-This is a work of fiction based on characters created by Monkey Punch (Kazuhiko Kato). It is comedy/action with an enormous wedge of lemon. Rated M for violence and graphic sexual situations. Lupin, Jigen, Fujiko, and Zenigata are © Monkey Punch, and used without permission. This work is written purely for entertainment value. Please don't sue me.-
-This work is based on the original Lupin the Third manga - not the anime, nor even World's Most Wanted. Because of this, it may not appeal to all readers. In this story, Fujiko Mine is Monkey Punch's Everywoman.-
"Nice statue." Zenigata's voice dripped sarcasm.
Nazumi laughed. "I keep it here to remind me to stay sharp."
Zenigata looked more closely at the statue. It was amazingly life-like, except for the genitals. He suspected that Lupin wasn't so well-hung. He shrugged and turned back to Nazumi.
"Suit yourself," Zenigata said, shuddering. "But having a statue of Lupin in my bedroom would give me nightmares."
Nazumi laughed again as the far door opened. A woman entered the room. She was shapely, curved in all the right places, with a sweet face and long, dark hair. Nazumi gestured to her as she approached.
"Inspector, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, Fujiko Mine." Zenigata touched the brim of his hat in acknowledgement. "She's the only one other than me who knows the location of the Nazumi family jewels," Nazumi continued, giving Fujiko a squeeze. She giggled prettily.
"Do you trust her?" Zenigata asked.
"Completely," Nazumi said, his face serious. "Nothing could convince her to betray me."
Fujiko kissed Nazumi lightly on the cheek. "That's right," she said, smiling brightly at Zenigata.
Nazumi patted Fujiko on the bum. "We're going to check out the rest of the security, Fujiko," he said, and motioned to the one remaining door. "Shall we, inspector?"
Zenigata grunted and headed for the exit. He took one last look back, his sharp eyes taking in every feature of the room: the papered walls and red velvet drapery; the beautiful four-poster bed and matching sofa; the smiling Fujiko Mine; and of course, the marble statue of Lupin. He shuddered again as he followed Nazumi out the door.
Fujiko lay back on the bed and picked up a slim, cloth-bound book from a low end table. She had read three or four pages when she heard a voice.
"Good book?"
Her eyes widened as she looked up into Lupin's face. Not the statue - this was a real, breathing, living Lupin. Fujiko gasped.
"I prefer Nietzsche, myself," Lupin said. He dived onto the bed, somehow shedding all of his clothes in the space of a few seconds. Now, he wore nothing more than his trademark shit-eating grin. He wasn't quite as well-hung as the marble statue in the corner, and Fujiko was vaguely disappointed.
Fujiko opened her mouth to scream, but Lupin slapped a hand over the lower half of her face.
"Ah, ah," he said, clucking his tongue. "That's not giving me a chance to even explain my position." His eyes glinted wickedly. "And by the time this is over, you'll be familiar with many of my positions."
Fujiko struggled as Lupin pinned her to the mattress. With one knee, he spread her legs and settled himself between them. Her tight skirt rode up over her thighs, and Lupin grinned again.
"Now, my dear," he said soothingly. "Surely you know better than to scream, don't you?" She glared at him, and he lifted his hand away from her mouth.
"You'll never get away with this," Fujiko snapped. "There's a man standing guard behind each of those doors."
Lupin jumped off the bed and strode to the first of the three doors. "Like this, you mean?" he said, opening it. There was a corpse pinned to the other side of the door, three heavy knives holding it in place.
Fujiko let out a strangled cry. "Are those your daggers?" she breathed.
Lupin frowned as he slammed the door. "No," he said. He pointed to his erect penis. "This is my dagger." He jerked a thumb at the door. "Those, I just borrowed for the occasion." He grinned again as he advanced slowly towards the bed. "So you see, dear Fujiko, there really isn't much point in screaming, is there?"
She narrowed her eyes at him. "What do you want?" she asked.
"Oh, what does any man want?" Lupin asked, striking a romantic pose. The effect was spoiled by his nudity. "Just the feel of satin against my skin, the softness of a quality mattress, the touch of a woman..." He dove onto the bed again, stripping Fujiko in the time it took her to blink. "And I just know you can help me with that," he added, staring lasciviously at her naked body.
"And who says I want to?" Fujiko asked, as Lupin pushed her back onto the bed. She crossed her arms over her full breasts and looked to one side, pouting.
Lupin lowered her mouth to her, snaking out his tongue to touch her heat. "Oh, come on," he mumbled against her skin. She was already starting to succumb to his skill. "I can give you things that Nazumi couldn't dream of." For a few minutes, there was no noise except the wet sound of tongue against flesh. Then Lupin lifted his head to look at Fujiko, whose eyes were half-closed in pleasure. "Of course, it would be even better if we could take those jewels with us, wouldn't it?" he added, moving up her body to press himself against her.
"Oh, yes," Fujiko moaned. She gasped as Lupin rubbed against her with the tip of his stiff penis. "But only Nazumi knows where they are."
Lupin grinned down at her. "I think you know more than you're telling me, dear Fujiko," he said softly. He pinned her wrists to the bed and leaned down to lick her breasts with long, wet strokes. "Don't you want to feel the family jewels against your naked skin?"
Fujiko moaned again, more loudly. Her hips lifted, almost of their own will, and she strained to reach Lupin's erection. "Oh..." She struggled slightly under his grip, but it was a token effort. When he plunged himself into her, she cried out in delight.
"Where are the jewels?" Lupin asked, stroking back and forth inside her. "I'm quite sure," he said, plunging into her again, "you can appreciate," he continued, driving himself into her warm centre, "that a man of my skill," he added, quickening his pace, "deserves the very best rewards," he finished, pounding her into the bed with the force of his thrusts.
Fujiko screamed with ecstasy as she climaxed. "In the floor under the bed!" she cried, digging her fingers into Lupin's back. She shuddered deliciously and fell back, exhausted.
Lupin smiled wickedly and leaned down to whisper in her ear. "I'll come back for you," he said, pulling himself from her and reaching down to pick up his clothes. Before he could dress, one of the bedroom doors slammed open.
"You won't be coming back," Inspector Zenigata said, brandishing a pair of handcuffs. "Ever." He advanced on Lupin and snapped the cuffs over his wrists. "I've got you now, Lupin." Nazumi stood behind the inspector, wearing a satisfied smile.
"Aw, c'mon, tottsan," Lupin said, offering Zenigata a winning smile. "At least let a guy put on his pants?"
"Not a chance," Zenigata growled. "I give you a inch and you take a foot. Much more than that, and I won't have a leg to stand on." He pushed Lupin towards the open door. "Now, get moving." The two of them left the room. Nazumi followed, gloating loudly over Lupin's capture.
Lupin grumbled wordlessly as Zenigata led him, naked and shivering, to a black-and-white that pulled up in front of the house. They were about to enter the car when there was a screech from the bedroom.
"What was that?" Nazumi said, turning. From the side of the house, a very naked Lupin, with marble-white skin, came running past them, his arms overflowing with the Nazumi jewels.
"What!" Zenigata roared. He turned to the Lupin who was in his custody. The man looked innocently at the sky. Zenigata grabbed his cheek and pulled off the latex mask. Jigen grinned wickedly at the inspector as Lupin sped across the lawn and through the front gate.
"Sorry, pops," Jigen said. "Better luck next time." He dashed down the driveway with Zenigata in hot pursuit, waving his jutte over his head and yelling obscenities.