"I just don't feel like I'm at a time in my life where it's safe for me to be with someone – someone I care about." He said, shuffling slightly backward, his eyes straying to the fraying wallpaper behind her. He was afraid that if he looked at her his fragile resolve would crumble like a house of cards because one look at her beautiful blue eyes and she would know he was lying. He wanted it, he craved her even though he knew he'd most likely paint a bullseye on her back.
From the corner of his eyes he watched her sat down on the sofa, holding her head in her hands as if his words were literally resting heavy on her mind.
"Felicity, did you hear what I said?" He asked after a moment of silence, shuffling his feet, unsure if he should move closer or distance himself further.
"Of course I heard you, I'm just choosing to ignore your manpain for a second there. Because newsflash, you aren't the only one having to go through the "It's not you it's me" talk basically for the second time." She exhaled roughly, her hands falling on her lap.
He stayed silent, not knowing what to say. Her gaze was making his skin burn and his body responded by avoiding her fiery warm presence further, turning away a bit more when in truth, he wanted nothing more than to gather her in his arms and never let go of his Felicity. He loosened his blue tie distractedly.
"Do you know you have a tell? It's barely noticeable obviously, otherwise you wouldn't have been able to fool so many people since you've returned to Starling. I mean even the best liars have them, it's what sets them apart. It can be anything really, clenching your jaw, not making eye contact, rubbing your nose or even fidgeting with your fingers. It's fascinating, really, how the human body betrays the mind. Where was I? Oh yeah, your tell. Did you know that when you lie you subconsciously, I guess – I never paid that much attention in Psychology – you distance yourself from me. It's funny because I've seen you lie to almost everybody in your life from Thea to Sara to your mother and Laurel, Tommy, Roy, Digg and the list goes on. But for some reason the only person you feel the need to actually distance yourself physically from when you're about to lie is, me. Why is that?" Felicity said, gesturing wildly, her head tilted to the side.
Oliver's mouth hung open, he'd always been aware of Felicity's intellect – of all things Felicity really – it was after all her most valued quality, but he'd never paid much attention to how much she noticed about him.
"You've never lied to me before, Oliver." Her hands smoothed down the skirt of the royal blue dress she'd been wearing for their date. Well, it would have been a date if they'd actually made it out the front door, if Oliver hadn't blurted out that horrible, horrible line again. "Well, you've never been able to lie to me." She amended, chuckling humorlessly, staring at him pointedly.
Oh. Oh. She'd known for seven long months that he'd meant it, and she never said anything. Felicity had let him avoid the issue because that's what he wanted, she'd given him an out that day on the beach – granted he didn't take it – but they never talked about it, they just swept it under the rug like they did every thing else.
Oliver cleared his throat awkwardly, "W-Why didn't you say something?" was what came out of his mouth, hitting the issue dead on, and immediately he wanted to hit himself on the head.
"Because you weren't ready to face it. Honestly for a moment there I was sure you'd never acknowledge it but...you did, when you asked me out." Felicity gave him a sad smile, like she understands why he backed out – why he took it back basically – but really, Oliver wanted to yell that she didn't, not entirely because he wanted her, he yearned for her – always – but not at the expense of her safety.
Was her safety more important than her happiness? It's not like she's not already in the cross-hairs of his enemies, people like the Dodger, Helena, the Count, the Clock King, they'd all been a danger to her, as the Arrow's partner, not as his Felicity. Maybe, maybe he could try to allow himself – and her – a shot at happiness.
Shakily, he took a step forward, his knees bumping awkwardly on the edge of the sofa, his hand extended. He was falling into the unknown, it was scary as hell but so worth the smile the bestowed upon him when her hand came to rest on his, palms and fingers meshing together easily.
He'll fall any day as long as she's by his side, holding his hand.