When You're Broken
It had only been a year, and Sesshomaru knew that he had made a big mistake when he got the phone call a week before that Inuyasha was in the hospital.
The first thoughts he had that night were that he had really broken this time, that he had tried to take his life, hurt himself, or maybe picked drugs up again. They worked so hard on that too, it took a long time, but when they were together Sesshomaru made sure his brother was down to only smoking cigarettes and doing nothing more. The second thoughts he had were that maybe something really serious was wrong, like cancer, or some other disease that couldn't really be treated completely and he'd never be the same again.
It wasn't any of that though, which was a relief when Izayoi sobbed about the accident on the phone. She didn't know that her step son and son had been involved with each other, but she knew they were close later on in life and that he was important enough to call. He didn't feel too important though. He was of course the one to break off the whole secret relationship and broken the hanyou's heart into pieces. Inuyasha had never cried over it, but he was obviously hurt. It was all over his face, and when he left the house he left a trail of heart pieces all the way to his mother's. Sesshomaru wasn't proud of that, and he wasn't proud of thinking that he wasn't in love with him at all and thought it better to just let him go and make it seem like there was actually something wrong and that he hated certain things about him instead of saying that he was confused about himself.
It was stupid, and he wondered how on earth he could go see his little brother in the hospital when he had been so cruel to him and broken up with him without knowing if he even wanted to. It took a lot in him to pull himself into the car and drive to the hospital a week later after he had eaten, and buy Inuyasha a gift in the crummy hospital gift shop before he went up to his room. Izayoi seemed to be waiting for him, alone as usual since their father was currently away on business. She stood and walked up to him, her eyes red from tears and tissues poking out from her sleeve. She looked older than usual, which was strange since he always remembered her being so much younger and youthful. Inuyasha being here must have made her age catch up with her, which was beyond depressing.
"Izayoi..." He whispered, allowing her to hug him. He held her close and rubbed her back, something he normally didn't do because they weren't so close, but she was going through a hard time now and it was only appropriate, "How is he?"
"Stable now...but he's got a concussion...a broken leg that's still healing on its own...The doctor said that his broken arm is healed now...but he's still so...so..." She shook her head and began to cry.
Sesshomaru continued to hold her until she pulled away from him, probably knowing that this was making him uncomfortable. He sighed and peeked into the door, looking at the unmoving body of his brother. "What...exactly happened, Izayoi?" He asked quietly.
Looking up at him, dabbing her cheeks with one of her tissues, Izayoi motioned for him to come sit down with her. "He was drinking all night...at least that's what he said when he woke up for a few minutes to eat...According to the report, the doctors found that he was more than over the limit, and he was speeding back home...he wasn't paying attention, not like he could, even a hanyou can't hold that much alcohol and be coherent...and it was a head on collision...Sesshomaru...he doesn't know...the woman in the other car..."
Sesshomaru didn't even need to hear the rest, he knew that his brother had caused someone's life to be taken. It was what happened when you were careless, and he was obviously not in a good place if he was drinking so much. To tell him now would probably only cause more grief, and the demon sighed again, heavily, as he thought of what he was going to say at all to his brother when he awoke again. What do you say to someone you haven't seen in a year? What do you say to a past lover, one you still love so dearly? It had his heart knotting in his chest, which was still such a strange and foreign feeling to him.
"You should go in and see him...he asked for you once...He said that if he wasn't going to make it he wanted to see you one more time...I don't know what nonsense he was even talking about because the doctors said he would heal just fine, but...for a year he's been slipping so badly...When you two roomed together he was doing so well...No drinking, no drugs, he was my little boy again. But then when he came back home to live with me for a little, it was like he changed back and it kept getting worse, and I don't know what happened, but Sesshomaru, please, just say something to make him feel better...I don't care about what happened...I just want my baby boy to be okay."
The demon's eyes widened slightly and he nodded, "Yes, Izayoi...I want him to be okay as well...he does not deserve to be punished so..." Standing up, he kissed her cheek and walked into the room, shutting the door slightly for more privacy.
Up close, the hanyou really did look horrible, worse than he remembered. His lip was split, having not been healed yet despite it being so minor. The left side of his face was discoloured and bruised, along with what the demon could see under the hospital gown from the seat belt. Lifting the blanket a little, Sesshomaru inhaled sharply at the cast and the other leg that was gashed up and bruised as well. It looked like he had been mauled by a wild animal, but this was the consequence of drunk driving, and Inuyasha would learn when he was feeling better and out of here. Looking back up at his face, he noticed that one ear was in a splint to keep it straight while the other had a small slice near the tip. Around his head was a bandage that went under his bangs, and Sesshomaru wondered how he could let himself become so damaged and broken.
Was what he said and did so much more horrible than he remembered? Was their break up so horrible that the poor hanyou broke beyond repair? No, Inuyasha would be alright, and he would see to it, whether they got back together or not. Pulling up a chair, the demon sat down and carefully took his hand and rubbed his knuckles with his thumb.
"Foolish hanyou...You were supposed to be strong..." He whispered and shook his head, lowering his gaze. Waiting for him to wake seemed to take longer than he thought, and soon the demon was leaning forward and resting his head in his arms on the bed, Inuyasha's hand still in his hand.
When the hanyou did wake, he barely felt the stirring before he heard a quiet voice whisper, "Sesshomaru?"
The demon lifted his head and looked up at the hanyou who was lazily staring down at him, "You're awake..."
"You came..."
"I did..."
"I didn't think you would...I thought you wouldn't care..."
"Don't be so stupid, Inuyasha. Of course I care." The demon frowned, sitting up and pulling the chair closer.
"Sorry...but you did break my heart, you fucking idiot...I...I really screwed up, Sesshomaru..."
"It's okay, Inuyasha. You'll be okay."
"I don't feel okay...I haven't felt okay in a long time to be honest...I thought I could get over you and your stupid words, but obviously not. Sorry, but I couldn't stay strong. Not for long...it was harder than I thought, but no one knew a god damn thing..." He growled and tried to sit up, only to wince and bring his free hand to his head.
"Lay down, you're hurt and you need to rest." Sesshomaru whispered and gently pushed the hanyou back down, "Do not exert yourself for me. You need your energy to heal."
"Fuck healing...I want to speak to you on the same stupid level so you can't look down on me."
"I've never looked down on you."
"Except when you dumped me."
"I'm sorry..."
"Yeah...yeah...I'm sure you are...You know I really wanted to see you, but I don't even know why. It's not like you love me, we're just brother's who did something really wrong and then you left me because apparently I'm so horrible."
"You're not horrible, Inuyasha."
"That's not what you said back then!"
"I lied!" The demon snarled, "I was confused about my feelings and I thought I should leave you for some foolish reason, because I ended up realizing that I wasn't really that confused, I was just worried about what people would think."
"I didn't care what people thought..." The hanyou narrowed his eyes and frowned, shaking his head a little to try not to hurt himself more.
"I know...and I guess I made my mistake as you have made yours, but I am here...and I am not going to go anywhere until you tell me. I will not leave your side until you want me gone, do you understand?"
"Why? Why are you saying things like that after so long? Is this a joke?"
"It is not a joke, I mean it. Inuyasha, I made a mistake, I know my feelings for you, and they are the same as back then. I want to help you, I want to guide you and heal you and be there for each of your successes. I would not lie about such things."
"Keh...said the demon who admitted to pretty much lying before."
"Oh shut up, I am not lying now!"
"Prove it!"
Standing up, the demon sighed and shook his head, "You're impossible as always."
"And you're just as stuck up and stupid."
"I see your insults haven't improved."
Inuyasha huffed and looked away, wincing in pain and shutting his eyes. As the demon stared down at him, he noticed a small wet trail fall from the hanyou's eye. His brother had never cried, not since he was a child, and the small tear was shocking to him. Was he that broken that he would cry? He would shed a tear because he wasn't alright?
"You know...I have this bad feeling that I did something more than just total my car and get hurt...Like...a year I've been without you, and for a year I've just gotten worse and worse, like I'm not stupid, I know myself better than anyone, but...if something happened...no matter how banged up I am from everything, you need to tell me..."
"Inuyasha..."
"Someone else got hurt...didn't they...I know I hit a car..."
"The woman in the other car..." Sesshomaru looked away and closed his eyes. The hanyou didn't need to know, did he? Was hiding more from him the right route? "She died...She didn't make it..."
Nodding stiffly, Inuyasha opened his eyes, more tears falling down his cheeks though his expression and voice did not show that he was distressed. "I thought so," He whispered, "I get so fucked up over you leaving me and someone else pays for it...I should be the one dead...God, why the hell did I live, when she probably had so much more for her in the long run?"
"Inuyasha...You've been given the chance to live, her death, while unfortunate, is not one I will mourn long because you are still breathing. If you died and she had lived, I would not be in the hospital for her, I would be at your funeral, unable to tell you all I've ever wanted to tell you now."
"Oh? And what the hell would that be?"
"That I love you."
"You're lying..."
"I'm not, Inuyasha. I always loved, I was just a fool. I wouldn't be here if I hated you, I love you with what little heart I have in me."
Inuyasha looked up at the demon and watched him lean down to wipe his tears away with soft hands, "So...you mean it...and you aren't going to leave unless I tell you to?"
"Yes..." Sesshomaru whispered, gently wiping them away and caressing his skin, sighing as Inuyasha reached up to tug at his hair, "I will not leave."
"Then...can you come up here and lay with me? It kind of sucks sleeping alone...I didn't know it sucked so bad until you left..."
Nodding, the demon gently pushed Inuyasha over and laid himself over the covers next to him, "Better, your highness?"
"Don't be an asshole, Sesshomaru." The hanyou growled, leaning his head on the demon's shoulder, "Just don't leave me again. I don't like being alone anymore...It sucks.."
"I won't leave, Inuyasha. I promise. I will be there when you are together, and when you are broken. You have my word, little brother...You are mine...and I am yours. Nothing will tear us apart again..."
Closing his eyes, Inuyasha sighed and began to fall asleep again. Their conversation already seemed to tire him out, which gave the demon the opportunity to sit up for a moment and lean down, pressing his lips to the hanyou's once more before he laid back and closed his eyes to join the hanyou in sleep.