now that Kagato is president, he's promised us reform."
"Kagato isn't any different than Servelan," Sakuya assured him. "He just waited for his chance and struck when the time came. Come on, it's too public out here, follow me."
The girl led the duo out of the geodesic dome that covered the city through the maintenance tunnels.
"I don't suppose it's worth reminding you that it is illegal to leave the city without permission," the old man grumbled.
"Nearly anything that will show you the truth is illegal," Sakuya replied.
Outside the countryside was surprisingly green. Both Tenchi and Katsuhito had assumed that there was nothing but trackless desert outside, but instead there were green fields and trees. Since it was night, it was hard to determine how far the greenery went.
In the darkness, there were people milling about. Sakuya introduced them to a portly bald old man who seemed even older than Katsuhito. "This is Dokuzen Tsuchida," Sakuya explained. "He can fill you in on your past."
"Yosho!" the old man greeted Tenchi's grandfather. "Good to see you. It's been a long time." Katsuhito simply gave him a blank look. "Dokuzen Tsuchida," Dokuzen persisted. "Oh! Stupid of me. You don't remember. You had the treatment."
"What are you talking about?" Katsuhito put his hands on his hips. "I haven't had any treatments. I'm as healthy as a man half my age."
"Now, now, now," Dokuzen held up his hands in a placating gesture. "I know, I know, it's difficult for you. Then, too, it's difficult for those of us who knew you before. But the important thing is, you're here. Now, I want you to listen to what I have to tell you. After that you can do whatever you like."
"All right," Katsuhito crossed his arms and tapped his foot. "Now what do you know about my family?"
"Your family didn't die in a starcruiser accident," Dokuzen said in a curt voice. "They were murdered."
"Excuse me?" Katsuhito's eyebrows raised in disbelief.
"As a matter of fact, you don't even remember your real parents," Dokuzen continued. "Your identity was completely rewritten when you were a young man. You were given a wife and a new background to make sure the false memories weren't rejected."
"Are you out of your mind?" Tenchi's grandfather snapped. "I've got holograms of me with my parents. They were real."
"Those holos are fakes," Dokuzen explained. "Part of the treatment to keep your memory suppressed. Now, this isn't going to be easy for you, but I'm going to have to tell you things about yourself of which you have no memory. Will you hear me out?"
"Go on," Katsuhito prodded.
"Thirty years ago, there was a good deal of discontent with the Administration," the old man explained. "There were many activist groups. But the only one that really meant anything was led by Katsuhito Yosho. You and I worked together. We were outlawed and hunted. But we had supporters and we were making progress. Then someone betrayed us, I still don't know who. You were captured. So were most of our followers. They could have killed you. But that would have given the Cause a martyr. So instead they put you into intensive therapy. They erased areas of your mind, they implanted new ideas. They literally took your mind to pieces and rebuilt it. And when they'd finished, they put you up and you confessed. You said you'd been "misguided." You appealed to everyone to support the Administration, round up the traitors. Oh, they, they did a good job on you. You were very convincing. And then they took you back and erased even that."
"What happened to the others?" Katsuhito asked.
"Executed," Dokuzen explained. "Quietly."
"Why are you telling me all this?" Katsuhito inquired.
"We're planning to move again," Dokuzen replied. "After the pasting the Federation received at the hands of the Andromedans, a lot of worlds declared their freedom. But now the Federation has developed some new mind control drug. They slip it into the air, into the water, into the food. It completely takes away a man's will to fight. People are becoming sheep."
"Aren't there other revolutionaries?" Katsuhito asked flippantly. "I heard that Roj Blake came back from the dead a few years back. Why don't you call him?"
"For all we know Roj Blake died fighting the Andromedans," Dokuzen admitted. "So far not a single rumor of his reappearance has panned out. The people need a leader, Yosho. They need a symbol. They need you."
"They need someone that you don't have to be over fifty to recognize," Katsuhito grumbled. "Thanks but no thanks. I've got a grandson to think about, and I don't want him involved in any of your crazy ideas. If I want to fight the system, I'm going to do it legally." He looked around. "Tenchi!" he shouted. "We're leaving! Tenchi!"
Silhouetted by the moon Tenchi and Sakuya had their arms around each other, their lips locked in a passionate kiss.
"Tenchi! Boy!" Katsuhito shouted. "Enough of that! We're leaving! These people are nuts, and they're just going to get themselves arrested. We're going home!"
"Aww," Tenchi sighed as he pried himself away from Sakuya's embrace. "Okay grandpa. Sorry, Sakuya, gotta go."
Even when they got back into the city, Katsuhito couldn't stop his complaining. "I can't believe you talked me into going out of the city Tenchi," he grumbled as they both ate the nutrasoy bars they had picked up on the way home. "I don't want you seeing Sakuya anymore. The last thing you need is something like that on your permanent record. Did you know that you could get two years of jail time and reeducation for tonight?"
"I'm sorry grandpa," Tenchi muttered contritely.
They paused in front of a recyclo-trashcan. On the wall behind the trashcan was a large sign that had the message 'IT IS ILLEAGAL TO LITTER' printed in large bold letters. Tenchi finished his meal and tossed the wrapper into the waste receptacle.
"Sorry doesn't get it, boy!" his grandfather growled as he tossed his wrapper over his shoulder. The trash bounced off the trashcan and fell to the ground. "I have never broken a law in my life!" he cried jabbing his finger into Tenchi's chest. "Until now," he added. "Tonight I broke the law willfully and premeditatively. Nobody better find out about it. Now lets go home."
As they left, they didn't notice the camera watching them. Nobody did. Nobody even saw the cameras anymore. The camera focused on the piece of litter that the old man had carelessly left on the ground. The computer that controlled the camera had viewed the sign that stated 'IT IS ILLEAGAL TO LITTER'. Filtering out background noise, the computer reconstructed Katsuhito's words. "Tonight I broke the law willfully and premeditatively." The data was sent to another computer.
The second computer identified Tenchi's grandfather. SUBJECT: KATSUHITO YOSHO. KNOWN POLITICAL DISSIDENT. REPROGRAMMED WITH NEW IDENTITY. SUBJECT CONDITIONED TO OBEY ALL LAWS. HAS WILLFULLY AND PREMEDITATIVELY BROKEN THE LAW. CONSIDERED DANGEROUS. RECALL IMEDIATELY FOR DISPOSAL
That night, as Tenchi slept, a shadowy figure entered his room…
"Hiyee!" his grandfather cried, brandishing a wooden sword.
"Ahh!" Tenchi screamed as he rolled out of bed and grabbed a wooden sword of his own.
Soon the two of them were locked in combat. Even with the lights out, one could still hear their battle cries and the sounds of wood striking wood.
"Ha!" Katsuhito's voice boomed in the darkness. "You're getting slow, Tenchi! I thought I trained you better than that! I could hear the sound of my bokken striking your skull just now!"
"It wasn't my skull," Tenchi insisted. "This time I've been winning. I really got you good grandpa!"
"You hardly touched me!" the old man sneered in the dark. "Honestly, I thought you were getting better at fighting in total darkness than this. Lights!"
The lights came on to reveal several unconscious men on the floor.
"Grandpa!" Tenchi exclaimed. "Who are they?"
"They must be burglars!" the old man decided. "Find something to tie them up with while I go call the police!"
Fifteen minutes later, Katsuhito came back into the room followed by several officers. "There they are officers," the old man gestured to the bound and bruised men. "Take them away." He strode up and bent over to address the only burglar who was awake and said. "I don't know what you hoped to accomplish and I don't care. You're all in big trouble."
"Uh, grandpa?" said an ashen-faced Tenchi. "I think we're the ones who are in trouble. I checked their ID's and these guys are Federation Security!"
"Uh-oh!" the old man's eyes widened in shock.
That morning, at the detention center, Katsuhito spoke to his lawyer.
"I've got good news," his lawyer smiled. "I've managed to get the assault charges against you dropped. I've convinced the judge that there is no way for someone of your advanced years could inflict so much damage on four healthy men. Your grandson is being charged with that."
"They entered my home without identifying themselves," the old man protested. "What were they doing there anyway?"
"Ah, I'm afraid there the news isn't so good," the lawyer blushed. "It seems that you've been arrested for possessing child pornography."
"What?" Yosho exclaimed. "You've got to be joking. I don't have any child pornography."
"They found your Sailor Moon collection," the lawyer said gravely.
"So?"
"Sailor Moon is fourteen, and Tuxedo Mask, her primary love interest, is twenty. Need I go on?"
"Now wait a minute…!" the old man protested.
"Your Pretty Sammy collection is pretty damning as well," the lawyer added.
"I only have three episodes of the OVAs!"
"In episode three Sammy dates a boy who is almost old enough for a college student to hit on," his lawyer explained. "Even though the boy was later revealed to be a sentient mass of goo, the creep factor is pretty high."
"I'm Japanese!" Yosho protested. "I watch animae! Lots of people do! Lots of animae is made in Japan! This is racial profiling!"
"I'm sorry," his lawyer blushed. "I'll do what I can."
As it turned out, his lawyer couldn't do much. In a few days Yosho and Tenchi were loaded onto the prison ship London on their way to the penal colony of Cygnus Alpha.
"Good news," said Yosho's lawyer as the old man and his grandson were led onto the spaceship. "I managed to bargain your sentences down to life without the possibility of parole."
"Thanks for nothing," the old man grumbled.
"I'm sorry, Grandpa," Tenchi sighed. "If it makes you feel any better from now on I'm swearing off women."
"Kind of shutting the door after the horse gets out isn't it?" his grandfather said testily.
Tenchi and Yosho were crowded in with a bunch of other prisoners onto the prison ship. The guard assigning them to their seats made Tenchi think of a flight attendant with none of the chirpy polite manners all flight attendants have been trained in. "All right, come on, move," the burly guard ordered. "Keep moving. Come on, faster. Keep your voice down. Find the seat that's allocated to you and sit in it. Fasten the harness. Stand by for liftoff. Keep your voices down. You, fasten your harness. You, down in the front. That's your seat. Come on, move. You, stop talking. Fasten your harness."
"Its not so bad, Tenchi said hopefully to his grandfather. "At least our seats are by the window."
His grandfather simply looked out the porthole as Earth got farther away.
"Take a long look," growled the guard. "That's the last you'll ever see of it."
"No I'm coming back," the old man said curtly.
Next: Space Fallout