So I'm making a oneshot as I go...? This also should be a bit confusing, because it switches back and forth to flashbacks. It might have a few mistakes aha sorry...

Not Really

He always talked about running away. While we went into the park where I would feel so paranoid, where the waves endlessly beat through my ears, and where we would lay in his bed. The times when I slept over or vice versa were countless, and every time we somehow ended up in that same conversation.

"I've always wanted to run away."

I would always answer the same thing. It was as if he never remembered the previous repeated conversation, as he had the same enthusiasm when I replied, continuing.

"I'm so sick of this town. Of the school we have to go to everyday. I want you to come though, Rin. Is that selfish of me?" He would always ask that, as if I never told him an answer before, perhaps he was waiting for a real one.

"I don't know." I would answer. Always. Then the delicate subject would drop abruptly and we would switch to something else, maybe about banana puppies or some sort.

We always slept next to each other when we were with each other for the night. It wasn't bad, we just enjoyed the warmth of each other. I loved it when he would whisper some certain things, it always make me smile. He was like a security blanket to me, but I hae to classify him as an item.

Len.

Len Len Len Len Len.

His spiky blonde hair that was kept in a ponytail so often. His deep blue eyes that caught mines whenever I took a glance at him. And-

"Rin? Come here." Meiko called, her hard voice unusually soft. It's been that for a while now.

"Yes?" I walked up to her, as she laid on the couch. It's rarely she would not take a drink at least once every day. But she's trying to stop.

"I have a headache... ugh..." I nodded and gave her some medicine, she needed it. I don't think I want to drink at all. I considered it, but now I'm against it entirely.

I've always wondered if Len would ever actually run away. After all, it's easier said than done right? I had no idea, and that was what scared me the most. After a while it was as if we were strangers. I didn't like it, but I didn't want to press in on it.

One day we were in the market to buy some food. He always wanted to accompany me, despite the fact that we weren't siblings. While buying the daily supply of oranges and some bananas for himself, we somehow ended up near the knives. "Look at all those knives." He laughed. "Someone could hurt themselves." He smiled wryly, an inside joke to himself.

"Well they're all boxed." I pointed out. He shrugged and we continued shopping, as if nothing had ever happened. I like to think that nothing ever happen.

I stared at my bedroom, where we stayed in so often. Maybe play some games, or go on the computer. Sleeping there was almost like a rule once we stepped inside. He liked to look at the books. Once in a while he might ask what I might think happen if he got hurt on them. Or maybe the glass. Or tripped on the couch.

I didn't really like to think about that, so I would swiftly change the topic. He never seemed to mind.

There was also this one time where I saw his back, just sitting there in the middle of his room.

I could see some movement in the arm. Frowning, I wondered if I should really be here. It was a bit embarrassing to be there, but he might be doing something else.

"Hey, Len, what are you doing?" I asked. I could some shuffling and a jumpy Len.

"H-Hey Rin! When did you get here?" I could ask what it was, but I'm kinda scared it might be something I don't want to know.

"I wanted to see you." I found myself smiling. Just seeing him had that effect. "So what are you doing?" The question slipped out as something I would usually ask. He tensed.

" Just thinking a bit." He shrugged nonchalantly, suddenly regained his posture. A calm smile was on his lips now, and he sat on his bed. I did as well, seeing it as an invitation to be with him.

"Can I stay here for the night?" I asked, even if I did feel a bit off by the event.

"Yeah sure..."

I loved his room. It was just flooded with his scent, and quite simple. It had that fresh kind of look I was never able to get. A simple bed with a yellow blanket, faded yellow walls, a computer and a TV. We messed around on the computer for maybe a few hours, went for some games, and finally went to bed.

Usually Len wears some short sleeved shirt, but that night it was long sleeved. I know it's a small detail, but I couldn't help but notice. He was in bed already so I didn't get to look if he was wearing boxers. I don't know why it mattered, but it stuck in my brain. "G'night Rin." He mumbled and kissed my forehead.

We laid there for a while. I think we both knew that both of us were awake. He started to talk.

"We should run away Rin. Together, be free. I've always wanted that, you know." Even if it was differently worded, I knew we were on that dreaded topic again.

"Run away..." I mumbled, as if suddenly thinking about it. I've been thinking for the past two years Len, I think I ought to know.

"I just... want to leave. I don't need school anymore... I also want you to come. Is that bad?" Of course he would ask that. He always asked that. I shifted closer but he inched away.

"I don't know." I mumbled.

I always woke up late. Len had to always wake up me up. Always. So it quite surprised me that I had woken to see a still sleeping Len. Would he wake? Would he realize that I'm trying to move his sleeve up? My breath hitched when I heard him groan, and back away. I dove under the covers, squeezing my eyes shut and relaxed myself. "Rin. Rin, wake up." I shifted and tried to look as if I just woke up. No, I didn't do anything to you. Not at all.

I took a nap in the room after all. After a seemingly endless mental struggle, I did it. I haven't slept in there for a while, maybe a few months? I wasn't there long though. A few hours of there, and suddenly I woke up, my heart beating fiercely and I struggled to breathe easier. I guess the dream was what terrified me. It keeps doing that, no matter how many times I have it. I turned and tossed for a good five minutes before stepping out of the room. I guess I'll wait a few more months.

Len was so secretive sometimes I found myself thinking he didn't trust me. It was probably his nature though. If he just cried, he would say he read some really angsty story or movie. If I saw wounds on him, he would say he tripped, or fell. Without hesitation. Maybe he actually didn't trust me.

I wanted him to trust me. So badly. It made me ache whenever he gave me an excuse. It meant he didn't want me to know. He didn't know what I would do.

I admit it, I also thought about when he first kissed me as well. It was a peck on the lips, perhaps supposed to be directed to my cheek. We stared at each other for a few seconds. He looked a bit lazy, staring at me with nor a blush or a surprised expression. I was quite the opposite. Just heated up and wide eyed. He smirked at my reaction. Then leaned for another kiss, this time deliberate.

I was in a daze, not really thinking, not seeing...

...I guess I'll be sleeping on the couch today.

I have a wide selection of unfinished stories I have. So... uh.